Newsletter-October 2002
October Dates
Featured Mom
This months featured mom is Irene Fitzer
To begin with I was completely blown away by being chosen as
Angel Mom for the month of Oct. To me this is such an honor. There are so many angel moms that are so much more deserving than me for this honor. I join Angel Moms in Feb. of this year and there has not a day gone by that I have not thanked the Lord for this group of caring moms. I went to retreat this year as most of you know and met ten angel moms that I had not met before. It was an awesome experience. Each and every one of you need to attend retreat at least once. It is an experience you will never forget. Our Leader Judi Walker is and awesome person to meet in person as well as the rest of the staff at Angel Moms.
There isn't a lot to tell about me other than I am 61 years old and am the mother of six children, Terry, Yovonne, Ron, Leslie, Becky, and Angel Dustin. My husband Ray and I have been married 38 years last April. My first husband died from acute alcohol poisoning. Ray has helped me raise my three older children, the three youngest are ours. At the present time we are living apart. We remain on speaking terms. We adopted my one and only granddaughter when she was 18 months old. She lives with me and turned 11 this past May. She has a little brother named Nicholas that I care for most of the time. Ray and I have five grandsons. Trent, Braden and Bailey(Leslie's). Briton and Bryson (Becky's).
In closing this I wish to thank the staff or who ever gave me the honor of being Oct. Angelmom. I am very humbled of this. If you haven't visited my Angel Dustin, His beautiful pages that Judi made for me are on this link:
In Memory Of Dustin
Poetry Section
The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone;
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide;
And though we can not see you,
You are always at out side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same;
But as God calls us one by one,
THE CHAIN will link again.
Author Unknown
From Toad's Desk
Ah! October! There’s a nip in the air, the leaves are starting to change (depending on where you live), and the stores are full of Halloween costumes, candy and decorations. Halloween is yet another holiday without our Angels.
Another holiday where we get to go into the big stores and see the kids begging for this costume or that costume, the crazy make-up and the frustrated and frazzled parents trying to maintain control over the situation.
We bite our tongues! We so want to tell all these parents, “Buy it for them”! “They may not be with you next year”! But we don’t. We don’t want encourage the parents to “spoil” their children, we don’t want others to see our pain. What we wouldn’t give to have our Angel, so we could be buying a real “neato” costume and make-up for him or her.
Then there are our “grown-up” Angels. Those that would be buying candy to hand out from their own homes this year, or buying a costume for their child…
It seems that no matter what the month is, there is something that will remind us of what we no longer have.
And we still have November and December to go! BUT! We have each other to lean on this year and as our motto says:
ANGEL MOMS…SURVIVING TOGETHER
From Deb's Desk
As I sat here thinking what can I do for the October newsletter the first thing that crossed my mind was the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving is a time when most families gather. Share food and the day. Speak of how thankful they are. Once you gather for Thanksgiving it is time to start panning for Christmas. My holidays changed the year we lost Nathan, although he loved the holidays and always looked forward to having family and friends present in our home. The first few years we tried to continue on as possible. It was not easy and there was smiles, tears and laughter all rolled into one emotion. After I made it past the first couple years I thought for sure holidays would be easier ... well guess what?? they aren't! Last year my husband and I decide we needed to do something. We needed to try to make a difference in others holidays, maybe someone who is down on their luck, someone who has recently lost a loved one. Last Thanksgiving we donated 2 Thanksgiving dinners to a local organization for needy familles. I like to think we made another family's holiday a lot more pleasant. Right after Christmas I found a single Mom who had recently lost her job and had three children. We made sure her and her kids had a Christmas. They all got presents, even Mom and a gift certificate to a local store to buy groceries. This young Mom does not know who did this for her, the only thing I did was write in Memory of Nathan on the card that held her store certificate for groceries.
So As the holidays quickly approaches us all and the stressful time begins, let us turn our grief to something else this year. I have included links to areas that I have checked into and feel that they are all very worthy organizations. If in the past you have chosen to ignore the holidays than maybe this will be the year to make a difference in someone else's family. This holiday season I would like to ask each of us to try to remember those families that are having a hard time, the families that may be facing what each of us have already faced.
Hugs and Hope Club - asks you for moral support for a terminally ill child , their siblings and parents. Something as small as a card can make a difference
Send A Smile And Help Children Cope - these children may be going through a tough time, be it illness or something else.
Make A Child Smile - antoher site for terminally ill children and their families
Pet Site Directory - a pet site for those that love furbabies
Welcome to Chemo Angels is another link that is worth checking into. I am a member of this list and I try to brighten the days of a cancer patient. I know some of you have had to deal with this first hand and know the stress and strain it puts on the families. All I do is send cards, an occasional package and listen when my patient needs to talk. Its a very worth while thing and I have had communications with my patients Mom as well, she initiated the emails and thanked me for being a friend to her son. She said he looks forward to my emails and cards.. so this may be of something of interest to some, I hope so!
From Debbie's Desk
Hepatitis B
In early August my 35 yr. old husband was diagnosed with Hepatitis B much to our horror and dismay. The million dollar question was how did he get it? You get it thru blood or semen, bodily functions. He is not of the typical stereotype for this Disease. He was not a drug user, never had any blood transfusions, not a womanizer, no tattoos. Just a typical hardworking husband and Dad going about his business each day, taking care of his family. He got sick and fast. One day he was fine, the next day he was extremely ill. We thought he had food poisoning. He went to a Dr that determined he had a Viral Infection. He went to my Dr the next week because he got worse and worse and one day I looked into his eyes and his whites were yellow, I then noticed that his whole body looked yellow. My Dr took blood work and within the next day he determined he had Hepatitis, the next week determining which one. By this time, he was bed ridden. So weak, absolutely no appetite. He lost 30 lbs. within 2 1/2 weeks. His skin was the deepest of yellow, his whites turned green. We were so scared. He ended up staying 6 days in a hospital because his liver levels were dangerously high. He now has liver damage, we just don't know how much. They have told us if he had of been a drinker, he wouldn't have made it. He now also has a high chance of getting Liver Cancer. This has a slow recovery, very slow. He will always have it. He can never give blood, he can never donate his organs. We had wanted more children, that isn't a choice now. He has to go back in 2 months to determine if he is still "active," if so, he goes back in 3 more months to determine if it is still active, if so he will have injections that are basically chemo. Somewhere my husband came in contact with someone else's blood that had Hepatitis B. It is either thru his work, or from our local racetrack where and my son races for fun, or from our dentist or even when he got stitches from 3 different work injuries. The contaminated blood can stay active for 7 days, wet or dried. His hands stay cut up all the time from his job, they all share tools. Same at the racetrack. This has been a nightmare physically, emotionally and financially for our family. What gets me more than anything, is to know that there is a shot series that if he would have had, we would not have gone thru this. Hepatitis B shots (there are a series of 3) are required for all school age children, they give it now to newborns their first day, yet they have never enforced it for adults. It will be enforced they say within the next couple of years. Mainly you don't hear about the shots because most of insurance's do not pay for them. Mine are $65.00 a shot, but, believe me, we would have gladly have done this versus go thru what we have and are still going thru. My husband just went back to work this week, but he is still not well. He is still yellow, but he is slowly getting his health back. Financially it is so straining, thankfully God has come to our rescue thru this all, and our friends. I too had to be tested. Mine was negative and I am in the process of getting my series. While he is active and since I am not done with my series, we cannot be intimate for the chance of me contacting this. No kissing, nothing. It is very hard. I am sharing all of this because I want to inform you all of how easy it is to contact this disease. Many more have it, but they are quiet. You get treated like a leper in a sense. Some people have doubted mine and my husbands stability of our marriage, thinking he has cheated on me. Those are not my friends. It is sad when you go thru something like this. Please consider getting the vaccinations. I received Hepatitis A and B shots. I will not chance anything now. It is not worth it. My husband is everything to me.
From Judi's Desk
It is October and I have really been dreading this month, on the 27th, it will be five years since I lost Shane. I look back and I am amazed at how far I have come and then sometimes, I feel like I haven't moved at all........
I don't know why the five year anniversary seems so much harder than the rest, like a mile marker or something and like I need to do something special for it. I've thought about it and can't figure it out, then I decided, I am a grieving Mom, I don't have to know the reason, it just is and I accept that.
Some of you may be wondering why I put this little jack-o-lantern here. Those who know me well know why, for those of you who don't, I will explain. Shane was murdered a few days before Halloween, on the way back home from the scene, my heart was broke, I had just found out my son was gone. I had my head laid against the truck window crying, just staring out the window. Every where I looked, people had their bright orange, grinning jack-o-lanterns, I felt as if they were laughing at me....when we got home, I ran to the front of my house and kicked and stomped the jack-o-lanterns we had until they were mush and swore that I would never have another one, I hated them, real ones, plastic ones, any of them! And we have not had another one since. My girls missed them, but tried to understand, jack-o-lanterns had always been a big part of Halloween for us, for Shane and my girls, we would go and they would pick out their own, we would have a family night carving them and they would compete to see whose was the best, it was fun and full of laughter.....but it ended when we lost Shane.
I told my girls that this year we will have jack-o-lanterns again. Jennie at almost 18 told me that is was ok, we didn't have to do it, but I could see that she loved the idea, I saw a little grin on Laurie's face that tells me this is a good thing. I will buy them each one, and each of the twins one, I am also going to buy Shane one and we will all carve it and take it to the cemetery. This will be a big step for me, but I know I am ready.....after all, it's been five years.
Here is a poem I wrote for Shane's fifth anniversary.
Five Years
Can it really be five years?
Five years since the Lord called you home
Five years of heartbreak, five years of tears
It is still hard for me to believe you are gone
There are times I still expect you to walk through my door
Saying "Hey Mom" with a big smile
The way you did so many times before
I can still hear you say "Cause I can" even though it's been a while
"You got five bucks for gas?" is something I still hear too
Five years ago the Lord took you home
When you left you took a part of me with you
So much has happened since you've been gone
Your baby girls have started kindergarten
They are growing up so fast Shane
But part of you lives on in Krista and Kristen
They talk about their "Special Daddy" all the time
They know you love them and they love you
We will always keep your memory alive for them
Jennie and Laurie are growing up too
They miss you and will never let your memory dim
Your time with us here was short
But son I want you to know
You live on in all of our hearts
And we carry your memory every where we go
Five years have come and gone
Sometimes is seems like yesterday
And sometimes it seems so long
I want you to know I think of you every day
And time nor distance will ever dim your memory
No matter where I go or what I do
Son you will always be a part of me
But most of all, I love and miss you.......
Judi Walker
Oct. 2002
October is National SIDS and Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.
When a child loses his parents, he is called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, he is called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic/partial molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, other unknown causes or any infant death.
We honor these Moms
SIDS and Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month
My Precious One
Gone before you really even begun
But you left your mark on my heart
My tiny little precious one
I loved you from the start
But you slipped quietly away
I never got to see you or hold you
You weren't meant to stay
You had other things to do
So back to Heaven you returned
Your stay was so brief
But lessons from you we learned
Our hopes and dreams turned to grief
When we found out you were gone
They say some things are just not meant to be
But I know you aren't alone
You are surrounded in beauty
And by God's perfect love
The angels are rocking you little angel of mine
Up in Heaven above
Heaven is the most special place you'll find
So rest precious little one
I hold you in my heart where you'll always be
And when my time on earth is done
I'll be there and you'll be rocked by me
Judi Walker
May 7, 2002
In memory of Angel Baby Walker1,
Angel Baby Walker2 &
Angel Baby Ruttencutter
Births
Katheryn Nicole Celeste Frederick
Born: Aug. 26, 2002 9:22 P.M.
Weight: 6 lbs 7 ozs
Length: 19 3/8 inches
Proud parents are Rachel & Cameron Fredrick
Katheryn has an Angel Sister, Nicole
Katheryn was born 3 days before Mommy's birthday! Her hair is dark brown straight but with alot of body
and she has light brown eyes.
Katheryn's Page
Member's Corner
I would like to share some good news with all of you. Before my angel Jared died at the age of 3, his most favorite thing to do was attend "Funshop". Funshop is a one-on-one parent/child group based on learning and interactive play run by the Park District in town. When Jared died we had memorials sent to Funshop because they wanted to build a new building. For the last 3 years, I have been working with Funshop to make this happen. Well, it is finally happening. On Sunday September 29th they are going to dedicate the new Funshop room to Jared and call it the "Jared Michael Gordon Room". My husband and I couldn't think of a better tribute to his memory. Jared always loved going there and now it makes us feel better knowing that he has helped make this new building a reality so that other children can enjoy it also. My parents have set up a scholarship fund in his name so that less fortunate children will be able to attend Funshop that might not have otherwise. Thank you for letting me share.
God Bless you all,
Gina (Jared's mom)
Jaredsmother@aol.com
An Angel Mom that attended the retreat in July had an idea about doing a cookbook about our Angels favorite meals. Since I have so much spare time on my hands, I thought "Wow, what a neat idea!" and ran with the ball. What I need from everyone is recipes of your Angels favorite meals, dishes, candy, desserts, beverages, whatever. For those who lost their Angels as babies, you could send recipes of your other children's favorite foods because your Angel would probably have loved them also, or foods you craved when you were pregnant with your Angel. If you would like, you can also send recipes of other family members favorites.
I will type the recipes into a program I have that gives all the nutritional values of the recipes (calories, fats, protein, etc.) for those of you who are watching your weight (like me) or have to be careful what you eat because of medical conditions.
This will be a winter project so look for the cook book to be mailed to you in the spring. Along with the recipe, please include your name, your snail mail address and your Angel's name. If you send recipes that are favorites of other family members, please identify that also. I will take as many recipes from each of you as you want to send.
I look forward to doing this for the group and getting to know your Angels a little better.
Please send them to my email rather then through the group email. My email is: slwendt@charter.net
Loni Wendt
In December of 2001 my son Matthew was listening to a local radio station and heard them asking for donations for a local charity called Toys For Sick Children. Since I was working that Saturday he heard the plea for donations, he called up his Godmother Gail and asked her if she could take him to the drop off point because he wanted to donate a toy. She was more then happy to do it and she also bought some toys to donate to the cause. When they got there, John Theissen the President and Founder was there working his "tail" off, but took the time to stop and talk to Matthew. An instant friendship developed....Matt was so happy to meet a "brain tumor survivor." As soon as Matthew got home he wrote John a 4 page letter sharing all his feelings and his beeper and home phone numbers with John!! They spoke on the phone weekly, John always lifting Matt's sprits when he was down. They even "hung" out one day at the mall together. It was Matthew's dream to help John this year 2002 with his Christmas Toy Drive, but unfortunately the brain tumor grew VERY rapidly and went to his brain stem ending his dream of helping John collect and deliver toys this year. In his place I will be working for John and Toys For Sick Children fullfilling Matt's dream and hoping to make this the best year ever for Toys For Sick Children!!! John wrote a whole beautiful article in memory of my Matthew and I cry every time I read it.
Please if you have the time visit the web site
www.toysforsickchildren.org
Jane
Angel Matthew's Mom
In the past month, there's been mention of making a few of the posts into a best seller. Well, as a writer, I decided to take that idea one step further and think it's a wonderful idea. I have received a lot of wonderful, supportive and positive feedback regarding this venture.
I have also begun work on the book. Judi, along with the Charter members of the group, have given me approval to contact the list members individually if I see a truly poignant post (which, I must say, I've seen many) for rights to include and/or modify the post for publication.
If you've read the posts regarding the book, then you know that the only reason I am so adamant on working on this and having it published is because nine years ago when I lost my son, I had no where to turn. Yes, there were books. But, not with answers I was seeking. I needed to know the feelings I had were normal. I needed to know my experiences, fears, uncertainties, despairs, etc., etc. were normal. I searched an endless search for a book that didn't exist.
Therefore, nine years later, I've decided to write one of my own books. I am writing this book as a labor of love. Not only for my son, or yours. Not only for your daughter, or mine, but for all the parents of the children that may, unfortunately, fall into this horrible catalyst of sorrow.
If anyone is interested in contributing and helping others along this path we all have to endure, please contact me off-list. I can be reached at the following e-mail address: wangels2@aol.com
We all are sharing in the same grief. If we can help one soul overcome their grief and pain, then they in turn may be able to help another. Let it be a circle that never ends...a circle of love and life.
Take care and God Bless....Pam Wanhala
Hi everyone! There's been talk of a Midwestern get together. All you Midwesterner's that would like to arrange a get together, please feel free to e-mail me off-list. I can be reached at: wangels2@aol.com
BTW, when the frigid Midwestern weather begins to show her ugly side, and there's five feet of snow, please be aware that we will postpone it until spring. Therefore, if we want to meet before the weather gets too nasty, we only have another six to eight weeks, or so. Therefore, if we can get everyone together beforehand, that would be great!
Take care...Pam Wanhala
A Thought
Don't cry because it is over,
smile because it happened
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
Angel Moms Web Site
Graphics from GranGran's
