Angel Moms
Newsletter-May 2002
This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."
Who walk around the house all night with their babies when they keep crying and won't stop.
This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run car pools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see.
And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on
metal bleachers at football or soccer games Friday night
instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids
asked, "Did you see me?" they could say, "Of course, I
wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids
in the grocery store and swat them in despair when
they stomp their feet like a tired 2-year-old who wants
ice cream before dinner.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with their
children and explained all about making babies. And for
all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.
For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice
a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."
This is for all the mothers who taught their children
to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And
for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to
cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically
when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though
they know their own offspring are at home.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school
with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once
they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an
hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who
can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips sometimes until
they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.
What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience?
Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby,
cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch
your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking
to school alone for the very first time?
The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed
to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your
child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
For all the mothers of the victims of all these school shootings,
and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the
mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in
front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just
came home from school, safely.
This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears
on their children's graves.
This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation.
And mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all.
Author Unknown
May Dates
May 1, 1979-Elaine's son Cliff Mortimer was born-maharaja@maltanet.net
May 2, 1973-JoAnn's daughter Kristen Nichols was born-littleoffthesquaretheatre@yahoo.com
May 2, 1996-Traci W's son Brenden became an Angel-twoangels64660@yahoo.com
May 12, 1998-Karen M's son Jamie McCombs became an Angel-kam@emeraldis.com
May 13, 1995-Linda B's son Shawn Cook became an Angel-AnglShawn@aol.com
May 14, 2001-Lynn S's son Mike Scarpati became an Angel-JScarpati@aol.com
May 18, 1977-Ellie's son Richard Smith was born-ellieb@myjaycounty.com
May 18, 2001-Susan H's daughter Shelly Huddleston became an Angel-confusednkc@yahoo.com
May 27, 1999-Nancy's son Adam Ayer became an Angel-pikenn@mediaone.net
May 27, 2000-Heidi's son Jeremy Patrick was born-dajmom0507@aol.com
May 28, 1998-Kristie W's daughter Kennedy Elizabeth was born-williams@guardlink.net
May 28, 2001-Edie's daughter Kate Johnson became an Angel-johnsonmsw@aol.com
May 31, 1996-Jen's son Alex Morgan was born-JBear97@aol.com
May 31, 1998-Cheryl B's son Larry Hughs became an Angel-Cherylinaamen @aol.com
Featured Mom
This months featured mom is Kelly Henderson
First off I have to tell you about this picture. It as taken by my
husband, Robert. He is a photographer. Valerie was 6 weeks old. I don't
have my picture taken often, so this is as current as it gets. Since
this picture, my hair is blonder and I'm about twenty pounds lighter.
I've lived in Alaska for 28 years. I have worked in daycare,
designing T'shirts, and Asst. head housekeeper at a local hotel. I am
currently in the home cottage industry, and a full time mom.
I have been married once before. Right out of high school. To a
"bad" boy. We had 2 children Nicole (Nikki) 12, and Logan 11. I divorced
their dad when they were 2, and 4. He moved out of state never to be
heard from again.
Robert and I have been together for 8 years. We have been married
for almost 2 years, on 5-29-02. We had 2 children Chase 7, and Valerie,
who would have been 3 this year, if tragedy had not struck our family.
Valerie was breech, we felt that our family was complete, and I
wanted my tubes tied, so we decided to have her c-section. She was born
at 8:57am. She weighed 5lbs 8oz. She was very healthy, just the normal
illnesses.
On June 21st, she woke up at 6:30am, throwing up. I took her to the
Dr. and he said she had the flu. She wasn't eating much and she was very
sleepy, but her fever was down and she had quit throwing up. On June
23rd at 1:30am I woke up in a pool of diarrhea. Valeries eyes were wide
open, her body was stiff and her breathing was fast and shallow. I later
found out this was seizures. She was rushed to or local hospital, then
to the childrens hospital, 65 miles away. There they determined her
brain was damaged and she had bacterial meningitis.
I never left my daughters side. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. My
parents and my church family stayed with us praying and giving comfort.
Valerie never regained consciousness. Every test showed less brain
activity and more brain damage. She was declared brain dead on June
28th.
We donated her organs. Valerie gave life to 4 people. We didn't get
the miracle we had prayed so hard for, but we got to be the miracle for
4 other families.
Valerie was our last child, the last grandchild, so she was so very
spoiled. Her life was way too short, but she never knew sadness. Her
life was filled with happiness and so much love. We were all blessed to
have had that happiness and love given back to us, by a special little
angel. I am so honored that God chose me to be Valerie's mom.
Poetry Section
God's Heavenly Garden
Sometimes God picks the flower
That is still in full bloom;
Sometimes the rosebud's chosen
That we feel He's picked too soon.
Sometimes the flower is fading
With petals floating down.
But God knows the perfect time
To gather flowers from the ground.
There is a Heavenly garden
in which God takes great pleaseure
Because He's placed within it
The loved ones that we treasure.
He walks among the blossoms
Giving them eternal rest.
And I know that it must please Him
Because He chose our very best.
Unknown
From Toad's Desk
I got my note from our dear leader (Judi) saying that I needed to “fill up my desk” for this month’s newsletter.
Darn! I hadn’t given it any thought for this month! What to do, what to do? The last couple of months I’d contributed articles about grieving, how to grieve, how to help the grieving, etc. I didn’t want to do that this month.
May should be a time of beauty, a time of renewal. Mother’s Day is in May.
Mother’s Day for most of us is bittersweet. We have the right to celebrate because we did give birth, but we do not have the product of that birth with us now! Some of us have surviving children with whom we feel we must acknowledge the day with…but our hearts aren’t really in it…something is missing…Our Angel!
Somehow I know that our Angels will be looking down on us this year…some of us have come so far and some of us are just beginning our long journeys. Some of us have “learned” how to handle our grief and some of us are just struggling to get to the next minute without going stark, raving crazy.
This year on Mother’s Day, let’s all of us celebrate…it’s our day! Acknowledge that you ARE a mother, whether you have surviving children or not. Let the kid(s) or hubby take you out to dinner, buy you flowers or a gift…YOU deserve to be treated special…You’re an ANGELMOM!!!!
From Deb's Desk
It is important that people understand that grief is not like a cold or an illness that one “gets over,” rather grief is something that gets better over time. According to Kenneth J. Doka:
We do not get over grief. We learn to live a different life.
But over time, we eventually learn to live with the loss.
this site has a good page called Creatively Expressing Grief, giving a lot of examples on how people do things to remember their loved one and offers names of other groups, like Project Linus...etc..
Journey of Hearts: A Healing Place
From Judi's Desk
Some quotes for Moms
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother."
Lin Yutang
"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."
Honore' de Balzac (1799-1850)
"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."
George Washington (1732-1799)
"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom."
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)
"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all."
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers."
Jewish proverb
From Kelly's Desk
I would like to focus our attention on Meningitis. We have 2
mothers that have lost children to this disease. Amy lost her 8month old
daughter, Kelsey, and I lost my 2year old daughter, Valerie, to
meningitis.
I had barely even heard of the disease, before it struck my family.
Since then, I have educated myself, and would like to share some of this
information with you. In hope it may save a life.
What is Meningitis?
Meningitis is a general term referring to inflammation of the
meninges, the lining which surrounds the brain. It's a layered covering
and spinal fluid flows between the layers. This disease should no be
confused with encephalitis, which is inflammation of the brain itself.
There are 2 common types of meningitis. Viral (caused by a virus)
and Bacterial (caused by a bacteria)
How Common?
Viral meningitis is fairly common, but rarely deadly in adults, and
is not very contagious.
Bacterial meningitis is rarer, but can be extremely deadly. Some
varieties can be contagious.
I can not give exact numbers, because it is not required by states,
to advise the CDC of the meningitis cases they have each year.
What Causes Meningitis?
Viral meningitis is usually caused by an intestinal viruses, picked
up through contaminated food, polluted water, and poor hygiene.
The bacteria that causes bacterial meningitis live in the nose and
the back of the throat. It causes meningitis when it gets into the blood
stream and travels to the brain. What triggers this is still being
researched.
Who's At Risk?
Research shows that children under 5 and adults over 55. Young
adults between 16-25 are also at risk, because of dorms, and army
barracks living.
Symptoms To Look For
There is a wide range and onset in different combinations. Very
important! Some may not be present at all. This is why it is difficult
in diagnosing meningitis.
In children:
Viral: Usually does not become sicker rapidly.
Bacterial: Cold or flu symptoms.
Both: High fever; vomiting; increasing lethargy; blank staring
expression; dislike of being handled; high-pitch moaning or cry; arching
back or neck retraction; pale, blotchy skin color; rash (indication of
blood poisoning)
In adults:
High temperature; headache; dislike of light; joint pain or stiff neck;
vomiting; drowsiness; seizures.
These symptoms can develop over several hours, or they may take 1 o
2 days.
How is it Diagnosed?
Early diagnoses and treatment are very important. Diagnoses is made
by growing the virus or bacteria from a sample of spinal fluid. The
spinal fluid is obtained by performing a spinal tap.
Can it be Treated?
There is no specific medicines or antibiotics used for viral
meningitis.
Bacterial meningitis can be treated with a number of antibiotics.
It is important that treatment be started early in the disease, for it
to be effective.
There are about 13 different varieties of viruses and about 10
different bacteria, that cause meningitis. If you would like to know
more, I found Meningitis Foundation of America http://www.musa.org/
to be very informative.
Remember: Meningitis Can Kill Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere!
BE ALERT! PROMPT ACTION CAN SAVE LIVES.
A Different Kind of Mother
One of our members, Christine Howser has written and published a book titled "A Different Kind of Mother." It is about her experience with her twins, Steven and Timothy (they were born at 6 months gestation and both died). It covers a lot of territory - our identity as mothers being questioned when our children are no longer here on Earth, loss, grief, depression, the "what ifs" and "if onlys," the toll losing children takes on marriage, the differences in which moms and dads grieve, and her choosing to allow herself to survive the loss of her children.
It is published by 1stbooks.com and can be viewed and purchased at their web
site. It can also be ordered through major book stores. Cost is $9.50
through 1stbooks and $13.95 through book stores and Amazon.com.
The ISBN number of the book is:
0-75968-188-0
1stbooks
Amazon Books
Also, if people would request the book at their local libraries,
it would be a big help in getting it noticed.
You can e-mail Christine at: chowser65@hotmail.com
Births
Shana Maria Barton
Born: April 14, 2002
Weight: 7 pounds 3 ounces
Length: 21 inches
Proud parents are Tabitha and Tony
Proud Grandma is Judi Walker
Proud big sisters are Krista, Kristen and Tina
Shana was named in memory of Shane
A Thought
When we lose our parents we lose our past.
When we lose our spouse or sibling we lose our present.
When we lose our child we lose our future.
When we lose our parents, we are orphans,
When we lose our spouse, we are widows or widowers,
But there is no word for a parent who has lost their child........
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
Angel Moms Web Site
