Newsletter-August 2002
August Dates
Featured Mom
This months featured mom is Judy Abilez
First I would like to say it is an honor to be chosen " Featured Mom ".
My name is Judy Abilez. I was born and raised in Texas. I have 1 sister and 1 brother. My sister and I talk a couple of times a month. We do not have a good relationship, I'm sad to say. My brother, well, I never know where he is.
I met my husband, Leonard, in March of 1967 and we married June 23, 1967. We have been married 35 years. Our family consist of 4 daughters. Suzi, Paula, and angels April & Amanda. We also have 5 grandchildern, Anne 14, Alyx 12, Dallas 9, Karli 9, & Dalton 6.I was a stay at home mom until Amanda started school in the fall of 1979. I worked for about 19 years.
My angels: Amanda became sick the end of March of 1987. She was lifeflighted to Houston Methodist, April 1st. Amanda had a brain tumor. In the 18 months she was sick she had 3 surgerys, radiation, and several different chemos. When she was able to go back to school, she had a goal, to become a cheerleader. She had always wanted to be a cheerleader. She went to all the meetings and workouts. The day of tryouts, our whole family was there. Tryouts were in the morning. When her named was called, she got a standing ovation. Announcements were made 15 min. before school was let. Amanda made it. About 5 months later ( Oct. 2, 1988 ) she became our angel. We buried her in her cheerleader uniform. The make-a-wish foundation had a Monkeys' party for her. She loved the singing group "The Monkey's". Three of them called her that night and we recored them. December 15, 1994.was like anyother day, except we were having alot of rain. I went out the front door, stopped and came back in. Something told me to kiss April goodbye. I went to work ( I owned a day care ). April came by that morning to help with our Christmas party. That was the last time I saw her. She and a friend went to visit some other friends and on the way home her car was swept off the road into a creek ( we didn't know this at the time ). We reported them missing. They were found Dec. 22, 1994.
I continued to work for another 3 1/2 years. On a Thursday I decided to close my day care. I closed it the next day and have not looked back. I was able to smile for the first time in years. I felt so good. It was time to take care of me for a change.
My life now revolves around my family. Taking care of grandchildren, going places with my husband, and taking grandchildren on trips.
My hobbies are reading, collecting angels, and collecting tiny perfume bottles.
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Poetry Section
Always, Our Big Girl - JORDAN!
She is our little peanut pie,
Our sunshine, rain and our big blue sky.
Hopscotch, picking tomatoes and swimming with fishes,
Yellow balloons, chocolate, big smiles and kisses.
I feel her warmth around me day and night,
She gives me cool breeze kisses and hugs that are just right.
She is an Angel who will be four years old,
And has a big task of tending to God’s chores.
Hugging sad people, plants and animals too,
Jordan may be busy helping some of you!
We donated her organs as we knew she would do,
Her kidneys, her liver and some heart values too.
These are gifts from Jordan to helps others feel better,
In the hope that other Mommy’s and Daddy’s won’t suffer.
She will always hold her place in our Family, it’s true,
Big sister, Daughter, Niece, Granddaughter and Teacher too!
We will keep your spirit alive Jordan until it is time to meet again,
My peanut pie, my big girl, my missed little friend.
Yvette Byrne-Menard
April 10/02
From Toad's Desk
The Dougy Center
An organization devoted to supporting young people who are grieving by providing peer support groups.
www.compassionconnection.org
We offer comfort and hope to the crushed, grieving and brokenhearted who have suffered loss. We also offer a wonderful Compassionate Links page.
www.icsee.com/maxpages/welcome
The site features a grieving calendar which allows the grieving person the opportunity to write down his/her feelings, invites the person to probe more deeply into his/her feelings. It also offers simple, direct actions to help work through the grieving process. There are also several short, very personal, very direct prayers which focus on the feeling of the grieving person.
www.babysteps.com
The BabySteps Children's Fund
A site, beautifully put together, to offer support and services for parents who have lost a child. The BabySteps Children's Fund is devoted to raising funds to support research into childhood illnesses and their treatment.
www.gardensofmemory.com
This site offers a service that facilitates the healing of grief by creating a customized home garden in honor of a loved one. Packages are available through this site that include: The individually designed garden site plan; complete plant list; a book called "The Language of Plants" which details the meaning of the plants that are chosen; garden preparation, installation and maintenance instructions; resource lists (both gardening and grieving); reading lists; garden dedication ritual; and "Grief, Healing & Nature" with information on healing grief through connecting with the natural world.
www.siblingconnection.com
This site has been created as a resource for :
anyone who has experienced the death of a brother or sister.
adults who grew up with a sibling who had a chronic and fatal disease.
professional counselors, psychologists, therapists, and other healthcare providers.
Here you will find articles about the impact of sibling loss on individuals, families, and marriage, information on sibling grief and healing connections. There are lists of books about sibling loss, and a bibliography of books and articles from professional journals on the subject. There is information on finding support, and stories of lost siblings.
From Debbie's Desk
Unless You've Lost A Child
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it. A part of us died with our child.
Don't tell us they are in a better place. They are not with us where they belong.
Don't say at least they are not suffering. We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all.
Don't tell us at least we have other children. Which one of your children would you have sacrificed?
Don't ask us if we feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years. What year would you choose for your child to die?
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.
Don't tell us you know how you feel, unless you have lost a child. No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things.
Don't take our anger personally. We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us.
Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room. We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss. Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking if us.
Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away. We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.
Don't tell us to get on with our lives. We each grieve differently and in our own time frame. Grief cannot be governed by a clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry. But we'd rather hear nothing, than clinches you don't mean.
Do put your arms around us and hold us. We need your strength to get us through the day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do. Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child. Our child lived and still lives in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process. Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates. Our child's birth date, death date and Holidays are a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on these dates saying you remember our child. We do.
Do show our family that you care. Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.
Do be thankful for children. Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.
From Judi's Desk
July was a busy month for me, we got a lot of new members and I went on the Angel Moms Retreat in TN, now I am working on the retreat web site. Retreat was so awesome! Twelve moms who share the same pain bonding and sharing our children for five days. Several times my husband called and said we sounded like kids at summer camp, it is so easy to let go and have a good time with others who know and share your pain and to be able to share your tears and your child with others who understand.
We have decided to make the Woodhaven Cabin in Gatlinburg, TN our official Angel Moms Retreat site. We also are going to start making plans for the 2003 retreat in a few months. We hope by planning early, more moms will be able to go.
Here is the link to the Woodhaven cabin.
Acuff Mtn Home Rentals -- Woodhaven Cabin
We visited many wonderful places while we were there, one of my favorites was a candle shop.
Candles by Dick and Marie
I will be working on the retreat site in the next few days, there will be pictures of the balloon release, the rocks we left in the mountains for our children, pictures of sharing and having fun and our thoughts about the retreat, hopefully through the web site it will make you feel as if you were there with us and maybe encourage you to be there next year!
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August is also back to school time for a lot of us. It can also be a sad time as we remember when we had another child to send back to school, this would be senior year for some of our children, or for some, the first year they would have went to school. So many hope and dreams were lost with our children. Things that are normal for other moms and bring them joy, bring us sadness now. My twin granddaughters will be starting kindergarten this year and it breaks my heart that their Daddy is not here to share in this. They will be going to the same school he did....
For those of you who back to school brings sadness, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Births
Austin Emil Lemke
Born: June 14, 2002 6:56 P.M.
Weight: 8 lbs 14 ozs
Length: 20 1/2 inches
Proud mom is Windy Lemke
Austin has an Angel Sister, Coral
A Thought
"Remember that grief is not something that you get over,it is something that you walk through." My shoes are worn and my feet hurt from this walk..... --
Anonymous
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
Angel Moms Web Site
