It is with a very sad heart that we tell you that Angel Mom Capri "Cappy" Walker left this earth to join her children on September 14, 2008. Cappy was murdered in her home. A memorial web site has been set up for her.
In Loving Memory Of Cappy
This month's Featured Mom is Deborah Kolessar
Who?? Me???? You really want to know about me? What an honor, I thought. Then I looked back at the newsletter archives and the word that was repeated by those Angel Moms selected was the word Honor. I think AngelMoms has been a lifeline for so many of us that to serve its efforts in any way is indeed an honor.In my home I know I am not on this grief passage alone. My husband, Ron, is right here with me. We have enjoyed the fastest 39 years of marriage imaginable. Our children Nathan and Andrea have made those years so much richer. Nathan and Heather have three sons, Andrew, 6, and the twins Lucas and Ryan, 4. Ron and I are PopPop and Nona to the boys. We try to visit them in Michigan as much as possible. Andrea and Johnny Burke married in 2005 and thankfully lived only 5 miles from our home in Maryland.
I gave Andrea the nickname Tootsie when she was a toddler. I was the only one to call her that and she liked the special bond it gave us.
To know me is to know my angel Andrea. Extroverts to the extreme, social gatherings were where we thrived. Keeping connected with many good friends one of our top priorities in life.
If shopping was an Olympic sport Andrea and I would take the gold every time. Crafts and cooking were interests we shared. I never could get her to alphabetize her spices like I did. When you have over 15 spices that start with the letter "C" in your pantry you have to be organized!!! We both would rather do yard work than housework, thankfully both Ron and Johnny are willing to help around our respective homes. Sewing, reading, working out at the gym, long bike rides, Andrea and I shared so many common interests.
The greatest passion we shared was a love for travel. We've made many trips to Europe and the UK.. Our last trip together was to a magical wedding in France, with the Mediterranean sea, cathedrals, horses and Johnny's first visit to Paris, Andrea's and my favorite city. Planning our next trip together helped get us through those hard days of radiation. The entire family was going to an all inclusive island beach resort---Andrea's idea of the best vacation. We never took that trip.
In 2006 a year after their marriage Andrea began having trouble with her balance. A brain lesion we had known about since 2002 had started to show some changes. The leading brain surgeon at Johns Hopkins never anticipated the results of Andrea's brain biopsy, a cancerous medullablastoma. At her age of 31, this was extremely rare.
The surgery was devastating. Andrea had many health issues but we were told most of them would be minimal with time. 6 weeks of aggressive radiation to her brain and spine took such a toll on her body. Tall and thin all her life, now too many organs were exposed to the deadly radiation. Those days of radiation were so bittersweet. Johnny had to work to pay their bills so I took her to every treatment and kept her at our house while Johnny was at work. I had time to spend with my daughter, my best friend. I could and did tell her every day how proud I was of her and how much she was loved by so many.
Our focus was completely on her recovery so 3 months after her surgery when Andrea collapsed into my arms, our world was shattered. Just over 24 hours later, Johnny had to make the painful decision to remove Andrea from life support. It was March 3, 2007. Surrounded by family and friends our beautiful daughter became an angel.
The fable of the tortoise and the hare comes to mind when I think of my life now. Before Andrea passed away I was the hare, hopping with energy from one activity to another. Now I am the tortoise--pulled into my shell for protection--slow to move through this life of grief. Some days I can't even stick my head out of my shell. I know I will leave my shell eventually. AngelMoms has been responsible for much of my progress. I see many who are struggling as much as I am. I know this road we are forced to be on is not quick, or steady, not smooth at all but it helps to know I'm in the company of many wonderfully supportive mothers.
I can't even remember how I found AngelMoms, I think it was an internet search for grief support. I am so thankful that Judi and others made the decision in those early years to keep Angelmoms an open, welcoming group for all who were in need. I certainly have found my needs met here. Thank you to everyone.
Deborah
Loves Lasting Touch
Jacquelyn M. Comeaux Copyright 1994
Don't weep for me when I'm gone,
Because I'll always be there.
My spirit will exist in all the earth,
In the water, trees, and air.
You'll hear me say "I love you",
In the whisper of a breeze.
You'll know that I'm beside you,
With the rustling of the leaves.
You'll feel my arms caress you,
In the warmth of each sunrise.
The moon will be my goodnight kiss,
The stars my watchful eyes.
Your life will be my legacy,
Your memories my epitaph.
These ties will bind us together,
Till we meet on heaven's path.
I'll not ever desert you,
We'll never be far apart.
I'll live within you always,
Nestled deep within your heart.
September is my angel Tiffany's birthday month. She was born September 25th 1985 and this year she would have been 23. I can't picture in my head her being that old I guess I will always picture her at 15 years old. I remember her and that cute full of life little teenager, so cheerful and so funny. I don't know what's harder Heaven days or birthdays. I seem to think birthdays are because we were always all together for her birthday and I know if she were here now she would be celebrating it with us. I sit and wonder what she would being doing with her life if she were here. Gone to college, a good job, married and maybe children. So many things she missed out on and so many things I didn't get to see her do. I have learned to live again after the loss of my precious daughter but it still hurts and there are days that are worse than others and birthdays are one of them. I know there are so many things I want to do in my lifetime, I want to watch my grand babies grow up and watch my sons have a happy life. I want to spend alot of time with my husband of 30 years and do what ever I can to keep Tiffany's memory alive. I will do something in her memory for her birthday. I may do a balloon release and I will donate some money to a charity in her memory. I like to donate to Angel Moms in her memory because Angel Moms has helped me with my grief so much and I feel my angel brought me here to find comfort and she knew just what I needed. I'm sending Happy Birthday Wishes and kisses to my sweet angel Tiffany in Heaven.
Did My Child Make A Difference?
Losing a child brings out so many emotions in us and leaves us with so many unanswered questions. When we meet other parents, we learn about their children and the difference they made in the lives of others and continue to make. We hear about the things that are being done in their memories, some have scholarships set up in their memories, some have charitable organizations, support groups were started in the memories, laws have been changed because of their deaths, hospitals receive donations and special gifts in memory of some children, lives are saved because the families chose organ donation, some parents speak at seminars, high schools and other places trying to make a difference and save another life. Even though all of these things are important and wonderful, no one child makes a bigger difference in this world than another. Each child makes a difference just by being, it doesn't matter if they took a breath on this earth or not. They make a difference in the lives of each person in their family, the people involved in their lives even if they are strangers. They make a difference in the lives of people who never knew them on this earth or knew they existed until they met you and you shared your child with them. They have touched your life and made a difference in who you are and their death makes a difference in who you are. They touch the lives and hearts of every one you come in contact with because they have made you who you are. So don't feel just because big things were not done in their memories, they have no scholarship funds or their death didn't change laws, just remember each time you open your heart and reach out to another grieving parent, your child IS making a difference in this world.
This month marks yet another milestone on my grief journey. On the 21st we will honor what would have been my angel Zackary’s 4th birthday. It’s so hard to believe that it’s been 4 years since he entered the world, only to leave it 3 ½ months later. Is this birthday any easier than the first three? Maybe a little, but my heart still aches with every beat. I should be planning a birthday party for him, and seeing him off to preschool, and watching him grow and learn and play with his big brothers, and seeing him become the wonderful person I know he would have been. Instead I am busy sewing little baby quilts for the NICU, and will take them there on his birthday as a way to honor the day. We will gather at his grave and send colorful balloons up to heaven, and have some birthday cake too. I think he would have loved chocolate cake, just like his mom.
Love, Krista, angel Zackary’s mom
I came across these poems and instantly thought of how we could all could relate to one or more of them in relation to our angels. My angel Jill was the “Youngest Child”. As I read the poem it brought back happy memories but also tears for what it reminds me of that I am missing. I would like to share these with all of you in memory of your oldest, middle, or youngest angel.
The Oldest Child
When you were born, my precious child, I had so much to learn.
There seemed to be new decisions to make at each and every turn.
How do I care for a child? Such knowledge isn’t always inherent,
For the oldest child is a guinea pig, a training site for a parent.
Was I too strict or too lenient? At times I was so confused.
Why was there no owner’s manual to give me a couple of clues?
But through your life you taught me how to love unconditionally.
And in spite of mistakes and a few hot tears, you made a parent of me.
I remember every “first” with you, from first smile to first school day,
The first time you beat me at checkers, and the laughs shared along the way.
Late night talks, goldfish funerals, watching shapes in cloudy skies,
Playing catch, flying kites, and those great home made mud pies.
The memories that we have made I will cherish my whole life through,
So much of the purpose and joy I know I have because of you.
I may not be that good with words, but I hope this helps me express
How honored I am to call you my child, how thankful I am to be so blessed.
The Middle Child
Not the oldest, not the youngest, but somewhere in between,
A middle child can seem to be lost amide life’s daily routine.
You never got to be the first at any great new stage,
Nor the last to treasure a final special age.
“Time for bed, you little ones” always included you,
But “older children, clean the dishes” meant middle children too.
I want to say I’m proud of you, you’ve made my life a treat,
For without the middle child a family would not be complete.
At times it is hard to let you go, to cut the apron strings
For the future is so uncertain, but whatever tomorrow brings,
You will face each challenge as you have since the day you were born.
With a grin of determination and a spirit that cannot be torn.
Your place in life is challenging, dear, but I want you to know
Your place in my heart is steady and true, and will never cease to grow.
The Youngest Child
I thought I had things figured out by the time you came along.
But being a parent one more time proved to me that I was wrong.
I thought that I had seen it all, there was nothing more to know.
How could I imagine the joy I’d find watching another life grow?
Not my first child, I naively thought there would be nothing new,
But you made each stage exciting again and all uniquely “you”.
“The older kids have more fun” you’d cry, so anxious to be grown,
But soon you’d be playing again in a make believe world all your own.
Each milestone you awaited with anticipation very great,
Oh, to drive a car, stay out past ten, and finally graduate!
But the days you thought just dawdled have been quick to disappear,
And regardless of your age, there is one more thing to make clear.
Though you will always be my baby, who brought me joy, laughter and fun,
You’re an even greater treasure now, and I’m proud of all you’ve become.
In the End, It Was About More Than The “Blankie”
Matt was due at the University of Buffalo for his Freshman year on August 21st. When you are a working mother, weekends are about all you get for shopping. My oldest son decided to surprise Matt with tickets to the Jets’ game (complete with Brett Favre) on that last weekend before college. Adam arrived at 10:30 am on Saturday morning and announced that he was there to pick Matt up and that he would bring him home on Sunday. My plans of wrapping things up were looking a bit bleak. But I decided that linens, towels and the new comforter were something I could handle. I knew he wanted a navy blue comforter, with a lighter blue on the reverse. How hard should that be? It could not be denim, however. Mike had taken a denim Ralph Lauren or Polo comforter to college and Matt had taken it for his own when Mike passed away. He has wrapped himself in it almost every night for seven years.
I trundled off to Macy’s for their one day sale on Saturday. I found a navy blue comforter (Tommy Hilfiger, I think) with a small amount of off white around the edges and a small red outline that broke up the navy and off-white. The reverse was light blue and off-white pinstripe and it was on sale! Perfect I say, but Matt said no.
I took another day off to shop for last minute things and proceeded to purchase two more comforters-selected by Matt. He decided to go with the dark plum and warm gold stripe from Target and I returned the green one to Bed, Bath & Beyond. It is a very nice comforter, don’t get me wrong, but it is not navy.
In the end I realized that this was more about the breaking away from home, separating himself from some reminders, and selecting his own path. It was about more than the blankie, it just took me a while and some aggravation to realize it.
Back to school!
Diana's Memory Lane
Through sharing our memories
It keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
They help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
We always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
The ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
alexchristopher.memory-of.com
This month Angel Mom Deborah is sharing a very precious memory of her Angel Andrea. Thanks Deborah!
Diana, here is a cherished memory I have of my daughter, Andrea Kolessar Burke..
Andrea and I loved to shop together. Because Andrea was still a size 0 or 1 when she was in her 20's finding appropriate business wear clothing was a problem. Our solution was to take a bus day trip to New York City several times each year where Andrea found lots of reasonable clothes that fit her. We would arrive by 10 am and could shop until the bus left at 6 PM, 8 hours of non-stop shopping--our idea of a fun time.
I would wear comfortable shoes and clothing for walking and shopping, not Andrea. She dressed to look good while shopping. She looked so cute in her strappy wedges and short skirts but I always knew she wouldn't be able to keep up with me on the crowded sidewalks.
One day our walking pace was fast but there was a particular store we both wanted to get to before the bus left and so I was hurrying and Andrea was complaining that we had to slow down. She told me to stop and look at her skirt as we were walking. With each long stride she took the skirt would twist on her hips, as we were walking and watching, her skirt was spinning around her body. It looked so funny we both started to laugh. At the next store, Andrea bought a pair of capris she could wear to replace the spinning skirt.
Our trips to NYC gave us so many great mother/daughter times together. It's something I will never forget and miss so very much.
Deborah, Andrea's mom forever
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Thanks Diana
For instructions, click here: Book Craft
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Slow Cooked Bread Pudding
4 cups French bread cubes, toasted
2 1/2 cups milk, scalded, cooled slightly
2 eggs, beaten
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
dash nutmeg
dash salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons melted butter
1/2 cup raisins, optional
dessert sauce or whipped cream for garnish
Lightly butter the slow cooker then add bread cubes. In a small bowl, whisk together the scalded milk, eggs, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, vanilla, and melted butter. Pour milk mixture over the bread cubes then add raisins, if desired. Gently, using a large spoon or spatula, press bread cubes down into mixture so all bread pieces will soak up milk mixture. Do not stir. Cover and cook on LOW setting for 5 to 6 hours, until bread pudding is set. Serve with whipped cream
Hummus with Red Peppers
Ingredients:
2 cups cooked or canned garbanzo beans, drained (1/2 cup juice reserved)
1 clove garlic
1 tablespoon sesame tahini
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 whole roasted red pepper, seeded (available in jars)
1 tablespoon lemon juice Directions:
Blend all ingredients in a blender or a food processor.
Oven Baked Chicken
1 T margarine
2/3 c Bisquick
1 1/2 t paprika
1/2 t salt
1/4 t pepper
3 1/2 lb assorted chicken parts
Heat oven to 425 degrees. Melt margarine in 13x9x2 inch baking dish Mix bisquick, paprika, salt, and pepper in a zip lock bag. Coat chicken by spraying with vegetable spray (Pam) and placing the chicken in the bag. Shake the bag well and then place the chicken in the baking dish. Repeat with all the chicken pieces. Bake for 35 minutes; turn chicken and bake for an additional 15 minutes or until chicken is done. Yield: 4 servings
Some Links To Share
Poems About Babies
Personalized Poems By Bright Creations
National Down Syndrome Society
My Angel Treasures
What lies behind us and what lies before us are
small matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Angel Moms Newsletter-September Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda
Angel Moms Web Site
