Ths month's newsletter is dedicated to the memory of Capri Walker
She will always be a part of Angel Moms, she has left her footprints on our hearts



A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
But then it flies again
And though we wish it could have stayed...
We feel lucky to have seen it.

Author Unknown

Date	Name	On This Date	Mom/E-mail
Oct. 1, 1978	Rudy Juan Arevalo	Was Born	Charlotte A.
Oct. 1, 1978	Rudy Juan Arevalo	Became An Angel	Charlotte A.
Oct. 1, 1981	Elizabeth Nichole Melgosa	Was Born	Dawn M.
Oct. 1, 2002	Tyree Lawrence	Was Born An Angel	Monica C.
Oct. 1998	Alexis	Was Born An Angel	Jenni A.
Oct. 2, 1962	Pat Golden	Was Born	Shirley G.
Oct. 2, 1980	Dawn Michelle Fick	Was Born	Joan F.
Oct. 2, 1982	Nicole Zariske	Was Born	Mary C.
Oct. 2, 1983	Ashley Marie	Was Born	Criss M.
Oct. 2, 1986	Adam Michael Thimyan	Was Born	Deborah D.
Oct. 2, 1988	Amanda Abilez	Became An Angel	Judy A.
Oct. 2, 1997	Robbie Chapman	Was Born	Barbara C.
Oct. 2, 2002	Brianna Elyse Jennings	Became An Angel	Donna J.
Oct. 2, 2004	Malorie Anne	Became An Angel	Natalie
Oct. 2, 2005	Carrie Ann Smith	Became An Angel	Natalie S-B.
Oct. 3, 1974	Daniel "Bud" Miller	Was Born	Donna H.
Oct. 3, 1985	Heidi S. Unruh	Was Born	Sandy U.
Oct. 3, 1995	Stephen Godbey	Became An Angel	Diane G.
Oct. 3, 1998	Phillip Ross Long	Was Born	Andrea L.
Oct. 3, 1998	Michaela Roxzan Preston	Was Born	Angela P.
Oct. 3, 1999	Lisa Emily Benson	Became An Angel	Cheryl R.
Oct. 3, 2001	Neal Nicholas Bonner	Was Born An Angel	Nancy B.
Oct. 3, 2004	Stephan Handsome-Ronald Bell	Was Born	Marsha C.
Oct. 3, 2005	Harley Quinn Pitts	Became An Angel	Rebecca P.
Oct. 3, 2005	Khalil	Was Born An Angel	Maame K.
Oct. 3, 2006	Tyler Richardson	Became An Angel	Ann R.
Oct. 4, 1978	Travis Axley	Was Born	Diana S.
Oct. 4, 1980	Darnetta Abram	Was Born	Diann A.
Oct. 4, 1985	Katie Cassidy	Was Born	Diane J.
Oct. 4, 1990	Mark Gudat	Was Born	Julie R.
Oct. 4, 1992	Lorisa Brooks	Became An Angel	Nancy B.
Oct. 4, 2001	Damon Hays	Became An Angel	Deidre H.
Oct. 4, 2003	Ty Anthony Keoni Wood	Became An Angel	Cheryl-Lynn W.
Oct. 4, 2003	Taylor	Was Born An Angel	Jenni A.
Oct. 5, 1972	Colleen Avans	Was Born	Susy B.
Oct. 5, 1979	Cory Hurst	Was Born	Janice H.
Oct. 5, 1980	Scott	Was Born	Pam H.
Oct. 5, 1980	Michael	Was Born	Pat S.
Oct. 5, 2001	Joshua Ryan Ford	Became An Angel	Tracey S.
Oct. 5, 2002	Kevin Micheal Cole	Became An Angel	Barb Lee C.
Oct. 5, 2001	Richard Lee Bishop	Became An Angel	Edna B.
Oct. 5, 2004	Baby Brown	Was Born An Angel	Rose F-B.
Oct. 6, 1960	Marcia Schwartz	Was Born	Arlene B.
Oct. 6, 1997	Kailey Brianna Bowles	Was Born	Rochelle F.
Oct. 6, 2001	Lucas Jordan McCoy	Was Born An Angel	Tara M.
Oct. 6, 2003	Makenzie Jade Butterworth	Was Born An Angel	Heather S.
Oct. 6, 2004	Jessica	Was Born	Victoria W.
Oct. 6, 2004	Jessica	Became An Angel	Victoria W.
Oct. 6, 2004	Corinne Celice Wilson	Became An Angel	Rochelle S.
Oct. 6, 2004	Connor Trey Sands Irwin	Became An Angel	Dyaan B.
Oct. 7, 1978	Teddy	Became An Angel	Patricia S.
Oct. 7, 1986	Josiah Andrew Burns	Was Born	Kim L.
Oct. 7, 1994	Katlee Hart	Was Born	Vonda H.
Oct. 7, 1997	Keyon Nesmith	Became An Angel	Tanya C.
Oct. 7, 1997	Kelsea Abigail Podkowka	Was Born	Krystal W-C.
Oct. 7, 2001	Little Larry	Became An Angel	Susan H.
Oct. 7, 2003	Destiny	Was Born	Christine
Oct. 7, 2006	Joshua Fortson	Became An Angel	Shagayla F.
Oct. 8, 1985	Jesse	Was Born	Trudy
Oct. 8, 2004	Kenneth Rodger Shupinski III	Was Born An Angel	Dee S.
Oct. 8, 2004	William Marion Bush	Became An Angel	Allyson B.
Oct. 9, 1983	Sherry Abraham	Was Born	Kim A.
Oct. 9, 1994	Bradlee Leeland Wiacek	Was Born	Dawn
Oct. 9, 2001	Hannah Marie Reyna	Was Born	Laura R.
Oct. 9, 2003	Alidajean Marie Palo	Became An Angel	Lisa Y.
Oct. 9, 2003	Emily Rose Bean	Became An Angel	Janet M.
Oct. 9, 2003	Nathan William Brake	Was Born An Angel	Bobbie B.
Oct. 9, 20034	Joseph Edward Liwoch	Was Born An Angel	Sherry C.
Oct. 9, 2005	Larry H. Benis "Bubba"	Became An Angel	Bonnie B.
Oct. 10, 1986	Melissa Ann	Was Born	Dotty S.
Oct. 10, 1987	Theresa Lynn Ludlam	Was Born	Barbara L.
Oct. 10, 2003	Damien Alexander Burlingame	Became An Angel	Jennifer B.
Oct. 11, 1974	Dewitt "Clay" Biles	Was Born	Kathleen B.
Oct. 11, 1974	Christopher Sheets	Was Born	Becky S.
Oct. 11, 1985	Jordan Michael Draper	Was Born	Dina D.
Oct. 11, 2002	Lisa Marie Wawczak	Became An Angel	Sandy W.
Oct. 11, 2003	Melissa Anne Schrinel	Became An Angel	Marilyn S.
Oct. 11, 2003	Madison Kayla Crouse	Was Born An Angel	Gail C.
Oct. 12, 1962	Christopher	Was Born	Marguerite C.
Oct. 12, 1987	Ben Schoenwald	Was Born	Jeni S.
Oct. 12, 1999	Jason Weir	Became An Angel	Phyllis A.
Oct. 12, 2001	Dustin	Became An Angel	Laurie H.
Oct. 12, 2002	Raford James Felts	Became An Angel	Cherie S.
Oct. 12, 2002	Alaina Michelle Moyers	Became An Angel	Tiffany R.
Oct. 12, 2002	Christopher Sheets	Became An Angel	Becky S.
Oct. 12, 2003	Dillon Benjamin Butler	Became An Angel	Linda V.
Oct. 12, 2003	Cameron Paul Curry "Bubby"	Became An Angel	Pam C.
Oct. 13, 1978	Jason Drass	Was Born	Brenda B.
Oct. 13, 1979	Charlene Marie Ross	Was Born	Bernice R.
Oct. 13, 1995	Zachary Oakes	Was Born	Twila C.
Oct. 13, 1999	Claudia Louise Leavesley	Was Born An Angel	Marie L.
Oct. 13, 1999	Jordyn Makayla Vaughn	Was Born	Rebecca V.
Oct. 13, 2000	Sara Gaffney	Became An Angel	Judy G.
Oct. 13, 2001	Hannah Marie Reyna	Became An Angel	Laura R.
Oct. 13, 2003	Doug Cohen	Became An Angel	Laurel B.
Oct. 13, 2005	Menetta Fenemor-Halsey	Became An Angel	Sarina F.
Oct. 14, 1957	Eric Satinsky	Became An Angel	Joan S.
Oct. 14, 1999	Steven & Timothy	Were Born	Christine D.
Oct. 14, 1999	Mkayla Anita Marie Murphy	Was Born An Angel	Jami M.
Oct. 14, 2000	Jacob Oakes	Became An Angel	Twila C.
Oct. 14 2001	Scott	Became An Angel	Pam H.
Oct. 14, 2004	Krystal	Became An Angel	Angela
Oct. 14, 2004	Jason Eric Stief	Became An Angel	Tina S.
Oct. 14, 2005	Charlotte Rae Johnson	Became An Angel	Shirley J.
Oct. 15, 1962	Christopher	Became An Angel	Marguerite C.
Oct. 15, 1973	Greg Watts	Was Born	Eileen O.
Oct. 15, 1987	Natasha Antoinette Watie	Was Born An Angel	Philesha W.
Oct. 15, 1989	Samantha Beaudette	Was Born	Sharon A.
Oct. 15, 1999	Steven	Became An Angel	Christine D.
Oct. 15, 2003	Jeremiah Paul Bonner	Was Born	Tamara B.
Oct. 16, 1972	Michele Lenore Iannacchino	Was Born	Catherine W.
Oct. 16, 1984	Jered Paul Morales	Became An Angel	Cindy M.
Oct. 16, 1985	Katie	Was Born	Lisa P.
Oct. 16, 1992	Scott Chapman	Was Born	Debbie C.
Oct. 16, 2001	Timothy Adam Hollingsworth "Speedy"	Became An Angel	Judy H.
Oct. 16, 2005	Jeff	Became An Angel	Shelly
Oct. 16, 2006	Dominick Espinoza	Became An Angel	Heather E.
Oct. 17, 1998	Vaughn	Became An Angel	Connie S.
Oct. 17, 2001	Alexis Hitchcock	Became An Angel	Heather W.
Oct. 17, 1987	Meghan Cheyenne	Was Born	Ronae' H.
Oct. 17, 2005	Menetta Fenemor-Halsey	Was Born An Angel	Sarina F.
Oct. 17, 2007	Isaiah Champ Perkins-Cornelius	Became An Angel	Kathy P.
Oct. 18, 1983	Stephanie Jean Drinnon (Phillips)	Was Born	Becky S.
Oct. 18, 1983	Rachelann Soliz	Was Born	Annamarie J.
Oct. 18, 1990	Justine Gehue	Was Born	Anne F.
Oct. 18, 1993	Johnathan Nelson	Became An Angel	Cheryl N.
Oct. 18, 1999	J.T. Baptista	Was Born	Sarina B.
Oct.18, 2001	Sherry Abraham	Became An Angel	Kim A.
Oct. 18, 2002	Torrie	Became An Angel	Darlene K.
Oct. 19, 1981	Bobby Arnold	Was Born	Sharon A.
Oct. 18, 1990	Jose Julian	Became An Angel	Madelyn R.
Oct. 19, 1982	Joe Eckles	Was Born	Jan E.
Oct. 19, 1983	Laci Kae Washburn	Was Born	Anne H.
Oct. 19, 1985	Juan Miguel	Was Born	Madelyn R.
Oct. 19, 1997	Kent	Became An Angel	Barbara D.
Oct. 19, 1998	Jakob Nelson Andriacchi	Was Born	Jennifer A.
Oct. 19, 1998	Josh	Became An Angel	Martha T.
Oct. 19, 1982	Ryan	Was Born	Rhonda G.
Oct. 19, 2004	Issaiah Sean Daniels	Became An Angel	Cheryl V.
Oct. 19, 2004	Brittany Luther	Became An Angel	Frances L.
Oct. 19, 2005	Lauren Elizabeth Utterback	Was Born An Angel	Susheila U.
Oct. 20, 1961	Robert	Was Born	Lynn U.
Oct. 20, 1962		Was Born	Shirley G.
Oct. 20, 1970	Rebecca Fitzer Groves "Becky"	Was Born	Irene F.
Oct. 20, 1976	Melissa Renee Davis	Was Born	Virginia G.
Oct. 20, 1999	Timothy	Became An Angel	Christine D.
Oct. 20, 1985	Jay Callen	Was Born	Sandy C.
Oct. 20, 1999	Cade Dawson Wright	Was Born	Lisa W.
Oct. 20, 2003	Kevin Foster Gilmore	Became An Angel	Janice G.
Oct. 20, 2004	Bryan Yasenosky	Became An Angel	Lorraine Y.
Oct. 21, 2000	Kyla Wilkson	Became An Angel	Evie L.
Oct. 21, 1987	Corey Dean Facemire	Was Born	Donna F.
Oct. 21, 2005	Evan	Was Born An Angel	Liz W.
Oct. 21, 2006	Catherine Magnuson	Became An Angel	Kim M.
Oct. 22, 1979	Jeremy Martin	Was Born	Dena M.
Oct. 22, 1985	Andrew J. Cooper	Was Born	Tammy W.
Oct. 22, 2001	Daniel Jose Tovar Dias	Was Born	Maria T. D.
Oct. 22, 2002	Brigitte Carriere	Was Born An Angel	Stephanie C.
Oct. 22, 2002	Ashley	Became An Angel	Deanna W.
Oct. 22, 2004	Jordan Bischoff	Became An Angel	Heidi B.
Oct. 22, 2004	Xandar Oliver Gould	Became An Angel	Anne L.
Oct. 22, 2004	Christopher Michael Dore	Became An Angel	Sheila F-B.
Oct. 22, 2005	Shelby Lynn Sedgwick	Became An Angel	Brandee S.
Oct. 23, 1985	Dustin Sean Pion	Was Born	Nancy P.
Oct. 23, 2003	Lance Kowalski	Became An Angel	Justine S.
Oct. 23, 2007	Wyatt Page	Became An Angel	Cristi N.
Oct. 24, 1978	Ruth Delicia Martinez	Was Born	Rachel M.
Oct. 24, 2001	Matthew Jones	Became An Angel	Janet J.
Oct. 24, 2001	Colton Ray Dinnin	Was Born	Janet J.
Oct. 24, 2002	Matthew David Wise	Became An Angel	Elena W.
Oct. 24, 2002	Jose Javier Hernandez Jr.	Was Born	Gina H.
Oct. 24, 2002	Jose Javier Hernandez Jr.	Became An Angel	Gina H.
Oct. 25, 1977	Erik Thomas Murphy	Became An Angel	Marilyn S.
Oct. 25, 1987	Kenneth Lanier Akins II	Was Born	Sheila A.
Oct. 25, 1988	Rachel Hicks	Was Born	LaDonna H.
Oct. 25, 1993	Braden Hughes Patton	Was Born	Sherill P.
Oct. 25, 2000	Joseph Gallo-Rodriguez	Became An Angel	Jo Anne G.
Oct. 25, 2000	Danielle Sueann Joan Cox	Was Born	Sueann C.
Oct. 25, 2003	Mya Christine	Was Born An Angel	Monica Z.
Oct. 25, 2003	Chelsea Ann	Became An Angel	Theresa M.
Oct. 25, 2004	John Thomas	Was Born An Angel	Beth
Oct. 25, 2005	Madison Alea Sherfield	Was Born An Angel	Denise S.
Oct. 25, 2005	Chad David Bivens	Became An Angel	Kelly N.
Oct. 26, 1972	Shelly Huddleston	Was Born	Susan H.
Oct. 26, 1982	Michelle Marcel	Was Born	Liz N.
Oct. 26, 1996	Andrew Maestas	Became An Angel	Florence M.
Oct. 26, 1997	Dawn	Became An Angel	Patty
Oct. 26, 2003	Kevin Jacob Festa	Became An Angel	Stacey F.
Oct. 26, 2005	Carly Grey Nicholas	Was Born	Melissa N.
Oct. 27, 1963	Michael D. Carico II	Was Born	Carol C.
Oct. 27, 1975	Laurie Rae Walden	Was Born	Linda W.
Oct. 27, 1978	Robert Ferreira	Was Born	Lee F.
Oct. 27, 1978	Robert McIntosh	Was Born	Kat M.
Oct. 27, 1985	Megan	Was Born	Beth
Oct. 27, 1987	Johnny Alan Gallegos	Was Born	Jody S.
Oct. 27, 1988	Catrina Kirk "Catie"	Was Born	Laura K.
Oct. 27, 1997	Shane Hebert	Became An Angel	Judi W.
Oct. 28	Michelle Elise	Became An Angel	Melissa
Oct. 28, 1975	Larry Robert Scott	Was Born	Valerie R.
Oct. 28, 1987	Meghan Cheyenne	Became An Angel	Ronae' H.
Oct. 28, 1988	Marquee Epperly	Was Born	Windy E.
Oct. 28, 2000	Heidi Reed	Became An Angel	Judy R.
Oct. 28, 2002	Bryan Christopher Plunkett	Became An Angel	Sandi R.
Oct. 28, 2002	Madison Nicole Bonadona	Was Born	Kerry V.
Oct. 28, 2000	Danielle Abbigail Greenesboro	Was Born	April G.
Oct. 28, 2000	Danielle Abbigail Greenesboro	Became An Angel	April G.
Oct. 29, 1983	Larry Hughs	Was Born	Cheryl B.
Oct. 29, 1988	Gabrielle "Chickie" Loman	Was Born	Michele L.
Oct. 29, 1994	Jariah Sherrall Monae' Tidwell	Was Born	Veronica K.
Oct. 29, 1995	Devon Patrick Schultz	Became An Angel	Teresa L.
Oct. 29, 1996	Meaghan	Was Born	Margaret S.
Oct. 29, 1996	Parker Pennington	Was Born	Michele B.
Oct. 29, 1998	Jeremy Oberry	Became An Angel	Audrey
Oct. 29, 1999	Matthew David Karr	Became An Angel	Patty E.
Oct. 29, 2000	Mitchell	Became An Angel	Wendy H.
Oct. 29, 2001	Hunter Pruitt	Was Born An Angel	Trinity P.
Oct. 29, 2001	Stephen Ronald Goebel "Steve"	Became An Angel	Pat G.
Oct. 29, 2001	Jenell Renee' Spaich	Became An Angel	Sherry S.
Oct. 29, 2001	Brian Jr.	Was Born An Angel	Tarrah A.
Oct. 29, 2001	Zackary Logan Witt	Was Born	Rainie
Oct. 29, 2001	Lissy Marie & Ava Mae	Were Born	Lori
Oct. 29, 2001	Lissy Marie & Ava Mae	Became Angels	Lori
Oct. 29, 2002	Larry Robert Scott	Became An Angel	Valerie R.
Oct. 29, 2005	Johnathon Michael Gibson	Was Born An Angel	Amanda G.
Oct. 29, 2005	Delvin Robert	Was Born An Angel	Jennifer L.
Oct. 30, 1974	John Nickerson	Was Born	Michelle S.
Oct. 30, 1976	Sara Gaffney	Was Born	Judy G.
Oct. 30, 1984	Daniel Rush	Was Born	Annie R.
Oct. 30, 2001	Jodi Elizabeth Smith	Became An Angel	Pat S.
Oct. 30, 2002	Robert Tucker "Tucker"	Was Born	Sheri J.
Oct. 30, 2002	Brianna	Became An Angel	Karyn G.
Oct. 30, 2004	David Thomas Sandham	Became An Angel	Anne M.
Oct. 30, 2005	Jordan Miller	Became An Angel	Rebekah M.
Oct. 30, 2006	Hannah Elizabeth Gayle Cooley	Was Born	Cassidy C.
Oct. 31, 2002	Robert Tucker "Tucker"	Became An Angel	Sheri J.
Oct. 31, 1976	Laurie Baer	Was Born	Shirley B.
Oct. 31, 1981	Josh Ginter	Was Born	Debbie R.
Oct. 31, 1987	Nicole Maltz	Was Born An Angel	Nancy M.
Oct. 31, 1993	Cory Lee Palazzi	Was Born	Peggy P.
Oct. 31, 1997	Amelia Jeanne Boucher	Was Born	Christine L.
Oct. 31, 2000	Danielle Sueann Joan Cox	Became An Angel	Sueann C.
Oct. 31, 2000	Samantha Lynn Wheeler	Was Born	Jennie B.
Oct. 31, 2000	Daniel Edward Selby	Was Born	Jennifer S.
Oct. 31, 2003	Kyle	Became An Angel	Jackie C.
Oct. 31, 2003	Baby Herbon	Was Born An Angel	Shanika
Oct. 31, 2004	John	Became An Angel	Michele H.
Oct. 31, 2004	Baylee Michelle Heblon	Became An Angel	Dana M.
Oct. 31, 2005	James Patrick	Was Born An Angel	Melissa
Oct. 31, 2005	Ella Hannah Rose Greenesboro	Became An Angel	April G.
Oct. 31, 2007	Hannah Hatlin	Became An Angel	Kathie H.

This month's featured mom is Capri Walker
Cappy was the Featured Mom in July 2003
I was so honored and shocked when I got email telling me I was chosen, I read it over and over till the panic set in. I have never been able to say things except in small book version, but I thank everyone for this surprise.

My name is Capri Walker, I am 46 years old and I was born and raised in Chicago IL. I have a younger sister and brother and  have an older sister in heaven. I am Mom to earth angel Philip Raymond 23--7/15/79 and angels Cary 31, Joshua Raymond 26 and Shawn Michael 29. Cary 7/3/72 - 7/3/72 died at 10 hours old due to hyaline membrane disease. Joshua-7/9/77 - 9/28/77, died at 2 months  due to corrective heart surgery for tetrology of fallot - which is 4 defects in one. They operated and thought they fixed it but about 8 hours later returned to surgery and he died on the table. Shawn - 9/14/74 - 12/29/99  was 25 when he suicided while in a prison/physciatitric hospital on a suicide watch.

I joined Angel Moms about a year or so into my grief for Shawn after seeing John Edwards and Angel Moms was mentioned, I thank that Angel Mom, the show and Judi for being here. I was not coping well at this time. Family and friends not their fault but they couldn't deal with my intensity over my loss of Shawn worse than the babies I lost. So I was pretty much on my own and I needed someone that understood. I would not be this far if not for Angel Moms. I had moved to WI. in 91 to save my son Philip and Shawn and his son Shawn, Jr. So I was still isolated.

I have 3 cats Kleptoe, Fuzzy and Missy. I collect a lot of things, angels, bears, cabbage patch dolls,   and now Scooby Doo things that I can afford, because Shawn's nick name was Scooby and he looked like him -- tall and skinny and a few chin hairs and he could act and laugh like him. He was cremated and I have his ashes in a metal can with Scooby Doo painted on it. My other 2 babies are buried in Chicago, IL. I love to crochet mainly baby stuff, can't do a lot now due to many major health problems.

I have been a diabetic for 37 years and due to Angel Moms helping me gain confidence, I decided to try insulin pump therapy about 1 month ago... Angel Moms gave me the pushes I needed to try new things like talking and sharing with group, going to retreat and sharing days with 12 ladies that I knew thru email only, but becoming instant friends and family and letting them share in a giant step in my grief--throwing some of Shawn's ashes over the mountain --Shawn loved TN. I have also made strides in other support groups to help remember my angels and to grow with my grief... I am not only going back to retreat, but am going to TCF national Conference in Atlanta, Georgia  the first week of July and again spending time with other moms. It will be a very emotional week, but healing also. I have also done things to help keep my kids memories alive through other group things, like I will be making Shawn's quilt squares to be part of loving outreach for suicide survivors in Chicago, IL. They are having a 25th Anniversary and these will be on display and then sewn into quilts to be displayed permanently at their meeting place. Angel Moms has gave me the courage to do these things.

I have had a lot of loss in my life at an early age--from pets to my grandma, then I lost my first son at age 15 and was never taught to grieve and that it is o.k. to do it. Later in years I lost my fiancee to suicide. I thought my world would end, but I survived only to have my sister die in 1995 to lung cancer and again I was thinking my world ended again, watching her die was so painful. But I went on, had my cats like children die and again another piece of my heart was gone. But then in Aug. of 99 when Shawn started attempts I thought I cannot survive this. I cried daily, he called many times telling me this is it, twice he called after he made attempt for me to get help. I felt like I was dying each time--each call.. but little did I know my heart was not totally ripped open yet. I soon found out, when I received the call that Shawn had hung himself, now I was still here to struggle on and endure pain and life but because I found Angel Moms, I'm still surviving. I have to watch Philip grow and succeed, he has a steady job and has been married 6 years at age 18 and takes great care of his kids and he has a nice car he is trying to fix and put in shows. I'm so proud of him and watch his 2 boys Philip 6 and Joshua 3 grow up. And I have to be here for Shawn's kids, Shawn 12 and Lisa 8 to watch them grow and be there for their dad and teach them about their dad. Lisa only knew her dad thru prison visits. Shawn went to jail when Lisa was 2 weeks old and had done 4 years of 8 years. I have been with Bill for about 14 years, his Dad married my Mom then we became a couple..lol

Well I just want to say I was not able to grieve or remember my babies until joining Angel Moms, so I will always be grateful for my new family. Some day I hope I can help get the word out or change things in prisons, hospitals and with medical professions and counselors and most of all people to believe if someone says they are going to commit suicide, take them seriously and try and help. And even if in a setting where you think they are safe and getting help, they may not be. But most of all watch and pay attention to the signs, even professionals when they say or act better that is the most dangerous signal. So please don't do the thing that was done to Shawn, he seemed better and told them he was better and they are so good at deceiving us they relaxed and he was able to complete suicide. I want to help keep this from happening and I think I would like to do something with the laws that say mentally ill people can make the choice to use meds.. if they could make the choice rationally they would not have a mental illness and also to change the laws or something that even thought the person is an adult when they die they are still my child or who ever's and that person should be able to claim damages mental or whatever, even if there are minor children. My loss is a loss that no one but a parent can experience or understand. Sorry for going on and on but I did say I seem to try and write small books.

Capri

Cappy's Web Site





My Friend

If I could paint a picture
that would erase the shadows in a heart,
I would paint it for you.

If I could sketch away sorrows
your sorrows would cease to be,
and only love would form the lines

on your brow. If I could create a portrait
designed to capture the essence of friendship,
your face would be upon the canvas.

A mosaic of modesty,
charcoal of class,
all presented in a landscape of gentleness.

An etched depiction of humanity
in it's best form,
a tribute to mankind's goodness.
If only I could paint a picture...

Bobbie Kilzer Gogain





This past month we lost one of our sweet Angel Moms Cappy. I meet her years ago at my first retreat and then spent more retreats with her. She was an awesome lady always caring for others. I remember her sitting up with several of us at the retreats all night long just talking , she always wanted to hear about our angel children. I remember our balloon releases that we had at retreats she always carried Shawn's ashes in a necklace and she would sprinkle some of his ashes over the mountain at the balloon release. She made the balloon release even more special doing that. We could all feel our angles around us and it was very emotional but felt good at the same time.Even though Cappy has had so many loses in her life losing 3 children she was strong and turned her loses into helping others with their loses. She would check up on other Angel Moms if she didn't hear from them in awhile. She even called me when we had Hurricane Ike coming in because she was worried about me and my family that was on a Saturday and her life was taken from her that Saturday night. Instead of her worrying about me and my family i should have been worried about her. I do know that we just never know from day to day whats going to happen and no one in a million years would have thought that Cappy would have been taken from us like this. I miss her so much, I miss her phone calls and her supporting e-mails.I can picture her in Heaven with her babies on her lap and Shawn standing beside her with his arms around her and all our angels around her. She loved all the Angel Moms and their children. We love you Cappy and miss you and will never ever forget you!





I can't remember exactly when Cappy joined Angel Moms, but I know it was in the first year. In the beginning, she rarely posted and if she did, it was only in response to something that was said directly to her. She was quiet and shy, but over time that began to change. She started reaching out to others, she became the one who was first to welcome new members, Cappy could talk! (or rather type) She shared her pain and helped others when they were down and hurting. So many moms were able to go on because of Cappy, they were able to share their pain and their child because she reached out to them. If she knew someone was down, she called them, she posted her phone number for anyone who needed her. I know many times she was on the phone with a mom who was hurting late into the night. It didn't matter what time it was, she was there.

In 2002, I was one of he lucky ones who got to meet Cappy in person when she came to retreat. Lots of times she sat quietly watching the rest of us, I worried that she was not having a good time and regretted coming. When I got a chance, she and I had a private conversation and I asked her about this, she said oh no, I am having a wonderful time, I love being with all of you. As the days went on, she started loosening up and laughed a lot, at us and with us. We shared many special moments, one that really stands out is when we went on top of the mountain for the balloon release. Cappy spread some of Shawn's ashes on the mountain, what an awesome experience to share with another mom. This was Cappy's first retreat, she came to two more, I am so thankful I got to share all three of them with her.

Cappy was a sweet gentle soul who would help anyone who needed it. She was rich in beauty and love, she gave a part of herself to each person she met. How this wonderful person left this earth in such a violent way is something that I will never understand. When I was notified that Cappy had been murdered, I was in shock and disbelief. I remember calling Loni in tears, we cried and tried to comfort each other, one of us was gone, it was so unbelievable and still is.

I hurt and I miss Cappy, but I know where she is, God has a very special place in Heaven for Cappy, she is now with her boys and all of our children, looking over them just as she did us here on earth........

Rest in peace my sweet friend, I will see you again someday.......





Last month, Angel Moms suffered a tragic loss with the death of our dear friend Cappy Walker. Those of us who knew her are still reeling from the shock, and from the senseless and violent act that took her life.

I had the pleasure of meeting Cappy at my very first Angel Moms Retreat in 2005, just 6 months after my Zackary had died. She was actually one of the first moms I saw in the airport that day, and she welcomed me so warmly. I was still so overwhelmed by my loss at that time, and when I met her, knowing that she had suffered the loss of not just one, but three precious children, seeing her quiet strength and grace gave me hope that I could get through it too. We also had another common bond, in that one of her angels, Joshua, was lost to congenital heart defects, as my Zackary was. During that first retreat we spent some time talking about our experiences, and it was so nice to be able to talk with someone who had gone through something similar.

Cappy was kind, compassionate, giving, and so very supportive to all the moms in this group. She will never be replaced. And though I know she is at peace and joyously reunited with her children in Heaven, those of us left behind will always miss her beyond words.

God bless you Cappy!

Love,
Krista, angel Zackary’s mom





Our Angel Mom family lost a dear friend on September 14th. I had the privilege of meeting Capri Walker for the first time at the 2002 retreat and I have called her my dear friend ever since. To know Cappy was to love her. I can say in all honesty she was one of the sweetest, kindest, and most caring people I have ever met. I never heard Cappy say an unkind word about anyone, ever. She truly was a friend to all she met without any ounce of judgement. She would help anyone at any time. I’m not just saying these things because she is gone but because they are true. Every year at retreat we have an Angel Mom t-shirt made. That was not enough for Cappy. She proudly wore several buttons with her boy’s pictures on them and several angel pins on her shirt. If she was not wearing her shirt with her pins, she was wearing a shirt with butterflies on it, a sign from her angels. Every picture I have of her she is wearing one or the other. She wore a small vial around her neck that contained a small amount of her son Shawn’s ashes. It meant so much to her that we would share the moments she would scatter the ashes in a special place during retreat. Cappy tried so hard to include herself in all of the activities during retreat but she suffered from diabetes and had to be careful about her diet and taking her insulin. We all understood that and helped her the best we knew how. Cappy was so funny in her own way and when we least expected it, she would have us laughing. And she was forever losing something! I think all of us at one time or another helped Cappy look for whatever it was that day she had misplaced. I got to know Cappy pretty well during the three retreats we attended together and there is no doubt that she is in heaven reunited with her boys, eternally happy. God prepared a special place for this special lady and I will miss her very much.

We all need someone
To talk to in our life,
A friend to whom we run
In times of stress or strife

A friend who's always there
Throughout the years,
A friend we know will care
And take away our fears.

A friend who's always near,
Waiting for our call,
To wipe away our tears,
And lift us when we fall.

A loving friend indeed,
On whom we can depend
To fulfill our every need -
Thank you, precious friend





In Memory of Capri Walker, Angel Mom

We all share membership in a club that we never wanted to join. Fortunately for most of us, when our membership card was issued, we had a place to turn. That isn’t true for all Angel Moms. Some grieving moms found each other and Angel Moms was born from the support those brave women offered each other. A net of love was begun and each time a member was beamed up, the net grew. I found Angel Moms late in 2001. A colleague brought me a tape of John Edward Crossing Over. I began to watch the show, tears streaming down my face for at least 45 minutes each night. One night John Edward mentioned Angel Moms. I joined Angel Moms and cried over just about each post. Cappy also found Angel Moms through John Edward Crossing Over. Then, I began to laugh over some. Through this supportive group of understanding women, I learned that you can live with pain. The pain will never go away, but you will live again.

The first two years of emails with a variety of Angel Moms left a lasting impression. These moms were in pain but could laugh and inspire laughter. They helped me and all who read their posts, carve a path of recovery. Toad sent me a “Get Out of the Corner” card, Deb met me in Florida and sent me a gift, holiday cards came in from many, Queen prepared profile books, Rachel mapped the location of Angel Moms and Judi kept us all together. Debbie, Kelly, Wedgie, Marge, Laurie, Loni, Reeny and Cappy never let us down. They shared their pain and their survival tips, stories about their personal triumphs and struggles. I became frightfully aware that it didn’t matter how long ago or how recently you had lost a child or the child’s age, pain was pain and there was no cure. However, there was therapy through Angel Moms.

I have no idea how many Angel Moms have lost more than one child, but Cappy fell into the “multiple loss” category. Yet, she managed to be active not only with Angel Moms, but The Compassionate Friends and a group for suicide survivors.

I have felt that families of Angels, have paid a huge price. Therefore, there should be some relief of that penalty during life. Some things should be easier. It doesn’t seem to work that way. Cappy was murdered in her own home by teenage neighbors. Her light can never go out as long as we carry her spirit and generous nature in our hearts. She is now with Cary, Joshua and Shawn and I hope she is at peace.





Judi, has decided to dedicate this issue of our Newsletter to our Angel Mom Capri "Cappy". She asked if we could share a memory of her that each one of us has. My dearest memory of Cappy is when she would send me a email concerning the dates. If I posted someone's special date and they had changed their email without letting Loni know so she could change it in the calendar Cappy would send me a notice immediately. You have to understand I am 4 yrs older than Cappy but I always felt like I was the child and she was my Mom always looking after me. She would first of all thank me for all the work I did with the dates and all the time I gave and I never expected this but that was our Cappy. She would very graciously correct me then if I didn't get it done when she thought I should she would send me another email LOL..I would always answer her and saw yes Mom I am sorry I haven't gotten to this. But this was her love for all Angel Moms and she never wanted anyone to feel left out.

As many of you know Cappy's health was not very good and she and I shared Diabetes together. It never matter how she felt on certain days she would always make sure I was following my diet and taking care of myself. She was always worried over the loss of my left eye and she would constantly remind me to keep my diabetes under control so to protect my right one. She knew that grief put a lot of stress on both of us concerning our Diabetes and she would say we will do this together and give it our best shot. One of the first things I thought of when I heard of this tragedy was she no longer is sick but in a new body and it is healthy. She has left a memory in my heart that I will keep until I see her again and see her I will. I found this poem and it reminded me so much of Cappy for it was through her actions that I saw and relied on..Love you my friend and thank you for all you did for me these past 3 years.

I saw you stand
Steadfast in grief,
But saw no trace
Of unbelief.

I saw you stand
Unmoved by stress
But I saw no trace
Of bitterness.

I saw you stand
Bravely for years,
But saw no trace
Of senseless fears.

Though you spoke not
Of God's great law
I caught your faith
By things I saw.

Love you and save a place beside the River for me Cappy.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loni Wendt shares memories of Cappy

I first met Cappy at in 2002. It was the first retreat for both of us. Both of us being from Wisconsin, I flew to Tennessee out of Milwaukee so that Cappy and I could fly together. You know how when you meet someone online but don't see a picture of them you get a picture of what you think they look like in your head? I don't remember what I thought she would look like but she didn't look anything like I pictured she would. She was much shorter! LOL I think she was about 5' tall and I'm 5'7". On the flight she didn't say very much. At retreat, she also didn't say much, she would sit on the edge and listen mostly. But she did share her 3 angels--Joshua, Cary and Shawn with us. I live in Waupun and that is where Shawn was when he became an angel, although I didn't know him. Cappy was always misplacing her stuff. She was a diabetic so she had all her equipment to check her blood sugar and give herself her insulin. Wedgie began immediately to keep track of the stuff for her.

Even though she didn't say much, I knew immediately she was very sweet. She didn't instigate any of the pranks but she laughed at them and she didn't mind being the recipient of any of them.

I remember the first balloon release that year. She had brought along a small bottle containing some of Shawn's ashes. At the release, up on the mountain in Tennessee she sprinkled the ashes over the rail where we did the release. It brought tears to my eyes.

I got to know Cappy better through emails and attending retreat in 2003 also. At those retreats she was still very quiet.

In 2003 at retreat we began bringing a journal and all the moms would write in them. I just looked back at what she wrote that year. Of course, being sweet Cappy she wrote a beautiful message to me that included her quiet caring--"I'm so sorry for the skilife, but glad you made it." As it did then, it now again brought a smile to my face.

Cappy wasn't able to attend the 2004 retreat but in 2005 I drove to retreat and took her with me. That was when I found out she really can talk--a lot!! We had a wonderful time during all those hourse driving to retreat and back home again. I learned more about Joshua, Cary and Shawn and felt like I really knew them. I will always remember that trip with her. Looking at what she wrote in my journal that year, I didn't know it had been so special for her and I'm glad I was able to do that for her.

That journal with her sweet words and beautiful handwriting are very dear to me now.

After that she got more active in Compassionate Friends and attended their national convention which unfortunately was at the same time as our retreat. I know it was a hard choice for her to make but she carried all our angels with her to those conventions.She always took Melissa with her to that convention, her picture to put up, her name on her shirt, making sure the butterflies I ordered in memory of her were released. I appreciated it so much. Throughout the short 6 years we've known each other she always lifted me up when I was down, contacted me when she needed computer help, turned to me for advice with her grandchildren since I am a special education teacher, always always remembered Melissa and loved her.

I never got to tell her how very much I loved her and admired her. She lost 3 angels and survived, smiled, laughed, helped so many others through Angel Moms and Compassionate Friends. I regret that and I hope she knew.

Capri--I will always love you and hold you in my heart. Joshua, Cary and Shawn are also my special angels and always will be. When you get done hugging all our angels, come visit me in my dreams. I miss you terribly my sweet, forgetful friend of my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Debbie Ruttencutter shares her memories of Cappy

When I think of Cappy, 4 things come to mind instantly. First, we shared the same kind of child loss, Suicide loss of our sons. Her and I had spoken many times about this and what we was going thru being Survivors of Suicide. Next, the retreats we met at. The first one was a funny thought because it seemed that we were constantly helping Cappy find something she had misplaced! I can't count how many times she would dump out her purse or search thru her suitcases looking for something! We would all laugh about it. On one of the retreats she was going to teach Angel Mom Deb Goldsberry and I how to Croquet. She tried so hard.....and we got some of it, but not enough, there was always so much going on at retreats it was hard to stay focused on one thing at once! But Deb and I both remember this and have spoken of it since. It showed her caring side, motherly side. The last thing and the most important to me is the Retreat she spread Shawn's ashes on the mountain top at the Balloon release. We were all there, and I was standing right next to her, yet, she never said a word, she just opened her little container and spread his ashes, I turned around as I saw the ashes spread into the sky. I felt so honored to be there at that moment with her. She said that she wanted to do this because Shawn had tried to come to Tennessee to see the mountains, but never had the chance to go, but as his Mom she was doing something for her child, just as we all do. Cappy I will miss you forever, and Deb and I have made a pack to say a special prayer for you on our birthday this year, which is when the boys that took your life from us all, is going back to court. We pray for justice, as we all do. You are at peace now, this we know, no more physical pain, no more missing your boys, you are with them forever.

Love, Debbie Mom to Angel Josh ^i^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net

Thanks Diana



One of the retreats Cappy atteneded was in 2002. Here are her thoughts from that retreat.

The retreat meant a lot of things to me ... The 1st is that it was a chance and experience for me to meet all the moms that I talked with and came to know and love them. It was such an experience seeing them and hugging them in person..the next thing was it was also a chance to talk and share with others that know and understand and also be able to talk about our angels without funny looks or without people getting quiet or looking away, etc.

It was a great healing for me to take the big step and do this. To go away and stay and meet new people. I'm shy about doing that, but I was able to do this with no panic attacks -- friends from the moment we met. I didn't even have the panic as I left for airport I guess my heart knew I needed to do this and I'd be comfortable doing it..it was a great relief and weight off me to be able to do this and laugh without guilt and enjoy myself too. I truly enjoyed the closeness and wonderful friendship we had there and that we all took home. The next thing was to do balloon launch--it was very emotional for me--for all of us. It was also very healing and comforting. To be able to spread Shawn's ashes was a big step for me and to have all of you to share it with me and to have all of you to support me was something I cannot describe. To have your hugs, tears and words of doing a good job or thing was so overwhelming I cry as I think about it. It was so good to have all moms express their love. The laughter and fun we shared will stay with me forever- just wish it could have been recorded so not to miss anything from the memories. It was a big sleepover. I had so much fun watching ping pong, the fun Connie and Tammy did, Connie's fun she created, all the fun and laughter all created to make this unforgettable, especially the long nights, the early mornings talking in our p.j's. Tammy doing her talent on our children's rock so we could leave such special memoires with them as a wonderful tribute to our angels for all to see..

Everyone being so great together. Pitching in to do whatever we needed to do as a team and what a special team..great roomies too..and for all the caring and concern for my health issues. I cannot say what that meant to me, especially since we just met even though seemed like we have known each other always.

This was a trip I don't ever want to forget and I've decided I'm coming next year-- hell or high water...I know to some it seemed I was not enjoying self but I did. That is just how I am, I sit and watch and soak it all in. I'm a watcher- but I enjoy that. I've never laughed or cried happy tears in all my life. My pictures are priceless, everyone in their hats and all at stream, I will treasure them and the memories along with all of you for the rest of my life. I can write a book but will spare you and just end by saying--------TO ALL MY NEW FAMILY AND FRIENDS--I THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR......

THE QUIET ONE CAPRI ( CAPPY)



Cappy releasing Shawn's ashes in the mountains of Tennessee





For a special gift, try decorating candles with your favorite photo. This easy project requires no previous candle making experience, since you’re merely embellishing a previously purchased candle.

Supplies:
Inkjet printer.To ensure the most vibrant colors, check ink levels before beginning your project.
Tissue paper. Don’t use tissue paper saved from previous gift wrap, since the paper needs to be free of wrinkles and creases.
Plain candle. You can use whatever scent you wish, although light colored wax will ensure the best image.
Heat embossing gun. A hair dryer will work in a pinch, but it will take much longer to melt the wax.
Wax paper. Look for this in the baking supply section of your local grocery store.

Directions:
Print your photo on a small sheet of tissue paper. If you don’t want to make a personalized photo candle, simply use the clip art image of your choice.

Place the tissue image around your candle, taking care to smooth out any creases.

Wrap wax paper around the entire candle.

Use your heat embossing gun to gently melt the candle wax. As the wax melts, the tissue paper will seem to magically disappear.

Remove the wax paper to reveal the image that is now embedded into your candle



Acts Of Kindness




The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.


Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness





Angel Wings

Ingredients
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons finely grated lemon zest (about 2 lemons)
2 (9 1/4 by 10-inch) sheets puff pastry (about 9 ounces each), thawed
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup yellow sanding or white granulated sugar, or a combination (See Cook's Note.)

Instructions
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper or a silicone sheet. Pulse the granulated sugar and lemon zest in a food processor until fine and fragrant.

Lay 1 of the puff pastry sheets on a lightly floured work surface. Brush the sheet with about half of the butter and sprinkle with half of the lemon-sugar. Lightly press sugar into the pastry with a rolling pin. Place the other pastry sheet on top, brush with the remaining butter and sprinkle with remaining sugar. Carefully roll the pastry out into a 12-inch square, about 1 1/8-inch thick. Trim uneven edges with a pizza cutter or a knife to make a perfect square. Starting on the closest edge, roll the pastry up into a cylinder but stop at the mid point of the dough. Roll the pastry up on the opposite side so it looks like an old-fashioned scroll. Adjust the rolls so they are even and meet in the center. Wrap tightly in plastic wrap and freeze until firm, 20 minutes. Slice the roll, crosswise, with a serrated knife into 1/4-inch thick pieces and lay on the prepared baking sheet. Bake until the cookies soften, about 10 minutes. Working quickly and efficiently, remove the cookies from the oven -- if they have lost their shape, gently roll them back together. Let cool on the pan for a minute to set. Turn them with a spatula (take care to keep the shape) sprinkle with the yellow sugar and return to the oven. Continue to bake until golden brown, about 15 more minutes. Transfer cookies to a rack, sugary sides up, to cool. Serve. Store cookies in a tightly sealed container for up to 3 days.

Cook's Note: Sanding sugar has a slightly larger crystal and is used to decorate cookies. It can be found in many supermarkets or food specialty stores.





With tears rolling down my face...
Just the same as they are now...
And said I can not say...
I did not want to wake and leave this dream...
But to stay caused too much pain...
So I woke up and found that I was crying in my sleep...?
LOVE CROSSES ALL BOUNDERIES.....
EVEN DEATH......

IN MEMORY OF....
DAVID JEFF BECK....
SEPTEMBER 20, 1977 - SEPTEMBER 12, 1998
by Kathrine Kaye Hastings
September 8, 2008





Some Links To Share

The Compassionate Friends
Grieving A Child
Healing Jewelry For Infant Loss

October is

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
nbcam.org

Domestic Violence Awareness Month
www.ncadv.org

Murder Victims





If the eyes had no tears,
the soul would have no rainbow.

~Native American Proverb~




Memorial Donations

In Loving Memory Of Cappy

Many donations were made by Angel Mom members in memory of Cappy. Flowers were bought for her memorial service and the rest was donated to her family to help with expenses.



Angel Moms Newsletter-October Printable Version

If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi

Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda, Natalie

Angel Moms Web Site