(Karen's Grandaughter) |
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This month's Featured Mom is Mary Miller
My name is Mary Miller and I am 52 and one of 10 children, of which 2 are angles. I have been married to my husband Rich for 23 years and have 3 beautiful children, Heather is 29 and married to a wonderful man, Mark, they have 3 children, Alexis 5, Kailey 21/2 and Conrad Joshua 3 1/2 mths. Rich Jr. is 22 and has a little girl Grace is who is 21 months and Angel Joshua who will always be 18. Then there is Samantha, they were to be married in May of 07, she has 2 children, Mason is 22 months and Lillie is 2 1/2 mths. I live in Telford, Pennsylvania and have 5 acres of land. Telford is about an hour from Philadelphia. I have many memories of the children growing up. We would spend many summers at the Jersey shore camping. We have been a camping family, as when you camp their are no Tvs or anything to distract you, it is a family bonding time. We would cook over the open fire and sing silly songs and tell stories. We also spent time in Indiana as I have a lot of family there, I wanted my children to know their Aunts and cousins. We took the boys on a cruise in 2002 to Bermuda,we drove to Florida, we had so much fun. I have also been involved in the scouting program with them. I was their den mother and them followed them to boy scouts. I was also my daughter's brownie leader and cookie mom for 3 years. In 1990 our house burnt down, I had to crawl on my hands and knees to find Joshua, as I got him I ran. The boys started the fire,playing with matches and lit a mattress on fire. Two weeks after the fire my father died, then we found out that Richie has mild C.P. and learning problems problems. Joshua Joshua came into the world on July 22 at 9:30 AM, he was so perfect, weighing 6lbs 5ozs and 19 in long with a full head of black hair. The only time he cried was when he was hungry, other than that he smiled or laughed all the time. When he was 3, we found out he was tongue tied and had to have his tongue cut, he spent 2 years in speech therapy, he was into every thing, he loved to explore, he started climbing out of his crib at 10 months old and would beat his door. He loved to hide, one day he hid behind the sofa and fell asleep and I went crazy trying to find him. He also spray painted his hair blue along with his brother and the neighbor boy, needless to say they all had blue hair till it grew out. His love for food continued, he could eat 4 to 5 pbj sandwiches at a time and then eat dinner 2 hrs later. He also loved to bake, brownies were his specialty, he made the best. The only other thing he could make was pancakes. I had a Mom's night off and the boys would have to make dinner, well Josh always made pancakes. When he was 14 we bought him a dirt bike, he spent hours ridding it and making jumps all over the yard, he loved to ride after a rain storm, he'd come in covered from head to toe in mud. He also done paintballing, he would gather a few friends and they spend the day in the back yard playing. Josh was very talented, he made furniture, he made a dresser for his niece and I have a few other pieces he made me. His dream was to be an Army Ranger, he was in the Army Nationl Guard, and went to boot camp between 11th and 12th grade. He worked full time at Toys-R-Us as well as going to school. He loved to spend time with his family and playing with Alexis, he was very good with children. But all that changed on Jan 21,2 006 at 8:03 am, he had just left the house and for some reason he hit a tree, they had to cut him from the car, the medi-vac landed in my front yard. He died 2 times on the way to the hospital, he suffered broken ribs, all on the right and 3 on the left, a broken collar bone and both lungs collapsed. He spent the next 17 days in a coma and then on the 7th of Feb at 2 AM he had a heart attach, at 6:30 AM I had to make that decision, I wanted to hold him in my arms one more time, so as he took his last breath I held him with my tears falling on his face.
There have been many time I have been mad a God for taking my son, but I know in my heart that we will be together again and if I know Josh he will say to me "what took you so long?" I have tried to honor his memory by being happy and giving of myself as that was the way he was.He always helped people,and never said a mean thing, he lived his life every day like it was his last and no regrets. There are times I question myself about the decision I made, but some how I don't think it would have been fair to him as he would have been a vegetable, if he lived. Yes then I could touch and kiss him but would that be fair. Angel Moms has helped me to realize that I made the right choice and helped me know that I'm not crazy. As a Mother we want to always protect our children and when we can't we beat ourselves up. God has a bigger plan, we just have to look for it. We will always question WHY me or what did I do to deserve this? We just need to let every one know that we Love them. That was the last thing I said to Josh as he was leaving the house that morning. We have to accept the fact that we are on this road and try to make the best of it and we can do that by helping other Mothers, this is the best way to honor our beautiful Angels. I will never forget Josh, as no one will ever forget their Angel, but we must go on. We were put together for a reason! This is the Bible verse I read every day, as it helps me. Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
I have many hobbies, gardening, I put a new one in ever year, cooking, baking and scrap booking. I also love spending time with my family and friends. Since I lost Josh they have become everything to me, I look at my grandbabies and see a whole new world, they are so innocent and just want to be loved.
Heartstrings
A mother's love knows no bounds,
No stronger bond can be found,
Mother and child are connected from the start,
There is a string from heart to heart.
Nothing can break this heartstring,
No matter what the future may bring,
A mother loves her child forever,
The heartstring holds them together.
It is a love of the sweetest kind,
There is nothing more beautiful you will ever find,
And even death cannot break this bond,
It knows no earthly ties, it is here and beyond.
We are connected to our children forever by this love,
Even when God calls them to his home above,
Nothing can change this love, not time, nor words or even death's bitter sting,
We are connected forever by the "HEARSTRING"
by: Judi Walker
Here it is fast approaching us the dreaded holidays. For us grieving moms the Holidays are very hard. Thinking of Holidays past with our angels and thinking about this holiday without our angels. How can we makes plans for Thanksgiving when all family gets together enjoys family time but our angel isn't here. Then we have Christmas around the corner and we have to decorate and try to get in the Christmas spirit for the rest of the family. This is very hard. I would like to tell you a few things i have done that will help to make it a little bit easier. For Thanksgiving place a picture of your angel close to the dinner table maybe start a conversation about your memories of your angel about Thanksgiving past. I know Tiffany loved Turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and pumpkin pie I would talk about what she liked and things she had done at Thanksgiving. For Christmas I have an ornament that I bought from Abbey press it's a memory ornament I hang it on my tree every year since she passed. When I buy presents I always get a little something for her. flowers for her grave and other little trinkets. I may buy a little angel to put in my living room in memory of her. I have a little Christmas tree that I set up at her grave also.I try to stay as busy as I can during this time of year. I wish you all a very peaceful holiday. If you would like to see the ornament I'm taking about from Abbey press I will put the web site on here. you can get it personalized on the back with your angels name and dates. It's called Merry Christmas from Heaven. www.bbeypress.com
November is here already, this year has really flown by. The holidays are approaching fast and we are faced with more special times without our children.
For some, it is their first Thanksgiving without their chld, some never even had on with their child. It doesn't matter if it is your first or twenty-first holiday without your child, it still hurts. You need to find ways to get through these hard times, do things that you are comfortable with and anything that will bring you some comfort.
If you can't handle big or traditional celebrations, let others know how you feel and do something different. If you think you would feel better being alone, don't feel guilty about it, you need to take care of yourself. Don't take on more than you can handle.
Let others who know and share your pain help you through the hard times, send out an e-mail or pick up the phone and say you need to talk. Each year gets a little easier, but there will always be pain because a part of us is missing........
Here are some things I have done in memory of Shane at Thanksgiving
Set a plate out for him
Lit a candle for him
Bought a special flower arrangement in his memory for a centerpiece
Donated a food basket to a needy family in his memory
I wish you all peceful Thanksgiving
Hello Angel Mom sisters. November has arrived and the holidays are looming ahead. It is difficult for most of us to look forward to the celebrations when our angels will not be with us. Whether this will be your first holiday without your angel, or you have survived many, we all can’t help but reflect on holidays past, and the holidays that will never be. Each November since I have been writing for the newsletter I have shared the following story. The story was in one of the many little booklets given to me by the hospital after Zackary died, and it has always helped me to remember the precious time we had with him, and be grateful for it. In this month of giving thanks, I know I am truly thankful to have each of you here, and I am thankful that we all have each other to turn to in our grief. I wish you all a peaceful and blessed Thanksgiving. Hugs to all, Krista, mom to Angel Zackary. "The Little While" by Darcie D. Sims. Many years ago as we faced our first bereaved Thanksgiving, I was worried. Our infant son had died in September and no one felt much like celebrating anything, let alone gathering family together to express our gratitude. Gratitude!!!! About what???? What on earth did we have to be thankful for? Our little guy had died after a horrible battle with a malignant brain tumor, leaving us exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. There was little to spend on a lavish meal, and I did not have the energy to even think about hosting a family gathering. But, despite our unwillingness to participate in the passing of days, Thanksgiving did arrive and we did have a small family dinner. I think the turkey was dry, the mashed potatoes lumpy and I'm not sure we even had rolls. I set the table with our best crystal and china in a weak attempt at being "festive", but the only thing sparkling during that meal were our tears. It is a tradition in our family to have the youngest at the table say the blessing, so it fell the our five year old daughter, Alicia, to find some words of thanksgiving. I was almost glad it wasn't my task to speak of gratitude when there simply wasn't any to be found around our table! How awful of me, a grown woman, to wish such a job onto a five year old! Alicia refused to accept her assignment. She refused in the manner of many 5 year olds and it became a battleground between mother and daughter, adult and child. She simply looked at me and said what we all felt, "What's there to be thankful for this year?" We argued intensely, and her refusal guaranteed the silence I dreaded. I knew this year's celebration would not be survivable. Her stormy face told me to forgo the family blessing. We ate in grieving silence, each caught in our own web of stories, tears and sadness. About halfway through the meal, however, Alicia announced that she would say "something" at dessert. I wasn't sure what "something" meant, but I figured dessert was something to be thankful for! As the pie was served, Alicia told everyone to "hold hands like the Waltons". Slowly, awkwardly, painfully, we reached across our grief and clasped hands, forming a family circle around our table. Alicia bowed her head, took a deep breath and in her five year old voice brought us the light... "Thanks God, for the little while." In our grief we had focused on what we had lost and worried about how we would survive another day. Alicia, with the wisdom reserved only for children, understood better than any adult around that table the gift her brother had given us and the gift for which we are forever grateful...the little while.
It’s hard to believe that it’s November already and another Thanksgiving is upon us. I used to love the holiday with all the family home, cooking all day, parades, football and eating. But not any more. Thanksgiving was Jill’s favorite holiday, even more than Christmas and now that she is not here to share it with us I just can’t seem to enjoy it like I used to. It’s good having family together and be reminded that they miss her too but they can’t make my pain go away and I realize again that I have had to find a new normal way to celebrate. I will go through the motions as usual but my heart will always ache missing her at the table. I have chosen to continue to spend Thanksgiving as we always have, at home. But maybe you may choose to completely change your traditions to something totally different like going away to keep old memories from opening new wounds. It’s been seven years and I still want to scream, why? I know it is a day to give thanks for what we have, and I am thankful for the many blessings in my life but I will always wonder why all of us have to live through the holidays without our children. However you spend your Thanksgiving this year, talk about your loss, ask for help from your family and remember that others have experienced the same pain and are surviving. My wish for all of you this Thanksgiving is the same as what your angel would wish for you……peace and happiness wherever we can find it.
Change
There is so much talk about change these days. Just because things change, doesn’t mean there is an improvement. I am on my fifth boss in three years and I for one, am tired of change. The tenth person in my 30+ person office left today and I am trying hard to think things will be positive for her, but wondering how this change made my life better. The notion that change can make the sun shine more brightly or my bank account less poor, seems naïve. I have lived through many changes and many I could do without.
My life changed in 1997 when my mother died. She was the most wonderful Mom and I will never know another person like her. My dad died in 2000. That changed what was left of my family and made me an orphan. My son Mike died in 2001 and I would just plain like to roll back the hands of time. Is that change? I think it is yearning for a familiar and comfortable time.
I have seen my body change. No matter what I do, the firm body I once had, has been changed into something even my mother wouldn’t be caught dead in. My husband has changed-he used to have 20-20 vision. He has been wearing glasses for about four years and yearning for the time when he had 20-20 vision. His hair is thinning and gray and his tummy isn’t as tight as it once was either. I am purchasing anti-aging creams that I hope are helping, but not totally preventing change.
I would like to return to a time when change was something you got from a purchase or could actually be used to make the purchase. I think that I have had enough change.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana's Memory Lane
Through sharing our memories
It keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
They help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
We always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
The ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
alexchristopher.memory-of.com
Well another year has come and gone and another Thanksgiving is upon us. For us Moms who have lost children it is a very hard and difficult time for us to be thankful. This will make my 4th Thanksgiving without Travis and the pain is still so raw and unbearable at times I don't know if I can go another step. But walk I do as all of us do and say a little prayer of Thanksgiving for the family I still have here with me. I also am very thankful for the 26 Thanksgivings I had with Travis and all the memories he left me of "turkey day". I would like to wish everyone a peaceful Thanksgiving Day and one filled with happy memories of years past. Please make loving memories of the ones to come. For without memories what would we have to hold onto with our very heart and soul? God Bless All...
This month Angel Mom Pam has shared a memory of her Freddy with us. I know she is without her computer at this time but hopeful she will be able to get a chance to see the newsletter. Thanks Pam for your memory!
Freddy was little. Maybe 5 or so. He was never known to keep his Mouth shut even at that early of an age. When Fred & I worked, his Grandma would keep him. I went over to pick him up one day and we Were sitting at the table talking. Freddy was busy playing with his Beloved Hot Wheels on the floor. It was time to get going so we Collected his zillion Hot Wheels and got ready to say bye. He stood There for a minute looked at Grandma and then at me. Quiet...quiet Was NEVER good with Freddy. Then out of the blue he says, "Grandma Why do you have cracks in your face? Mom doesn't." OMG! I couldn't Help but bust out laughing, even Grandma smiled and Freddy said, "See, See when she smiles her face cracks more!"
From then on wrinkles were not wrinkles, they were and always will be Cracks in my face.
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Thanks Diana
For instructions to Gourd Candles, click here: Gourd Candles
For instructions to Gourd Turkey, click here: Gourd Turkey
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Got leftover turkey????
Thanksgiving Leftover Csserole
Ingredients
Leftover Mashed Potatoes
Leftover Stuffing
Leftover Turkey
Leftover gravy
Directions
Depending on how many people will be eating this will decide the size. You can use a 9x13 pan or you could use a 8x8 or even a meatloaf pan if its just 2-3 people.
Spray the pan with a little cooking spray.
Cover bottom of pan with stuffing, add chunks of turkey over the stuffing,( this is a great time to use that dark turkey meat up in our home!) drizzle with a little gravy, add mounds of mashed potatoes, cover with more stuffing and drizzle with more gravy and bake at 350 degrees for about 30-40 minutes....until its heated through and the stuffing is browned.
This can be made up Thanksgiving Day while putting all the leftovers away. Just added this all in the pan and covered it and put it in the frig. The next day just pop it in the oven.
Turkey Enchiladas
Ingredients
1 (10 oz.) can enchilada sauce
1 (15.5 oz) can dark red kidney beans, drained, rinsed
8 (6") corn tortillas
1 cup shredded cooked turkey
3 oz. (3/4 cup) shredded taco flavored cheese
Directions Spray 13 x 9" (3 quart) baking dish with nonstick cooking spray; spray sheet of foil cut slightly larger than baking dish. Set aside.
Reserve 1/3 cup of enchilada sauce. In medium saucepan, combine remaining enchilada sauce and beans; cook over medium heat until thoroughly heated.
Soften tortillas according to package directions. Place 1/8 of turkey on each tortilla; top each with 1/8 of bean mixture. Sprinkle each with 1 tbsp. cheese. Roll up each tortilla; place seam down in prepared baking dish. Top with reserved 1/3 cup enchilada sauce; sprinkle with remaining cheese. Cover dish with spray coated foil.
Bake at 300 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes or until cheese is melted.
Turkey Pot Pie With Cornbread Topping
Ingredients:
1 can cream of mushroom soup, undiluted (approximately 10.5 ounces)
1 cup milk
1 cup frozen peas, cooked
1 tablespoon chopped pimiento
2 cups cubed cooked turkey
3/4 cup sifted all-purpose flour
3/4 cup cornmeal
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup shortening
1 egg, lightly beaten
3/4 cup milk
Preparation:
In a saucepan over medium-low heat, heat soup, milk, peas, pimiento, and turkey. Transfer to shallow 2-quart baking dish. Mix together flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt; cut in shortening. Mix egg and milk together; add to dry ingredients; mix well with a fork. Pour over turkey mixture. Bake at 425° for 20 to 25 minutes.
I would like to share with everyone about a book entitled "Journeys Of Love Voices Of The Heart" which was written by a co-worker of mine. Rose and her friend Hillery decided to find people who would and needed to share a life story. It could be about love, family, loss, inspiration, faith, etc. They sucessed and the book was printed. I am one of the writers in this book. I have gone to book signings with Rose and have also read my story at book signings. That was very hard to do through the tears. I was able to get through it with the love and support of everyone there who knew me and my angel Kristin. Especially Rose.
I would like you to share this web-site so lots of other angelmoms could order and see for themselves the stories that tell about love, hope faith, inspiration, etc. It will touch your heart.
www.hillabeesandroses.com
Linda Amil
On Losing a Child
Written by Kailah Eglington
My daughter would have been 22 today had she lived.
For anyone who has lost a child, and I myself have lost two, the pain, anger and sorrow don't become any less sharp. Those feelings may take a back seat to the inevitable everyday tasks and duties that we must carry out, but I find the smallest reminder can easily bring them to the forefront again. For me, it is birthdays or holidays, a certain child's cry, baby booties or a child s eyes looking into mine.
I used to ask myself if it was wrong to continue to feel the grief so deeply until I met another woman who had also lost a child. She, too, had the same conflicts of emotion: the need to "get on with life" and "snap out of it" versus the need to keep our children's memories alive.
When we lose a child, especially if it is sudden and unexpected, it is as if a part of us dies, too. There is a strong connection with our children which starts from the time a single seed is fertilised and becomes a living being. For mothers, there is no relationship more intimate that that of a woman with her unborn child during pregnancy.
Because of this, we feel our children's every hurt, we instinctively know what they need, and we live to protect them. When they die, the loss of this "human" connection can bring on the most terrible kind of grief. Because we feel that we must "move on", many of us keep this grief internally, afraid to admit that it doesn't get any better.
Having said that, there are ways of managing the pain and grief, so that it doesn't overwhelm your life and does allow you to move on. Here are the things that I found helped (and continue to help) me:
Grieve. I was unable to grieve properly for 13 years, until I went to Cruse, a bereavement society specialising in grief counselling. It is OK to grieve and there need be no time limit to your grief. Grieving is healthy and it helps you to rationalise your feelings.
Talk about it. You may feel that you don't want to talk to people because you don't want them to feel uncomfortable. However, not talking about your child may make you as if they never existed or were no longer a part of your life—and they are!
One of my greatest achievements was when someone asked me how many children I had and I said 3, but 2 died. Previously, I would have said 1. Yes, there may be an awkward moment on the part of the listener, but to me, I have acknowledged all my children. Once it becomes apparent that I am not uncomfortable discussing it, the listener will relax too and the awkwardness will pass—for both of you!
If you keep your child's spirit alive, you will keep yourself alive and your emotions balanced. Talk about your child, what they did, how they looked, their favourite toy, what they might have been like now. You will find the memories uplifting and your child will continue to be a part of your family. More importantly, you may find that the grieving process becomes easier.
I am not saying that we should build a shrine for a lost child, but by the same token, I personally believe that it is unhealthy to simply stop talking about them.
Take the good days with the bad. Even years and years following the death of your child, you will have your good and bad days. This is normal—we are not super women, we are human. When I woke up this morning, I said "It's Jennifer's birthday. She would have been 22 today" and I cried a deep, soul-wrenching cry. Then I talked about her. It helped a lot.
When you have a very bad day, keep busy. You may find that making something your child would have liked, then donating it to a hospice or charity might help. Bake some cookies and take them to an old people's home. Be with people. It's OK to lean on others when you need to.
Don't forget your other children. It is easy to become so overwhelmed with grief, that your other children take a backseat to the child that died. For me, I was consumed with fear that something might happen to my son as well. I was afraid to get too close to him, for fear that he would die too, and I couldn't bear to go through that again. It is important to remember that our living children still need us, more than before. As adults, we understand what has happened; it is not so easy for a child, who could believe that it was their fault a brother or sister died.
Part of the healing process is learning to live amongst the living again.
Talk to your children.
Explain what has happened.
Let them know that it was not their fault.
Let them know that you are hurting and help them understand that it is OK for them to hurt as well.
Let them talk about their brother or sister freely and try to answer their questions openly and honestly.
Tell them how important they are to you.
Accept and be Blameless. This is the hardest thing of all. You may not accept that they had to die, but learn to accept that they did. One thing we will never know the answer to is why it had to be our child, so tormenting ourselves with "what if" and "if only" will only cause unnecessary and unhealthy guilt.
Accept that what has come to pass cannot be changed.
Accept that it is you who are still living and live.
Accept that life can be too short and live each day as if it is your last.
Accept that it is OK to grieve and lean on people when you need to.
Get counselling if you are not coping.
Most importantly, don't insulate yourself from your family and friends, for they still need you.
Happy Birthday, Jennifer! We love you very much!
I am not a qualified counsellor or doctor. What I have said in the article is based on my own experience and may be different for everyone. If you are not sure how to cope with the loss of your child, talk to your doctor.
Grief Support In the UK Cruse is a national voluntary organisation, which offers a free, confidential bereavement counselling service to people of all age groups. To find a local branch, telephone their London office: +020 8850 0505
On the Internet GriefNet.org is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief, death, and major loss. They have 37 e-mail support groups and two web sites.
For kids in grief, KIDSAID provides a safe environment for kids to share and help each other deal with their grief and their losses.
Other help: To find bereavement counselling in your area, check your Yellow Pages or ask your doctor.
Copyright © 2002 by Kailah Eglington. All rights reserved.
About the author: Kailah Eglington is a writer, designer and photographer who was disabled in a life altering accident in March 2000. Being housebound until recently, she taught herself web design and launched Kailah's Korner in January 2002, a place to celebrate being a woman.
Some Links To Share
A Friendship Prayer
The Comfort Company
Personalized Memorial Ornament
Baby Footprints Memorial Ornaments
The caterpillar dies so the butterfly could be born.
And, yet, the caterpillar lives in the butterfly and
they are but one. So, when I die, it will be that I
have been transformed from the caterpillar of earth to
the butterfly of the universe.
-- John Harricharan --
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Angel Moms Newsletter-November Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda
Angel Moms Web Site
