This issue of the Angel Moms newsletter is dedicated to all mothers who have lost children.
This month's Featured Mom is Donna Adkins
SISTERS OF MY HEARTMy name is Donna Adkins. I am 49 years old and live in Indianapolis Indiana. I started this journey we all share on August 31, 2005.
I was the 3rd daughter born to Tom and Jan Mcallister on December 26, 1958. My parents have told me they had a choice as to which day I would be born because I was 4 weeks late already! I weighed in at 9 pounds. I`m happy they didn't choose Christmas Day. I was raised knowing our Lord in a family of six children; 5 girls and one boy. We are a very close-knit family and for that I am very greatful!
Two months after graduating from high school I went to work for Jenn- Air, Corporation and spent the next 19 years and 7 months employed there. In 1980 I met Bruce Schumacher and we married in 1981. We had two children. Lindsay DeAnn was born Febuary 6, 1982 and Paul William was born March 10, 1984.
Bruce decided to leave us in Sept 1989 and that is when I became a single parent. I was deeply saddened that he chose not to be an active participant in his childrens lives, in spite of the fact that he lived literally one block from our home. Bruce died of a massive heart attack on November 26, 2004. He was only 47 years old. My son Paul was there with him and called 911. Bruce had only in recent years decided to be in Lindsay and Pauls lives. I am so grateful they had these few precious years and the oppertunity to mend some of the damaged emotions caused by those many years of seperation with there father! One thing is even though Lins got the chance to try and mend her chance with her dad it is still haunting her to this day.
I met my current husband, Johnny Adkins in September 1996, only 2 weeks before Jenn-Air closed their doors and we all lost our jobs. On July 13, 1999 we were blessed with our grandson Dayon and on November 29, 2006 our granddaughter Lexi!! They are the joy of our lives! We married August 13, 2003 almost 7 years later. I thank the Lord for the love and support of my husband, who, while not a biological parent to Paul, shares with me the pain and loss of my angel.
On August 31, 2005 I lost my only son Paul. He was 21 years old and 1,000 miles away from home, in college. He died on a motorcycle in Daytona Beach Florida, at 9 pm. We were awakened at 1:45 am by the Indiana State Police, here to tell me my son was gone! The worst night of my life, and so began my journey none of us want to be on. In early December 2005 my sister Darlene found ANGEL MOMS for me on the internet. It has truly been a life-saver for me. I dont know how I could have made it until now, without each and everyone of you! I credit my sanity to finding the group and all the love and support you and my family have given me. Thankyou all for this oppertunity to share my story with you.
May GOD Bless you all !!!
Love Donna Angel Paul's Mom
Paul's Web Site
I was thinking of you today
And how painful it might be
To have lived through the death of your child
When that was never the way
You saw their life to be
On this day when children honor their mother-
Though they are not here to tell you
Always their mother, you shall be
For though your child has died before you,
So painful to imagine.
Your child lives on within you,
And to all who know you well.
The light of your child will always
Return to touch you;
And in a quiet voice, whisper words of love.
This is not a mother's day you ever planned.
That sorrow and loss, I respect.
Words do not say enough.
My thoughts are with you on a day
Of sadness and memories,
For you, their mother.
Borrowed from www.goodmouurningcards.com
I thought about what I could write about in this newsletter and I was thinking back a few days ago when I was sitting on my sons front porch talking to him about Tiffany's funeral. He was telling me things about how I was during the funeral, things I couldn't remember even now after 7 years. I thought that writing this would help other mothers that are going though that first year without their children and knowing what you are going though is normal after losing a child. When you lose a child you go into shock, you never thought that this would happen to your child so your body has it's on defense mechanism and that part kicks in you go though the motions of planning the funeral, with help of family you get through the funeral in a daze and the next few weeks are a blur. You may remember some of the funeral but there will be things your mind will block out. Don't be afraid if your memory isn't the same it is just your body protecting you.There maybe things that come back to you and some things that may never come back to you. I would say even now my memory isn't as good as it was before I lost Tiffany. Just know if you experiencing any memory loss that it is normal. I wanted to wish you all a very peaceful Mothers day. I know Mothers day is very hard. And my thoughts and prayers are with all my Angel Mom sisters.
This month, we celebrate Mother's Day, a special day set aside for moms, even us Moms who have lost children. I know for a lot of you it is hard to even think of celebrating this day. But no matter where our children are, or how long we had them, they are still our children, we are still their Moms and that is something to celebrate.
Some moms never had a Mother's Day with their child, some had one, some a few and some had many. I am very fortunate and had 19 of them with Shane.
I have many special gifts from him, some home made and some bought, all of them very dear to me. One I have sitting here beside me is a musical that plays "Love Story." It is a tall glass box on a wooden base and has three red silk roses in it. The roses are different sizes, the top one is a bud just beginning to open, this one makes me think of Shane's birth. A beautiful little bud given to me, to nurture and watch grow. The next one is a rose half opened, to me it represents the years I had with Shane, growing and sharing, loving, laughing and looking forward to the future. The third rose is big and fully bloomed, to me this one is Shane and his life. Some people may say he never fully bloomed on this earth because he left it when he was only 19 years old, he still had a lot of life to live. But to me he did fully bloom, he came here and did what he was that he was supposed to do, he touched many lives, he left his mark on this world. I know there is a fourth rose, I just cannot see it, I imagine it to be more beautiful than anything I can describe, it is Shane's rose gracing God's garden........
I see roses for all of your children too, we have the most beautiful rose garden in Heaven and someday, we will walk through it with our children....
I give you all this rose in memory of our precious children.
Wishing you all a peaceful Mother's Day....
Hello Angel Mom Sisters! So it is May, and another Mother’s Day will soon be here. And for us, Mother’s Day is entirely different. It is another reminder of our loss, of the Mother’s Day cards we will no longer receive, or of the little gifts made at preschool that will never be proudly presented to us. It is another reminder that, no matter how much we tried, our children are not here. Mother’s guilt is a very strong emotion, and I think we feel it more than any other moms on the planet. We all keep going back to the time leading up to moment our children left us, and go over it again and again, trying to find something that we could have done to somehow save them. We think to ourselves “I am their mother, and it’s my job to protect my child from illness or injury, and I have failed.” But the truth is that we all did the best we could with the tools we had at the time, and we have not failed in being the “World’s Best Moms” to our angels. Simply by being here together, and standing beside each other, we continue to be the best moms we can be for our children. I am sure that there will be many angels hanging around this Mother’s Day, so watch for a sign from your angel. They will be there, sending each of us a special angel kiss to say “Thank you for being my Mom”. I wish you all a very blessed and peaceful Mother’s Day!
Hugs and Prayers to all of you,
Krista, angel Zackary’s mom
May is one of the hardest months for us grieving moms to get through. Of course I’m referring to Mother’s Day. The day when most people celebrate and receive gifts of love from their children. Even if we have surviving children, we can’t help but miss the ones we’ve lost. So I would like to share an article about coping and hope it helps you in some way. I wish you all a blessed and peace filled Mother’s Day.
There is no right or wrong way to handle Mother's Day. It is a difficult day for any mother to face without her child or for any child to face without their mother. Some people may find it helpful to go away on a mini-weekend trip, totally avoiding any church services, special meals, or family gatherings that they feel will be too hard to attend. While difficult to experience, allowing yourself to grieve is important. Do not be afraid to deviate from the norm of tradition and make this a day of new beginnings if this is what you feel is right for you. Some mothers and children find comfort in choosing to do something special in memory of their loved one such as take a walk in a quiet place, read a special poem, or even release a balloon in memory of their mother or child. Many choose to use Mother's day as a special day to plant a flower or a tree in memory of the person who has died. Seeing something growing is often a visible reminder of the ongoing love a mother and child have for each other. Some prefer to spend time "with their loved ones" by visiting gravesites, bringing flowers, and dedicating time to special memories.
Whatever you choose to do, remember not to set expectations too high for the day. Plan something that is healing for you, but realize that you will still experience a wide range of emotions. Grief is exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, so be sure to eat nutritious foods for the day, hydrate yourself with lots of fluids, and allow yourself time to rest and be replenished. Grief work is hard work – so acknowledge that and give yourself some extra care and attention.
By planning ahead for Mother's Day, you will be better able to handle and manage the difficult emotions you are likely to experience on such a day of remembrance. Telling others that this is going to be a difficult day for you is also a good way of building a support system around you. Others can check in on you throughout the day, or provide support and comfort – or maybe just some company throughout the day. Be gentle to yourself; make allowances to do whatever makes you most comfortable on that day. Remember that while loss may never get easy, it can get easier. You will "get through it" and with that will come inner strength and a reserve of peace and joy.
The Anniversary May 2008 Mike’s Anniversary is approaching and I would like to wrestle it to the ground. I have had quite enough. May 14, 2008 will mark the seventh year since he was alive. Thank God, it is not Mother’s Day this year. I cannot believe that so much time has passed since he hugged me or we talked. I must try to listen for him in everyday things. I am straining my ears trying to hear his voice, but I don’t hear it.
Mike was always the Mayor. People of all ages gravitated to him and everyone in our family valued his friendship, opinion and wisdom. He was fun and funny. I can only imagine what he would be like today. I have watched his three brothers grow-they are all amazing. They have all become wonderful young men and I am sure that Mike would be equally mature, focused and wonderful. I would really like to sit and talk to a 27 year old Mike about politics, literature and whether or not I should run in the Marathon again. However, it is only possible in my dreams and I rarely dream. Sometimes, it seemed as if he had an old soul. Maybe he suspected that 20 years would be all that there would be.
It is so important to talk about him though. I sat with Chris one night and he asked me what had taken his brother. I was shocked. Had I not mentioned it to the 17 year old Chris at the time? Did I not explain all of the tests he and Matt underwent? Maybe not. Maybe I had tried to protect them from the possibility that they could follow in his brother’s footsteps. It had taken five months to receive the autopsy report and many more months to complete the testing.. I guess I didn’t want to talk about it then. What could I accomplish?
I keep listening for Mike’s voice. Sometimes, I think I have forgotten some of the nuances and confuse his voice with Matt’s. But it would only take one “Now, that’s what I am talking about!”, for me to know without question that he was nearby. If I am struggling, his father and brothers may be struggling as well. How can I make his voice heard, when he cannot speak? How can I preserve his voice for the ages, when I am struggling now? I have to listen with my heart, but unfortunately my heart is broken. We have to speak for him, as we think he would want. It is not the same.
Diana's Memory Lane
Through sharing our memories
It keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
They help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
We always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
The ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
alexchristopher.memory-of.com
I would like to wish all the Moms a very peaceful Mother's Day. This will be my 4th Mother's Day without Travis and seeing him come in the back of the Church and start walking down the aisle towards the pew. He always was late and I would be in the choir singing when I would see that door open and in he walked. After he got older he always made sure no matter where he had spent the night before he would be in Church with me on Mother's Day. I found this poem and I would like to share it with all you Moms and tell you how much each of you mean to me..Love you!!
No Love like a Mother's Love
There is no love, like a mother's love,
No stronger bond on earth...
Like the precious bond that comes from God,
To a mother, when she gives birth.
A mother's love is forever strong,
Never changing for all time...
And when her Children need her most
A Mother's love will shine.
God bless these special mothers,
God bless them every one...
For all the tears and heartache,
And for the special work they've done.
When her days on earth are over,
A mother's love lives on...
Through many generations,
With God's blessings on each one.
Be thankful for our mothers,
For they love with a higher love...
From the power God has given,
And the strength from up above.
By: Jill Lemming
This Month Angel Mom Laurie is sharing a memory of Angel Jill with us..thanks Laurie
Jill was getting ready for her senior prom. It was April of 1999. She was doing her nails at my living room coffee table and of course this requires the use of nail polish and polish remover. Without thinking, she put a cotton ball with remover on it down on the wood table and of course it marred the finish. She looked at me with dread in her eyes and my first instinct was to be mad at her but she looked so beautiful with her hair done up I didn't have the heart to say anything other than, I'll try and fix it. To this day it is still marred the way it was that night and it will be forever. And looking back, I'm so glad I didn't yell at her for that because little did I know she would be diagnosed with leukemia two months later. How I wish she could be here to do it again.
Jill's Page
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Thanks Diana
Click here for windchime instructions: Terra Cotta Pot Windchime
Click here for dragonfly instructions: Clay Pot Dragonflies
How to Celebrate Mother's Day After the Death of a Child
By eHow Holidays & Celebrations Editor
Sometimes the world doesn't turn like we think it should. That's the way it looks to a parent whose child has died. To those parents or those mothers being able to get through a day that is supposed to be a happy day of celebration, Mother's Day, it can be an emotionally painful ordeal. Use the following suggestions to guide yourself or another mother who has lost a child to try to find ways to celebrate on Mother's Day.
Step1: Remind yourself that you are a mother even if your child has died. Especially if it was your only child, the loss of a child, no matter what age, is devastating. Concentrate on the good times you had with your child or baby and not on the death. Plan ahead of time what you want to accomplish on Mother's Day to honor your child. Don't wait until the day as it will be too emotional. Planning ahead is the key to getting through the day and feeling better about it each time you do it.
Step2: Put some photos together to hang or display in your home. Select photos that bring a smile to your face. Go a step further and compile a scrapbook of all the special times and memories with your child. This may be difficult at first to get started, but as you move along with the project, it should give you a sense of joy and comfort to honor your child this way.
Step3: Join support groups that specialize in parents that have lost a child. You will meet other parents and mothers that have lost a child or baby. No one understands better than someone who knows the pain that you feel. Plan to celebrate Mother's Day as a group to support each other.
Step4: Make a donation to an organization that helped your child while they were still alive, maybe a hospital, a library or a church that offered support. Do something positive for another child as a remembrance for your deceased child, especially if it is a child who has lost its mother.
Step5: Plant a tree on Mother's Day to watch it grow through the years. Take your photo with the tree each year on Mother's Day as a remembrance of your child. Maybe you would prefer to grow a flower garden that would have many colorful blooms that would represent your child's favorite colors. Add a new plant to the garden each Mother's Day in remembrance.
Step6: Talk to a mother who has lost her child. Many times, people don't talk about the child that died and this makes the mother or parents very sad as they know that their child did exist. Just simply ask them if they would like to talk about their child. Some mothers may really want to talk about their children and others may not. Take the mother a plant or a Mother's Day card.
Step7: Concentrate on your other children on Mother's Day if you have other children. Write a poem together or plant a flower together and talk to them about their sibling as, no matter how young they are, they may feel the loss as well.
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Acts of Kindness for the month of April were presend to
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Chinese Marinated Pork
Prep: 5 min, Marinate: 1:00, Cook: 10 min.
For 4 servings:
1/4 cup Hoisin sauce
1/4 cup barbecue sauce
1 orange, juice and zest
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 piece fresh ginger root, 1-1/4 inch, grated
1 lb. pork tenderloin chops, cut into 1 inch cubes
Combine all ingredients, except pork, in a bowl and mix well. Stir in pork and marinate 1-2 hours. Remove pork from marinade. Heat a wok or heavy nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Stir-fry pork 7-8 minutes, or until just cooked through.
Chinese Vegetables
Prep: 15 min, Cook: 5 min.
For 4 servings:
1 Tbs. oil
1 onion, chopped
1 large carrots, grated
7 ounces snow peas, with ends trimmed
1 piece of cucumber, 2 inch, chopped
2 Tbs. soy sauce
2 tsp. lemon juice
1/2 tsp. sugar
salt and pepper
1/4 lb. bean sprouts
Heat oil in a large shallow pan. Add the onion, carrot, and snow peas and fry for 1-2 minutes. Add the cucumber and cook for an additional minute. Stir in the soy sauce, lemon juice, sugar, and salt and pepper to taste, and bean sprouts. Cook for 1-2 minutes and serve immediately. Serve with curly endive leaves if desired.
Egg Noodles with Ginger
Prep: 5 min, Cook: 10 min.
For 4 servings:
2 tsp. peanut oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 Tbs. fresh ginger, minced
3 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced crosswise
1/4 tsp. chili pepper flakes, crushed
1 lb. Chinese egg noodles
3 Tbs. cilantro or parsley, minced
Heat peanut oil in a wok or heavy nonstick skillet over high heat. Add garlic, ginger, scallions and chili pepper. Stir-fry 30 seconds or until fragrant. Remove from heat. Cook egg noodles in boiling water until al dente. Drain noodles and place in a serving bowl. Add ginger mixture and cilantro and toss.
Peanut Butter Cookies
Prep: 15 min, Cook: 10 min, plus chilling time.
For 4 servings:
3 cups quick or old fashioned oatmeal, uncooked
1-1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda
3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup peanut butter
1-1/2 cups brown sugar, firmly packed
1/3 cup water
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 cup granulated sugar
Combine first 3 ingredients in a bowl. Beat together butter and next 2 ingredients in another bowl until light and fluffy. Blend in water, egg and vanilla. Add dry ingredients and mix well. Chill dough about 1 hour. Preheat oven to 350°F. Shape dough to form 1 inch balls. Place on an ungreased cookie sheet and flatten with tines of a fork dipped in granulated sugar to form a crisscross pattern. Bake 9-10 minutes or until edges are golden. Cool 1 minute on cookie sheet and remove to wire cooling rack. Makes about 7 dozen cookies.
This recipe serves 24 people. Due to the nature of this recipe, it adjusts the number of servings in multiples of 24 only.
When Mothers Day Feels Empty
by Trudy P.
There are no words to completely describe what a mother feels when her child has died. She feels lost, abandoned, afraid, lonely, forgotten, and most of all empty. The emptiness is like none other because it is an emptiness of the heart. When a child dies, part of a mother's heart also dies.
Mother's Day is a traditional holiday that has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. We are bombarded with advertisements to take out mothers for a special dinner or buy Mother's Day flowers. For more than a month before Mother's Day, reminders are placed everywhere. It's impossible to pick up a newspaper, listen to the radio, or turn on the television without some kind of reminder of Mother's Day.
There are Mother's Day banquets, Mother's Day baby dedications at church, and special family gatherings to honor mothers. All of this is wonderful except for the mother that is grieving the loss of her child. For the grieving mother, every reminder of Mother's Day is like another wound to the heart. The hole in her heart caused by grief grows larger and larger with each reminder, and the emptiness feels darker and colder than she ever imagined possible. What is a grieving mother to do when there are so many reminders of the precious child she has lost?
Mother's Day is the only holiday that specifically uses the word mother, so there is no real way of avoiding this day. A grieving mother can, however, prepare for Mother's Day well in advance so that she knows how to avoid placing additional pain in her life.
Remember that Mother's Day is not a holiday that has to be celebrated. If a grieving mother does not want to attend a banquet, or watch baby dedications at church, or see special family gatherings at restaurants, then she has the right to choose not to participate in these events without feeling guilty. Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all on Mother's Day, and that is fine. Grief follows no rules and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Explain to others that this day is painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is very healing and helpful, especially during such a difficult day as Mother's Day.
Do what feels right for you. Maybe that means taking a mini trip away where nobody knows you. Maybe it is staying at home. Perhaps a walk in the woods or a walk along the sandy beach would help you during this empty time. Journal your thoughts. Release a balloon. Or, maybe you want to avoid Mother's Day altogether. You know what feels best for your heart, and giving yourself permission to do what is right for you can be the most healing thing of all.
Lastly, remind yourself often that you will not always feel this empty. With each passing day new hope will enter your empty heart until one day you will wake up to realize that the empty hole is beginning to fill with some joy. Mother's Day is only one day. With a little bit of preparation you can make it through, and you will have walked one more step in your journey of healing!
Clara Hinton Author
Hi moms, I am Donna ^I^ Paul's momma. Angel Moms has a penpal program that we encourage all that may be interested to check into. It is a list of moms and their information, along with their angels info. Moms that may need more than just the group emails. Since taking over the program I have found most new moms reach out to this. As I felt when I joined it can be overwhelming. This is a chance for them to ease into the group. For me when I was asked to take over the penpals, all I could think was how I want each mom to have someone to talk too. I/We encourage all members to visit this link often, as we all know we get new moms almost eveyday. It is forever changing. I believe there's a mom for all of us!!
For more info, contact me at Indidonna58@aol.com
Thank you, Donna ^i^ Paul's Mom
Some Links To Share
The Last Lecture | Randy Pausch
Mother's Day Poems and Quotes
Mother's With Angels Poems
Child Loss Keepsakes
Grief never ends, but it changes.
It is a passage, not a place to stay.
The sense of loss must give way
if we are to value the life that was lived.
– Author unknown -
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Angel Moms Newsletter-May Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda, Natalie
Angel Moms Web Site
