This month's Featured Mom is Karen Miller
Hi! My name is Karen and my angel's name is Jason and I am very honored to be chosen as Angel Mom of the month!! Guess I will tell you a little about myself. I live in Seattle (actually Kent) Washington. I have three sons, Christopher (29), Jason (forever 22) and Travis (25) I have five awesome grandsons, Alex, Jason's little boy (7), Jason and Gregory (3), Anthony (11 months) and little Benny (8 months). Yep I have my hands full LOL My bestfriend and soul mate is Wade.My nightmare began in August of 2000, Jason was burnt (2nd and 3rd degree burns) at work over 25% of his body. The drain had malfunctioned and backed up, he didn't see the sheen it had left on the floor, he was carrying a five gallon pot of boiling french onion soup. He spent two and a half months in the burn unit (skin grafts etc). While he was there he was given huge doses of morphine to get through the scrubbings he had daily. To make a long story short, he was addicted when he left. In fact, he was so sick when I brought him home, that I had to take him back for two weeks to get him off the stuff. So I guess that was the beginning of the end, the demons of addiction had got my sweet boy....May 5, 2003, Jason aspirated, he was on life support for two days. He had chosen to be an organ donor, I had to say goodbye on May 7, 2003......
I found Angel Moms in March of 2005. I went through the first two years in a fog (denial) after Jason's passing and then boom, the reality of him really being gone hit me like a train. One day I was talking to Wade's cousin Evie L., mom to Angel Kala and she told me about Angel Moms. I am so grateful to her, for to be honest, I don't know where I would be without all of you.. I have been so blessed to meet some of my Angel Mom sisters in person! I am forever in debt to Miss Judi and Angel Shane for starting this group.........I love you all.
To My Mother
I see you each time you shed a tear,
I catch it and kiss you, I hope that you know that I'm near.
This place is so beautiful, There's so much to see!
I know that someday you'll be here with me.
The angels were singing when I arrived!
Jesus was there with His arms open wide!
The snow and the rain are just my confetti.
I know you'll be coming and I want to be ready.
When you feel the wind, it's me walking by.
I can run and skip now, I can even fly!
When the blossoms and leaves fall into your hair,
It's me planting kisses, yes, I put them there!
The birds are singing to keep you company,
They're especially for you with love from me.
I know that you miss me and feel so alone,
Until the great day when you finally come home
Please remember as the seasons change from one to another,
I'll always love you. You're my friend and my mother.
Dawn Mitchell 1998
Learning to live again after the loss of a child
When Tiffany passed away almost 7 years ago the thought of going on with day to day living seemed impossible. I was over my head in grief my heart was broken and I didn't know how to get up and keep going. All I could do was lay in bed and cry. I had to pull myself out of bed and try to take care of the day to day things and it was sooo hard. I took little steps to make it though each day. I went back to work a week after Tiffany passed and only because my very dear friend and boss pulled me out of the house and brought me to work. She would sit there with me at work and let me cry on her shoulder she was there for me and helped me so much. As the weeks went by I cried a little less but then would come the wave of grief and I would be back at that horrible place called grief. As months went by things would get a little bit easier but then fall back down again. Before I knew it it was a year and I thought the first year was bad the second year was awful too. By the 3rd year I was learning how to live with the pain but I still had my fall backs and getting though the special dates were very hard. In April my daughter will be gone for 7 years. Wow 7 years that's hard to believe. So long since I have seen her pretty face and heard her voice, but my memories are very much alive of her. I still even after 7 years have my bad moments and I miss her and always will. I know in my heart I will see her again and what a beautiful reunion that will be. Now I feel I have so much to live for , I have a loving husband and 2 sons and 2 grandsons and wonderful friends I have meet here in the Angel mom group that are my life line.
The Grief Journey
In the beginning, it was so hard for me to believe that this had happened to my family, my son. Murder happens to other people. In the beginning, I didn't believe I could survive the pain, didn't believe I would laugh again, find joy in life again, even want to live again. I clung to my grief, feeling that it kept me closer to Shane, I wanted to feel the sharp pain. When I did have days that I didn't cry, I was upset, I felt that if I didn't cry and hurt, it meant I must not have loved Shane as much as I should have, I felt guilty, I felt maybe I was getting over "it" and I didn't want to. I did things to torture myself, to bring the sharp pain back. But in time, I realized I was not getting over it and I did love Shane with all my heart, but I was learning to survive and live with the pain, but I never will get over it. Even today, ten years later, I have days where the pain is so bad and all I can do is cry, I ache with missing Shane. I know now that these days will pass and tomorrow will be better, but I also know for the rest of my life, I will still have days like this.
At first, I had people helping me and I clung to them giving nothing in return, I felt sorry for myself. In time though, I found myself wanting to reach out and help others, to give back what was given to me. I found out in helping others, I was helping myself to heal. Besides, Shane was a giving and caring person, he wasn't here any more, but what better way to honor his memory than to live the way he did and to give the way he did. I wanted him to be proud of me......
I am a different person now than I was before I lost Shane. In a lot of ways, the new Judi is better than the old one. I don't take life for granted any more and I know now what the really important things are. Sure wish I could have learned this a different way.....
This grief journey has not been easy, I have stumbled and fell many times (and I still do). But I know I am not alone, there are a lot of us moms walking this path and we can help each other along.
I know there will be sadness and tears, it is part of my life now. But I also look back and see how far I have come and the accomplishments I have made, the difference I have made in the lives of others and I know I owe it all to a very special person, my guiding light, my Angel, my son, Shane. I have taken what he taught me in life and am using it to live my life now......... So my message to all new moms is, you can do it, I was once right where you are. I am not saying it's easy, but it will not always hurt as much as it does today. In time, you will smile again, laugh again and find joy in life again (I know, you're probably saying yea right, she's crazy. I said the same thing too when I was told that :o) ) But it is true, but for now, just take it one day at a time, don't look into the future and let others who know and share your pain help you. Never be afraid to share something you think may make you look crazy, because I can assure you, there is another grieving mom who has felt the very same way. By reaching out and sharing our pain, we can survive it.
Hello friends and Angel Mom sisters! Is it spring yet?? There is no sign of it at my house yet. I think the winter blues may affect people like us who are grieving much more thanOthers. I find myself actually physically craving sunshine. I will open up the curtains even on the coldest days to let in the sunshine, and sit facing the light, feeling the warmth of it. I often think that this is maybe a fraction of what the light and warmth of heaven might be like.
As I sit in my favorite chair in the sunlight, I am often reading a good book. I am a bookworm. If I want to know about something, I will search out as many books as I can on the subject. When Zackary was diagnosed prenatally with a congenital heart defect, I headed straight to the library. When we found out he had Down Syndrome – library! And when he left us, I devoured book after book on child loss. So, this leads me to my topic this month. A few recent posts have suggested some wonderful books on grieving, so I thought I would offer a few more suggestions. Most of the ones I have read dealt specifically with infant loss, but there are so many that are universal, and offer support no matter what age your child may have been when they died. There are hundreds of them out there, and here are just a few. If you are a bookworm like me, I hope these books are able to help you in your healing.
Many hugs to you all,
Krista, angel Zackary’s mom
“Waiting for Gabriel; the story of cherishing a baby’s brief life” by Amy Kuebelbeck.
“Empty Cradle, Broken Heart” by Deborah L. Davis
“Safe in the arms of God: Truth from Heaven about the death of a child” by John MacArthur
“Love, Mom: A Mother’s journey from Loss to Hope” by Cynthia Baseman
“A broken heart still beats: After your child dies” by Anne McCracken and Mary Semel
“On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
For surviving siblings
“We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead” by Pat Schwiebert “Stacy had a little sister” by Wendie C. Old
“Where’s Jess?: for children who have a brother or sister die” by Marvin and Joy Johnson
For Dads
“A guide for fathers: When a baby dies” by Time Nelson
I just learned something new. March 5th is “Say Hi To Mom Day”. So I encourage all of you who are fortunate enough to still have your mom here on earth with you to call her and say hi or meet with her, give her a hug and say hi. But to all of us here at Angel Moms, this day could take on a whole different meaning. I know up in heaven, our angels know everything that goes on with us down here on earth so they must know what March 5th represents. So let’s all keep an open mind, be extra alert and attentive on that day and maybe your angel will find a way to say hello to you. It may be very subtle so watch for a crooked picture on the wall or their favorite song may come on the radio. Maybe your lights will flicker or you will smell their cologne. Whatever the sign, I hope we all get one from our angels this month. If you do, they will be saying “hi mom”!
“The tie which links mother and child is of such pure and immaculate strength as to be never broken”
Souvenirs
Matt and I headed to the snow of Vermont, during winter break, he leading the way. While he has enjoyed skiing most winters, he said he wanted to try snowboarding. We had never been to Okemo Mountain Resort in Ludlow, VT, but it was a destination many of his friends had recommended. So, grumbling slightly because I was not looking forward to a five hour drive each way, I made reservations and we headed up. Long Island has not had much snow this winter, in fact while traveling through New York, Connecticut, and into Massachusetts, it wasn’t until we were nearing the Vermont border that snow was apparent on the ground. Thank, God. It is hard to snowboard on grass.
Matt had a great time, falling down quite a bit on day one, complaining about his sore behind, but improving quite a bit by day two. He made it to the summit by day three and even found a Waffle Haus on the mountain that sold hot waffles, sprinkled with sugar. We had a really nice time, snow gently falling, temperature in the 20’s and then barely making it into the teens, looking like a postcard all of the time. I was particularly impressed with the Snow Stars, ages 4-7. That is really the best time to learn to ski. They are adorable in there snow outfits, colorful helmets, and tiny skis, going down the mountain at speeds that seemed to be blazing. They are like little ducklings following the Mother duck. Springfield, VT , where our hotel was located, was a charming, one traffic-light town, where they were showing The Wizard of Oz at the local theater. I wanted to go, but it was too quaint for my son.
On Friday, I went skiing. Unfortunately, about 10 minutes into skiing, I was suddenly going over a snow bank and landed on my right hand, on snow covered blacktop. If you haven’t heard by now, I spent my formative years in Florida. I was never a Snow Star. In any event, while it did hurt, I knew ice would probably be the recommended treatment to prevent swelling and since it was about 20 degrees out and snowing, I could not think of a better place to be, but on my skis and outside.
By Monday I got myself to the doctor and yes indeed, I have fractured my wrist. What a pain! I now know I don’t bounce quite as well as I used to, and I am going to take some steps to make sure I don’t repeat this again. But being safe in the lodge isn’t my style either. Life goes fast. I want to have a couple of souvenirs from this journey when I go.
Have a wonderful Easter and Thank God for Daylight Savings!
Diana's Memory Lane
Through sharing our memories
It keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
They help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
We always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
The ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
alexchristopher.memory-of.com
This month begins a new beginning for the Earth as Spring starts to show itself. Every since I was a little girl March was always the month I loved the most for I knew winter was over and all the flowers would begin to bloom and life started anew. But 3 yrs ago on March 13th on Sunday morning at 7:45 when my phone rang and my daughter-in-law was on the other end it became the month I most dread now. Life as I knew it ended that day for me and will never return. I have had to find a new me and go on with this life the best way I know how. With the help of all you Moms I have made it this far. I first thought I would tell a memory of Travis but instead I will do this poem in his Memory..Love you Son!!
I Need to say Goodbye
I need to say goodbye although you're with me.
I stand beside your grave, yet you are here.
I miss you terribly and hope you miss me,
But when I turn to you, you're always near.
I talk to you as though you lived within me,
Not changed but simply moved in from outside.
I know each day you must a little leave me,
But here, as always, you must be my guide.
You were and are and will be, just as ever,
In many minds and hearts, not only mine.
No physical event can such love sever;
Death is a dimension, not a line.
And so goodbye does not mean you are gone:
So long as I still love you, you live on.
This month Angel Mom Edie shares a Memory of Angel Amanda
I was in the birthing room with Amanda when she had Alessa. I was in awe of her. I told her she was my hero. She had an 8lb. 14oz. girl after 9 1/2 hours of labor. NO DRUGS!!And she needed no stitches. I never will forget the joy we felt that Day. Amanda and I were best friends, and she would tell you that. She does in a comment she left on my Myspace pictures, that I hope I never lose. Her and I had fun this past year. Walking to the gas station 2 1/2 blocks away in 2 feet of snow. It took us a half an hour to get there. We were laughing so hard, tears froze to our face. Amanda excelled in everything she did. In school she was an honor roll student, In Church she was a roll model for the younger teens, And except for the indiscretion of getting pregnant, which I am thankful for now, she was a model Christian. OH Geez, I am sorry. I am rambling. Today, I just miss her, ya know?
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Thanks Diana
March Crafts
For instructions, click the links below
Clay Pot Village
Spring Table Setting
Miscarriage Is Such An Empty Feeling
Written by Clara Hinton | Apr 28, 2007
Miscarriage is a loss that is so difficult to explain to others. When child loss occurs through a miscarriage, it very seldom seems real to others because in an early miscarriage there is nothing that solidly validates a new life. A mother knows almost instantly that she is carrying a baby because her body goes through so many physical changes every day. Hormone levels are rapidly changing and things such as extreme fatigue, morning sickness, and a heightened sense of smell are all indicators that something is happening to a woman’s body.
The most unique way a mother can tell she is pregnant is by that feeling of fullness that she gets even when the baby is only the size of a grain of rice. Many may question this, but every mother will tell you that she just knows she is pregnant. There is an inward sense as well as the physical symptoms. When this is coupled with the many emotional changes that take place almost instantly upon learning of a pregnancy, there is no doubt to a woman that she is carrying a life inside of her.
When a miscarriage occurs, most often the loss is totally unexpected and it occurs suddenly. One day there is a healthy heart beating on the monitor at the doctor’s office, and the next day the heart that was beating so strong has stopped. When this early loss occurs, one of the deepest heartaches a mother experiences is that feeling of emptiness.
The empty feeling is at times almost unbearable. When a D & C takes place, or when a mother miscarries naturally, her body suddenly goes into a quick reverse. One minute the body was giving out signals that there was a pregnancy. Hormones were multiplying, the size of the uterus was increasing, the baby was growing, there was pressure on the bladder, and the mother could feel the increased uterus. This is probably the greatest feeling of all—knowing that her body is changing daily to accommodate a new life.
When the uterus no longer is holding a baby, there is an empty feeling that is like a raging appetite that needs to be filled; only there is nothing that can satisfy the hunger pains. The emotional emptiness is as real as the physical emptiness, and that, too, needs to be satisfied. What can be done to help fill the emptiness of a miscarriage?
It takes a lot of time to work through the emptiness. The body that was 6, 8, or more weeks pregnant is going to need at least that amount of time to feel physically back to normal again. The emotional emptiness takes more time. This is the period of time that a mother needs to take special care of herself. Get lots of rest. Drink lots of fluids to prevent dehydration. Be aware of the possibility of depression and seek immediate help if there are any indications of pain that is too unbearable. Set up a support system of friends and family members to help during this time of readjustment. And, remind yourself often that each day is one day forward in the journey of grief. The empty feeling will leave, but grief cannot be rushed. When you give yourself permission to grieve, you are also giving yourself permission to heal. Time and support are your greatest friends following the emptiness of a miscarriage.
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Acts of Kindness for the month of February were presend to
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Crock Pot Corn Chowder
Ingredients
6 slices bacon , sliced
1/2 cup onions , chopped
2 cups potatoes , diced, peeled
20 ounces frozen whole kernel corn , broken apart
16 ounces cream-style corn
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon seasoning salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 cup water
Directions
1. In skillet or microwave, fry bacon until crisp; remove and reserve.
2. Add onion and potatoes to bacon drippings and saute' for about 5 minutes; drain well.
3. Combine all ingredients in Crock pot. Stir well.
4. Cover and cook on LOW setting for 6 - 7 hours.
Crock Pot Tamale Casserole Supremo
Ingredients
1 lb ground beef
1/2 lb chorizo sausage (Mexican sausage)
1 (14 1/2 ounce)can whole kernel corn
1 (14 ounce)can tomatoes , cut up (Mexican style for seasonings)
3 1/2 ounces sliced black olives
1 tablespoon seasoning salt
1 (1 1/4 ounce)package taco seasoning mix
1 egg , well beaten
1 1/4 cups milk
3/4 cup cornmeal
1/2 cup cheese , grated (pref. Monterey Jack and Cheddar)
Directions
1. Brown the Ground Beef and Chorizo together.
2. Drain most of the fat off (but the chorizo has a lot of flavor, so reserve some of the fat for flavor).
3. Pre-mix the egg, milk and cornmeal.
4. Except for the cheese, put all the other ingredients into the crock pot (including the meats).
5. Mix them thoroughly.
6. Put the cornflour-egg-milk mix on top.
7. Set the Crock pot to high or low.
8. Cook for 5-6 hours on high or 10-12 hours on low.
9. 5 or 10 minutes before serving, cover the top with the grated cheese.
Some Links To Share
Son Memorial Photo Frame
Daughter Memorial Photo Frame
Personalized In Memory Glass Heart Accent
Personalized Memorial Bud Vase - Too Fair To Bloom
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for
that which has been your delight.
~Kahlil Gibran~
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Angel Moms Newsletter-March Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda, Natalie
Angel Moms Web Site
