Featured Mom for September is Michelle Maddox
Thanks for choosing me to be the featured mom this
month. I think I will take this time to introduce
myself because I know I'm curious to know who you are
too. The picture was taken one week before my son
died on my birthday. I'm the third one on the left
and my son is the second one on the right, also
pictured is the guide, my parents and my sister and
her husband.
Well, my name is Michelle I'm 46 years old and live in San Diego. I work full time for people that I consider my friends. My job is just my job and not who I really am. I have been married for 25 years and I had two wonderful children. I was an out going, smiley, person that loved to be around people. I was always game for a challenge. I would try most anything once. I have even skydived twice. I enjoyed riding my Deluxe Harley Davidson. I have been playing softball since I was 8 and it used to be my relief in life. The only thing I feel I have not lost is my love for baseball. I'm still a huge baseball fan, GO PADRES!! Who I am now. I'm working on becoming the person I was before. At least to get some of me back.
My husband is a self employed painting contractor and treats me very well. No complaints. The older he gets the nicer he gets.
My daughter is 23 she just got married in June to a wonderful person that was willing to raise my grandson as his own. They are a great family, oh yeah we just found out that they are going to have another baby in April. Yippe, we are rooting for a girl!
My son, Micah, is/was 15 months younger than my
daughter. He worked with my husband so they were
getting close. We had just set my son up with his own
work truck to really make him part of Maddox Painting.
Even though he had the least amount of experience on
the crew everyone would talk to him because he was
the son which gave him responsibility that I think
he liked. I think my husband had his own plans of
sharing the business with my son. Then one day my son asked for a couple days off to go to a wedding and he never came home. He died on Friday, August 18, 2006, he was 20 years old. I know if he knew of the pain it caused he would have been more careful. He would not have hurt me like this on purpose!! I forgive you Mijo.
Things that have helped me, besides this website and all of you, my parents, friends, family and especially my grandson. The first book I read seemed to give me a kick start it's called "When Life Has Changed Forever" by Rick Taylor. I now give that book away when I hear that someone lost a child. Also, coming to the conclusion that working on feeling better was a waste of time. How could I feel better about my son being dead? It really helped me when I switched my focus on getting stronger. I needed to get strong enough to function in my life. I just recently had Micah's first anniversary so I'm still rebounding from that, but I think eventually I will be okay. In this last year I'm encouraged by the stronger days I have seen. I just want to enjoy my grandkids (okay and my family too) and look forward to Heaven where we will all meet. Thank goodness Jesus died for us.
Thank you to all. This is a great ministry. If I was in charge of handing out the Crowns in Heaven I would definitely give you, the Mom's who take the time to run this website and the ones that make sure that everyone gets a response a couple extra crowns. I'm sure it has been a blessing to many. It has been to me!
With Love and Encouragement to all, May we all heal together!
Michelle Maddox
Micah's Mom
04/25/86-08/18/06
Moments to Memories
My precious sweet child
Up in Heaven above
How I miss your lovely smile
You are my forever love
To have one of such beauty
How happy God must be
The joy and love you bring
For all those there to see
My memories here are cherished
From moments I hold deep
Within my heart tucked all away
Where tears are mine to weep
Yet I know God does catch them
And puts them in a special place
Where one day He will reveal to me
His purpose and His grace
I miss you my sweet child
Your face I long to touch
I never knew it would be so hard
To love someone so much
But God blessed me with an angel
Though human in disguise
Because He is almighty
Loving, True and Wise
So for now I have these Moments
That have turned to Memories
And I will look forward to the day
When we share Eternity!
Autumn Ater
In Memory Of her son
Robert Ater
Angel's Birthday
September 25th is Tiffany's birthday so I thought I would write about Angel Birthdays. This is her 7th Angel Birthday in Heaven. I find for me that birthdays are harder than the anniversary of her passing, I guess it's because I know she should be here celebrating it with all of her family and also because of losing her at a young age, its hard to think of her at 22 years old now. I picture that sweet little 15 year old teen. So now her birthday is filled with tears and going to the cemetery to release a balloon in her memory and bring her flowers. I have to sit on the little bench beside her grave and talk to her and tell her Happy Birthday. With each year I have learned how to cope with the pain and I am able to smile again and not cry every time I think of her. I can look at her pictures and smile at the memories and not have that gut wrenching pain go though me. But on her Birthday the pain and grieving can hit you like a tidal wave. I find the best way to get though the day is have family members close and stay as busy as you can but hold your angel close to your heart on that day. And it is ok to cry and anyone that loves you and loves your angel should be understanding. I'm so glad I have this wonderful group to lean on.
Letting Go
People have said to me many times I need to let Shane go. I am not sure what they mean. If it means to put him in the past and leave him there, never mention his name, or put his photos away, then it is never going to happen. Shane is a part of me and always will be. People also say I need to move on. I feel I have, I have moved beyond the raw pain that I felt in the beginning and have learned to live again, laugh again and enjoy life again. But Shane is still a part of the new life I have learned to live. We don't have to forget our children in order to let go and to move on, we carry them and their memories in our hearts forever. For us, there will always be a sadness and a longing for our child, but we do continue to live and find news ways of making them a part of our new lives. They are to important not to.
This month marks another milestone for us. Zackary would have been three years old on the 21st. We will do our annual balloon release for him, and I will take all the baby quilts I have made this year and deliver them to the NICU on that day. It is strangely comforting to go back there. Yes it was where he died, but it was also where he lived for his whole life. It was his home, and all the wonderful nurses became his surrogate aunts. It’s always good to see them again. It’s so hard to believe that much time has passed, and it’s difficult for me to imagine him as anything other than the sweet baby that he was when he earned his angel wings at 3 ˝ months of age. I recently was able to get a glimpse of the little boy he would have been. For those who don’t know, Zackary was born with Down Syndrome. In an interesting coincidence, a co-worker of my husbands gave birth to a baby boy with Down Syndrome about a month before Zackary was born. Thankfully, he was not born with the health issues that Zackary was, and is a beautiful little boy today. A few weeks ago my husband’s work place had a family event, and I came face to face with this angel on earth. His sweet smile was infectious, and his beautiful little voice so beautiful. I was torn between the urges to run away from him as fast as I could or to gather him in my arms and hold him tight. Of course I could do neither, and I just sat there watching him, drinking in the sight of him, my heart breaking, wishing so much that he and Zackary would be there playing together. I’m sure that my sweet angel was there with me that day, as he is always.
Happy Birthday my sweet baby boy.
Krista, angel Zackary’s mom
Since many of you have been discussing packing your child’s belongings away after their loss, I decided I would share with you my thoughts and feelings on this topic. It has been over six years since I lost Jill and her room is basically the same as when she was still here. Most of her clothes still hang in the closet. The same pictures are hanging on the walls. She had an entertainment center with keepsakes, pictures and just her “stuff” in the drawers. It’s all still there. Sometimes I wonder if keeping everything the same for so long is good for my emotional state but in my case, I find comfort in going in her room and seeing everything there. If I were to remove it all, I would feel even more of a void than I already do. I know there will come a time when we will move and I will have no choice and that is going to be very difficult for me. I guess dealing with it sooner or dealing with it later is a personal choice. Some of us find comfort in our child’s room full of memories and some of us cannot bear having our hearts broken over and over. There is no right or wrong time-just what is best for you. Whatever your case may be, I pray for peace in your heart in knowing your angel is proud of how you have chosen to carry on without them.
Mourning the Lasts
My youngest son will begin his senior year of high school. This is one of the many “lasts” I find myself “mourning” over. I will help usher my fourth son into this final phase of High School. After this school year is over, I will no longer be following the school calendar and the T-Birds, preparing for back to school nights, worrying about SAT scores, college applications, buying high school yearbooks, etc. It is not that the worrying will be over, for I have found with my older sons, it has not stopped. It will strike a line of demarcation, the end of an era with this public school system. There is an emptiness that is spreading beyond back to school. The horizon holds the last of my children crossing into adulthood and my being left behind in the dust. Matt is the last of my children to earn his driver’s license, the last to be applying to colleges, the last of many soccer experiences, the last of the proms and probably the last of DisneyWorld adventures-my life, as I have known it, is changing.
I have clung to the last, not too tightly I hope, but have enjoyed most moments. I will not miss the last of the sullen moods that beset many teenagers and take over my otherwise sweet son from time to time. I will miss his wanting to go with me just about everywhere. He has developed wings and is about to fly. There is nothing wrong with this. That is what I have tried to prepare him for since he was born. But is it okay for me to tell you that I don’t want him to go? I cannot tell him, because I cannot interfere with what life has planned for him and what he hopes for himself.
The moments are even more precious when you, as an AngelMom, understand how fleeting all of these moments can be. Michael has been on my mind. If he were here, life would be different. The lasts would not go away, but I think the urgency with which I face all of the occasions of my sons’ lives would be diminished. There are many “lasts” of which I am aware. However, sometimes the “lasts” come without warning. Suddenly, we are facing the realization that the hug, the word, the Mother’s Day card, which we always could count on, are among the “lasts”. So, if you are having some “lasts” too, I hope you savor them. Some, you will be glad to be done with, but others will bring a tear to your eye when you realize that this is it.
Back to School for Everyone!
Diana's Memory Lane
Through sharing our memories
It keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
They help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
We always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
The ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
alexchristopher.memory-of.com
This month Dawn Mom of Angel Michael Lutek Jr. Shares her Memory with us.
This is my favorite memory. It was in July 2004. Michael came in around 2am.Well he wanted to cook a burger on the grill.So I said all right Michael,I'll supervise so it's not raw or anything.Well we put the burgers on the grill..when he started boxing me....mind you he is in his boxers, t-shirt and socks...We're boxing at 2 am and I smacked his butt with a stainless steel spatula. He was running around the yard holding his butt cheek...I was laughing so hard I thought I would die....This memory sticks out so much. I cherish all his memories but this is just one that I share with everyone
http://michael-lutekjr.memory-of.com
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Thanks Diana
Click here for instructions for Bulletin Board: Bulletin Board Instructions
Click here for instructions for CD Cover: CD Cover Instructions
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Acts of Kindness for the month of August were presend to
Krista Salvati by Joanie Harris "Wedgie"
Laurie Miersonne by Holly Wilson
Loni Wendt by Holly Wilson
Judi Walker by Holly Wilson
Tricia by Mellee
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples
by Lisa Church
You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples together, but it can actually do just the opposite. It is possible to emerge on the other side of grief with a closer marriage, but it does take work.
Here are some tips adapted from the book "Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death" that can help your marriage survive the stress of loss:
1. Give each other the freedom to grieve in an individual way. Resist the temptation to feel that your way is the only way to handle loss. Do not be fooled if it seems that your spouse has not been affected by the loss.
2. Remember the good times. Think about activities you enjoy as a couple and make time to do them- even if you do not feel up to it yet.
3. Expect tough times. Be tolerant with your mate and understand that you are both going to fail each other during this turbulent time.
4. Do not lash out at one another. In a weakened state of grief, this will only push you apart. Find constructive ways to release the stress and anger of grief.
5. Prepare for change. Loss and grief change people and it will change the face of your marriage. Decide together that this trial will bring you closer and commit to your relationship.
6. Reach out. Resist the urge to spend time away from your mate or reach out to others who better understand your grief.
7. Avoid placing blame. Tossing accusations at your spouse will only place a wedge in your relationship. Understand that feelings of guilt, anger, and confusion are normal during this time.
8. Love each other. Be sure to offer the hugs, cuddling, and love that each partner needs to feel secure and supported. Be sure to resume your physical relationship as soon as possible.
9. Seek information and support. Educate yourselves on grief and try to understand one another. If you are having difficulties resolving your grief as a couple and you feel your marriage is in trouble, get help immediately! Do not wait until it is too late to seek help.
There are no easy answers for couples dealing with pregnancy loss. It is crucial that you make the decision to put your marriage first and then do it!
Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death is available online at http://www.HopeXchange.com, Amazon.com and Barnes&Noble.com or by calling HopeXchange Publishing at 757-826-2162.
Lisa Church is author of "Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death" and founder of HopeXchange, a company dedicated to helping women and their families facing miscarriage.
To find miscarriage support and sign up for her FREE, monthly newsletter visit http://www.HopeXchange.com.
Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com
Makeover Peach Upside-Down Cake
What's better than the smell of a fresh baked cake? Just add peaches! You'll find that this peachy delight from our Test Kitchen has more flavor than similar cakes that are loaded with fat and calories.
INGREDIENTS:
1 can (15 ounces) reduced-sugar sliced peaches
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
4 tablespoons butter or stick margarine, melted, divided
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup sugar
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup 1% buttermilk
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS:
Drain peaches, reserving 2 tablespoons juice. Pat peaches dry. In a small bowl, combine the brown sugar, 1 tablespoon butter, cinnamon, nutmeg and reserved peach juice. Spread into a 9-in. round baking pan coated with nonstick cooking spray. Cut peach slices in half lengthwise; arrange in a single layer over brown sugar mixture.
In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. In another bowl, combine the buttermilk, egg, vanilla and remaining butter. Add to dry ingredients and stir until blended. Spoon over peaches. Bake at 350° for 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before inverting onto a serving plate. Serve warm.
Yield: 8 servings.
Easy Peanut Butter Bars
32 bars
Prep: 10 minutes Bake: 20 minutes
Ingredients
Nonstick cooking spray or shortening
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup cooking oil
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1-1/2 cups self-rising flour*
3/4 cup peanut butter-flavored pieces
1/2 cup coarsely chopped peanuts
Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degree F. Lightly coat 13x9x2-inch baking pan with cooking spray or grease with some shortening. Set aside. In a large mixing bowl beat together the brown sugar, peanut butter, cooking oil, and eggs until well blended.
2. Beat in milk, then beat in flour until well combined. Spread into a prepared pan.
3. Sprinkle peanut-butter-flavored pieces and peanuts atop. Bake in 350 degree F oven 20 to 25 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan on a wire rack. Cut into bars. Makes 32 bars.
*Note: We used self-rising flour because it saves measuring additional ingredients. If you don't keep it on hand, substitute a mixture of 1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder, and 1/2 teaspoon baking soda.
Ladies, this section is for you. Anything you wish to share can be put here.
Some Links To Share
Stillbirth Rememberance Day
Free Child and Baby Memory Samplers from Craft Designs for You.
Heavenly Garden
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.
~Author Unknown
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Angel Moms Newsletter-September Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda,
Angel Moms Web Site
