Due to a problem, there is no Featured Mom for this month.
Letter to Mom
Mom, please don’t feel guilty
It was just my time to go.
I see you are still feeling sad,
And the tears just seem to flow.
We all come to earth for our lifetime,
And for some it’s not many years
I don’t want you to keep crying
You are shedding so many tears.
I haven’t really left you
Even though it may seem so.
I have just gone to my heavenly home,
And I’m closer to you than you know.
Just believe that when you say my name
I’m standing next to you,
I know you long to see me,
But there’s nothing I can do.
But I’ll still send you messages
And hope you understand,
That when your time comes to “cross over,”
I’ll be there to take your hand.
Copyright © by Joy Curnutt
Every once in a while we have all talked about how our angels have brought all of us here to Angel Moms to share our stories, comfort each other and survive together. It inspired us to co-write this poem. We believe with all our hearts that Tiffany and Jill brought us together.
We found the sister we never had
It gives us a reason to be glad.
Since we finally found each other
We very much wanted the same for our mothers.
So we both got together
The sooner the better.
We whispered in their ear
There’s a friend for you very near.
Someone to lean on, someone to trust
You two need each other having lost both of us.
We led them to Angel Moms and there they stayed
Finding sweet Angel Mom friends along the way.
It has been years since we whispered in their ear
And the friendship has bloomed far and near.
Even though our mothers live so far apart
They hold each other tight and close to their heart.
Typing to each other every day
Looking out for each other and hoping they are OK.
Miles don’t separate them at all
If they don’t hear from each other they give one another a call.
Now just like us they are the best of friends
We’ll be waiting for you until we meet again.
Ten Years
On the 27th of this month, it will be 10 years since Shane left this earth. It is so hard for me to believe 10 years have passed because it seems sometimes like it was only yesterday.
In the beginning, 10 years didn't seem like a mark I would make it to. I would meet moms who had made it there and wonder how they did it. How did they live 10 years without their child? Live 10 years with this pain? A mom told me not to look at the big picture and try not to look too far into the future, just try to take it a day at a time. Looking ahead would be too over whelming. She was right, here I am. I still miss and think about Shane everyday, but the pain is not what it was in the beginning, I learned to live with it and to live again.
I have so many wonderful memories that Shane left me to help me get through the hard times. I have many wonderful friends I have met because of Shane and they have helped me survive this pain. I look back and it is hard for me to believe it has been 10 years since I have seen Shane's smile, heard his laughter, his voice. 10 years since I have heard him ask me for five dollars for gas (times sure have changed) or heard him say "Cause I can" when I asked him why he did something or say "I love you Mom." 10 years since I have seen him pick on his sisters or hold his baby girls in his arms.
Time did not stand still after Shane's death like I expected it to, it moved on and things have changed. 10 years have brought a lot of changes, not only in the things around me, but in me too. It has been a hell of a journey and at times so very hard, but I made it and I know I will continue to make it. Because I still follow the advice of that wise mom who told me to just take it one day at a time......
I had a chance this past week to share an interesting aspect of my grieving, and thought I would share it with you all. When my angel Zackary was born, 5 weeks premature, with Down Syndrome and a congenital heart defect, I made the decision to breastfeed him, as I had with his older brothers. Of course, for most of his life this was not physically possible, as he could not take food by mouth for the most part. So I began pumping my breast milk, storing it in the NICU freezer or in our deep freezer at home until he needed it. Zackary received this milk through feeding tubes, and did well with it. I was able to actually nurse him 3 or 4 times, and that is a gift I will always cherish. Of course, when something went wrong (which it often did) the first thing the staff would do is stop feeds, replacing the milk with IV nutrition. When Zackary died, I had almost 2 months worth of milk stored away, and no idea what I could do with it. I hated the thought of just throwing it away. Then the lactation consultant from the NICU called me and told me that there was a new milk bank opening up here in Columbus and that I could donate the milk there. A milk bank is like a blood bank, expect they provide breast milk to babies who need it. I was relieved to have a place to take all this milk, and it helped my grief to know that other babies would be helped and nourished because of what Zackary left behind. I was one of the first donors, and Zackary’s name is now on a beautiful mural that is painted on the wall of the milk bank. So last month I received a letter from a graduate student in California who is doing a research study on grieving mothers who donated breast milk, asking if I would be willing to share my story. Of course I was, so last week she flew to Ohio to interview me and several others who had donated. She was very sweet and sensitive, and wanted to know not only about my experience with donating, but about Zackary and his life. It was painful to relive the memories, some of which I had not thought about it awhile. But in the end I think it is always healing to share those memories, and take pride in our angel children. Even though Zackary’s life was all too short, I know he impacted so many lives, and I know that another mom is joyfully playing with her child today because of Zackary’s gift.
Love and peace to you all,
Krista, angel Zackary’s mom
Wandering Mind
Every so often, I find my mind wandering across a meadow, through ditches and over mounds of dirt. I have no idea how I got there. One minute my thoughts are marshaled in a logical manner and cruising down a highway and then all of a sudden I have made a progression to the back woods of my mind. It is like a strange dream, but I am not asleep. The most random thoughts pop into my head and the once perfectly normal conversation is derailed by, “How many more payments do we have on our cemetery plot? I want to order the headstone once that is done.”
I was in the gym today, working on the elliptical. There is a heart rate monitor and I do pay attention to the rate. I try to keep my heart rate from springing too high. I am in fairly good shape and I want to keep it that way. I was listening to a particularly inspiring song on my MP3 player, and was moving pretty fast. I could feel my heart pounding and I checked the monitor. Better slow down. I did. It was then that I slipped off the road out through the back woods. Did Mike, who died from a cardiac event, feel pain, was he scared? Did my Dad, who had died similarly 13 months before Mike, but almost 60 years older, feel pain and was he scared? Did either of them feel the presence of my mom, my grandparents, my mother-in-law? Did they know how much we loved them and how we miss them still and that it is very hard to work out on an elliptical when tears are streaming down your face and you are pretending it is sweat?
The next day I dropped off three rolls of film to be developed at CVS. I know. Most people have a digital camera. I do too! However, there is something I like about film. I was pretty sure the pictures were of our trip to England or San Diego this summer, but I have this persistent feeling that I have misplaced a role of film from DisneyWorld in February, and I was hoping that one role would be from the Orlando trip. When I went in to pick up the finished pictures, the clerk told me that one roll was completely blank. I had a vague memory of messing up a roll of film, by putting it into the camera and pushing the rewind button. Oh well! I paid for the two developed rolls and left, opening one package of pictures while I walked back to my office. I didn’t recognize the first scene. Then I came upon a picture of my son Chris in a paddle boat on Lake Guarda, Italy. The Ah Hah moment. The pictures were taken in 1998. I quickly flipped through! There was an 8 year old (now 17) Matt at West Hills Day Camp, quite cool with his hair slicked back and his sun glasses on top of his head. I finally came to a picture of Mike, smiling at me. There is no other explanation for me. It is my answer. He knew that we loved him and he is alright. I guess I don’t really have to know every detail. Maybe we just know what we need to know.
I would like to share with all AngelMoms that I have a handle on dying, death and grief after six years. It isn’t true. I am better than I was the first year, but can’t say that I have made remarkable progress. Grief is a condition and it has no cure. I am on the road just fine, until I am not.
I hope you spend more time on the road then in a ditch!
Diana's Memory Lane
Through sharing our memories
It keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
They help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
We always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
The ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
alexchristopher.memory-of.com
I would like to take this time to thank all the Moms who have shared their memories with all of us. I know it takes a lot out of a Mom to have to recall a memory of their Angel. But I feel this is all we have left for right now is our memories. Someday all these memories will be forgotten and we will be with our children again. But until then lets keep them alive and remember what we have waiting for us after this life. Love to all of you and please send your memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
This month Arlene has shared two of her memories of Angel Michael:
OH my goodness what memory do I want to share, thank God I have so many favorites. April 1994, I stood on the dock at Brimington Washington as Michael's ship, The USS Truckston, was taxied into shore. I had a knot the size of a watermelon in my gut, and tears of joy running down my face. My son was coming home from war, safe and sound. He had been deployed to Iran for over a year fighting for our freedom in Desert Storm. He stood taller than most of the over 600 sailors on deck in their dress blue uniforms at attention. God was I ever proud!!!! Of course, Michael was easy to spot because his brother was standing right next to him (in shorts and a tee shirt) at the end of the row, he was 14 at the time. Darain got to fly to California and get on the ship to ride back to Briminton with Michael, it was called a "tiger cruise". A father or brother was allowed to do that, he has priceless memories of that trip, I'm sure. As I stood there waiting for one of the biggest hugs I'd ever gotten from him, another sailor in uniform patted me on the shoulder and said "it's ok Mom, he'll be in, in just a few minutes". I really lost it then! To see the pride that was on that young mans face was out of this world.
Another one that comes to mind as you ask is the look on the kids face when his daughter was born. He was the proudest Dad I'd ever seen. He melted like a chocolate bar for her from that day on. LOL.
Thanks for asking!!!!! It brought both tears and smiles.
Love, Arlene
Angel Michael's Mom
michael-walker.memory-of.com
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Thanks Diana
Topiary
For instructions, click here: Topiary
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Acts of Kindness for the month of September were presend to
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Living With Shadow Grief
Shadow Grief is a facet of grief that will stay with you for the rest of your life. When your grief is triggered at various and often random times by a smell, a certain time of day, specific places or events... this is called "shadow grief".
Parents who have lost a child will experience shadow grief for as long as they live. It can be overwhelming to experience these episodes of grief months and years after the loss that feel almost as intense and deep as they did when the loss was new.
The types of triggers and our responses to them are as varied as we are. Anniversaries of your child's birth and death, your due date, the day you learned that something might be wrong with your baby, your doctor's office, holidays and other family traditions can often be painful triggers. Fortunately, the anxiety and anticipation that build in our minds as we lead up to certain anniversaries is usually worse than the actual event turns out to be. It can be helpful to plan ahead if you know a certain trigger of yours is looming on the calendar. Planning a way to remember your baby, privately or with family and friends can be especially healing.
There will also be times when you are feeling especially low and depressed, and do not realize until much later that you were experiencing shadow grief. You might find that in time your eye is not watching the calendar so closely, and suddenly a meaningful date arrives, for example. Although your awareness might not be focused upon the event, your subconscious remembers for you, and your body will feel the impact of this grief.
Allow yourself the time and space to feel your feelings. Communicate to those close to you that you are having a rough day. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief.
Yummy / Easy cookies:
Ingredients:
Small, square pretzels
Bag of Rolo candies
Whole pecans
Directions:
Place pretzels on baking sheet.
Put an unwrapped Rolo on each pretzel
Bake at 350° for 5 minutes or until Rolo's are just beginning to melt
Remove from oven and place 1 pecan on each piece.
Let cool And enjoy! The easiest / best cookies you'll ever make!!
Ladies, this section is for you. Anything you wish to share can be put here.
Some Links To Share
"Sky" - The Angel Bears
Sterling Silver Filigree Angel Charm with free 20" SS chain
Memory Bear Teddy Bears-Handmade Bears from Clothing
Unable are the loved to die.
For love is immortality.
~Emily Dickinson~
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Angel Moms Newsletter-October Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda,
Angel Moms Web Site
