This month's featured mom is Joanie Harris aka Wedgie
Hi! My name is Joanie also known as Wedgie!
As most of you know I'm not good with words. And I hope this will sound all right!I became a Mom to an Angel on December 1, 1997. I'll tell you a little bit of how I was doing before Angel Moms came into my life I was just breathing from day to day! I am so glad I had gotten on line and Judi's Shane showed me Angel Moms all by mistake I thought. But Shane and Ricky made it happen!
Now what this group means to me. You are all my lifeline! Angel Moms is the best thing that has happen to me since the birth of my Boys! You gals make my day. Somedays all I do is sit and cry when I read of all our heart ache, then there are the days I can't seem to stop laughing! I can tell you gals anything. BR>
I hate that any of us has to be here! But am so glad a very special lady that means more to me than she will ever know, cared enough about me to want to help me.....thank you Judi
I would also like to Thank the first Moms that made me want to live life again.
Well, Thank you all I Love You ALL!!!!!!!
Joanie Harris
Ricky's Page
Saying Goodbye
Go now, my child, the time has come.
All tasks today are done.
There are others waiting there for you,
And songs yet to be sung.
Go quietly, go softly,
Leave all pain and fear behind.
Today has left a part of you
In our hearts, our souls, and minds.
I’ll remember you, my dear one,
As I lay down to sleep.
I’ll remember that you made me smile,
Although, it makes me weep.
As you go to face your future,
As you go to touch the sky
Know that God makes all things possible,
Angels never die.
Go now, my child, the time has come.
All worldly tasks are done.
There are others waiting there for you,
And songs yet to be sung.
Brenda Penepent, LPN, Executive Director of Healing Heart For Bereaved Parents, Russellville, Arkansas Chapter.
When a Parent is Grieving the Loss of a Child
The death of a child is an enormous tragedy. The despair and pain that follow a child's death is thought by many to exceed all other bereavement experiences. The death of a child is always untimely and encompasses the loss of a beloved child and the loss of the anticipated future together. Parents are simply not supposed to outlive their children and no parent is prepared for a child's death. The parent-child bond is one of the most intense relationships and children are emotionally and biologically a part of their parents. Many parents who have lost a child feel that a part of them has died, too.
The length of a child's life does not determine the size of the loss. Parents are intimately involved in the daily lives of young children and their death changes every aspect of family life, often leaving an enormous emptiness. Parents may be less involved in the everyday lives of older children and adolescents, but death at this age occurs just when children are beginning to reach their potential and become independent individuals. When an adult child dies, parents not only lose a child, but often a close friend, a link to grandchildren, and an irreplaceable source of emotional and practical support. Parents who lose an only child also lose their identity as parents, and perhaps the possibility of grandchildren.
When any child dies, parents grieve the loss of possibilities and all of the hopes and dreams they had for their child. They grieve the potential that will never be realized and the experiences they will never share. When a child dies, a part of the future dies along with them.
Common grief reactions
Grief reactions following the death of a child are similar to those following other losses, but are often more intense and prolonged. In addition to the grief reactions described in Understanding Grief and Loss, the following are commonly experienced by parents: Intense shock, confusion, disbelief, and denial—this is true even if the child's death was expected
Overwhelming sadness and despair—facing daily tasks or even getting out of bed can seem impossible
Extreme guilt—some parents will feel they have failed in their role as their child's protector and will dwell on what they could have done differently
Intense anger and feelings of bitterness and unfairness at a life left unfulfilled
Fear or dread of being alone and overprotectiveness of surviving children
Feelings of resentment toward parents with healthy children
Feeling that life has no meaning and wishing to be released from the pain or to join the deceased child
Questioning or loss of faith or spiritual beliefs—assumptions about the world and how things should be do not fit with the reality of a child's death
Dreaming about the child or feeling the child's presence nearby
Feeling intense loneliness and isolation, even when with other people—parents often feel that the magnitude of their loss separates them from others as no one can truly understand how they feel
Some people expect that grief should be resolved over the course of a year, but this is not true. The initial severe and all-consuming grief is not experienced continuously with such intensity; rather periods of intense grief come and go over a period of 18 months or more. Over time, waves of grief gradually become less intense and less frequent, but feelings of sadness and loss will likely always remain.
Developmental milestones in the lives of other children can trigger renewed grief even years after a child's death. Significant days such as graduations, weddings, or the first day of a new school year are common grief triggers. Parents frequently find themselves thinking about how old their child would be or what he or she would look like or be doing if he or she were still alive.
Gender differences in grieving
Mothers and fathers may grieve in different ways. One parent may find talking helps, while the other may need quiet time to grieve alone. Cultural expectations and role differences also affect how men and women grieve. Men are often expected to control their emotions, to be strong, and to take charge of the family. Women may be expected to cry openly and to want to talk about their grief. A working father may become more involved in his job to escape the sadness and daily reminders at home. A stay-at-home mother may be surrounded by constant reminders and may feel devoid of purpose now that her job as caregiver has abruptly ended. This is especially true for a parent who spent months or even years caring for a child with cancer.
Differences in grieving can cause relationship difficulties at a time when parents need each other's support the most. One parent may believe that the other is not grieving properly or that a lack of open grief means he or she loved the child less. It is important for parents to talk openly about their grief and for each parent to understand and accept the other's coping style.
As Mother's Day approaches, I think back on all of the Mother's Days of the past, when I had all my children with me. I try and enjoy the day for the sakes of my two daughters, but part of me is missing........Shane. Shane is my first child, the first one to make this day a special one for me. I have gifts he made for me, each one so very precious, cards, booklets, handprints and clay lumps that I have forgotten what some were meant to be. I want to share one of my memories of a gift Shane made for me.
When Shane was about 6, he made a gift for me. It was a little red clay cup looking thing, it had 4 lumpy little clay balls in it. He was so proud when he presented it to me. I thanked him and acted as if he had just presented me with the world's biggest diamond. Then came the question......do you know what it is he asked. Oh no. Well, I made several guesses (all wrong), he looked at me so sad and finally told me. It was a bird nest with eggs (never would have guessed that).
Well, I still have this bird nest (only one egg now). A few months before he died, he picked it up off the shelf. He looked at it and kind of frowned and asked me, "what is this?" (ah the question again :)...) but now it's my turn! Guess I told him. He tried, but didn't even come close! When I told him what it was, he said, "This is a bird nest?" Yep that is what you told me when you gave it to me almost 13 years ago. We had a good laugh and he thanked me for keeping the funny looking thing all these years. Now this little bird nest with it's one little egg is even more precious to me than it was before!
This will be my ninth Mother's Day without Shane, I will put a smile on my face and enjoy the day with my daughters and my Mom. Then I will go to the cemetery and spend some time with Shane and be thankful for all of the Mother's Day I had with him.........
My thoughts and prayers will be with all of you too as you go through Mother's Day without your Angels
Hello Angel Mom sisters. I wish you all a heartfelt and blessed Mother’s Day, for even though our children are not with us on this earth, we are still, and always will be, moms. I ran across this song called “The Blessing” several months ago, and the words seem to say everything that we as moms wish for our children. And I also think that in many ways it says what our angels wish for us from heaven. No matter how long we were together here, our children have blessed us as much as we blessed them. Happy Mothers Day to all.
Love and hugs,
Krista, angel Zackary’s mom
The Blessing
By David Downes and Brendan Graham
In the morning when you rise,
I bless the sun, I bless the skies.
I bless your lips, I bless your eyes,
my blessing goes with you.
In the night-time when you sleep,
oh I bless you, while a watch I keep.
As you lie in slumber deep,
my blessing goes with you.
This is my prayer for you, there for you, ever true.
Each, every day for you, in everything you do.
And when you come to me, and hold me close to you,
I bless you, and you bless me too.
When your weary heart is tired,
if the world should leave you uninspired,
When nothing more of love’s desired,
my blessing goes with you.
When the storms of life grow strong,
when you’re wounded, when you don’t belong,
When you no longer hear my song,
my blessing goes with you.
This is my prayer for you, there for you, ever true.
Each, every day for you, in everything you do.
And when you come to me, and hold me close to you,
I bless you, and you bless me too…
I recently took a much needed vacation with my husband and it really brought to mind how much I have missed sharing with Jill the past 6 years. I kept thinking about how much I have missed with her since she left us, so many things I should be enjoying with her now and how much I will be missing in the future. She should have been here to finish college. She should be working at her dream job and possibly be married and maybe even have a baby of her own by now. She should have been with us on our vacation to visit her big brother and her grandmother. She should be with us to celebrate birthdays, holidays and all the good things that life has to offer. I will never be able to share those moments again with my only daughter. Instead we live with a hole in our hearts never to be filled. No matter what age we have lost our kids, we go down the road of grief feeling cheated, especially when we see or know a child who reminds us of our own. For all of us who remember our kids as they were when they left us and try to picture what they would look like today, I pray for strength to keep going without our children by our sides but forever in our hearts.
No Answers for Me
I feel a black veil is all around me. As I approach the 6th anniversary of my son’s death, I cannot say that I am any wiser or more capable of coping. I do not burst into tears as often, which I believed to be a sign of healing. However, I think it is more a sign of resignation. Mike is not coming back.
I was reading a magazine recently, which included a brief article about a 73 year old man, who has battled heart disease, cancer and diabetes. He said, “I live my life like I am going to be here forever.” I thought for a second, “I do too.” However, when I have seen the same news for the third time in a single day, I begin to think that this is not a good thing. I am struggling, but it is not readily apparent to anyone. I am not moving around as much, want to sleep more than I should and can eat at any time I am awake. This is not living, it is vegetating. I do not do it all of the time, but I am doing it more than I would like to admit. I think it is easier to battle disease than death.
Life is held to this earth by a gossamer thread. One slight breeze or the rocking of a boat and a life can be extinguished. AngelMoms know this best, but even I had become vague or numb to how delicate the balance is. April news headlines, as well as small stories tucked away in back pages of the paper, have reminded me of something I should reconcile myself to: life is the most fragile thing, beautiful but fragile. This is not a rehearsal. This is the real thing. The 33 victims of madness at Virginia Tech, the 16 month old baby, whose grandfather backed his car over the precious little boy, two 17 year old high school students from Long Island who were killed in an instant as the 2007 BMW that they were driving exceeded 100 miles per hour and left the parkway to connect with a tree, all thought that they had more time. None thought that that last day would be their last day of life. None of their families thought that either. People loved by their families, to be forever missed.
I often think that I am a lucky woman. Why do I weep for what I do not have when I have so much? But even the Bible spoke of this-the parable of the Prodigal Son and the one lost sheep. I can only believe it is some natural phenomena over which I have very little control.
I have no answers for you or me. But if you are feeling this way too, please know you are not alone.
Happy Mother’s Day, AngelMoms!
Through sharing our memories
it keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
they help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
we always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
the ones that we hold so dear.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
http://alexchristopher.memory-of.com
Happy Mothers Day to all Moms..I know this is another holiday we all have to get through but for me it is the one most difficult. Mothers Day has always been a holiday that was for me and my boys. The first year after loosing Travis I knew another part of being a Mom that no woman should ever have to know. But as we all know to well there wasn't any promises made to us when we decided to become a Mom...Just love our children and do the best we could. I know through talking with some of you and through reading your emails all of you did your best. So no matter where your child or children is this Mothers Day here or in Heaven you are and will always be "A MOM"....Love To You all!
A Mother's Crown
Heaven lit up with His mighty presence.
As all the angels looked down,
Today the Lord was placing the jewels,
In all the Mother's Crowns.
As He held up a golden crown,
As all the Mother's looked on,
He said in His gentle voice,
I just want to explain each stone.
He held the first gem in His hand
But the radiance couldn't match His own.
For He was the light of Heaven,
Reflecting off each of the stones.
The first gem, He said, is an emerald,
And it's for endurance alone,
For all the nights you waited up,
For your children to come home,
For all the nights by their bedside,
You stayed till the fever went down,
For nursing every little wound,
I add this emerald to your crown.
A ruby, I'll place by the emerald,
For leading your child in the right way,
For if you hadn't taught them about me,
They wouldn't be here with you today,
For always being right there,
Thru all life's important events,
I give you a sapphire stone,
For the time and love you spent.
For untying the strings that held them,
When they grew up and left home,
I give you this one for courage,
Then the Lord added an amethyst stone.
I'll place a stone of garnet, He said,
For all the times you spent on your knees,
When you asked me to take care of your children,
And them for having faith in Me.
I have a pearl for every little sacrifice,
That you made without them knowing,
For all the times you went without,
To keep them happy,healthy, and growing.
And last of all I have a diamond,
The greatest of all gems,
For those Mother's who lost their children,
When they came home to Heaven before them.
This is the most precious sacrifice,
So I give the most precious stone,
For I know just how you felt,
I too lost a child of my own.
After the Lord placed the last jewel in,
He said, Heaven is now complete,
For every Mother has her crown of jewels,
And all her children are at her feet.
(author unknown)
Please send Memory to dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
This months memory is of Angel Monica by Angel Mom Lisa louloubagwell@yahoo.com
When Monica found out that she was pregnant with her first child, and my first grandchild she immediately let me know that she wanted me to be present during the birth, or else she wasn't going to have the baby. LOL.
I remember over the next nine months we talked about my labor delivering her to the world, and she'd often ask what labor was like, she'd tell me about someone telling her that it didn't hurt, and stuff. My response to her would be that it did hurt, but you get past that when you see, and hold your baby in your arms that first time. About my labor with her, I'd tell her how they had to use, "forceps" (I think that's how it's spelled)to help me deliver her. She asked me what forceps were and the only thing I could think of to describe them were tongs.
On July 22, 2001, she went into labor, and I carried her to the hospital. At that point she seemed to have some control of herself with the contractions. The doctor said that the baby wasn't position for birth all the way, and it'd be a while before the baby came. They started an I.V. and wanted her to walk. Between me, and my husband Billy, (which is Monica's step father), Ashley (Monica's youngest sister) the baby's father, Tommy, we all took turns walking the halls with her.
During the walks with me, she would again ask me about her birth. I remember again telling her about how they had used the forceps to help deliver her. She stayed in labor that whole night, walking the halls, having contractions, and bless her heart she was really having hard back labor contractions. They had given her some mild medicine to help with the pain, but she complained that it wasn't taking the pain away. The nurse explained to her that they couldn't give her but so much, because it would effect the baby. I remember Monica argued that they weren't helping her, and that she needed something else, because it hurt too bad.
Then in the afternoon of July 23rd, after being told the baby was positioned. The doctor broke her water, and her real contractions started coming, harder, and faster. As well as more intense. As she got closer to delivering my grandson, Monica started hollering repeatedly,"get him out, pull him out, get the tongs !!!!" LOL. She was yelling so loud that you could have heard her way down the hall. To this day, whenever Billy, and myself reflect back to the day our grandson, Will, was born, we can't help but laugh at the thought of her hollering for tongs.
Later after all was quiet, I asked Monica how she'd describe child birth to someone else if they asked her, she said, "IT HURTS"!!!! She also admitted that she agreed with me, that it was a pain that she forgot after seeing her beautiful son.
Thank you so very much for allowing me to share one of my many treasured memories of my Angel Monica that I feel blessed to have, and am honored to be able to share with you.
Angel Photo Ornament
Click here for instructions: Angel Photo Ornament
When Mother's Day Feels Empty
There are no words to completely describe what a mother feels when her child has died. She feels lost, abandoned, afraid, lonely, forgotten, and most of all empty. The emptiness is like none other because it is an emptiness of the heart. When a child dies, part of a mother's heart also dies.
Mother's Day is a traditional holiday that has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. We are bombarded with advertisements to take out mothers for a special dinner or buy Mother's Day flowers. For more than a month before Mother's Day, reminders are placed everywhere. It's impossible to pick up a newspaper, listen to the radio, or turn on the television without some kind of reminder of Mother's Day.
There are Mother's Day banquets, Mother's Day baby dedications at church, and special family gatherings to honor mothers. All of this is wonderful except for the mother that is grieving the loss of her child. For the grieving mother, every reminder of Mother's Day is like another wound to the heart. The hole in her heart caused by grief grows larger and larger with each reminder, and the emptiness feels darker and colder than she ever imagined possible. What is a grieving mother to do when there are so many reminders of the precious child she has lost?
Mother's Day is the only holiday that specifically uses the word mother, so there is no real way of avoiding this day. A grieving mother can, however, prepare for Mother's Day well in advance so that she knows how to avoid placing additional pain in her life.
Remember that Mother's Day is not a holiday that has to be celebrated. If a grieving mother does not want to attend a banquet, or watch baby dedications at church, or see special family gatherings at restaurants, then she has the right to choose not to participate in these events without feeling guilty. Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all on Mother's Day, and that is fine. Grief follows no rules and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Explain to others that this day is painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is very healing and helpful, especially during such a difficult day as Mother's Day.
Do what feels right for you. Maybe that means taking a mini trip away where nobody knows you. Maybe it is staying at home. Perhaps a walk in the woods or a walk along the sandy beach would help you during this empty time. Journal your thoughts. Release a balloon. Or, maybe you want to avoid Mother's Day altogether. You know what feels best for your heart, and giving yourself permission to do what is right for you can be the most healing thing of all.
Lastly, remind yourself often that you will not always feel this empty. With each passing day new hope will enter your empty heart until one day you will wake up to realize that the empty hole is beginning to fill with some joy. Mother's Day is only one day. With a little bit of preparation you can make it through, and you will have walked one more step in your journey of healing!
Clara Hinton
Site Founder/Author, Speaker, Workshop Leader
Visit http://www.silentgrief.com for articles, resources, message
boards, and additional support for healing through loss.
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Acts of Kindness for the month of March were presend to
Pam Adlington by Diane Craddock & Melody Hill
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Chicken Tortilla Soup
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 (10.5 ounce) can condensed chicken broth
1 1/4 cups water
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 cup white hominy
1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chile peppers
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
2 boneless chicken breast halves, cooked and cut into bite-sized pieces crushed tortilla chips
sliced avocado
shredded Monterey Jack cheese
chopped green onions
Directions
In a medium stock pot, heat oil over medium heat. Saute onion and garlic in oil until soft. Stir in chili powder, oregano, tomatoes, broth, and water. Bring to a boil, and simmer for 5 to 10 minutes.
Stir in onions,hominy, chiles,bell pepper, cilantro, and chicken. Simmer for 10 minutes.
Ladle soup into individual serving bowls, and top with crushed tortilla chips, avocado slices, cheese, and chopped green onion.
Green Chicken Enchilada
Ingredients:
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
12 (10 inch) flour tortillas
1 (8 ounce) package shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1 (19 ounce) can green enchilada sauce
Low sodium chicken broth
1 small diced red onion
Directions:
In a pot with enough chicken broth to cover, simmer the chicken 25 minutes, or until juices run clear. Drain, cool, and shred. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a medium baking dish.
Fill each tortilla with equal amounts of chicken,cheese and onion reserving 1/4 cup cheese for topping. Roll tortillas to form enchiladas. Arrange enchiladas in the prepared baking dish. Cover with the enchilada sauce. Bake enchiladas 30 minutes in the preheated oven. Top with reserved cheese, and continue baking 5 minutes, until cheese is melted.
My name is Belinda Huemer, and as I am writing this, I can't forget for a moment that the anniversary of my son's death, Justin, is just three days away. It has been 6 years and I can't express how angry I am, how unfair it is that I probably wouldn't be writing this if I hadn't lost my second son, Chad, August 16 2005. Actually, I lost them the first time when they were 2 and 3 years old when my ex-husband took them almost 2000 miles away on a temporary visitation and promptly sued for custody. I had no way to see them, no job- 8th grade education. By the time I was able to hire a lawyer and file for custody, Justin told me on the phone that they were happy living with their great- grandmother (where my ex promptly dumped them after winning custody). The hardest decision I have ever made, and the one that causes the most guilt to this day, is dropping the custody suit after talking to my son. The lies told to my sons their whole lives as to why I wasn't there were the most elaborate, vicious, and hurtful ones I could have imagined, and have only trickled down to me after years of silence.
I received a phone call from my sister that my second son, Chad Fuzzell, was gone, while I was on vacation. I had been able to reconnect with Justin just a couple of years before he died by phone and letter, and visited him in Kentucky the year before he died. Chad would have nothing to do with me. The last time I spoke with him on the phone,just after his brother's death, he asked me, "Do you think Justin and I will ever know the truth?" I have to believe they do. To prevent this from dragging on much longer, My son, Chad Fuzzell, crossed over to meet his older brother, Justin Fuzzell on August 16 2005. I was not allowed to attend the funeral in California, no one would tell me where or when it would be, including Chad's pastor, who went out of his way to lie to me. When I lost my sons when they were little, it felt like they were frozen in time somewhere, still 2 and 3, wondering where I am. It still feels that way. It's not fair. It hurts.
Belinda Huemer
Some Links To Share
Welcome To Heaven
Memorial Locket
Presence Of Angels
SunCatcher Memorial Glass Personalized Ornament
“Love is stronger than death even though it can't
stop death from happening, but no matter how hard
death tries it can't separate people from love. It
can't take away our memories either. In the end,
life is stronger than death.”
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory Of
Jamie Lauren Meredith by Mom (Julia Holloway)
Angel Moms Newsletter-May Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Diana, Karen, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda, Melody,
Angel Moms Web Site
