This month's Featured Mom is Arlene Walker
My name is Arlene Walker, angel Michael's Mom. I'm honored to have been chosen featured Mom of the month for September, and given the opportunity to share my family but most of all, my angel Michael. Dale and I were high school sweethearts and have been married for 36 years. Michael was our first born son. I will always remember the day the doctor confirmed, yes indeed we were going to have the baby so desperately wanted. Dale wanted a boy so bad he had bad dreams about the baby being a girl. June 27, 1972 the good Lord gave us a healthy 7lb.11 ounce beautiful BOY, we were elated!
Dale and I live in Aumsville, Oregon a very small town in a beautiful valley just west of our state Capital Salem. We have a modest home on four acres of land. Here we were able to raise our two boys in the country where it is relatively quite. Michael's brother, Darian was three years young than him. They each were given their own horse at the age of three and taught how to ride. The rest or the story is history. Michael loved riding horse's, showing In 4-H classes, rodeo's and he also participated in most all sports while in school. Darian liked all the same kind's of activities. But he meet and married a wonderful young woman Tami. We love her dearly. She's an awesome mother to our granddaughters, five year old Kelsie and Sidney who is a year and a half. I call her "Super Mom" she is a loving wife to Darian, takes care of the girls works full time outside the home and is out there working on the ranch everyday to help Darian feed the stock, horses, bulls, goats, clean stalls or build a fence, what ever needs to be done, she can do it all, and she's very pretty too! They work very very hard and tell me their "living the dream," what more could a mother ask for in her daughter-in-law? We are very proud of them.
While Michael, and Darian both had some of the same long term goals. They took different paths after high school. Michael went into the Navy. He wanted to become a welder and do his rodeo stuff (Cowboy rescue, as he called it...we thought it was bull fighting LOL) as a hobby. I have to tell you I was scared to death when Michael started talking about joining the Navy. Our soldiers were actively involved in Dessert Storm and he wanted to be right there with them. That's just the kind of guy he was. I was so proud of him, he would do stuff like go into McDonnalds, buy 10 hamburgers and start handing them out to the homeless and bums standing around on the streets. His heart was made of gold, I just know it.
They told him he would see the world, and he did. But after 3 years he decided not to reenlist. He said he wouldn't trade his experience's for the world, but that they didn't tell him the world was 70% water LOL.
He can home a meet up with an old girlfriend from his 4-H group. She had just moved back home and was going through a divorce. Together they gave us Michael's beautiful daughter Bryanna. Michael and Sharon were not able to pull this all together, Sharon returned to her husband for a short time and Michael became a "single" father. We all know this kind of thing doesn't happen in the perfect world. Perfect or not Michael gave us the gift of a life time...our first grandchild! Bryanna gives Dale and I more love and joy than I can express. Even before we loss Michael, Bryanna stayed with us 60-70 percentage of the time before she started school. Sometimes I have to stop and remember, she is a grandchild not my own daughter. Things are going well, she still visits often but she just turned 11 and likes spending more time with friends. We have been trying to prepare ourselves for this day for quite some time LOL.
Our lives were shattered in the early morning hours of December 21, 2004. The phone ran, a voice on the other end said; police officers are at your door, they have an important message for you. From the minute we received notification "your son has been shot" he is in Salem Memorial Hospital, you have to get there right away, it is very serious. We entered a parents worse nightmare. We began the frantic race to the hospital, scared out of our wits. As we got to the hospital and a woman was waiting for us at the front door it really started to sink in ... this was serious.
Michael did not have his wallet on him, Dale had to confirm that in fact it was Michael. Then came the numbing words from the physician "Michael has unsurvivalable injures, there is nothing we can do." Words cannot express the devastation we felt right then. Our hearts were broken, our lives changed for ever at that moment. I prayed they were wrong a miracle would take place. Not the case, December 23, 2004, 7:35 AM our precious sons heart stopped beating, he was going forever.
Michael was murdered....
After the shock and numbness subsided and the cruel reality has taken over, we still feel extremely angry. Michael was cheated out of life because he made the choice to go back into a dangerous environment to collect $250.00 owed to him on a drug sale from several months earlier. Michael had completed a 90 in house drug program and was do extremely well. Christmas was just a few days away and he had no money. He was to proud and refused to take a loan from us for Bryanna's Christmas gifts. He felt we had given enough because of the rehab cost. David Allen Derrick called Michael up to Lyons in pretense of paying him the money. Michael was waiting in his truck for the SOB to get there, The van pulled up on the passenger side of Mike's truck. Michael leaned over to open the passengers side window and Derrick starting firing shots into the truck. Nine shots were fired, Michael was hit in the head, chest and arm. It has been 20 months since Michael was taken from us in such a curl and senseless way. During that time our family has gone through two trials. Derrick was convicted of murder and sentenced to 25 to life, meaning he earns no good time and will spend everyday of the 25 years before eligible for parole. Olson, the driver of the van and he also furnished the gun was sentenced to 5 years for conspiracy to murder. He cut a deal with the courts.
We still take baby steps, but we have a wonderful support system. The past year and a half has taken a toll on all of us. As hard as we try sometimes the communication in our marriage breaks down. It is had to console someone when you cant stand the pain yourself. Emotionally were drained, work can be a struggle, holidays and family gatherings are still very hard for us, we cant think of anything except that Michael isn't with us.
However, I did something for myself this summer that took every ounce of courage I could muster. I attend the "Angel Mom Retreat" in Texas. I have to say, that opened my eyes and finely started my healing. Angel Moms has been a life line for me many times. But honestly, until I joined and started getting to know a few other Mom's and their angels, I thought having this happen to us was the worse thing that had every happened to anyone and I felt so sorry for myself. I see now I am blessed in so many ways. One of our angel Mom's are retreat said something that I had never thought of and made a lot of since, Our angels are gone from this earth but for those of us with other children we need to live for them now and we will see our angels again someday. Thank you Melody (((hugs))). There are many of you out there who have lost more than one child, Mom's who have yet to get justice for their child's murder and some have lost their only child. Losing a child is the worse pain any of us will ever feel! We all feel the same pain, some are just able to move faster than others down the long hard road of grief. Stay with us, together we will survive!
I love you guys!!
Arlene Angel Michael's Mom
Mike's Page
Country Cemetery
In a quiet country cemetery,
Where the gentle breezes blow,
Lies my son I love so dearly;
He died a few years ago.
His resting place I visit,
Placing flowers there with care,
But no one knows my heartache,
When I turn to leave them there.
Though his smile is gone forever,
And his hands I cannot touch,
Still I have so many memories
Of the son I loved so much.
His memory is my keepsake,
With which I will never part.
God has him in His keeping;
I have him in my heart.
~Author Unknown~
September 25th would have been Tiffany's 21st birthday. She passed at age 15. I try to think of her at age 21 but all I see is that little 15 year olds' face. Like the Kenny Chesney song goes I Wonder who she would be today. Would she be going to College would she be married would she have a baby. I know we all wonder about this with our children.I'm sure she will have a wonderful birthday party in Heaven. I found this write up about grief and loss and thought it could help some....
Grief and loss can hit a family like a lightning bolt. Everyone is suffering in their own way. If a child dies the entire family is at risk. At risk of not getting their physical and emotional needs met and at not being allowed to grief in their own way and time. Asking for help may be the most important thing you can do right now. Often sympathetic friends, neighbors and family members want to help, but don't know what you want and what needs to be done. While it may place a burden on you to think about, and decide, what you want and need you must take some responsibility and tell them what you want. Make a list of chores that need to be done to continue daily life, like shopping, cooking, laundry, packing school lunches, taking or picking the kids up from school, sports events, church etc. You can show the list to those who offer to help and let them choose what, how and when they can assist you at the difficult time. It is tough for some of us to ask for help, but there are times in life when we need to learn to accept as well as to give. Do what ever you need to do to see that you and your family is cared for, even if you can't do it all by yourself right now.
Here are a few other things that you can do to help yourself and your family
TALK TO FAMILY OR FRIENDS
SEEK COUNSELING FROM A PROFESSIONAL GRIEF THERAPIST
EAT WELL AND EXERCISE
GET ENOUGH SLEEP
JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP
RELAX AND LISTEN TO SOOTHING MUSIC
ENGAGE IN SOCIAL ACTIVITIES
LAUGH AND HAVE SOME FUN
PRACTICE YOUR RELIGIOUS AND SPIRITUAL BELIEFS
ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY, GET ANGRY AND GRIEVE AS YOU NEED TO
Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each one of us has an individual style of coping with painful times. The list above may help you generate ideas about how to manage your feelings of grief. You may want to experiment with these ideas or create a list of your own. Talking to friends who have dealt with loss in the past can help you generate new ways of coping. Only you know what coping skills will fit best with your personality and lifestyle.
Talking about your loss is a powerful way to heal. Talking about the relationship, memories both funny, happy and sad. Talking about the circumstances of the death or separation is good. While talking may be painful and bring tears or anger to the surface, you heal a little more every time you tell the story.
I was trying to think of what to write for this months article when I got Arlene and Melody's articles and it really took me back. Most of the time, I do not think of Shane's cause of death, I just know he is gone, it doesn't matter how. But I am the mother of a murdered child.
In the beginning, I could not say the word "murder" in reference to Shane, I would just say he was shot. But the news media and the court system didn't let me get away with that for long. My son became a murder victim, homicide victim and the one who was murdered, I became the mother of a murder victim. I didn't know anyone who had been murdered or know anyone who had lost someone to murder, murder was something I saw on TV, something that happened to other people. Now I was one of those other people.
It took us two and a half years and about 15 trips to court before we went to trial. We sat through days of testimony, hearing things we did not want to hear. The defense attorney tried to dehumanize Shane, he never once used his name. I heard descriptions of Shane's injuries from the defense attorney and the coroner , something I never wanted to hear. I sat through it all to see justice served, to see the one who took Shane's life punished. But it didn't happen, when I heard the words "not guilty," I felt like Shane had been murdered again......... I learned a lot about the justice system, Shane's rights were buried with him and Adam had more rights than he did before he became a murderer.
At first I was angry and bitter, I felt like I had let Shane down. I hated Adam and became obsessed with the fact that he got away with murdering Shane. I had watched many TV shows where someone was murdered and after the trial and the killer was convicted, the family would go to the cemetery and tell their loved one justice had been served and they could rest in peace. I could not do this for Shane and it ate away at me. In time I realized the anger was taking over and turning me into someone I was not, someone I didn't like. Adam had taken enough from us, I couldn't let him take any more, so I learned to let the anger go, in time, I found peace again. I realized that no matter how the trial came out, I could not have what I wanted and that was to have Shane back. I also realized that justice is for us on earth, Shane is in a beautiful place and resting in peace weather his killer is behind bars or walking the street. Adam will someday have to answer for what he has done and this time there will be no getting away with it. I am not saying I am ok with the fact that he was found not guilty because I am not, but there is nothing I can do about it, so I have to let it go. Shane's life was about more than how he died or a trial and I focus on that.
There are moments in the life of an angel mom that take us right back to the circumstances of our loss. Some of those moments are small, and bring just a little twinge of the pain. Other moments are huge, and the full force of our child’s death hits us right in our heart and soul. I have been having that kind of moment for the last two weeks, as I am once again pushed, very unwillingly, back into the world of an ICU. This time, instead of watching my beautiful baby Zackary in the neonatal intensive care unit, I am watching my father in the neuro critical care unit, where he has been since suffering a severe stroke. Again I am watching monitors indicating heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen level, and respiration. Again I am hearing the steady sound of a ventilator breathing for someone I love. Again there is the possibility of loss, although as of this writing, we are seeing small steps toward recovery.
So what does one do when faced with those circumstances again? I am figuring that out I as go along. For those who tend to keep the pain inside, and I include myself in this group, it certainly forces you to relive the loss and all of the emotions that go along with it. This is not necessarily a bad thing either. Sooner or later those feelings need to come to the surface and be dealt with. It’s never easy, and it’s never pleasant, but it must be done if we are to survive. Facing the loss and the pain is a part of the process of grieving, and as much as we fight tooth and nail not to go back to those awful moments, life has a way of making us do it. Hopefully, once the moment passes, we will feel a bit stronger, and the weight on our hearts will be a bit lighter. Then we can take another step forward in our lives, until the next moment comes along.
Grief and Surviving Siblings
My only surviving child, my son Brian, was home recently for a wonderful nine day visit. He doesn’t get home very often so when he does, I really make the most of it. So one of the things we shared together was going to see and talk to Jill at the cemetery. It was one of those emotional moments that bring the intense longing for her and tears of sorrow but also comforting to be able to hug each other tightly and remember the good times. It does my heart so much good when he often speaks her name. I know he misses her just as much as I do and is still dealing with his grief and always will. So I wanted to share some suggestions I found that may help your surviving children in their grief no matter their age. May they all find peace in their hearts and the strength to go on without their beloved brothers and sisters.
Be careful about explaining death in half-truths to younger children who need honest, concrete explanations of what has happened. If the child hears, "Your sister has gone away for a very long time," he may feel that his sister has deserted him. He may then go on to interpret the desertion as punishment and have strong feelings of guilt. "Your brother has gone to heaven," is in itself impossible for a young child to understand, especially when he learns that the body is buried in a cemetery. "To die is to go to sleep," can be understood by the child as a very real reason for a child refusing to go to sleep. "Your sister went to the hospital and died," can cause a young child to conclude that hospitals make people die. "Your brother died because he got sick," may cause a child to become extremely fearful of any kind of illness.
Spend time in play with the younger child who may not have adequate communication skills to talk about his feelings. Help your child express his feelings by being willing to express yours, and asking your child questions. If he is reluctant, phrase questions as if they were someone else's, "What would you say to Jimmy if he asked you what happened to your brother?"
Remember that most children grieve intermittently rather than chronically. Therefore, do not be upset because your child has periods when the death of his brother or sister seems unimportant.
Children may find it easier than parents to discard personal possessions of the deceased. They may also find it easier to "put their grief aside" and find normalcy in school or play. Remember that your deceased child's friends may be pleased to be given something that belonged to your child.
Protect young children from witnessing an emotional collapse, but otherwise share as much as the grieving as possible.
During the early days of grieving it is helpful for grieving children to have a personal "ally" to provide stability and understanding. This person calms the anxious child and relieves the parents of total responsibility.
Siblings aged six or seven or older should be given all the facts about their brother's or sister's death as they become known. Not being told the truth only enhances a growing sense of being unimportant to the family. If you see another child who reminds you of your child who has been killed, point this out to the siblings and explain the grief spasm it has caused. Mysterious behavior on the part of the parent only enhances the sibling's fear of being left out or of not being loved as much as the deceased child.
Share your grief with your surviving children, but do not depend on them to take care of you in your grieving. Understand that adolescent children may not want to grieve with you.
Talk with your surviving brothers and sisters both about pleasant memories of the child who was killed as well as unpleasant memories. This will help them to understand that the child who died was not perfect. Placing the dead child on a pedestal can cause great insecurity for surviving siblings.
Don't ask surviving sibling's to "be strong" for you or for anyone else. That is too great a burden to carry.
Try not to feel threatened if adolescent siblings seek out other adults or peers for support. That is normal for their developmental level.
As an adult sibling, spend some time focusing on the role of your brother or sister in the family and how you can enable a meaningful transition to the surviving family. Be gentle with yourself and with your parents.
My Grief
It is my grief- mine and my family’s grief. We lost Mike and we live with that every day. Sometimes, I can wear it like an old sweatshirt. It is familiar and I am okay with it and other times it is a cheap suit made for a different body type and I want to take it off.
I have tried to not share my story about losing Mike with new colleagues in the office. I work with over 30 people and in the five years since Mike passed away, many of those people, who were supportive and by my side at the tragedy, have left. New people have come and I decided that I wasn’t telling them my story. Work was work. Don’t mix it up too much. I have kept pretty much to that policy with two exceptions and now a third. I am reminded that not all people know grief or react to tragedy in the same way. I guess the two I told were good choices to share some of my pain with, but the third, though well meaning, was a mistake. Well, as the song says, two out of three ain’t bad.
I sat in her office talking business and then conversation turned to more personal stories. She told me a couple and then, she said something that triggered a couple of sentences about the fact that we had lost Mike suddenly. My colleague is about my age and was just sending her 20 year old daughter back to college. Mike was 20. She looked genuinely surprised and said all of the right things. The next day, she stopped me outside of her office and told me that she had shared my story with her husband. Her husband is a doctor. She was smiling from ear to ear. “John would be happy to talk to me anytime….” about the condition that took my son. She seemed so happy that her husband knew about the condition of my son and even told me that John said I must be Italian. It was like a small child making a report, feeling confident that she had a sure “A” as a grade.
She means well, I keep telling myself. However, the simple fact of the matter is that no matter what I learn about ARVD, it will never bring my beautiful son back to me. That I can say while gasping for air. That is the fact that faces me each day. I really don’t want more information. Some days are more real than I can stand. Sometimes, rules shouldn’t be broken-even by the rule maker!
We've lost our children in so many tragic ways and I am trying to focus on those causes each month in our newsletter. I know that there are some causes of death that some of us don't know or understand what they are, so I'm hoping this will help us all understand a little better. I am also going to list each of our Angels with their cause of death that I am writing about that month. I will do my best not to miss anyone's name, so please help me by looking to see if your Angel is listed on the Angel Moms "How We Lost Our Angels" page at www.angelmoms.com/causes.html. If your Angel isn't listed, then please send me their information, so I do not miss anyone. It's very important that each Angel is remembered.
I hope my articles will enlighten each of us on the different ways we've lost our children. I'm sorry for all of your losses and will do my best to be gentle with how you lost your child/children/grandchildren. I encourage anyone to write to me and send any information they have to help me with my articles. Next month I will be writing about Stillbirth. God Bless!
Love & Hugs,
Melody ~ Angel Adam
Murder: The unlawful killing of one human by another, especially with premeditated malice. Homicide: The killing of a human being by another human being.
According to the FBI Child Abduction and Serial Killer Unit, child abduction and serial homicide are the most serious violent crimes in the US. Homicide is the second leading cause of death for persons 15 - 24 years of age and the leading cause of death for African-American and Hispanics in the same age group. For every violent death, there are 100 nonfatal injuries caused by violence. A National Crime Survey Report. Washington, DC: US Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, (NCJ-111456).
*Between 1976 and 1994, almost 37,000 children were murdered. 66% were less than 1 years old and 58% of those from 1 - 4 years old were killed by beating with fists, or blunt objects or by kicking. (US Department of Justice)
*Family Members or Acquaintances commit most of the Child Murders. (Bureau of Criminal Justice Standards)
*Children under 18 account for 11% of all murder victims in the US in 1994. Nearly half of these 2,660 child victims were between 15 and 17.
*1 in 5 child victims were known to be killed by another child.
*In most murders of a young child, a family member killed the child, while in most murders of an older child, age 15 to 17, the perpetrator was an acquaintance to the victim or was unknown to law enforcement authorities.
*1976 - 1994 in family murder of a child 10% of victims were age 15 - 17, while in murders by strangers were 67% of victims were in this age category.
*1 in 5 child murders were committed by a family member.
*Since the mid-1980's the increases in the number and the rate of murder among 15- to 17-year-olds, particularly among black youth in this age range, outpaced changes in murder in all other age groups.
*Half of all child murders in 1994 were committed with a handgun; 7 in 10 victims aged 15 to 17 were killed with a handgun. (FBI Supplementary Homicide Reports, 1976-94)
---------------------------------
* Deaths from Homicide: 16,889 annual deaths in 1999 (NVSR Sep 2001)
* Death rate extrapolations for USA for Homicide: 16,889 per year, 1,407 per month, 324 per week, 46 per day, 1 per hour, 0 per minute, 0 per second.
homicide caused 2.8% of deaths for non-neonate infants in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 7.2% of deaths for age 1-4 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 5.4% of deaths for age 5-9 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 6.0% of deaths for age 10-14 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 15.2% of deaths for age 15-19 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 17.2% of deaths for age 20-24 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 10.3% of deaths for age 25-34 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
homicide caused 3.6% of deaths for age 35-44 years in USA 1999 [NVSR 2001]
Average life years lost for Homicide: 44.9 years
www.pomc.com
"If we do not maintain Justice, Justice will not maintain us." - Francis Bacon
In the Twinkling of an Eye
No one feels the pain of a mother
whose felt the loss of a child.
Words can never express the agony
her heart has suffered and compiled.
And when violence is the reason
that her child had to die...
The world she knew crashes round' her,
all in the twinkling of an eye.
It matters not what others may say...
Her heart can't release the pain.
She goes through the motions of living
while her tears just flow like rain.
Friends that once stood with her,
seemed to instantly disappear.
Her broken heart feels the loneliness
as she wonders why they aren't here.
An ache is rekindled in her heart
with every day that passes by.
She thinks of life before he left her,
all in the twinkling of an eye.
The ones who took the life of her son
will someday stand and answer why...
They chose to take her child from her,
all in the twinkling of an eye~!
Written by Kaye Des'Ormeaux
October 10, 1998
Dedicated to Judi who violently lost her son, Shane.
Angel Adam (Sharon D.) Angel Andrew (Tammy W.) Angel Ashley (Elizabeth B.)
Angel Brendan (Rebecca G.)
Angel Carrie (Shelley L.) Angel Chad (Melanie M.) Angel Cherilyn (Esther P.) Angel Christopher (Karen E.) Angel Christopher (Melody T.) Angel Colleen (Susy B.) Angel Cory (Janice H.)
Angel Damian (Nellie A.) Angel Daniel (Annie R.) Angel Daniel (Debbi F-M.) Angel David (Susan S.) Angel Dawn (Joan F.) Angel Dominic (Bridget M.) Angel Dustin (Christina B.)
Angel Elizabeth (Lindsay W.)
Angel Jason (Brenda B.) Angel Jason (Tina S.) Angel Jeffery (Georgie K.) Angel Jeremy (Dena M.) Angel Jessica & her infant son Devonte (Shirl M.) Angel Joshua (Monika H.) Angel Justin (Belinda H.)
Angel Larry (Cheryl B.)
Angel Marshall (Donna K.) Angel Matthew (Dale D.) Angel Michael (Arlene W.) Angel Michael (Beverly R.) Angel Michael (Teresa U.)
Angel Nathan (Deb G.) Angel Noah (Bethann B.)
Angel Rachel (Lesley S.) Angel Randall (Susan R.) Angel Robert (Lynn U.) Angel Robert (Mary Jane M.)
Angel Shane (Judi W.) Angel Shaun (Robin F.) Angel Stephen (Cheryl R.) Angel Stephen (Pat G.) Angel Sylvia (Diana Z.)
Angel Tamara (Shelli K.) Angel Tammy (Debra B.) Angel Thomas (Micki L.)
Angel Wade (Loretta H.) Angel Wayne (Maria B.)
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Slow Cooker Chicken Merlot
Prep: 15 min, Cook: 4:00.
3 cups fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2-1/4 lbs. skinless chicken pieces, breasts, thighs, drumsticks, rinsed
3/4 cup chicken stock
6 ounces tomato paste
1/4 cup dry red wine, such as Merlot, or chicken stock
2 Tbs. quick cooking tapioca
2 tsp. sugar
1-1/2 tsp. dried basil, crushed, or 2 Tbs. fresh, snipped
2 cups cooked noodles
2 Tbs. grated Parmesan cheese
Combine first 3 ingredients and salt and pepper to taste in a 3-1/2 - 5 quart slow cooker. Arrange chicken pieces over vegetables. Combine stock next 4 ingredients and salt and pepper to taste in a bowl. Add dried basil if using. Pour over chicken. Cover and cook on low 7-8 hours or on high about 4 hours. Stir in fresh basil now if using. Serve noodles, sprinkled with parmesan cheese.
This recipe serves 6 people. Due to the nature of this recipe, it adjusts the number of servings in multiples of 6 only.
Per serving: calories 318, fat 3.4g, 10% calories from fat, cholesterol 100mg, protein 44.5g, carbohydrates 24.9g, fiber 2.9g, sugar 4.5g, sodium 462mg, diet points 6.6.
Dietary Exchanges: Milk: 0.0, Vegetable: 0.9, Fruit: 0.0, Bread: 0.6, Lean meat: 0.2, Fat: 0.2, Sugar: 0.5, Very lean meat protein: 6.8
The recommended wines are: Cabernet Sauvignon, Gewürztraminer, or Zinfandel.
Seven Layer Salad
Prep: 15 min, plus refrigeration time.
1/4 head iceberg lettuce, washed
1/2 cup bottled real bacon pieces
1/2 medium green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1/2 small onion, chopped
5 ounces frozen peas, thawed
2 celery ribs, chopped
1 carrot, peeled and shredded
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
3/4 cup mayonnaise type salad dressing
2 Tbs. sugar
1/2 cup croutons
Prepare day before serving. Arrange lettuce in the bottom of a deep baking dish or plastic container with a cover. Sprinkle with bacon pieces. Layer with remaining vegetables and sprinkle with cheese. Combine salad dressing and sugar in a bowl. Spread over top of salad so it is air tight. Cover and refrigerate until serving time. Just before serving, toss and add croutons, if desired.
Per serving: calories 367, fat 22.5g, 54% calories from fat, cholesterol 36mg, protein 12.5g, carbohydrates 30.2g, fiber 4.0g, sugar 19.8g, sodium 938mg, diet points 8.9.
Dietary Exchanges: Milk: 0.0, Vegetable: 1.0, Fruit: 0.0, Bread: 1.2, Lean meat: 1.3, Fat: 3.5, Sugar: 0.4, Very lean meat protein: 0.0
Slow Cooker Chocolate Applesauce Cake
Prep: 15 min, Cook: 2:15.
1-1/2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/8 tsp. salt
1/4 cup plus 2 Tbs. unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. vanilla extract
3 eggs
1/4 lb. unsweetened chocolate, melted
1/3 cup buttermilk
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 cup powdered sugar
Sift first 4 ingredients together in a bowl. Set aside. Combine butter and sugar in a mixing bowl. Beat with an electric mixer until fluffy. Add next 4 ingredients and mix thoroughly. With mixer running, pour in melted chocolate and mix thoroughly. Add flour mixture and mix on low speed until just blended. Slowly beat in buttermilk. Stir in chocolate chips and walnuts. Transfer batter to an electric slow cooker on high heat. Smooth top. Cover and cook 2 1/4 to 2 1/2 hours or until a tester comes out clean when inserted in center. Remove lid, turn off cooker and and let cake cool in cooker until just barely warm. Run a sharp knife around inside edges of cooker. Use a large spatula to carefully remove cake in one piece. Sprinkle with powdered sugar before serving.
Per serving: calories 508, fat 27.7g, 46% calories from fat, cholesterol 94mg, protein 8.9g, carbohydrates 64.8g, fiber 4.6g, sugar 41.4g, sodium 163mg, diet points 12.0.
Dietary Exchanges: Milk: 0.0, Vegetable: 0.0, Fruit: 0.2, Bread: 1.0, Lean meat: 0.3, Fat: 4.8, Sugar: 2.6, Very lean meat protein: 0.2
My Dearest Kyle!
It’s been two years since I first saw your sweet little face. Felt your breath against my cheek, put my finger in your little hand. I can’t believe it’s been two years. I have been told that with time this road gets easier, oh sweetie, how that doesn’t ring true for me. I think of you always and miss you more with each passing day. I wonder all the time, what you would you be like. I ache for what I will never have with you. I won’t ever hear you call me mommy, or even have our first argument. I won’t see you go to kindergarten, or get married and have children. I won’t be a grandma to your children. I often find myself wondering why? Why did you have to suffer, why did you have to have so much wrong with your little heart, and yet look so perfect, and why couldn’t we save you? There are days this consumes me, and I know sweetie, this isn’t what you want for me to be sad like this. I just can’t help it, sweetie. There is such a huge piece missing from my life, and honey that is you. But because of you mommy has been determine to have your memory live on. I did your teddy bear program again sweetie, and we raised money for CHKD! You would be so proud your sisters and daddy they worked so hard on these little bears. Even your little brother chewed on a few hang tags for ya!! J Auntie Micki was wonderful too sweetie, she designed your teddy bear t-shirts ,Because of you sweetie, I am trying to help other mommies who have lost their angels understand, it’s hard doing that because I still don’t understand why you had to die. Because of you I learned that life is never to be taken for granted, and I’ve learned so much more about my faith. I just wish I could have done good without paying the high cost of losing you. I miss you so much Kyle. I know sweetie you watch over us every day, I know you are with your sisters and brother. I just wish they could see you and play with you and make all over you like they do with Kyler. I am so honored to have been your mommy, I am so honored that the angels choose you to be my little angel. I hope and pray for a peace that will finally come to me sweetie. I love you so very much and hold you every day in my heart. I hope the angels celebrate with you your birthday, cause you deserve the best sweetie. Please send me an angel hug and angel kisses cause I will need them sweetie to get me through.
I LOVE YOU!!!! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love Mommy!!!
Kyle's Page
My name is Hannah Stone and I am the author of "Forever Our Angels." The book is a collection of personal essays, written by men and women who have been dealt the blow of pregnancy loss. Whether the loss occurred in the first trimester or it was experienced in the later weeks of a happily anticipated pregnancy, these men and women were willing to share their pain and devastation in order to help others. I have received endorsements for the book from several obstetricians, including Dr. Bernard Gonik, Dr. Michael Berman of HYGEIA and Dr. Steven Klein. Hospitals all over the country are using the book as a valuable resource for grieving parents through their gift shops, support groups and birthing center pregnancy loss packets. Websites such as October15th.com, mama2mama.org and pregnancyjourneysafterloss.com are recommending "Forever Our Angels" as a resource as well.
I encourage you to take a look at the link I have included www.lulu.com/content/216306
The book is available at a wholesale price for hospitals and support groups, using the following link. www.lulu.com/content/296750
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Hannah Stone
Hannah.stone@sbcglobal.net
http://foreverourangels.tripod.com
Some Links To Share
Hidden Angels
Fly Little Wing
Welcome To Heaven
Until We Meet Again Memorial Ring
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
~Author Unknown~
Memorial Donations
In Loving Memory of
Jill Miersonne by Mom
Greg O'Toole by Mom
Angel Moms Newsletter-September Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Brenda,Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda, Melody,
Angel Moms Web Site
