This month's Featured Mom is Donna Adkins
SISTERS OF MY HEARTMy name is Donna Adkins. I am 47 years old and live in Indianapolis Indiana. I started this journey we all share on August 31, 2005.
I was the 3rd daughter born to Tom and Jan Mcallister on December 26, 1958. My parents have told me they had a choice as to which day I would be born because I was 4 weeks late already! I weighed in at 9 pounds. I`m happy they didnt choose Christmas Day. I was raised knowing our Lord in a family of six children; 5 girls and one boy. We are a very close-knit family and for that I am very greatful!
Two months after graduating from high school I went to work for Jenn- Air, Corporation and spent the next 19 years and 7 months employed there. In 1980 I met Bruce Schumacher and we married in 1981. We had two children. Lindsay DeAnn was born Febuary 6, 1982 and Paul William was born March 10, 1984.
Bruce decided to leave us in Sept 1989 and that is when I became a single parent. I was deeply saddened that he chose not to be an active participant in his childrens lives, in spite of the fact that he lived literally one block from our home. Bruce died of a massive heart attack on November 26, 2004. He was only 47 years old. My son Paul was there with him and called 911. Bruce had only in recent years decided to be in Lindsay and Pauls lives. I am so grateful they had these few precious years and the oppertunity to mend some of the damaged emotions caused by those many years of seperation with there father!
I met my current husband, Johnny Adkins in September 1996, only 2 weeks before Jenn-Air closed their doors and we all lost our jobs. On July 13, 1999 we were blessed with our grandson Dayon!! He is the joy of our lives! We married August 13, 2003 almost 7 years later.Lindsay is due to have a baby girl (Alexis) around December 8th we cant wait ! I thank the Lord for the love and support of my husband, who, while not a biological parent to Paul, shares with me the pain and loss of my angel.
On August 31, 2005 I lost my only son Paul. He was 21 years old and 1,000 miles away from home, in college. He died on a motorcycle in Daytona Beach Florida, at 9 pm. We were awakened at 1:45 am by the Indiana State Police, here to tell me my son was gone! The worst night of my life, and so began my journey none of us want to be on. In early December 2005 my sister Darlene found ANGEL MOMS for me on the internet. It has truly been a life-saver for me. I dont know how I could have made it until now, without each and everyone of you! I credit my sanity to finding the group and all the love and support you and my family have given me. Thankyou all for this oppertunity to share my story with you.
May GOD Bless you all !!!
Love Donna Angel Paul's Mom
Paul's Web Site
Missing You at Halloween
Missing you is a constant in my life now
But “special” days seem even harder to bear.
I’m remembering all the fun you had at Halloween
In picking out just the right costume to wear.
And then the anticipation of going out
To all the houses here on our street
To see if neighbors would recognize you
As you gleefully shouted, “Trick or Treat!”
What fun it was to walk on the darkened streets,
Encountering other goblins and witches along the way,
Feeling the mystery and wonder of this special night
When magic, enchantment, and costumes hold sway.
And, then the fun of coming home with your loot
And dumping the contents out on the floor
To see all the treasures and candies you’d got
And almost always, wishing for more.
And wishing for more is something I do now,
Every minute, each day of the year,
But the treasure I seek is your sweet, smiling face
And the pleasure of having you here.
Saralyn McAfee Smith
2006
Halloween
As I think back to Halloween, I think back to sweet memories of Tiffany and my boys when they were little and dressing them up and carving pumpkins with them. We use to get old clothes and stuff them with hay and make scare crows out of them. It was always fun taking the kids out to trick-or treat going door to door and them being all excited about getting candy. I remember the PTA carnival I dressed up and had to crawl into a little box and jump out and scare the kids. My kids thought I was so cool doing this...LOL.
On Tiffany's last Halloween her and her best friend got all dressed up and went to the Halloween school dance, Tiffany looked so cute in her maid outfit. I have never thought of Halloween as being a bad holiday it was always just fun and a great time with my kids. I thought for this newsletter I would just put some info on here about Halloween.
All Hallows Eve was the evening before All Saints Day which is celebrated on November 1.
In Mexico, they celebrate El Dia de los Muertos or the Day of the Dead starting the evening of October 31.
Halloween also marks the end of harvest season. The end of October marks the time that pastures and fields dry up. The animals were brought in from the pasture to be butchered and the remaining vegetables left in fields and gardens were left to rot. This part of the season often brought about reminisce of loved ones that were lost.
In 1800's people started to have parties. Part of the celebrations included costumes, fortune telling and games such as bobbing for apples.
At the turn of the century, cities were overcrowded and Halloween marked the time to let off steam by playing practical jokes such as turning over out houses. By the 1930's things had gotten out of hand and serious damage was being done on Halloween. There was a movement to have children go door to door and ask for candy as an alternative to vandalism.
Traditional Observance of Halloween:
Home owners display decorations on their house such as Jack O'lanterns (a carved, the lit pumpkin), scare crows, fake cemeteries, spider webs and other decorations. Some even play spooky music that can be heard in their yards.
Trick or Treating
In the evening children dress up in costumes, and they go door to door in their neighborhoods. When the homeowner opens the door, they say "Trick or Treat". The home owner gives the children candy.
Costume Parties
People attend costume parties and dress to disguise their appearance. Often there are prizes for the best costume.
On the 27th of this month, I will mark another year without Shane, it ill be nine years. Sometimes it still seems like yesterday or last week since I have seen his face, heard his voice or felt his touch, other times it feels like forever. Time is measured differently by a mother who has lost a child.
I have come a long way since that day in 1997, but there are still things that can knock me right back to day one. The pain is still here, I know it will be a part of me forever, but I have learned to live with it. I have accomplished a lot of things, learned a lot of lessons and met a lot of people I would have never met had I not lost Shane. Of course I would give it all up to have Shane back, but that is not possible, I am very thankful for the friends I have made on this grief journey. All of you share this same pain, some are further along and some are just beginning. I wish none of us had to know this pain, but I am thankful we all have each other to help us survive it.
On Shane's anniversary, family and friends will meet at the cemetery and we will light his jack-o-lantern and candles and share our memories with each other. We'll send him balloons. There will be tears and there will be laughter as we remember the good times we had with him. His life on earth was short, but I am so thankful for the time we had together. He gave us almost 20 years of love and laughter, a life time of memories and two beautiful little girls he lives on through.
As I was trying to think about what to write about for this month’s newsletter, I came across the following article. Even though I was lucky enough to have my daughter for 20 years, (my gosh how in the world could I even think of myself as lucky to have lost my daughter!?), I know there are many of you who have lost babies so I would like to share this article with you and hope that it brings you some comfort.
Babies Do Go To Heaven
by Connie Ard
Although I had experienced two miscarriages, I never really gave it much thought what happens to those babies' spirits. I experienced my first miscarriage at the age of sixteen. For years I would look at children and think like a lot of mothers do: What would my child look like? What would my child be doing right now? If my child had lived, he/she would be about that age... With the passage of time and the birth of two healthy daughters (with a miscarriage in between), my memory had dulled and I had all but forgotten the child I might have had.
One night, on the way home from a family gathering, my husband, two daughters, and I were almost involved in a head-on collision. By all "natural" means, the car should have clipped our front bumper on the left side before moving back into his lane. The Lord opened my eyes to the spiritual realm for a split second, a small moment in time. I saw an angel there, in between the two cars where they should have made impact. There was an odd feeling of recognition. I had seen the angel before; he had stood guard over my husband and I as we prayed one night. But it was more than just a feeling of "I've seen you before"; it was a feeling of "knowing" intimately. So I started to pray. "Lord, who is this angel? You've sent him to us before, but I know him. Who is he, Lord? He's awfully young—I didn't know angels were so young." "He's the child you would have had thirteen years ago," Jesus answered without hesitation.
Needless to say, I dissolved into a heaving, sobbing, mass of tears. My poor husband was flabbergasted. He had no idea about what I had seen. He didn't even know that I had a miscarriage before I met him. That was a shocking and unexpected revelation for everyone involved.
I'm not trying to prove something or make a new doctrine. I'm not saying all babies become guardian angels. However, I do believe from my experience that babies that never get a chance at life do go to heaven. No life is ever lost in vain—the Lord has a plan for them too. I know the pain and anger and confusion that comes with losing a child. I can't tell you why these things happen—as it says in the word, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord (Isaiah 55:8)—only God knows why. All I can tell you is what I learned from my experience. I learned that babies return from where they came when they aren't given the chance to live; they return to the Savior's loving embrace. Although we may never hold them in our arms, we will forever hold them in our hearts.
Lean On Me
It was a beautiful day in September in Central Park. A beautiful day to be alive and warming up for the Susan B. Komen Race for the Cure, held on September 10th. A common bond brought these thousands together-most strangers. Many runners and walkers were participating in honor of their own survival or a friend or relative, and some were there to remember someone that they had loved and lost. My grandmother died from breast cancer, although I didn’t start out in the race because of that. A husband and daughter were running with their wife and mom, who I knew must be battling cancer. She had to stop while they helped her adjust a dressing or a drain, I do not know. I thought of the courage it takes for many of these participants to be there. There are thousands. I spotted a beautiful blond haired boy of about 3 years old, wearing an oversized pink t-shirt. Printed on the back was, “You lean on me and I will lean on you.” Tears welled up in my eyes, imagining this little guy comforting an adult and knowing how much help a 3 year old boy needs. You lean on me and I will lean on you!
It was the culmination of a theme. I had been hearing it for weeks as a prelude to the 9/11 anniversary. The Widows Club, formed by 4 women who had lost their husbands in the WTC, highlighted how they had comforted each other in their sorrow, never questioned their right to be angry and always were there for each other. Three of the four have remarried. They still go out and start each dinner with a toast “To the boys.”
And so I must toast AngelMoms. For me finding AngelMoms was a life raft in a stormy sea. Certainly I have leaned on you. I have benefited from your experience and wisdom, I have cried over the pain that you have endured, I have laughed with you and I have marveled at how resilient the human spirit is. It is what people who understand pain do-they reach out to help similarly wounded people. We are wounded in our hearts and no one understands an AngelMom like another AngelMom. Thank you one and all. You have helped me more than you can ever know. My oldest son is getting married on September 30th, yet another milestone event in which Mike cannot fully participate. However, the wedding favors will be a scroll, indicating that a donation has been made to his scholarship fund.
Lean on me and I will lean on you!
We've lost our children in so many tragic ways and I am trying to focus on those causes each month in our newsletter. I am also going to list each of our Angels with their cause of death that I am writing about that month. I will do my best not to miss anyone's name, so please help me by looking to see if your Angel is listed on the Angel Moms "How We Lost Our Angels" page at www.angelmoms.com/causes.html. If your Angel isn't listed, then please send me their information, so I do not miss anyone. It's very important that each Angel is remembered.
I'm sorry for all of your losses and I'll do my best to be gentle with how you lost your child/children/grandchildren. I encourage anyone to write to me and send any information they want to share to help me with my articles. Next month I will be writing about Leukemia and Cancer. God Bless!
Love & Hugs,
Melody ~ Angel Adam
Love lifts Angels more so than wings. Love lights their way more so than any halo. And love sings from within them far louder than any harp could play.
Definition: STILLBIRTH
A stillbirth is when a fetus that was expected to survive dies during birth or during the late stages of pregnancy.
Stillbirths may be due to injuries, illnesses (such as toxemia), infections, or catastrophic events (such as hemorrhage or cardiac arrest) in the mother or the fetus. Birth defects and growth abnormalities of the fetus also can occur. Problems with the uterus (such as placental detachment, poor placental function, or restricted uterine growth) can be dangerous to the fetus. A stillbirth is defined as the death of a fetus at any time after the 20th week of pregnancy. Stillbirth is also referred to as intrauterine fetal death (IUFD).
Prenatal Diagnosis:
A decrease or cease of fetal activity may be an indication of fetal distress or death, though it is not entirely uncommon for a healthy fetus to exhibit such changes, particularly near the end of a pregnancy when there is considerably little space in the womb for the fetus to move about. Still, medical examination, including a nonstress test, is recommended in the event of any change in the strength or frequency of fetal movement, especially a complete cease; most midwives and obstetricians recommend the use of a kick chart to assist in detecting any changes. Fetal distress or death can be confirmed or negated via fetoscopy/doptone, ultrasound, and/or electronic fetal monitoring. If the fetus is alive but inactive, extra attention will be given to the placenta and umbilical cord during ultrasound examination to ensure that there is no compromise of oxygen and nutrient delivery.
Causes:
A number of different disorders can cause stillbirth. They include:
Abnormalities in the fetus caused by infectious diseases, including syphilis, toxoplasmosis, German measles (rubella), and influenza.
Bacterial infection
Chromosomal aberrations
Growth retardation
Maternal diabetes or high blood pressure
Pharmaceutical drugs contraindicated in pregnancy
Physical trauma
Placental abruption
Postmaturity. Postmaturity is a condition in which the pregnancy has lasted 41 weeks or longer.
Pre-eclampsia and eclampsia. These are disorders of late pregnancy characterized by high blood pressure, fluid retention, and protein in the urine.
Rh disease
Severe birth defects, including spina bifida. Birth defects are responsible for about 20% of stillbirths.
Umbilical cord accidents
Unknown causes. A large percentage of human stillbirths are of unknown causes (S.A.D.S. Sudden Antenatal Death Syndrome), even in cases where extensive testing and autopsy have been performed. These account for about one third of stillbirths.
Symptoms: In most cases the only symptom of stillbirth is that the mother notices that the baby has stopped moving. In some cases, the first sign of fetal death is premature labor.
A message from Jenny Fredrick:
On September 3, 2002 at 9:59am, Lucas was born Still. They were not 100% sure what happened, but they thought it could be Placenta Abruption or a condition called Vasa Previa. I didn't know for sure until two and a half years later and after the loss of my second child, Braydon. Further testing showed that it was indeed a full Placenta Abruption and not Vasa Previa. For further information about Vasa Previa, please visit their website: ivpf.org/
I created Lucas' Legacy Angels about a year after I lost my little man. I make Angel's pins and poem cards, and either give them away or donate them to people who are in need of a little extra comfort. Donations are excepted to help cover costs of materials and shipping/handling. If anyone is interested in more information, please feel free to contact me.
Love & hugs,
Jen, mom to Angel Lucas & Angel Braydon
http://lucas-fredrick.memory-of.com/legacy.aspx
I love you, my little angel, just as if you'd lived for years,
No more, no less, I think of you, the angel of my tears.
Our Stillborn Angels
Angel Abby (Bonnie M.) Angel Abigail (Andrea) Angel Abrianna (Becca S.) Angel Addison (Kimberly T.) Angel Aidan (Stacey S.) Angel Alys (Tracy B.) Angel Amanda (Amy H.) Angel Amy (Theresa C.) Angel Analisia (Vanesa F.) Angel Andrew (Cassie T.) Angel Arron (Nicola M.) Angel Austin (Kimberly T.) Angel Ava (Annette A.) Angel Ava (Heather V.)
Angel Bethany (Nancy S.-A.) Angel Bree (Bobie S.) Angel Brian (Amanda S.) Angel Brigitte (Stephanie C.)
Angel Caleb (Amanda T.) Angel Cayleigh (Cami M.) Angel Chase (Kelly A.) Angel Christoper (Carla H.) Angel Christopher (Donna F.) Angel Christopher (Pat F.) Angel Cobey (Tammy S.) Angel Cody (Sheila E.) Angel Colin (Traci D.)
Angel Damion (Twila) Angel Dana (Carmen W.) Angel Darcy (Coley S.) Angel Delvin (Jennifer L.) Angel Destiny (Tina M.) Angel Devan (Bonnie F.) Angel Dylan (Megan T.)
Angel Emalee (Jeri A.) Angel Emily (Jennifer Y.) Angel Eric (Angela H.) Angel Evan (Belinda)
Angel Gabriel (Rebecca A.)
Angel Hannah (Mary G.) Angel Baby Hanson (Raeannon H.) Angel Haylee (Carolyne) Angel Hope (Kim)
Angel Isabella (Mercedes M.) Angel Isaiah (Julie L.) Angel Issac (Blanca A.)
Angel Jack (Joanne C.) Angel Jack (Leonie K.) Angel Jaden (LaShawna) Angel Jamari (Marisa L.) Angel Jameson (Megan D.) Angel Jason (Debbie B.) Angel Jennifer (Kay W.) Angel Jeremiah (Debra P.) Angel Johnathon (Cristin D.) Angel Jonathon (Gina P.) Angel Jonathon (Racheal B.) Angel Joshua (Jennifer S.) Angel Joshua (Lynn)
Angel Kailey (Heather) Angel Kallie (Rhonda J.) Angel Katelyn (Mandy M.) Angel Kathryn (Cindy J.) Angel Kelsey (Sarah F.) Angel Kenneth (Dee S.) Angel Kevin (Jennifer Y.) Angel Kimberly (Dawn M.) Angel Kylee (Emily M.)
Angel Lewis (Connie) Angel Lucas (Heidi F.) Angel Lucas (Jennifer F.)
Angel Madeline (Sabrina C.) Angel Madison (Denise S.) Angel Marian (Molly) Angel Michael Tamika C.) Angel Miracle (Kahlilia) Angel Miranda (Theresa C.) Angel Monquence (Tracy J.) Angel Morgan (Sabrina C.) Angel Mya (Monica Z.) Angel Myorra (Willette W.)
Angel Natasha (Philesha W.) Angel Nathan (Bobbie B.) Angel Nicole (Rachel) Angel Noah (Mimi F.) Angel Noah (Stephanie G.)
Angel Olivia (Becca S.) Angel Owen (Donna W.)
Angel Patricia (Beth D.) Angel Princess (Jackie C.)
Angel Rebecca (Alissa W.) Angel Rebecca (Tricia C.) Angel Rilee (LeAnn H.)
Angel Sarah (Regina G.) Angel Sinead (Moya S.)
Angel Taylor (Tiffany W.) Angel Troy (Jen W.) Angel Tyler (Tina G.)
Angel William (Jessica P.)
Angel Zachary (Brenda) Angel Zackary (Amanda) Angel Zoe (April M.)
This month we welcome Diana Stafford to our newsletter staff. Diana we are so glad to have you!
Through sharing our memories
it keeps our children alive.
With each special moment remembered
they help us to survive.
As we walk down memory lane,
we always keep them near.
For they are the ones we will never forget.
the ones that we hold so near.
Written by:Zana Maxwell-AngelMom to Alex
http://alexchristopher.memory-of.com
Hi, to all Moms. I am honored to be able to begin this part of the newsletter each month with a memory of one of our Angels. It came to me we need a place to honor our children and our memories of them. For as Moms what would we do without our memories. They are there to help us through the day and to give us peace through the night. Life can take away alot of things but it can't take away our memories. The only thing that can is the dreaded disease called Alzheimers.
So what I would like to do is have Moms to email me their memory whether it be a miscarriage, a stillborn or any age of child. Because no matter the age we all have a memory. The number of memories I do each month will depend on size and space. But every memory I receive will be published in one of the newsletters.
To start us off I will share a memory of my Angel Travis. Now since this is the month of Halloween I have a memory of getting him and his brothers ready for Trick or Treating each year. I was always very cautious and tried to find costumes and masks that wouldn't scare them or traumatize them. For some reason Travis always ended up being a clown. Now being the Mom I was and trying my best not to do anything to scare the boys or leave them with a scar of horror about halloween the clown outfit was my favorite.But as we all know things happen even when we do the best we can. Stephen King came out with a movie that most of you may have seen and it was called IT. Now for those who haven't seen this movie IT was a clown. So my Travis being the brave person he thought he was set up one night and watched the movie. He was around 12 yrs old. Needless to say after half way through the movie here he came running into my bedroom and jumped into bed and said I can't believe you did that to me. I ask him what he was talking about and his reply was you dressed me up for years as a clown. I said yes I did but what is wrong with that? He said(and this is where he nearly wiped me out)I will be traumatized the rest of my life to think I was one of those "things". So it goes to show no matter how hard we try to protect our kids we will fail somewhere.
Send Memory to: dianaandharold@bellsouth.net
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Acts of Kindness Awards for September were presented to
Teresa Miller by Jamie Lynn Nault
Trish Hesser by Denise Sherfield
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Prematurity Awareness Day
On November 14th, the March of Dimes celebrates Prematurity Awareness Day.
If we can persuade Google to create a doodle for us on November 14th, we can potentially be seen by millions of internet users.
Please help us spread the word, and sign the petition for the top spot on Google! It only takes 30 seconds!
http://www.marchofdimes.com/forms/signpetition.asp
Cheesy Broccoli Casserole
Prep: 10 min, Cook: 30 min.
10 ounces frozen chopped broccoli, thawed and drained
1 cup sour cream
1 cup ricotta low fat cheese
1/2 cup buttermilk baking mix
1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
2 eggs
1 tomato, peeled and thinly sliced
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Preheat oven to 350°F. Spread broccoli in a lightly greased 8 inch square baking dish. Combine next 5 ingredients in a bowl and beat with a hand beater 1 minute. Pour over broccoli. Arrange tomato slices on top. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake about 30 minutes, until golden brown and a knife inserted halfway between center and edge comes out clean. Cool 5 minutes.
66% calories from fat, cholesterol 81mg, protein 8.7g, carbohydrates 9.8g, fiber 1.5g, sugar 3.9g, sodium 292mg, diet points 5.8.
Baked Sliced Potatoes
Prep: 10 min, Cook: 1:00.
2-1/4 lbs. potatoes
1/4 lb. butter
salt and pepper
fresh parsley
Preheat oven to 400°F. Rinse, dry, and thinly slice the potatoes. Butter a large, shallow ovenproof dish; melt the remaining butter in a small pan. Put a layer of potatoes in the bottom of the dish. Drizzle a little butter over and season lightly with salt and pepper. Repeat these layers, finishing with butter. Cover and cook in a preheated 400°F oven for 1 hour. Sprinkle with chopped parsley and serve from the dish.
5g, 50% calories from fat, cholesterol 41mg, protein 3.7g, carbohydrates 30.7g, fiber 2.7g, sugar 2.7g, sodium 12mg, diet points 6.6.
Quick Peach Dessert
Prep: 10 min, plus refrigeration time.
4 peaches, sliced
1/2 cup sugar
4 sponge cake shells
1 cup light frozen dessert topping
Combine peaches and sugar in a bowl. Refrigerate 20-30 minutes for sugar to dissolve. Stir well before spooning into cake shells. Serve with a dollop of dessert topping.
Per serving: calories 291, fat 4.5g, 13% calories from fat, cholesterol 41mg, protein 3.5g, carbohydrates 63.5g, fiber 2.4g, sugar 54.3g, sodium 106mg, diet points 6.2.
Hello everyone I hope this finding you doing well. I wanted to update you all on a wonderful cause I have been following lately. Since losing Saylor, I had become a part of a group of online women trying to get October 15th passed as a National Recognized date for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today the House voted in favor for October 15th to be marked as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I am so excited about this and just am thinking of Saylor at this time. Thank you to all of you who may have helped sign petitions and what not that I may have sent you regarding this!!! If you would like you can go to www.october15th.com for more information
God Bless you all!
Amanda Tadlock
Some Links To Share
RD4U-Grief Support for Children
No Mother Walks Alone
No Tear Is Lost
When we look with our
hearts, not our eyes, we will
see angels surrounding us at
every moment
Memorial Donations
Angel Moms Newsletter-October Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Brenda, Diana, Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Holly, Linda, Melody,
Angel Moms Web Site
