Our Featured Mom for the month of March is Janis Gonzales
Hello Everyone,
My name is Janis Gonzales and I am honored to be the Featured Mom for the month of March. I am so happy to have found this group. I don't respond to the emails much, but I love reading your messages and the newsletter, and I love just knowing that you all are here. I would love to meet some of the other Angel Moms.My husband and I have three wonderful, amazing children, but sadly only two are still with us, Placido, who is 8, and Liesl, who is now 6. Our beautiful angel Cariana was born on Aug. 29, 2001. She was quiet and sweet and didn't fuss at all. When she was two months old, she was diagnosed with Down syndrome. Although our vision of the future changed a bit, our love for her did not change one iota. She was the light of our lives and she brought indescribable joy and love into our family.
My husband worked hard to support us all, and I worked with Cariana. With the help of her brother and sister, and many wonderful therapists, Cariana blossomed, learning things many people did not think possible. By the time she turned two, she was reading simple words, amazing even her speech therapist with the clarity of her speech. She loved to laugh and she brought smiles to the faces of everyone she met.
The month she turned two years old, Cariana was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, a precursor to leukemia. She underwent 8 months of chemotherapy and radiation, but despite all treatment, her disease continued to progress. On April 14, 2004, she died of AML at the age of two and a half. My heart was crushed and my life has never been the same.
In her memory I have worked for the past year to establish a pediatric palliative care program for children with life-threatening illnesses in NM, and I am also busy writing a book about Cariana's life. We have also dedicated a conference room in her name in the new Children's Hospital, and for the first anniversary of her death, I had bookmarks printed with her picture and a quote from the novel Gilead, which said "That there should be such a voice in the whole world, and that I should be the one to hear it, seemed to me then and seems to me now an unfathomable grace." None of it is enough, of course, because what I really want is to have her back with me again.
I miss her so much it is impossible to explain, but I know you all will understand. We were so closely connected that losing her was like losing half of my own heart. My other two children are now my reason for living, but I can't wait for the day I will see Cariana and hold her in my arms once again.
Roses In Heaven
Beautiful red, pink, yellow and white roses,
They all say "I Love You"
The thorns on the bush remind us
That mistakes need forgiveness too.
Red roses tell of God's beauty,
That often thrills my soul.
The yellow, whispers of His Love,
Chasing away sadness, and making us whole.
The pink is for the blush in my cheeks,
When laughter chases the blues away.
The white tells of His forgiveness,
We'll share together each day.
If Roses grow in heaven,
Lord, please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my loved one's arms
and tell them, they're from me.
Tell them that I love and miss
them, and when they turn to smile,
place a kiss upon their cheek
and hold them for a while.
Because remembering them is easy,
I do it every day.
But there's an ache within my heart,
that will never go away.
Author Unknown
Letter from Tiffany from Heaven
Dear Mom,
Mom, I'm writing this from Heaven and sending it to you on Angel wings. I want you to know what happened to me. I remember the music in the car as my friend drove the next minute I saw darkness then a bright light shined above God reached out and pulled me to his side and he said don't worry child your going home with me. Mom it is so beautiful here and the love for you I feel so strong, I do miss you but I know you will be with me soon for time here is like the blink of an eye. I'm so sorry you are hurting that is what hurts me most, I want to see you smile and be happy, Please don't worry about me I'm fine.
Mom I have meet some beautiful people here and they are with me. I love the babies I hold them and kiss them and rock them to sleep. I play with the little children the little girls like barbies just like I did when I was young and I also like playing with the little boys we climb the trees. Mom I have so many friends here the older girls like me we have slumber parties and sit up all night talking about all the good looking angel boys. All us girls giggle and flirt with the boys and guess what mom one winked at me. The angel children that are older than us teens are so very supportive and hug us when we are missing you and make sure we are good little angels.
Mom I love all of them and they are like family to me, so I sent you a special gift. Your gift is a wonderful one it is friendship with the moms of the angel children they are Angel Moms, I know they are like sisters to you and I want it that way, they are all so very special just like their children are here in Heaven. Let the Angel Moms know their child will always be a part of them and will always watch over them. Let them know we send our love and are blowing kisses from Heaven to them.
Love forever and always,
Tiffany
As I sat here think about what to write this month for the newsletter, I looked out the window and could see flowers blooming in my yard. The trees are budding out, Spring is here, a new beginning. After cold days, bare trees and a bare yard, it is a welcome sight. Spring gives hope, it reminds me that though I have pain in my heart, that life goes on and there is still beauty in the world and things in life to enjoy. For those who are new to this grief, the Sping is still there and you will see it again in time.
The last few months I have been pretty busy, as some of you know my daughter Laurie has back problems. She goes to physical therapy three times a week. She is being a real trooper, she is pushing through the pain and making great progress. Her hip is now back in place, she is now able to walk straighter and with less pain. Like Spring is arriving, so is Laurie, she smiles and laughs a lot more, she is now going places again and is becoming her old self. It is so good to have her back! We still have a ways to go, but we are getting there. Thank you all for the prayers and support!
The sky is a beautiful clear blue today as I write this. The sun is shining, and because of the mild winter we have had this year, the tulips I planted last fall are peeking out from the soft earth. Spring is starting to arrive, and the world around me is showing signs of new life and rebirth. In some ways it mirrors the emotions of a grieving mom. We go through the darkness and cold of winter, when the days look as gray and dreary as our souls feel. Then, slowly, the sun begins to shine more and more each day, bringing a comforting warmth. The flowers bloom, and suddenly, before we realize it, there is color in our world again. There is a sense of hope, that maybe, just maybe, we can make it through another day. As I look up into that beautiful blue sky, I see the trails left behind by various airplanes on thier way to who knows where. Not long after Zackary died, my oldest son Nickolas told me that those trails were Zackary’s sidewalks in heaven. So now, as I lift my face up to feel the warmth of the spring sunshine, I look at those trails and wonder where our angels are traveling to today on those many heavenly sidewalks.
Love and hugs to you all,
Krista, Angel Zackary’s mommy
As a Midwesterner, when the month of March rolls around I am more than ready for spring! Although this particular winter has been milder than normal, I am anxious for warmer weather. It’s always nice to see the spring flowers poking their heads up through the recently snow covered ground. All the stores are showing the spring and summer line of clothes. The Easter season is just around the corner. Even spring cleaning has a way of giving me a good feeling. It is a time of renewal, of rebirth, of starting again.
Unfortunately, for me it is also a time of remembrance. Every year on March 19th I relive the day we lost Jill. You all know about that “heaven day” we all must survive every year that passes after we lose our kids. In my case it was in a hospital after weeks of medical treatments, all in vain. It is the memory of our family forming a circle around Jill’s hospital bed and talking to her and praying that she could hear us tell her how much we love her as she lies in a coma. It is hearing the doctor pronounce her dead and begging the staff spiritual advisor for reassurance that Jill in fact was in heaven at that moment. It is being taken to a private room and hearing the people in charge telling us about transporting her body to the funeral home, asking for an autopsy, collecting her personal items and what happens next but not really hearing anything. It is the drive home never to return to that hospital again.
Every March marks another year without Jill and no matter how many pass by, I miss her every single day as I know all of you miss your dear children not just on birthdays and heaven days but every minute of every day. As March 20th arrives and begins the new season of spring, I pray that all of you find peace, joy, and a feeling of renewal in your life that will no longer be the same without your precious angel. I know that’s what they all want for us.
Taking Stock
We took a quick vacation during President's week. Matt was out of school and I persuaded Jim to take three days off from work. We left for the airport on Tuesday evening, stoked to have fun and hit the Disney Parks the next morning. The plane pulled away from the gate and we were headed for the runway. Then we turned around and headed back to the gate. One of the passengers had changed her mind. It made me think of Final Destination, but I tried to dismiss that idea. I have to admit, I have never had that happen to me in the 40+ years I have been flying. Needless to say, our flight was delayed and by the time we arrived in Orlando, got the rental car and arrived at the hotel and checked in, we were not in bed until 3 am.
Normally, I am out of the hotel between 8:30 and 9 am to get the most out of the parks. I think we finally exited at noon. I was popping aspirin the whole way, trying to get rid of a pervasive headache. I was not all that peppy at Epcot, which we had chosen for its mellowness. The next day was not much different. I had not realized how tired I was, how tired we all were, until we took this vacation.
As an AngelMom, I think I try to be better, to control more, to work harder. I have a lot to prove, mostly to myself and my family. I may have a lot to prove, but this vacation made me realize that I am not going about it in the right way. I have spent too much time at work, drowning myself in activities, trying to keep moving to the point of exhaustion. Vacations are precious moments. I shouldn't be in a coma when I arrive at my destination. I know I can’t be alone in this, so I am asking you to take stock. Spring is coming and a rebirth is possible. Are you drowning yourself in activities or some other behavior? Are you trying to suppress pain by being so tired you are numb?
Think about it. I know I am. Life is for the living and you can’t do it with arms wide open if you just want to curl up into a ball.
Hugs to all of the AngelMoms!
Lynn
Different Shoes for Everyone As you all know we all wear different kind of shoes, different shapes and sizes, color and style for our different journey's in our lives. I sometimes look at other family's who have not lost a child and see them in these nice comfortable pair of shoes walking the easy road, somedays these people have little tiny pebbles in them, which cause pain, but when they take the time to remove their shoes and take out the pebble they are back into their normal fluffy lives. People change their shoes for every new journey they embark. They have flashy shoes for the good news, the slippers for those moments where everything is just fine and dandy, the stiletto heals to dig into other people's wounds, the steal toe to kick harm and danger out of the way, dancing shoes for when they are dancing through life, running shoes to take care of themselves and their journey or to run away from their lives. I remember those days, I've had all these shoes. Today I sport a pair of shoes for my journey of grief. Most days they are extremely tight and I can't feel anything, they sometimes create blisters which when they burst have tonnes of water that weeps from them, somedays they are just make me angry and I take them off and throw them against a wall, other days the leather expands and they just seem to be a part of my life, they aren't special they are just a sad looking pair. Unfortunately unlike any other pair of shoes I owned, they will never be thrown away, they are with me for life. I'll have to change the soles quite a few times during the next few years, the laces, and add some shoe shine on for others to think I have a brand new pair. But they will always remain the same heartbroken pair, that will take me along on this hazardous road of grief. I will probably own a few new pair, only to return to those in which are a part of my soul (no pun intended). So, don't forget that you can wear a different pair once in a while, it's okay, and don't forget to take care of those with which you will never part.
Mylène - Maman to Angel Sean
Mini St. Patrick's Day Hat
These cute little hats are made by melting styrofoam cups in the oven.
You need:
Styrofoam Hot/Cold Cups
Green Paint
3/8" Black Ribbon
Scrap of Silver Foil
Cookie Tray
Glue
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 275°. Place a Styrofoam cup upside down in the middle of the oven on a cookie tray. Watch for a few minutes as cup shrinks and edges turn up. Remove from oven. Let cool. Paint green. Glue a black ribbon on the hat and a piece of silver foil for a buckle.
Note: Not all the hats will melt correctly. Results will vary will different ovens.
Kids love this simple project that celebrates the season in a simple but colorful way.
Supplies
Three 4" Styrofoam® Eggs
Three 3" Styrofoam® Balls
Three jars white Smooth Finish™ paint for Styrofoam®
Three 3" terra cotta pots
Acrylic paint: pastel yellow, light green, pink and white
Three craft sticks
Easter grass
Low-temperature glue gun & glue
Directions
Use the acrylic paint to paint the rims of the pots and craft sticks. Paint each rim inside and out a pastel shade. Paint three craft sticks each a pastel shade. Paint the bottoms of each pot white. Let dry, then glue a 3" ball into each pot.
Create the pastel colors of yellow, green and pink Smooth Finish: Mix yellow into one jar, mix green into another jar and pink into the last jar until you get your desired pastel shade. Glue a pastel craft stick 1" into the wide end of each egg. Paint each of the eggs with two thick coats of a pastel color, allowing them to dry completely between coats. Set aside to dry. Use the remaining paint to add stripes and dots to the eggs as desired.
Glue the craft stick from the egg, centered in the ball in the top of the pot. Glue Easter grass to cover the ball.
Approximate Crafting Time: 1 hour
Skill Level: Some crafting experience necessary
Acts Of Kindness
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Loni. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
To The Newly Bereaved After Suicide
By LaRita Archibald, Founder of HEARTBEAT
2015 Devon Street, Colorado Springs CO 80909
Groups for mutual support for survivors in the aftermath of suicide. Grieving is a unique, lonely, extremely painful process with each individual working through their own space at their own pace, but it is comforting to know what helped others who have experienced the anguish in the aftermath of a loved one's suicide.
"GIVE SORROW WORDS. GRIEF HAS NEED TO SPEAK, LEST WHISPER THE O'ER FRAUGHT HEART AND BID IT BREAK".
Wm. Shakespeare/Macbeth
Talk! Talk! Talk! Speak of your pain and loss for as long and as often as you need to speak of it. Be with your grief. Don't suppress, avoid, or postpone grief's expression. Let yourself feel it!
Cry! Tears are cathartic and cleansing. Friends/extended family feel helpless faced with the magnitude of the loss and grief, try to soothe, may even plead with bereaved not to cry. Don't suppress your grief to spare others distress. If you are reluctant to express your pain in others presence, provide uninterrupted time each day to reflect upon the life shared, your loss and grief...a time to weep. Plan this private time during the day, allowing yourself some pleasant distraction during the pre-bedtime hours. In this manner you manage your grief well, allow healing without the discomfort of believing your grief expression imposes upon others.
Let your friends give what they offer..to be with you, to share a meal, to run errands, to listen to your heartbreak. When you feel the times of being alone are unbearable call upon them. Friends extend "Let me know how I can help?" and most are sincere. By calling on friends when we need help we give them an opportunity to share our burden.
On the other hand, if we don't accept help offerings, we may send the message that no help is needed and that future offers are an intrusion. We seldom feel like accepting invitations, often for a long time, but consider being with your closest friends/family at small dinner parties, movies, concerts, sports events etc. So what if you lose your composure. These social events provide the mind momentary respite from what has happened and are a useful focus when sleep is elusive or tormenting memories are overwhelming.
There is nothing funny about suicide or the death of someone we love but there is healing power in humor. It's O.K. to laugh. Laughter is healthy and healing. It releases chemicals that enhance ones sense of well-being. Laughter relaxes and rests us. Laughter reassures our wounded psyche. Provide an opportunity for laughter by being with fun-loving people, watch a good comedy show or rent a nonsensical movie. Don't expect films with a theme of violence, sex or societal issues to be relaxing.
Re-establish routine in your life as soon as possible. People thrive on orderliness in their lives and a loved one's death disturbs this orderliness in the most devastating manner possible. Re-establishing routine is a major, necessary step in reaffirming life's continuance and future well-being. For those who are confronted constantly by the absence of the family member re-establishing routine means redistribution of household chores and living arrangements.
Adjusting to a loved one's death means many heartbreaking, but necessary changes from life as it once was. Acute grieving depletes energy, leaving little concern for good grooming. It may take great effort and determination to shower, shave, arrange one's hair, makeup and dress each morning but caring for one's physical appearance is a critical step toward restoring well-being, balance and orderliness to one's life.
Provide the best opportunity for restful sleep by avoiding stimulants throughout the evening. Exercise is natures anti-depressant and enhances sleep opportunity but should be done in the late afternoon. Caffeinated foods, including chocolate and most carbonated drinks, are sleep robbers.
Alcohol is a depressant that magnifies an already depressed state of mind; it does not contribute to restful, uninterrupted sleep. It masks feelings, lowers inhibition and deprives one of control. Alcohol consumption should be avoided during acute grief.
Take the best possible care of yourself...of your emotional being, your mental, spiritual and physical being. Eat properly..Don't allow yourself to get too hungry or to go without meals. Try not to overeat. Often we experience a gnawing, empty feeling that we mistake as hunger and seek to fill that void with food that may be hard to digest or upsetting.
Become informed of both the dynamics of grief and of suicide so your grief is not unnecessarily complicated by myths, fears and biases. Pace yourself. This process is aptly called "grief work" and it is truly the most exhausting task your emotions, mind or your physical body will ever be called upon to do.
You may experience some physical symptoms, for grief often manifests itself physically. Do not dismiss physical symptoms...see a doctor.
Grief and the work place. For many bereaved it is an economic necessity to return to work as soon as the funeral is over. Others return to work soon as a means of keeping mentally occupied and find solace in their work. Some postpone returning to their job fearing the additional stress created by work. Work can be helpful in restoring routine in one's life. Most employers are compassionate and sympathetic. Some have firsthand knowledge of loss and grief and extend encouragement and understanding. Others have a very unrealistic opinion of how long it takes to "get over" a family members death and may not be tolerant of mistakes, preoccupation or quick trips to the bathroom to dry tears. It is advisable to discuss your limits and concerns with your employer, perhaps arrive at a compromise whereby you are allowed to work a few hours a day in the beginning.
Suicidal Thoughts Are Scary. When someone we love dies we are overwhelmed by the pain of loss and by fear of the future without them. We may believe we cannot endure the intensity of the pain. For a time, we may not wish to. After suicide the surviving family members have been shown the worst possible example of how one can end pain and problems and one may view ending their life as a way to stop hurting. It is normal to want to escape the pain of loss and grief and not abnormal to think of ending one's life to escape it. But there is considerable difference between having suicidal thoughts and acting upon them. If you are obsessed with thoughts of killing yourself, begin to seriously consider means of ending your life or you believe you don't deserve to live due to some circumstance surrounding the loved one's death, see a mental health professional without delay. Don't compound the loss and magnify the grief of others by this manner of resolving your own.
What's normal. What's not. Grief, as we are taught to understand it, is intensely distorted when suicide is the cause of death. You may question whether your feelings are normal. Most likely they are and you are experiencing normal emotional reactions to an abnormal occurrence...suicide.
Grief after suicide is often very effectively addressed within the safe, understanding environment of a suicide survivor support group. Never hesitate to seek professional counseling.
Glazed Chicken Breasts, Brown Rice, Tomato and Pepper Sauté, Raspberry Filled Almond Cookies
Glazed Chicken Breasts
1-1/4 lbs. boneless skinless chicken breast halves
1 Tbs. plus 1 tsp. unsalted butter
1/3 cup orange marmalade
2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and chopped
1/4 cup chicken stock
Season chicken breasts with salt and pepper to taste. Melt butter in a heavy nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Sauté chicken breasts 4 minutes per side. Remove skillet from heat. Reduce heat to medium low. Stir marmalade into skillet, turning chicken to coat thoroughly. Return skillet to heat and cook 1-2 minutes, turning chicken occasionally until glazed. Transfer chicken to a platter and keep warm. Add apples and stock to same skillet, stirring with a wooden spoon to deglaze. Simmer 4 minutes or until apples are tender and sauce has thickened slightly. Serve chicken with apples. Prep: 10 min, Cook: 20 min.
Per serving: calories 302, fat 5.9g, 18% calories from fat, cholesterol 93mg, protein 33.3g, carbohydrates 29.2g, fiber 2.1g, sugar 26.5g, sodium 156mg, diet points 6.6.
Basic Brown Rice
1 cup long grain brown rice, rinsed and drained
2-1/2 cups water
1 tsp. unsalted butter
Combine brown rice and water and a dash of salt in heavy saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium high heat. Boil 5 minutes. Lower heat as low as possible. Cover pan tightly and let rice simmer 45 minutes without lifting lid. After 45 minutes, turn off the heat, and let stand covered 10 minutes. Add butter, fluff with a fork and serve seasoned with pepper to taste.Prep: 5 min, Cook: 50 min.
Per serving: calories 180, fat 2.3g, 12% calories from fat, cholesterol 3mg, protein 3.7g, carbohydrates 35.7g, fiber 1.6g, sugar 0.3g, sodium 8mg, diet points 4.0.
Tomato and Pepper Sauté
2 tsp. unsalted butter
1 clove garlic, minced
1 red bell pepper seeded and chopped
1 yellow bell pepper seeded and chopped
1 lb. zucchini cut into thin strips
1 cup recipe-ready crushed tomatoes
Melt butter in a heavy nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Sauté garlic and bell peppers 3 minutes or until peppers begin to soften. Stir in zucchini, tomatoes, and salt and pepper to taste. Cook 3-4 minutes or until zucchini is tender. Prep: 10 min, Cook: 10 min.
Per serving: calories 56, fat 2.2g, 31% calories from fat, cholesterol 5mg, protein 2.3g, carbohydrates 8.7g, fiber 2.4g, sugar 4.7g, sodium 93mg, diet points 1.3.
Raspberry Filled Almond Cookies
3/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 cup unsalted butter or margarine
1 Tbs. plus 2 tsp. sugar
1/2 tsp. almond extract
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 Tbs. plus 1 tsp. red raspberry preserves
wax paper
Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine flour and baking powder in a bowl. Cut in butter and remaining ingredients, except preserves. Form dough into a ball. Pinch small pieces of dough and roll into balls. Place balls between 2 sheets of wax paper. Using a rolling pin, roll each into a circle, 1/8 inch thick. Remove top sheet of wax paper. Dot the center of each circle with 1/4 tsp. preserves. Fold cookie in half and pinch ends together. Remove cookies from bottom piece of wax paper and place on a nonstick or lightly oiled cookie sheet. Bake 12 minutes or until bottoms are lightly browned.Prep: 20 min, Cook: 15 min.
Per serving: calories 219, fat 11.7g, 48% calories from fat, cholesterol 31mg, protein 2.4g, carbohydrates 26.4g, fiber 0.7g, sugar 9.9g, sodium 5mg, diet points 5.7.
Things They Tell You And Things They Don't
We went to our childbirth classes and were prepared for everything or so we thought. They didn't tell us there was a possibility our baby could die. They didn't warn us that things go wrong. They told us how wonderful it was to be a parent, but didn't tell us how painful it was to carry that child nine months and then have it ripped away leaving your head spinning and your heart broken. They told us of different milestones our child would reach, but didn't tell us about the 'little' things that should make us smile like her trying to catch the sunbeams coming through the window. They didn't tell us instead of buying diapers and formula and birthday presents, we would be buying a headstone and flowers. They told us time heals. They didn't tell us that three years later our heads would still be reeling and our hearts would hurt so bad they ache. They told me that we would worry about fever and her getting enough to eat. They didn't tell us that I would instead worry about her being in the ground cold and wet. They told us how people would be stopping us to admire our child, but didn't tell us that people would treat us like we had some disease. They gave us no warning. They said she was perfect. They said just a few days and she'll be home in you arms. They didn't tell us that she would forever be an angel. They told us child birth was painful but didn't tell us it was nothing compared to the pain of losing you child.
Vanesa
Mom to Angel Caitlynn
When I'm Gone
When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile.
Forget unkind words that I have spoken ;
Remember some good I have done.
Forget that I ever had Heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun.
Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way.
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day.
Then forget to grieve for my going,
I would not have you sad for a day.
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay,
And come in the shade of the evening
When the sun paints the sky in the West.
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best.
Mrs. Lyman Hancock
Submitted in memory of her son Kirk by Marilyn Kottle
Some Links To Share
I Am Not Gone
I Will Not Forget
Grandma's Heavenly Cake
Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry, Sympathy Gifts
"Who will remember those who no longer
sing on earth?
We, who hear their songs from Heaven."
Angel Moms Newsletter-March Printable Version
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Brenda,Krista, Lynn, Laurie, Mylene, Holly, Linda,
Angel Moms Web Site
