This month's featured mom is Angie
Written by Debbie Ruttencutter
My Sister in Law and friend, Angela
Angela (Angie) is my sister in law. She is married to my youngest brother Mark. I am writing about Angie this month because she is not only an Angel Mom, and my sister in law, but she is one of my dearest friends. Angie and I have always liked each other. She and my brother have been married about 12 years now. For years after they married, they suffered from Infertility, silently, for 8 years. All of us family knew very little of their trials and tribulations, because they were very private about their pain of not being able to conceive, but we watched them sadly year after year be childless. I had 2 sons, and my other brother also had 2 sons and 1 daughter. Each Holiday, especially Christmas, I could see the pain in their eyes as they watched all the other kids unwrap presents and squeal with excitement. They always went overboard with buying for their nephews and niece. They always had the functions at their house, a very warm hearted house. They were blessed with a beautiful home, nice cars, boat and lots of extras, extras that would put a huge smile on a kids face, if only......
When my son Josh passed in 1996, my brothers were my saviors. I was the oldest, yet, when that happened, they protected me. Mark was so good to me. He came immediately. He was the one to tell my parents, bless his heart. I can just imagine in my mind how hard this was for him to do, but he did it. Angie held me and cried with me. I think for one slight moment, they thought that being childless was okay because they now can visually see the pain of losing one. They saw a different side of their infertility. Years passed, but they always was there for me and my grief.
On Christmas Day, 1999, they toasted each other at home privately and said in 2000 they will now adopt! They were so excited!~ January came and before they even got a chance to seriously look into adoption, her period was late. She had gotten pregnant that Christmas Eve and didn't even know it!~ So, the excitement had begun.....for all of us!! We were so tickled for them, so happy and so excited! Months went by, her belly grew, the room got decorated and clothes were bought. No one knew what she was having, including them, so we all bought all kinds of stuff! All those years of them buying for our kids, we had lots to make up for! In Angie's 7th month, they learned that the baby had a Heart problem. It was called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The baby would have to have immediate surgery after birth and 3 more surgeries within a few years. We were devastated, especially Mark and Angie, but they prayed and said that they would do what they had to do for their little one and it would all work out. Before we even had a chance to cypher that news, a couple weeks passed and Mark called me crying. The baby had died 5 weeks before due date. They were going to induce Angie the next morning and could I be there for them. I drove immediately the 6 hours. The next morning we were all there for the birth of my beautiful almost 4 lb. niece, Angelica. She was absolutely perfect and gorgeous. But how can this be? How can my brother and my sister in law go thru years of pain from infertility to finally conceive and then this???? Why? I remember thinking as I held my precious niece, why can't you just open your eyes? You are SO wanted, so needed, why? It was as if I lost Josh all over again, but this time, my brother and sister in law needed me, like I had needed them a few years previously. I did for them, what they did for me. We now have a very special bond. We celebrate and remember our Angels together, each Holiday a special candle is lit, special gifts are bought for each other, tears and hugs are appreciated and acknowledged. We go to their gravesites together and place special gifts on their graves. Our Angels are together, for this we know. Josh is holding onto little Angelica until her Momma and Dadda is reunited with her. Like I said before my Sister in law Angie is not only an Angel Mom, she is one of my dearest friends, we truly understand each other. Thanks for letting me share her and Angelica with you all today...:)
P.S. an update, almost 1 year exactly to the Anniversary date of Angelica's Heaven date, my niece Ireland was born to Angie and Mark~! Our little surprise.........she is now 3 1/2, I call her my Princess, and she is expecting a brother or sister on Josh's birthday this year! We are blessed....:) We have 2 Special Guardian Angels above, and precious Angels here on Earth!
A Dad Hurts Too
People don't always see the tears a dad cries,
His heart is broken too when his child dies,
He tries to hold it together and be strong,
Even though his world's gone wrong,
He holds his wife as her tears fall,
Comforts her through it all,
He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away, a Dad hurts too,
So when he's alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come like falling rain,
His world has crashed in around him,
And a world that was once bright has gone dim,
He feels he has to be strong for others,
But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers,
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down,
He smiles through his tears,
He struggles and holds in his fears,
But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don't always show how they really feel,
So I'd like to ask a favor of you,
The next time you see a mother hurting over the loss of her child,
please remember.....a Dad hurts too.
Judi Walker
Copyright 2002
Dedicated to my husband Mike
and all Dad's who have lost a child
I remember my first birthday after Scott passed, I was 45 turning 46. It was so unfair that I would still be here and he was gone at 24.
I would think during that first year about how much time needs to be in between Scott leaving and me dying would my daughter and husband need so that they would be 'okay'. A new co-worker told me that her brother passed in his early 20's and 5 years later her mother died from a heart attack.... I thought that maybe that would be enough time. Then my heart would hurt to think that I would have to be that long without seeing Scott again, I could hardly believe that I had not seen him for months as it was.
The first Easter after Scott died and just before his first year heaven day, my mother was talking about how my brother was turning 50 that year and my sister the next. I was glad for them to be hitting that milestone, then mom mentioned that my 50th was 2 years after that and she planned on being here for each one, I held her hand and told her that I wanted her to be too, all the while I was thinking 'but I don't want to be here for my 50th' that's too long without giving Scott a hug, seeing his smile, hearing his laugh.
Well, here we are, I just had my 50th birthday....I still feel like it's been too long without seeing Scott, getting a hug from him or hearing his voice... But somewhere in between 4 years ago and now something happened, something powerful and loving. I started to live again, live just for the sake of being alive and living for the loved ones left here with me.
I want to cherish every moment I can with them before I go home to be with Scott so that they will have fun and loving memories to hold onto, just like the ones my sweet son left all of us with.
For all of you in the midst of not wanting to be here, left behind after your sweet Angels passing.. hold on tight to us Angel Moms and one day too you will be reconnected with joy and living... just as our precious Angels want us to be.
SUMMER FUN
Its once again that time of year. Schools are out or will be shortly for some. Summer is here and so is the warm weather. I remember these days all so well. "Mom, what are we gonna do?" "Mom I am bored." Sound familiar to anyone else? In some homes there is still young children, while some of us are past those days. Our kids are grown, have friends of their own and plans that don't include Mom. Now days my daughters and I go out to eat, shopping, scrapbook together, quilt together or take bike rides. Regardless of what we do, I enjoy every minute. I look forward to the times together and memories I hope I am making with them. After all someday I want them to look back and say "I remember when Mom did this!"
For those of you who have children at home, I envy you! I envy those slumber parties, guys over for movies and Mom being the taxi driver. Did I always feel this way...HECK NO!! I remember thinking.. where is everyone else's parents? But now I look back and think, I am so glad I took the times I did to taxi the neighborhood around. I took the time to go pick up another child to come to our home to swim or watch a movie. Its memories! That magical word we all love! I am at a loss this month on my input for the newsletter, imagine that! So I thought I would list some things, not money spending things you younger moms can do with your kids this summer. Hopefully they will leave a lasting impression on the bored youngster and a lasting memory for you to cherish years down the road.
A MONTH OF MEMORIES TO MAKE
1-How often to we take baking cookies for granted? My daughters use to love to make cookies, we would mix, bake and sit and chat while we were waiting to remove them from the oven. You will be surprised how much you can learn at these talks!
2- Do you live near a park? Take an evening walk, just you and your kids. Listen to their ideas of school and friends. Make it a get to know Mom walk... let them ask you questions about you as a young girl. BE HONEST!!!
3- Board games are a favorite at my house. We play all types and always end up laughing or talking about the last time we played.
4- Look at photo albums. Kids like to see pictures of family. Good way to remember those who are not with us any longer.
5- Puzzles are fun, also can be educational.
6- Kids fix dinner night. Let the kids decide what to fix for dinner one night... one time we had fruity pebbles cereal...But she sure was smiling when Dad came home, cause she "Fixed dinner!"
7- Bike rides are not easy but so good for ya!
8- Kids love arts and crafts. Look online for activities to share with them.
9- Plant flower seeds and watch the flowers sprout, this was a favorite of my youngest daughter!
OR make an EGG HEAD
Egghead
This project is rated EASY to do. What You Need:
Clean eggshell with top broken off
Potting soil
Grass seed, wheat, or rye seed
Construction paper
Scissors
Permanent magic marker
Glue, stapler or tape to fasten the ring <
How To Make It
Start with a clean eggshell that has only the top of the shell missing. (See the illustration)
Cut a 1" strip of construction paper and make a small ring to hold the egg and keep it from rolling around. You can decorate the strip with crayons if you wish.
Draw a face on the egg (for young kids, a grownup might do this part). Be sure to put it on the upper part of the shell, so that it will show when the egg is on the paper ring.
Fill the shell with potting soil, and then sprinkle seed on the top. Add a very thin layer of soil over the seeds.
Water and keep in a sunny location. When the grass sprouts, your egg will grow hair!
10- Lots of movie theaters have early hour matinees. They are current movies at a discount price.
11-Trip to the library, good place to introduce everyone to reading. Even when school's out!
12-Karaoke...sing songs together. Be brave and record them for the future!
13- If your child is older, why not do a volunteer day at a local shelter. Be it a shelter for animals or people. This can really open some eyes to some kids!
14- Vacation Bible school. Regardless of your beliefs. Its a gather place of kids their own age, learning and sharing. Can't hurt even if its not your belief.
15- Word games are fun. I use to take words, mix them up on paper and jumble the letters around. Give each kid a copy of the jumble words. The object was first one done and correctly answered gets to stay up later tonight.
16- Slumber party. Let them each invite one or two kids over to spend the night. Have drinks and snacks, a movie and let them entertain each other.
17- Write letters to family who live away. This is a very valuable thing to start with kids, earlier the better.
18- Adopt a soldier or a pen pal for your child. They can learn new things and commitment at the same time.
19- Have a garage sale together, we use to do this yearly. What ever they took out of their room to sell they got to keep the money. Was a great way to clean up!!!
20-Picnics, pack a lunch and go to a nearby park, lake or beach.
21-Offer to help a friend, neighbor, elderly person. Make arrangements with someone who could use some help. Be it a family member, church friend...and do a chore for them. weeding a flower bed, taking out the weekly garbage, walk the elderly neighbors dog, help with an errand. My girls both do a lot of charitable things now that they are grown, I honestly think this is why.
22-Have you every made homemade jelly? Canned pickles? Why not learn together?
23-Local nursing homes love to have helping hands. Visit one day and spend time with those who may have been forgotten by others.
24-Make homemade dough. Kids love this and love to create art!!!
What You Need
1 Large bowl
1 Cookie sheet
1 Rolling pin
1 cup Salt
1 1/4 cups Warm water
1 Mixing spoon or mixer
3 cups Flour
1 plastic bag
1 refrigerator
painting supplies
How To Make It
DAY ONE
Pour 1 cup salt into large bowl.
Add 1 1/4 cups warm water, mix well.
Add 3 cups flour, mix well some more.
Knead into ball, seal in plastic bag and refrigerate.
DAY TWO
Take out.
Mold into anything you want!
Set aside.
DAY THREE
(if not hard yet, put in oven for a while)
Paint, if you wish. You may wish to put on cardboard first.
Set aside.
DAY FOUR
TADA! A MASTERPIECE!
25-Depending on the age of your child, make cards for birthdays, Christmas, etc. You can buy good quality card stock and make several cheaper than you can buy one greeting card at the card shop.
26-Rent one of the Kids movies for the day and ask a couple other moms to share in. Let each child invited bring a snack, drink..etc...have a movies day!
27-Hand Puppets. Using scrap things around the house, challenge them to make a puppet.
Click here: Kids Domain Crafts - Clifford Hand Puppet
28- Go Fishing
29-Tie-dye T-shirts. My daughters both loved doing this. using rubber bands they can create all sorts of patterns on the shirts.
30-Make a calendar of events. Include their friends birthdays, school starts, vacation times, Family events.
Here is a link with lots of kid activities and ideas.
Click here: Activity List - TheIdeaBox.com
Enjoy the summer, make it a time to remember. After all we all say...I WISH I HAD done this, or I wish I could do it all over again. Take the time to make memories with young children be it your own or a grandchild.
Angel Memorial Garden
With Spring here and Summer approaching, many of us are working on our Gardens outside. For many of us, it is therapy. I heard many years ago about how physical therapy is the best therapy. With gardening, you can get out there and pull weeds, dig and use lots of energy up. I always love planting flowers before, but now it seems I have more of a passion to watch things grow and know I had a hand in it. My project right now is an Angel Garden. I have planted 2 Trees in Memory of Josh, a Magnolia and an Evergreen tree. The Evergreen Tree I planted specifically to attach names on it at Christmas of Suicide Victims in Tennessee, where I live. The Magnolia is my special tree for Josh. Now, I am designing a new area. I have a large Angel Statue and I am adding a bench and many flowers, plants and momentos to honor and remember Angels in Heaven, Josh's friends now...:) One new plant I just heard of was called "Blue Angel", it is beautiful. Looks like an Angel. Each plant or seed will have something to do with our Angels. I will be able to look out my computer room and see this Garden. It helps me heal. It lets me feel that my son is with friends and they are all remembered. So, if you are able, and have the room, think about making a Garden for your Angel. Some might have just a small area, some may be more fortunate and have more room. Ideas are, you can add a pond, benches, solar lights, engraved stones, chimes or many statues. Whatever you can do, give it a try. Below is some links to some special objects.
You can shop on Ebay for many object also.
Happy Gardening!
PlantFiles: Detailed information on Clematis 'Blue Angel'
Angel Trumpet, Pink
All-About-Angels.com - eStore Categories\Products
Fairy, Angel & Cherub Statues
Father's Day
There are a few males in my family who are very important to me, three more than any others. One is still here and two are gone, my son Shane and my Dad left this earth within a few years of each other, I still have my husband who is my rock, without him I don't know where I would be now. I would like to dedicate my section of the news letter to these three very important males in my life by sharing some poems I wrote for each of them. I will start with my Dad because he was the first man in my life and gave me so much in life. He was a wonderful Dad and was always there when I needed him. As an only daughter, I have to say I was spoiled by him, I was Daddy's Girl. My Dad died in a car accident on September 7, 1995.
Things Left Unsaid
Daddy, I miss you so much,
Your voice, your smile, your touch,
There are so many things I'd like to say to you,
So many things left to do,
Your death took us all by surprise,
There are so many things left unsaid when someone dies,
I wish I had said I love you,
I wish I had told you how much I appreciated you too,
All my life you were there for me,
You always worked hard to take care of your family,
I wish that I had told you that I was glad that you were my Dad,
When things are left unsaid, it's so sad,
I'm sorry I didn't say all things I wanted to say,
I thought there was time, there would be another day,
Thank you for always being there,
For your love, your laughter, for giving more than your share,
Thank you for your support, for all the sacrefices you made,
I love you Daddy and I'm so sorry for things left unsaid.
Judi Walker
Copyright 98
In memory of my Dad
Glynn Carpenter Sr
Shane.........the child who changed my life in so many ways. My first born, my only son. He became a father shortly before he left this earth. He had six months with his daughters, and in that short time, he was a wonderful father and so proud of his baby girls. He had one Father's Day with them, now they visit him at the cemetery on Father's Day.......
Our Daddy
Our Daddy is an angel in Heaven with Jesus
He's way, way up in the sky
We were little babies when he left us
And we don't understand why....
On Father's day we send balloons to Daddy
We blow kisses to Heaven and we wave
We love to do this, it makes us happy
We don't realize yet that not everybody's Daddy has a grave.
We bring our Daddy pretty flowers
We light candles for him on holidays
We see him in pictures and learn of him from others
We know he is still with us in many ways.
Our Daddy can't play with us like other Daddy's do
He can't wipe away our tears or kiss skinned knees
He can't teach us to ride our bikes or tie our shoes
He'll never read us bedtime stories.
There will be times we'll sound like him or we'll give you his smile
In us you'll hear his laugh if you listen close
There are times we act like him when he was a child
Because we are part of him and he is part of us.
Someday Mommy and MawMaw will have to explain
Why Daddy went away before we got to know him
Why he wasn't here for all the important things
Why do other kids have daddies, why aren't we like them?
Our Daddy loved us very much and he still does
Nothing can ever change that, cause a daddy's love is here and beyond
Our daddy may not have been able to stay here with us
But he is with us, we have a special bond.
Written by Judi Walker
June 2000
Now Mike, my husband, my friend, my rock..........we have been married for 21 years. When we married, Shane had just turned five years old. His biological dad had pretty well disappeared from his life. Mike and Shane bonded from day one, there was no "step" in their relationship, they were father and son. Mike and I have been through many rough times together and always seem to come out stronger for them. Even though we have two daughters together, Father's Day is still hard for him, he misses his son..........
You Were There
The day I married you,
I came to you with a small son,
I gave you my heart and him too,
And with us you became number one,
You raised him as your own
Loved him, guided him, you were his dad,
The best Dad he had ever known,
You were there for him through the good times and bad,
You had a bond that only father and son can share,
When he played ball, his biggest fan was you,
When he was sick or hurt, you were there,
You talked with him about mistakes he made,
You taught him things he needed to know,
He wanted to be just like you,
You gave him love, guidance and room to grow,
You did all the things only a REAL dad would do,
You were there when he took a wife,
There when he became a dad, smiling with pride,
You were a very big part of his life,
You were always there for him, right by his side
You taught him to do the best that he can
The years quickly flew by, as they often do,
Together we raised a fine young man
We could have never done it without you
You were there when I learned the Lord called him home
I was lost and didn't know what to do,
Our son was gone.....
You cried with me, hurt with me, your heart was broken too
You were there through all the hurt and pain
You were there though the confusion and the anger too
You stood by me when I did things I couldn't explain
I could have never made it without you,
You shared it all with me, you were there
I want to thank you for all you have done,
Thank you for being the man you are,
But most of all, thank you for loving our son.
Judi Walker
For Mike
June 2002
What Do I Do with My Guilt?
Guilt and shame walk their way into the grief process.There are a lot of reasons for guilt. The most immediate guilt comes from taking some responsibility for the death. Perhaps the guilt is connected to a discussion that you feel contributed to the loss in some way. Mine is calling Valerie "angelbaby" since the day she was born. Maybe if I never called her that, she wouldn't now be that. For you, it maybe "I should have warned you about that. I should have spent more time with you....not bought you...not let you go....not saying I love you enough...
I think a parents guilt is more prominent than any other kind of guilt associated with death and grieving. It is our job to care and protect our children. No matter how the death occurred, there is some responsibility we feel for not being able to do that. We imagine that if we had done something different we could have prevented the death. The "if only's" and "should have's" come into your mind. That list is endless. Do we really have that much power? If we had done something different, could we have changed reality? Aren't we placing a heavy burden on ourselves for the death of our child? Most "if only's" are not true. If any of them are, nothing can be done. They are another expression of "I am hurt." and "I feel anger."
Identify the regrets, write them down, say them out loud, say you are sorry, ask God to take them off your mind, and move on. You can do this!
Be aware of "survivor guilt," feeling guilty because you are still alive while your child is gone. Perhaps you inherited something or received benefits or insurance money from your loss, and this may add to guilt. Whenever guilt hits, challenge those feelings. When the pangs of guilt hit, evict them! You don't need them as a tenant in your life.
When death comes life is examined. You become more aware of your failures, real or imagined. You want to rectify past errors. You wish to compensate for the wrongs you have committed. Maybe you were guilty. Perhaps you neglected to do things you should have done. But who hasn't? What is past is past. It cannot be changed. You already have too much pain to add to the burden of self-accusation, self-reproach, and self-depreciation.
If guilt is present, realize it won't contribute in any positive manner to your recovery. It's unnecessary. It can also be paralyzing, and it's the emotional area in which many become stuck during the grief journey.
I Won Lotto!
May is a difficult month and we do everything to make it as easy as possible. Mother’s Day and Mike’s anniversary are close together. This just reminds me how fragile life is. On Mother’s Day Matt and I ran in Central Park. On Mike’s anniversary we went to the cemetery, Church, where they were celebrating a Mass in his memory and then we escaped to Lake George. We had a wonderful time together. We laughed and remembered. Chris could not come, because he was studying for final exams.
On May 18th, the fourth anniversary of Mike’s funeral, I was called out of a meeting to take a call from my husband. His voice was shaking and I knew this was not a good call. He told me that he had received a call from a good Samaritan, who was on the scene of the accident that our sons had been involved in. He assured me that the ambulance was enroute. I returned to my office, placed a call to the dentist’s office to let them know that Matt would not be keeping his appointment and then I returned to my meeting. Although I was a little shaken, I knew I did not have the luxury of breaking down.
After several more calls from my husband, who had finally arrived at the hospital, I knew that my kids were okay. Although Matt had a “burn” on his arm, which we think was from the airbag and Chris’ car was a total loss, they had gone across three lanes of traffic on the expressway, during rush hour and came to rest against the guardrail. They were not hit by another car, truck or bus and they were okay!
Yes, I have finally won the Lotto!
Remembering Father's Day
The United States is one of the few countries in the world that has an official day on which fathers are honored by their children. On the third Sunday in June, fathers all across the United States are given presents, treated to dinner, or otherwise made to feel special. While the origin of Father's Day is not clear – many believe it was Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, who first proposed the idea of a "father's day" in 1909. Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart. William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died in childbirth with their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in eastern Washington State. It was after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent.
The first Father's Day was then officially observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane, Washington. At about the same time in various town and cities across America, other people were beginning to also celebrate a "father's day." In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day; but it wasn't until 1966, that President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June as the 'official' Father's Day.
Today Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all to be honored on Father's Day. Our hope within this holiday, as children, is that we recognize the sacrifices made for us by our parents, namely our fathers. The father or patriarch of a family is often seen as the source of strength and support through all times – both good and bad.
During present day, we have experienced an evolution of the family. No longer does the American household necessarily embody the 1950's ideal of the nuclear family system, father, mother, 2.5 kids, and a dog. Life and society have changed our perceptions of what may be deemed "necessary" for a family to exist and thrive, and with this realization we still wish to seek out the men in our lives to honor them and the many deeds that they perform. Father's Day is a time of celebration and love, but for some it can also be a time of great heartache. Father's Day can be a particularly sad day for those of us who have lost a father figure or for those fathers who have lost a child. For these reasons, Father's Day can often be a day filled with sadness and grief, rather than joy and celebration.
When child loss occurs, for some reason most of the sympathy expressed is pointed in the direction of the mother of the child. Maybe the feeling is that mothers mourn losses more or perhaps the reasoning is that fathers are the stronger parent figure. The reality is that fathers grieve the death of their child too, and they need support during this difficult and lonely time. Because men by nature are the ones who "fix" problems, fathers often look at grief as a fixable problem. A man may withhold his feelings of pain, and will instead work long hours away from home, or will think of work projects to keep his time occupied. Many men are not as social as women and do not seem to need as much social interaction as women. Therefore during these difficult times and days, many men can find it a great support to privately journal their feelings when child loss occurs. This can also be a beneficial activity for the child who is missing their father, but does not know how to express these feelings long after the initial shock and grief have passed (Hinton, 2004). What is found to be difficult for a man or child to verbalize can often be more easily expressed on paper. Journaling thoughts can be a good outlet to a person during the personal emotional adjustment of child or parent loss.
"Hands on" work is another positive way of working through grief and loss. For example, engaging in a commemorative work project may be a way of expressing feelings. A father or child may choose to do something positive such as build a special photo box or bookshelves that will hold pictures and other remembrances of the loved one who has died.
It is important to recognize that fathers and children go through emotional upheavals during the grief of a child or parent loss. Fathers may grieve differently than mothers, but a day dedicated to them can be just as emotionally heartbreaking. They might not want a lot of special treatment on Father's Day. Men are generally less apt to talk about their feelings of hurt and loss than women, but those feelings are still there and should not be ignored.
Special holidays stir up many different emotions for fathers and children, and so Father's Day, especially, can be difficult following the loss of a loved one. With help and support from family and friends, a father or child can move forward in their grief. Often what means most to a person grieving or struggling through Father's Day is simply the recognition of this emotional time. Be sensitive to the different experiences and lives of others – remember that no two families are the same and thus be sensitive to the fact that we all travel through life on different roads. On Father's Day we celebrate the important men in our lives, but we also must celebrate and be kind to each other. The outward face of family may be evolving or changing, but the love that defines family if forever. Take the time now to honor those important people in our lives – on Father's Day and every day.
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for April were presented to:
Carrie Smith by Krista Salvati
Pam Adlington by Linda Orrvick
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Going Through the Motions
Written by Clara Hinton | Oct 07, 2001
When a child dies, the impact of the loss on a parent is devastating. American society allows only a few days off from work to recognize the death, and then life is soon supposed to take on the look and feel of normalcy in a very rapid time. Grief doesn’t work that way!
Many times, parents will say that entering the house where their child once walked and talked and played is an overwhelming grief. Their entire world has been torn apart, and nothing seems to make sense any more. Simple tasks such as getting dressed, brushing teeth, and combing hair are major chores for the parent who is experiencing the early stages of deep, unrelenting grief.
After a few weeks of feeling numb and just bumping around through the daily routine of life, parents realize that they are not functioning well. Decision-making is difficult. It is a major ordeal to organize thoughts enough to do the marketing and to try to put together a meal. It is extremely difficult to remember such things as walking the dog or remembering to pay the bills. A parent in deep grief realizes these difficulties exist, but feels powerless to change the situation.
Going through the motions of the everyday activities of living is quite difficult for a parent who has lost a child. Because it is so totally out of the normal text of life for a child to die, life feels like it is whirling out of control. Nothing makes much sense. Yet, the fact remains that the daily activities of living must continue on in spite of the inability to function at regular speed. A parent is still required to perform duties at work and at home, when, in fact, most days it feels like all you can do is move through the motions, falling into bed at the end of the day in tears.
Going through the motions without feelings is quite normal in the early stages of grief following the death of a child. We often fall into the trap of believing that we should snap to it and get back to normal living in a few weeks. When life has been torn apart, it takes time to pick up the broken pieces and move on. Grief is hard work and drains every area of our living.
Parents need to remind themselves each day that this lack of feeling joy and the inability to concentrate will not last forever. It is common for parents to look back on the first year following the death of their child and wonder how they managed to get through those first several months. They can’t remember very much of anything. Life, in general, can be described as a big blur. Parents will say they lived in a fog and don’t remember much of anything.
When does this numb feeling end? When does a parent begin doing more than just go through the motions? There is no exact time when enthusiasm for living begins to return. You will begin noticing subtle changes that will tell you that you are on the path to healing. Slowly, but surely, you will begin to keep appointments. You will remember to pay the bills on time. You will be able to make decisions about what clothes to wear and what food to prepare for the day. Getting out of bed in the morning is something you want to do. You will notice the beauty in a sunrise.
Part of a parent dies when a child dies. You will feel like you are only going through the motions of living for a long time. Remember that grief is one step at a time, and one day at a time. Sometimes, we only manage one hour at a time. The good news is that each amount of time is a minute closer to your own personal journey of healing. And, that day will surely come!
3 heads roasted garlic
2 pounds new potatoes, quartered, skin on
1 stick butter, cubed
1/2 to 3/4 cup heavy cream
Salt and white pepper
Squeeze or remove the garlic cloves from the head and place in a small bowl. Using a fork, mash the garlic until smooth. Place the potatoes in a pot of salted water and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook the potatoes until fork tender, about 12 to 15 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and drain. Place the potatoes back in the pot and return to the heat. Stir the potatoes, constantly, for 2 to 3 minutes to dehydrate the potatoes. Remove the potatoes from the heat. Add the garlic and butter. Using a hand-held masher, mash the butter and garlic into the potatoes. Add enough cream until desired smoothness is achieved. The potatoes should still be sort of lumpy. Season the potatoes with salt and pepper.
Hi Ladies,
Just a reminder that this section is for all of you. Anything you would like other members to know, you can put here, also if your child has a special date and you would like to put a dedication to them here, you can do that too.
Some Links To Share
Do Not Weep Over My Grave
A Dozen Roses From Heaven
Angel Moms Poll
This months poll deals with: How has losing your child (children) affected your marriage/relationship
Please go here to take the poll: Angel Moms Poll
What Language do Angels use?
The essence of the Angels who come to us is the ability to communicate perfectly with us, to convey their messages clearly and unambiguously. How do they do this?
It is clear from the experiences of many people who have been touched by Angels that they communicate spiritually or telepathically - mind speaking to mind, without the intermediary of a voice.....
Whatever their means of communication among themselves, it cannot be in language such as we use. But when they touch us with their presence, they communicate flawlessly.
Eileen Elias Freeman
Angel Moms Newsletter-June 2005-(Printable Version)
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn, Brenda
Angel Moms Web Site
