This month's featured mom is Sharon Farrar
HI, I’m Sharon mom to 2 boys in the great northwest, Joshua who became an angel March 11 2004 two days before turning 22 and Steven who is turning 18 in June. I’m a Registered nurse and work cardiology. My husband Bill and I have been married 20 years and he is a Diesel Technician, actually now he is the foreman so he doesn’t work much anymore. (Don’t tell him I said that). I have a step son Bryan who is 22 and we don’t see as often as we would like too.I lost my sweet nephew Eric age 25 August 2001 and had a very hard time with this. When I lost Josh I thought for sure I would die too. I went to 2 compassionate friends meetings but just couldn’t go back it was too much for me at the time.
Joshua had just become a Mortgage broker and was working on becoming a real estate agent too so he could do it all. I used to love being a nurse but have found it hard since he has became an angel and I’m now going back to school to get my real estate license so I can maybe fulfill a dream he never got too. He gives me inspiration. I’m also working on changing Motorcycle laws requiring safety classes prior to getting a license to ride and bigger fines if caught riding without one. Josh didn’t have a license for a motorcycle. I would like to get crotch rockets off the streets and have them stay on the race tracks, a task I don’t think I’ll manage but if I save one life then Joshua and Eric will not have died in vein.
Around October I looked up grief online and found this wonderful group. It has saved me, I don’t know where I would be with out all of you and to you all I say thank you. I still feel sometimes like I can not do this, it seems so long to wait to see him again but I have decided if I must stay on this earth I will try my best to make him proud and honor his memory. It is a long dark road we must all travel now; with each other maybe we can find a little light... God Bless all our angels... I love you Joshua Jay and miss you so much…..
Joshua's Page
Keep my memory with you,
For memories never die;
I will be there with you,
When you look across the sky.
I will be there in the clouds,
In the birds that fill the air;
In the beauty of a fragrant rose,
You will find my memory there.
You will feel me in the tenderness,
Of a tiny baby's touch;
You will hear me if you listen,
In the twilight's gentle hush.
When your hearts are heavy,
And you feel that you are alone;
Just reach down deep inside of you,
For your heart is now my home.
I will always be with you,
I will never go away;
For I will live on in your hearts,
Forever and a day.
Allison Chambers Coxsey
©1996 ~ All Rights Reserved
April 28th....
4 years
48 months
208 weeks
1460 days
Numbers, simply numbers....
amazing that in the blink of an eye they
become so much more that.
They've become 'one last time' moments,
the last time I saw your beautiful brown eyes,
the last time I saw your I heard you say "I love you Momma'
the last time we hugged.
They're markers, not only of time but of missed events,
4 birthdays you've had in heaven,
48 months without you physically celebrating holidays here,
208 weeks not seeing you do some goofy thing that made us all laugh so hard,
1460 days without a phone call.
Numbers, yes just numbers to those who haven't lost
a child.... but for us AngelMoms they are so much more.....
Hello AngelMom’s – I thought many of you could print this off and share with your family. I think this is very appropriate to use . I shared it with our son and he has it on his wall in his room.
Ten Healing Rights for Grieving Children
For the surviving children/siblings.
1. I have the right to have my own unique feelings about the death. I may feel mad, sad or lonely. I may feel scared or relieved. I may feel numb or sometimes not anything at all. No one will feel exactly like I do.
2. I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking. When I need to talk, I will find someone who will listen to me and love me. When I don't want to talk about it, that's okay, too.
3. I have the right to show my feelings of grief in my own way. When they are hurting, some kids like to play so they'll feel better for awhile. I can play or laugh, too. I might also get mad and scream. This does not mean I am bad, it just means I have scary feelings that I need help with.
4. I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief, especially grown-ups who care about me. Mostly I need them to pay attention to what I am feeling and saying and to love me no matter what.
5. I have the right to get upset about normal, everyday problems. I might feel grumpy and have trouble getting along with others sometimes.
6. I have the right to have "grief-bursts." Grief-bursts are sudden, unexpected feelings of sadness that just hit me sometimes even long after the death. These feelings can be very strong and even scary. When this happens, I might feel afraid to be alone.
7. I have the right to use my beliefs about my God to help me deal with my feelings of grief. Praying might make me feel better and somehow closer to the person who died.
8. I have the right to try to figure out why the person I loved died. But it's okay if I don't find an answer. "Why" questions about life and death are the hardest questions in the world.
9. I have the right to think and talk about my memories of the person who died. Sometimes those memories will be happy and sometimes they might be sad. Either way, these memories help me keep alive my love for the person who died.
10. I have the right to move forward and feel my grief and, over time, to heal. I'll go on to live a happy life, but the life and death of the person who died will always be a part of me. I'll always miss this special person.
My Grief Rights is available as a full color, oversized poster for $10 plus shipping and handling from Companion Press. For ordering information, please call (970) 226-6030
Reflection In My Mind
I sit today and think back of
Days gone by and times stood still
I see a small blond haired little boy
Hazel eyes and a crooked smile
My mind continues as time fly's by
I recall a young boy who laughed out loud
smiled at everything, cried easily
Yet forgave in an instant
I see all the sports
Hear the music
See you running, hear your voice
A boy, growing so fast
A man will someday stand in his place
Flashes of yesterday fresh as can be
A young man who smiles and tells of his first love
Walks tall and carries himself with pride
Days are cut short, even in my minds eye.
In my mind i see dark days, clouds of despair
tears flowing with easy, yet I can't breath
Lying so still, hands so cold
Darkness is yet to unfold
Today I hold all those memories close to my heart
Fear of losing a moment, not able to recall
Wanting to cherish the smell, the breath,
the tears and even the pain.
Today Nathan would have been 27 years old. Today I choose to hold him close in my heart without sadness. Today I will smile, I will sing Happy Birthday and I will remember all the good. I will remember him laughing, running, his ball games and his love for live. Today I will Thank God he was my son, be grateful he was with me even though the time was short I will do something for another child in his memory and will cry when the day is through.
Happy Birthday Nathan!!!
With Love,
Mom
~~~~SOMETHING NEW IN ANGEL MOMS~~~~~
Just this week we hit our "400 members" mark in our email group. Needless to say, not all write or we would never get anything done! :) It is so hard to believe that on March 17, 2002, the day the email support group was started (there were only about 7 of us in the beginning) that we would have NO idea as to how far we would go with this group.....it is amazing! Judi and I talk about this often. We have been able to branch out in different area's in Angel Moms. We have been so blessed with so many wonderful Moms, volunteers and Charter Members. Some have came into our lives briefly, some stayed.
Regarding the email support group itself, Judi and I have been discussing on what we need to do to reach out more to the ones that cannot keep up with our email support group. We generate tons of mail and some cannot keep up and it is overwhelming at times to not be able to. Some members absolutely cannot emotionally handle the thought at first at SO many Angel Moms and SO many Angels in Heaven. We have decided to start an Angel Mom Pen Pal Program. If you are a Mom that absolutely cannot keep up either physically or emotionally with the email support group, and you are trying so hard to interact with someone whom understands your pain, then the Pen Pal Program might be the best for you. All you need to do is email me at MsBBSITTER@aol.com and put PEN PAL in the subject line. Just send me a note saying what you are looking for and I will see what I can do for you. If you are an Angel Mom that wants to volunteer being on the PEN PAL side of the group, email me also to help us out! We just want to be able to help reach out to any Mom in need. This road of grief is long, hard and rough and there is no reason to do it alone....thanks!
In the last few months, I have read where so many new moms say they don't think they can survive this pain and ask how those of us who have been walking this road longer have made it this far. I was the same way in the beginning too. I hurt so much that I could see no way to make it, how could I live without Shane, how could I live with this pain? I felt so lost and alone.......Then I met other moms who had lost their children several years before me, some ten years, some even longer. I would think about them, how they loved their child just as much as I loved Shane and they were surviving, if they could, I could too. I learned not to look at the big picture, just look at today and concentrate on getting through it. I talked to these other moms and they encouraged me and told me I could do it, at first I had my doubts, but as days turned into weeks, weeks into months and then into years, I realized I was surviving.
I met Debbie R. not long after losing Shane, she had lost Josh a year before I lost Shane. Through her, I learned somewhat to expect, every thing I went through, she had went through the year before, she helped me to get through it too. It helps so much to have other who know and share our pain to help us walk this road we are on, there are so many of us here. So when you are hurting and lost, reach out to other moms who have been where you are at, you will find they are already reaching out to you. And someday, you will be the mom reaching out to help the moms who are new to this pain.......
Last month I talked about the expression of tears. This month I would like to address anger.
Anger is another feeling when experiencing grief. It is often a protest, to declare the unfairness of death when we're frustrated, hurt, afraid, feeling helpless, out of control, powerless, and victimized. Anger is the response to the hurt, and hurt is the core feeling of loss. When we hurt we want to be acknowledged. We don't want to pretend that everything is OK. It isn't, and it will never be the same.
Is anger necessary? It's not wrong and it's not a sin. Because we believe the tragedy shouldn't have happened, we look for something or someone to blame. Sometimes our anger is vented toward anyone who is around, especially family members. You may be angry at everyone around you who hasn't lost a child and their lives are going on as usual. You may be angry at those who fail to reach out and support you during your time of trouble. You may even be angry at the child who died, and sometimes we end up being angry at ourselves for not being able to protect them. This can become depression. It feels as if you have been depleted. You are drained.
Your anger may be at God for not responding in the way you wanted or angry because your faith and beliefs didn't seem to work. The hurt over the failure of God to respond in the way you needed Him can prolong your grief. This is where I have been stuck for a very long time. If your stuck here with me, I hope this will help. The anger of grief directed at God is your response to loss, not a lack of faith. I found this poem that has helped me a lot...
Angry at God
I told God I was angry.
I thought He'd be surprised.
I thought I'd kept hostility
quite cleverly disguised.
I told the Lord I hate Him.
I told Him that I hurt.
I told Him that isn't fair,
He's treated me like dirt.
I told God I was angry
but I'm the one surprised.
"What I've known all along," He said,
"you've finally realized.
"At last you have admitted
what's really in your heart.
Dishonesty, not anger
was keeping us apart.
"Even when you hate Me
I don't stop loving you.
Before you can receive that love
you must confess what's true.
"In telling Me the anger
you genuinely feel,
it loses power over you,
permitting you to heal."
I told God I was sorry
And He's forgiven me.
The truth that I was angry
has finally set me free.
Jessica Shaver
You will want to use your anger creatively. You don't want it to use you or dominate your life. Ignoring it or telling it to go away won't work. Judging it and telling yourself it is wrong won't help either. These feelings can destroy you as well as relationships. The best person to tell about your anger is God. He wants to hear it unedited from your heart. There are creative ways to express your anger. One is keeping a prayer journal. As you write, you will discover more about your anger and yourself than you thought possible. What you write in a journal you don't take out on family or friends. Don't be surprised if you discover during this process that your anger is covering other emotions. Anger may be easier for you than fear, hurt, or guilt. Another idea is to take a piece of paper and write, "Today I feel angry." Then roll it up place it in a balloon, blow it up, and bounce the balloon in the air. Keep your anger balloon from hitting the ground. Then write about how you feel after doing this. This is also great to do with your surviving children.
Anger is all right as long as it doesn't get the best of you. It will never get the best of God. In time give up your anger. It has a purpose, but it will outlive its purpose eventually.
Unexpected Victories
I know I have shared with you my venture into running and the surprise and delight that I have experienced with each of my sons participating at least once with me. We have had fun. On March 13th Matt and I ran in the Pfizer Oncology Colon Cancer 4M. The weather was beautiful. Matt was waiting for me at the finish line. It will always be thus! He was happy. He told me that he knew he had run his personal best. We grabbed a bagel and apples. Pfizer had a tent in Central Park and we wandered toward it after the race. I was very happy that they were giving out 12 ounce bottles of Lubriderm. We passed the awards table, and Matt pointed out the male winner of the race, patiently waiting to receive his award. Some people were still running at this point. The only announcements being made were about the Overall Male and Female winners. I was starting to get a chill. Although we make sure to wear clothing that wicks the sweat, I still have not perfected the weight and number of layers. We sweat, the breeze blows and we start to shiver. We left, headed for the car and Matt’s soccer practice.
When we got home much later that day, I pulled up the race results online. I wanted to give Matt his official time. I found it and then decided to see how he had done in comparison to the runners in his age group. I could not believe my eyes when I saw that he had come in second place in the 12-14 year age group.
I cannot tell you how happy he is with the small lucite block that declares him the second place winner. He is happy because he has won a victory that far exceeds second place in this race. He told me that he never thought of running as a sport or as fun. Running was something that you had to do at practice when the coach was mad or disappointed. In short running was a punishment. He has discovered a joy in running with me, in appreciating small personal victories, in the knowledge that hard work does pay off and that self esteem is something we have to do for ourselves. I am so pleased at the unexpected consequences. I just wanted to shed some pounds and look what I have! I have a son, who believes that I am amazing and thanks me for introducing running in his life. I was just happy to have his company at the start of the race and during breakfast afterwards!
I guess I am sharing this because sometimes a small thing leads to something very unexpected. We shouldn’t forget it. We don’t always get exactly what we expect; sometimes we get a great deal more.
Happy Spring, AngelMoms!
Daylight Saving Time
(Not Daylight Savings Time)
Every spring we move our clocks one hour ahead and "lose" an hour during the night and each fall we move our clocks back one hour and "gain" an extra hour. But Daylight Saving Time (and not Daylight Savings Time with an "s") wasn't just created to confuse our schedules.
The phrase "Spring forward, fall back" helps people remember how Daylight Saving time affects their clocks. At 2 a.m. on the first Sunday in April, we set our clocks forward one hour ahead of standard time ("spring forward"). We "fall back" at 2 a.m. on the last Sunday in October by setting our clock back one hour and thus returning to standard time. The change to Daylight Saving Time allows us to use less energy in lighting our homes by taking advantage of the longer and later daylight hours.
During the six-and-a-half-month period of Daylight Saving Time, the names of time in each of the time zones in the U.S. changes as well. Eastern Standard Time (EST) becomes Eastern Daylight Time, Central Standard Time (CST) becomes Central Daylight Time (CDT), Mountain Standard Time (MST) becomes Mountain Daylight Tome (MDT), Pacific Standard Time becomes Pacific Daylight Time (PDT), and so forth.
Daylight Saving Time was instituted in the United States during World War I in order to save energy for war production by taking advantage of the later hours of daylight between April and October. During World War II the federal government again required the states to observe the time change. Between the wars and after World War II, states and communities chose whether or not to observe Daylight Saving Time. In 1966, Congress passed the Uniform Time Act which standardized the length of Daylight Saving Time. Arizona, Hawaii, parts of Indiana, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and American Samoa have chosen not to observe Daylight Saving Time.
Other parts of the world observe Daylight Saving Time as well. While European nations have been taking advantage of the time change for decades, in 1996 the European Union (EU) standardized a EU-wide "summertime period." The EU version of Daylight Saving Time runs from the last Sunday in March through the last Sunday in October. During the summer, Russia's clocks are two hours ahead of standard time. During the winter, all 11 of the Russian time zones are an hour ahead of standard time. During the summer months, Russian clocks are advanced another hour ahead. With their high latitude, the two hours of Daylight Saving Time really helps to save daylight. In the southern hemisphere where summer comes in December, Daylight Saving Time is observed from October to March. Equatorial and tropical countries (lower latitudes) don't observe Daylight Saving Time since the daylight hours are similar during every season, so there's no advantage to moving clocks forward during the summer.
The next time you're changing your clocks for Daylight Saving Time, remember that it's not just trying to mess up your schedule but its purpose is to save energy.
U.S. Daylight Saving Time
Year Spring Forward Fall Back
2004 2 a.m. April 4 2 a.m. Oct. 31
2005 2 a.m. April 3 2 a.m. Oct. 30
2006 2 a.m. April 2 2 a.m. Oct. 29
2007 2 a.m. April 1 2 a.m. Oct. 28
2008 2 a.m. April 6 2 a.m. Oct. 26
2009 2 a.m. April 5 2 a.m. Oct. 25
Who Am I?
Written by Clara Hinton | Nov 03, 2002
Following the death of a young child everything changes. Probably the most significant changes that occur come from within the heart of a grieving parent. A parent will often feel so strangely different that the question will be asked time and time again, “Who am I?” Obvious changes take place in the home when a child dies. Where there were four dinner plates at the table, there are now three. When riding in the car to run errands, one seat remains quiet and empty. There aren't as many jeans and dirty socks piled up in the laundry each week. Grocery shopping becomes painfully different. In fact, it is almost unbearable to walk down the aisles in the supermarket that contained all of the “favorites.” Watching other parents with their children walking through the store choosing favorite snacks and school lunch foods becomes too painful to bear. No longer are the everyday routines of life “routine.” Even looking at the cereal boxes in the cupboard brings a flood of salty tears. Losing a young child changes so much! Even the way we see things is so very different. We notice more details now than before our child died. We notice things like hair color and the hair length of other children. We notice the color of other children's eyes, and we remember how many teeth they are missing when they smile. We pay attention to the way a child talks, and we notice such things as whether or not there is a lisp. Before our child died, we were so busy that these little things passed by totally unnoticed. Now, the big things donut seem to matter at all, and all of the small details in life become immensely important. Grief changes a person in every way possible. Often, fathers who went about rushing to and from work hardly noticing anything else now stop and stare at a butterfly and find themselves openly weeping. Many mothers who never worried about anything now find themselves to be overly protective, and they worry about every minute detail of the day. Grief places a different set of priorities on a parents heart, and it also creates an unexplainable fear. Following the death of a young child, a parent will often cry out in frustration asking, “Who am I? A parent in grief often reacts to others in open frustration and anger. Many parents say they withdraw from those who were their closest friends, alienating themselves from a much-needed support system. Grief brings about many new and different changes in a person! Remember that eventually you will begin to enjoy life again. Little by little, the new you will begin to see joy in living. Your pain will not always remain so raw and open. Most of the time, grief brings about some very positive changes. You will have a different set of priorities, and many times the new you is more aware of what is really and truly important in this life. Who am I? You are a person who has felt the pain of loss and who knows the joy of love. You are a person who has been forced into a place where you must make many difficult choices and changes. You are a person whose life is now governed by a heart that has felt immense pain and that makes you acutely more aware of the pain in the lives of others. Most of all, you are a parent. Just because your child no longer walks this earth does not mean you are not still a parent. Who am I? You are a parent who will always love your child!
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for February were presented to:
Judy (Joodybug2@aol.com) by Laurel Baird
Michele Rudolph by Linda Orrvick
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Angel Moms Message Board
Just a reminder that we have a message board for moms who cannot keep up with mail that the group generates. We would like moms to visit the board to offer support to the moms not in the e-group. Our message board moderator is Laurie Miersonne (missnjill247@mchsi.com).
Angel Moms Message Board
Angel Moms Store
Please check out the AngelMom Store on the AngelMom website. We have t-shirts, tote bags, sweatshirts and magnets. We will also be adding some new items and will let you know when they are on the site and available. When ordering items, please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. It most likely won't take that long but at times it is necessary to order blank sweatshirts online (especially now with winter ending) and so it may take a little longer then usual.
Angel Moms Store
Easy Cheesy Lasagna
Makes 6 servings
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 small zucchini, quartered and thinly sliced
1 package (8 ounces) mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 medium onion, chopped
5 cloves garlic, minced
2 containers (15 ounces each) reduced-fat ricotta cheese 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1 can (28 ounces) crushed tomatoes in purée, undrained
1 jar (26 ounces) spaghetti sauce
1 package (16 ounces) lasagna noodles, uncooked
4 cups (16 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
Directions:
Preheat oven to 375°F. Spray 13X9-inch baking dish or lasagna pan with nonstick cooking spray.
Heat oil in large skillet over medium heat until hot. Add zucchini, mushrooms, onion and garlic. Cook and stir 5 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Set aside.
Combine ricotta, Parmesan, eggs, Italian seasoning, garlic salt and pepper in medium bowl. Combine tomatoes and spaghetti sauce in another medium bowl.
Spread about 3/4 cup tomato mixture in prepared dish. Place layer of noodles over tomato mixture, overlapping noodles. Spread half of vegetable mixture over noodles; top with half of ricotta mixture. Sprinkle 1 cup mozzarella over ricotta mixture. Place second layer of noodles over mozzarella. Spread about 1 cup tomato mixture over noodles. Top with remaining vegetable and ricotta cheese mixtures. Sprinkle 1 cup mozzarella over ricotta mixture. Place third layer of noodles over mozzarella. Spread remaining tomato mixture over noodles. Sprinkle remaining 2 cups mozzarella evenly over top.
Cover tightly with foil and bake 1 hour or until noodles in center are soft. Uncover; bake 5 minutes or until cheese is melted and lightly browned. Remove from oven; cover and let stand 15 minutes before serving.
Hi Ladies,
Just a reminder that this section is for all of you. Anything you would like other members to know, you can put here, also if your child has a special date and you would like to put a dedication to them here, you can do that too.
Some Links To Share
It's Ok To Cry
Ladybug Blessings
Where's The Justice For My Child?
Moms (Dedicated to Moms who have lost a child)
Angel Moms Poll
To find out what our members want from the Angel Moms group, we have set up a poll to get your opinions and ideas.
Please go here to take the poll: Angel Moms Poll
It's not what you gather, but what you
scatter that tells what kind of life you
have lived.
-Helen Walton-
Angel Moms Newsletter-April 2005-(Printable Version)
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn, Brenda
Angel Moms Web Site
