This month's featured mom is Debbie Shadduck
Wow!! I sure was surprised to see that I was picked to be the Featured Mom. Thanks so much for this.My name is Debbie Shadduck other wise known as Debbie Doodles...my nephew started calling me that when he was little and it has stuck every since. I Live in Lehigh Acres, Florida, which is the southwest section of Florida. I am married to Howard, we just celebrated our 22nd Anniversary on September 4th. I have 3 wonderful children, I have 2 sons Brenton 21 and Blaine 18, my Angel is my only daughter Amber Leigh, she became an angel on March 30, 2002, exactly 2 months before her 14th Birthday (May 30th). I also have a Granddaughter her name is Kayleigh Amber, she is 9 months old. She was born on December 9th 2004, she was named after her Aunt Amber Leigh. Her Daddy is Brenton, he picked her name out. This little one has brought joy back into all of our lives.
My Angel Amber was born at Home. Not by choice, she wanted to come out fast. LOL I had no labor pains at all that day. Her Daddy is listed on her birth certificate as the Attending Physcian. When the ambulance came to pick us up he noticed right away that something was wrong with Amber, she had blue fingertips, her eyelids were blue, around her mouth was blue so when we got to the E.R., they took her straight up to the Nursery. When she was only a couple hours old they told us that she was going to be flown to Saint Petersburg to All Children's Hospital, that is about an hour and a half from where I live. When we got to the hospital up there they told us that Amber had Transpostion of the Great Vessels (which means that her 2 main vessels in her heart were reversed) and she had a hole in her heart that was about the size of a quarter. That was the first of very many hospital trips, hospital stays, doctor visits (with her cardiologist and her regular doctor.) When she was 6 months old she had her first open heart surgery, her next open heart surgery was when she was 1. She had first birthday in SICU. When she was 3, she had to go Charleston, South Carolina for a pacemaker, she had her 3rd birthday in the hospital there. Amber's whole life was spent with doctors and hospitals, she had numerous surgeries, heart caths and other procedures done over the years. To look at her you would never guess she had so much wrong with her. Over the years and because of so many diffrent surgeries, she ended up having chronic lung disease and her spine was curved, she had to wear a back brace, she had to take medicine all her life too. This was all just a part of her life and the rest of the family's life as well. She never let it get her down, she always walked around with a smile on her face and she did everything that she could do like other kids her age, she even cheered one year and the doctor told her she wasn't allowed too, she didn't let that stop her from doing things she wanted too. I let her be a kid and do things just like other kids.
In January of 2002 Amber started getting really tired and was looking pale, I took her to a local E.R and we told them about her heart troubles. Well, they said she just needed to rest, go home and take some tylenol PMs and she will be o.k they said. Yeah right!!! I called her cardiologist and set up an appointment for the next day. Me, my mom and Amber drove up to Saint Pete and the doctor sent us over for a chest x-rays. When he looked at it, he sent us straight over to All Children's and they admitted Amber for Congestive Heart Failure. They put her on I.V meds, we were told that Amber's heart was deterioted and could not be fixed, she would need a heart transplant. Well Amber did not want to do it, she was so scared, she asked these questions to the doctor. One was, has anyone ever died from this? Two, will I still be Amber without my own heart.
The I.V meds were only a temporary fix, they let us go home. We all talked about Amber getting the transplant. She finally agreed to have it done only because we all wanted her to have it. They called us in less then 2 months that they had found a donor for Amber. We rushed to to All Children's like crazy people. Amber got her new heart she was doing so good, she was up and walking the halls, eating little bits of food, sitting up and talking. They were talking about how well she was doing and that she was going to get to go home, they had me and my hubby do some course on how to give Amber her meds. Amber wanted to come with us, so we put her in a wagon and she laid down in it and went with us to the class. The next day Amber was really tired and all she wanted to was sleep, we figured she was just worn out from the surgery, she was also not able to hold any food down. She sat in my lap like when she was a toddler and we cuddled...me and my hubby decided we needed to get something to drink and get a few minutes of air and it would be good time for Amber to get some rest as well, she didnt really rest when we were in there. I got up covered her up on the lounge chair and put a pillow under her head, she looked up at me and I said we will be right back, she smiled and waved at us. We were only gone for maybe 10 minutes when the pastor of the Hospital came and got us, he took us into his office and said that Amber code blued (Stopped Breathing) and they were in there working on her, we were told then we should call all the family and have them get there as soon as possible. When I called my oldest son Brent to tell him, I couldn't even talk, his Dad had to tell him. The doctors came in and told us that Amber was gone...that they did everything they could for her...my whole family did make it there, when I went in to see Amber, I knew she was already gone up to Heaven.
Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. Our whole family has been changed and we will never go back to the way it was before Amber became an angel. If it wasn't for a few friends (Robin and Deb G.), my family and of course Angel Moms dot know where I would be right now!!! I would like to say that even though Amber's transplant wasn't a success, please be an organ donor because it can make a difference in someone's life. I'm so thankful to the donor family of Amber's heart, I just wish that the ending was different...
Please go visit Amber at her web site. Thanks again.
Amber's Page
I wrote your name...
I wrote your name on a piece of paper but by accident I threw it away.
I wrote your name on my hand but it washed away.
I wrote your name in the sand but the waves whisped it away.
I wrote your name in my heart and forever it will stay.
Author Unknown
The greeks didn't have obituaries after a person died,
they only asked one thing...'Did he/she have passion?'
I believe that one sentence describes our Angels to a tee! Whether our Angels visit with us was short or long , they seem to have all taught us wonderul lessons, loved with all their hearts and had PASSION!!! They lived well according to the greeks ... And those of us who loved them...
Grief and Marriage
The most significant aspect of grief in relationships is that husbands and wives obviously do not grieve alike. Nobody does. Grief is like a snowflake in a sense – no one person grieves like another. Just like no two snowflakes are alike. Each of us have our own journey. Because of this, misunderstandings and tension in the marriage is very possible. Sometimes grief is confused with so many other emotions.
Anger is very common in grief and anger can become guilt – don’t allow that in your marriage. Be honest about the anger and how you are handling it. At times, it’s best if we take a time out from it all. Get away when you feel that, if that’s possible.
Remember : GRIEVE IN A WAY THAT WORKS FOR YOU. ACCEPT THE WAY YOUR LOVED ONE GRIEVES – Remember, daddies grieve too.
Some ways that have worked for my husband and I, to keep our marriage strong through it all are :
We pray together. Reminding ourselves of that awesome reunion that we will have one day in heaven.
We keep the memories alive. We remind ourselves of the funny little anecdotes that our Tyler used to say or do. If we see something that reminds us of Tyler – we share it with each other.
There are times we just sit quietly together and knowing that words sometimes aren’t needed.
We do our best to respect each other’s grief. Allowing each other to have what we call a “Tyler” day.
We try to go on dates, when time allows us too.
We tell each other “I love you “often. That confirmation is so needed at times.
As parents we grieve deeply because we loved our children so very deeply. Losing our child is not only a loss of our future; it’s a loss of our heart.
Keeping each of you in prayer ….
As I sat here thinking what can I do for the October newsletter the first thing that crossed my mind was the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving is a time when most families gather. Share food and the day. Speak of how thankful they are. Once you gather for Thanksgiving it is time to start panning for Christmas. My holidays changed the year we lost Nathan, although he loved the holidays and always looked forward to having family and friends present in our home. The first few years we tried to continue on as possible. It was not easy and there was smiles, tears and laughter all rolled into one emotion. After I made it past the first couple years I thought for sure holidays would be easier ... well guess what?? they aren't! Last year my husband and I decide we needed to do something. We needed to try to make a difference in others holidays, maybe someone who is down on their luck, someone who has recently lost a loved one. Last Thanksgiving we donated 2 Thanksgiving dinners to a local organization for needy familles. I like to think we made another family's holiday a lot more pleasant. Right after Christmas I found a single Mom who had recently lost her job and had three children. We made sure her and her kids had a Christmas. They all got presents, even Mom and a gift certificate to a local store to buy groceries. This young Mom does not know who did this for her, the only thing I did was write in Memory of Nathan on the card that held her store certificate for groceries.
So As the holidays quickly approaches us all and the stressful time begins, let us turn our grief to something else this year. I have included links to areas that I have checked into and feel that they are all very worthy organizations. If in the past you have chosen to ignore the holidays than maybe this will be the year to make a difference in someone else's family. This holiday season I would like to ask each of us to try to remember those families that are having a hard time, the families that may be facing what each of us have already faced.
Hugs and Hope Club - asks you for moral support for a terminally ill child , their siblings and parents. Something as small as a card can make a difference
Send A Smile And Help Children Cope - these children may be going through a tough time, be it illness or something else.
Make A Child Smile - antoher site for terminally ill children and their families
Pet Site Directory - a pet site for those that love furbabies
Welcome to Chemo Angels is another link that is worth checking into. I am a member of this list and I try to brighten the days of a cancer patient. I know some of you have had to deal with this first hand and know the stress and strain it puts on the families. All I do is send cards, an occasional package and listen when my patient needs to talk. Its a very worth while thing and I have had communications with my patients Mom as well, she initiated the emails and thanked me for being a friend to her son. She said he looks forward to my emails and cards.. so this may be of something of interest to some, I hope so!
Seven years ago, October meant to me, my oldest daughter and my stepdaughter's birthdays, it meant Halloween,and it meant fall was really here and I loved fall. The coolness of the weather, the leaves turning colors, bonfires, it was a good and fun month. But that all changed on Oct. 27, 1997.....I lost my son Shane, my firstborn, my only son. Now October means I mark off another year without Shane.
This year is even harder, not only do I mark my seventh year without Shane, but my daughter Jennie will turn 20, my second child will be older than my first......I don't know how it will feel, but I do know it will hurt. Shane was looking forward to being 20 and no longer having a teen in his age. I know it is bothering Jennie too. If Shane were here, I know he would make it a special day for Jennie and pick on Laurie for being the only teenager now. Despite the sadness, we will try and make it a special day.
I also want to thank you all for the prayers being said for Jennie. We still have a long road ahead of us, but it helps so much knowing we are not alone and have so many people who care about us.
The Olympics of Life
I did something this month just for myself and felt wonderful doing it. I ran in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Central Park. 20,000 people participated. The roads were closed for this race. It was exhilarating to be part of this 5K (3.1 miles) run or walk. I chose to run. Last year at this time 50 yards would have left me breathless, but through regular jogging, my distance and stamina is improving. The Race for the Cure was my next big step-entering a race, committing to finish. I thought about not doing it. I had to drive 40 miles each way on a Sunday morning to get to the race. I got such a sense of accomplishment and being a part of something from doing this that I am glad that I did not back out. I ran in memory of my grandmother, who succumbed to breast cancer. Many women ran or walked as survivors, families gathered along the route to cheer on the runners and walkers. Water stations were available and a huge finish line near Tavern on the Green, with a hundred pink balloons and people cheering everyone on, made me feel like I had participated in the Olympics-well, the Olympics of life, anyway.
So, with this small victory under my belt, I registered with 10,000 others for the Heart Walk-Wall Street 5K Run. This time I was running for my angel, Mike and for Jer, who both lost their lives suddenly to undiagnosed heart conditions. This was harder to do, not as much fun. I had to walk past Ground Zero, something I had not previously done. My heart began to feel heavy as I walked by the area the two World Trade Center Towers used to occupy, the tourists taking pictures of the blank spaces and the sense of pain and loss that was hanging in the air. I wanted to cry as I walked over to pick up my chip and number. I felt as if I was carrying a large stone throughout this race. I did feel good about finishing, and the night was beautiful. I wished I had arranged for my husband to meet me there so we could have dinner by the water. I felt a sense of accomplishment and pride in myself, but not the exhilaration of the previous race.
Today, I ran in a 2mile race to raise money for The Rehab Medicine Department at Mount Sinai. There were about 50 people in this race, many in wheelchairs. I ran around the loop five times, passing many in wheelchairs. I marveled at the obstacles that these people are facing and the courage with which they are facing them. For a couple of people who were accompanied by an assistant, this was the first time that they had been outside of the hospital since their accident. I felt so blessed to be able to run around by myself. I should never take simple, everyday things for granted.
Everyday has its own personality and special challenges. This is the Olympics of Life. I think we are all medal winners.
Make it a Gold Medal one today!
Keeping Your Marriage Strong Through the Grief Process
By Paula J. Wart
When a couple encounters grief such as the loss of a pregnancy, the death of a parent, or financial collapse, it puts a tremendous strain on their marriage. By understanding how you and your spouse display grief, and making extra effort to communicate, your marriage can become a closer bond to bring you comfort.
Here are some points to remember:
Each person grieves in a different way. When your spouse displays their grief differently from you, the tendency is to misunderstand their needs. Common reactions include:
Crying ~ Anger ~ Sadness ~ Guilt ~ Loss of appetite ~ Overeating ~ Insomnia ~ Loss of sexual function ~ Need for intimacy ~ Lack of concentration ~ Fatigue ~ Isolation ~ Stoicism ~ Need to talk ~ Use of alcohol or drugs ~ Overwork
Grief creates a need for closeness and support, but often brings solitude and separation. Often, it’s because each spouse fails to understand their partner’s way of grieving.
Women tend to grieve verbally and to work their way through grief on an emotional level. To keep grief from overwhelming them, men tend to work at keeping their grief private, processing their grief at an intellectual level. They distract themselves from their pain and try to get on with the business of daily life, while their wives appear paralyzed by the pain.
Recognize that different is not wrong or inferior. Look beyond the radical differences in how your spouse is displaying and working through their grief. When you understand that your spouse is displaying grief in the only way they know how, you can stop blaming your spouse and begin to work on supporting your spouse. They are feeling intense pain, just as you are. They do not intend to hurt you by their reaction to their grief.
Sometimes, one partner in the marriage wants to control how their spouse grieves. If the spouse doesn’t respond as expected, it’s assumed they don’t care about the marriage. If a partner is overshadowed by grief and apparently unable to heal (at least in the time the spouse has allotted), the spouse can become frustrated in their inability to “fix” the problem or fed up with the continual flow of tears and emotion. If, however, lack of emotional display is the problem, the other spouse might conclude their partner is incapable of true love.
The key is to keep communicating how you feel – something a woman needs hear, and how you think – something a man needs to hear. Grieving takes a lot of emotional, mental, and physical energy, and the marriage relationship is often neglected. If you are feeling neglected, reach out to your spouse. Let them know that you are grieving your loss, and also missing them. Do not be critical or place blame on your spouse. This will lead to marital discord, and possibly separation and divorce.
Be patient and persistent. Share your thoughts and feelings, and keep reminding yourself that your spouse does care – they just are displaying their grief differently.
Coping with your grief is painful and uncomfortable. What you both need – and most likely want – is an intimate bond with your spouse that will provide support, and a safe place to grief in your own unique way. If you are unable to process your grief together, suggest you and your spouse go to a grief counselor.
October is National SIDS and Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.
When a child loses his parents, he is called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, he is called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic/partial molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, other unknown causes or any infant death.
We honor these Moms
My Precious One
Gone before you really even begun
But you left your mark on my heart
My tiny little precious one
I loved you from the start
But you slipped quietly away
I never got to see you or hold you
You weren't meant to stay
You had other things to do
So back to Heaven you returned
Your stay was so brief
But lessons from you we learned
Our hopes and dreams turned to grief
When we found out you were gone
They say some things are just not meant to be
But I know you aren't alone
You are surrounded in beauty
And by God's perfect love
The angels are rocking you little angel of mine
Up in Heaven above
Heaven is the most special place you'll find
So rest precious little one
I hold you in my heart where you'll always be
And when my time on earth is done
I'll be there and you'll be rocked by me
Judi Walker
May 7, 2002
In memory of Angel Baby Walker1,
Angel Baby Walker2 & Angel Baby Ruttencutter
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for September were presented to:
Loni Wendt by Wedgie/Joanie Harris
Marge Costanza by Wedgie/Joanie Harris
Connie Mohney by Wedgie/Joanie Harris
The Family of Rosa Brown Delk by Loni Wendt
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Fundraising for the Melissa Noelle Hanson Humanitarian Memorial Scholarship
After we lost Melissa in 2002, we took $1000 of the memorials we received and started a scholarship fund in Melissa’s memory. The scholarships are awarded based on essays received from family, friends or teachers of the nominee. The essay describes the acts of kindness the nominee routinely shows towards others. A total of $500 is awarded each year. This past June for the Waupun High School class of 2004, Melissa’s class, we awarded the first 2 scholarships of $250 each. In order to be able to continue for several or many years to give scholarships we need to raise funds. For that reason, I am taking orders for adorable teddy bears from Holy Bears. The bears range in cost from $9 to $22. The majority of the 9” bears are $9-$10. Other items that can be ordered include videos, CD’s, hat, lapel pin/keyring & dogtag set. At least 50% of the cost of the money collected for orders will go to the scholarship fund. The small bears are 9” tall, soft and cuddly. The larger bears are 14” tall and wide, very soft and very cuddly. They have beads in the lower portion of the body so they can sit. These make great Christmas presents. Themes of the bears are: God’s Creatures, Blessed Memories, Family Blessings, From the Heart, Celebrating Our Faith, The Spirit of America, In God We Still Trust, Community Bears, Sports & Leisure, Sacraments & Saints, State Pride, Lighthouse & International, and HolyBears Helping Others.
To View The Online Catalog: Go to www.holybears.com/catalog The page that opens has the 24 pages of the catalog on it. By clicking on each page it will enlarge. Clicking on each bear on the page will open a window showing a larger picture of that bear. If you want to see a larger copy of the catalog you can go to www.holybears.com/new/catalog/2004.pdf and it will download through Adobe reader.
To order: If you decide to order, you can email me the name and catalog number/numbers of the bear/bears you would like along with your name, home address and phone number. My email address is: slwendt@charter.net
To Pay: Payment must be made when ordered. You can pay me through paypal using my email address. Or you can send me a personal check made out to me: Loni Wendt and send it to me at
608 N Madison St.
Waupun, WI 53963
Thank you for helping Melissa’s scholarship to continue in her memory.
Loni Wendt
Angel Melissa
Chocolate Cheese Cake
Nonstick cooking spray
1 cup low-fat chocolate wafer cookie crumbs (from about 3 cups)
1 tablespoon plus 1 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon canola oil
1 tablespoon instant espresso, dissolved in 2 teaspoons water
12 ounces light cream cheese
24 ounces non-fat cottage cheese
1/4 cup cornstarch
1 egg
2 egg whites
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup sugar substitute (recommended: Splenda)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Line the inside of a springform pan with aluminum foil and smooth out as much as possible. Once lined, spray the inside with cooking spray. In a food processor, combine cookie crumbs, 1 tablespoon brown sugar, oil, and coffee and blend well. Press into the bottom of the prepared pan, and set aside.
In a food processor, combine cream cheese, cottage cheese, cornstarch, egg, and egg whites until very smooth. Add cocoa powder, brown sugar, sugar substitute, vanilla, and salt and puree until smooth. Finally, add melted chocolate and puree until smooth. Blend well and then pour into crust-lined pan. Place pan in a shallow baking dish and place in oven. Carefully pour enough water into pan to come up halfway up the sides of the cheesecake pan. Bake until edges are firm, about 1 hour. Turn oven off and let cake cool in the oven for 1 hour. Refrigerate, uncovered, until chilled, at least 3 hours.
Some Links To Share
Should You Go First
Best Friends Prayer
It's in the Valleys I Grow
I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something. And because I cannot do
everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
- Helen Keller -
Angel Moms Newsletter-October 2004-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn, Brenda
Angel Moms Web Site
