This month's featured mom is Pat Parker
I feel very honored and grateful to have been chosen as Angel Moms Featured
Mom for the Month of May.I was born in Brooklyn, NY, a preemie 3 lb. baby, Patricia Anne, to Helen and Richard Rafferty on Oct. l9, l94l. I had a 4 year old sister, Eileen that I also came home to. Our family was a caring, loving, religious family, and we were very close to each other. My sister Eileen married at l8 years old, and had three Sons, Danny, Kevin and Richie. I worked in N.Y. City doing secretarial work after high school. A friend of mine who I did work in the office for introduced me (through a blind date) to the love of my life, my husband Jim. We went together two years and married Sept. 4, l97l. On April l2, l973 we were blessed with our first son, Brian, who brought such joy to our lives. We moved from N.Y. to N.J. when Brian was 6 months old. In l975, we were blessed with another son, Tim, and Brian was delighted to have a little brother. In l977, we were blessed with a third son, our Sean. Brian and Tim were delighted to have a little brother.
Jim and me brought a pop-up camper and camped with the boys for l6 years on Summer vacations. We have many happy memories of this. Brian became a Marine after high school and served actively for 4 years. Tim went into the Marine College Program for 6 years. They both came out as Corporals in the Marines, and me Jim and Sean were so proud of them. Brian married Kristen on 3/l7/00, and this marriage brought much happiness to our family. We really love and continue to love Brian's wife Kristen. Kristen and Brian bought a house, and asked Tim to move in with them, as Tim did not want to live in PA where we moved when Jim retired. Sean stayed with us, and got a job in PA.
On March 22, 2001, Jim and me received a phone call that broke our hearts, and made us, Sean and Kristen feel so sad, as we were told Brian and Tim were killed in a fatal car accident, when Brian was picking up Tim from a friends in PA.
We Parkers will never ever be the same, and I know how You Angel Moms understand this, going through similar heartache. Over l,000 people, relatives, friends, and Marines were at the funeral home in N.J., and many attended the funeral mass concelebrated by many of the Priests in St. Cecilia's Church who knew the boys growing up there, and when they were altar boys, and followed us to PA where Brian and Tim were buried in Our Mother of Sorrows Cemetery here in PA. Our precious daughter in law, like a daughter, let us bury Brian with his Brother Tim - we were so grateful for this. They had a Marine Military funeral, with Taps, the three Gun Salute, and Presentation of the Flag for Brian to Kristen, his wife, and Presentation of the Flag for Tim to Jim and me.
I thank the Lord for leaving us our Sean, who brings so much Love and Joy into our Lives. Sean misses his brothers Brian and Tim so very much, but he is doing well, thanks be to God.
I believe that I will see my Brian and Tim someday in Heaven when I pass, and that the Lord is holding on to Jim, me and Sean everyday until then. I also lost my sister, Eileen at 60 from a heartattack, talking to me that morning, and she passed on that afternoon, three years before my Brian and Tim.
Thank you for listening to my story, and most of all, thanks for being there with all your love, prayers and support. You are all such a wonderful, caring and loving Angel Moms, and I thank the Lord for bringing you all into my life, since I lost my Brian and Tim in the auto accident on March 22, 2001.
Hugs and prayers to you all, another surviving Mom of Angel Sons, Brian and Tim in Heaven, and Sean, on earth.
A Special Corsage for Momma
I send you this special rose
to go in the corsage your wear.
I know it has wilted a bit.
But I know that you don't care.
I planted the flowers just for you.
I fertilized each rose with love.
This garden of roses I planted for you,
grows in the Heaven's above.
I see other mother's with a corsage.
I want you to have one too.
So I touch the roses & kiss them...
Before I put them together for you.
Now wear this corsage that I send you...
Wear it with all my love & your pride.
For it comes from the bottom of my heart...
Watered by the tears you've cried.
~Author~ Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copyright May 3, 2000
All rights reserved.
For my desk this month I wanted to share this fantastic website that brings a smile to a child’s face. My Tyler was featured on this site and was a recipient of many cards. It indeed brought a smile to his face while he was undergoing so much.
I understand that this could be offensive to a Mommy who is grieving and my prayer and hope is that it doesn’t offend anyone. I actually find comfort in helping bring a smile to another child, and yes I am a part of this site, sending cards and small gifts to the children.
www.makeachildsmile.org/featured_kids.shtml
This is taken directly from the Make A Child Smile Website:
Founded in May of 1998, by Alexandra Davila, the Make A Child Smile Organization, also known as MACS, has been a source of support to children with chronic or life-threatening illnesses and their families. Emotional support is provided by creating the opportunity for people to visit the MACS website and learn about the children and their illnesses.
Each month, new children are featured. A picture and biography describing the child and information about their family is published on the site. Hundreds of 'net surfers, schools, service organizations, girls/boys scouts and church groups use the MACS site as a philanthropic project where they can send cards, letters and small gifts to the featured children and their siblings through postal mail.
In December of 2000, MACS was granted tax-exempt status so that it could expand its mission to include fundraising efforts in order to provide financial assistance to qualifying families for help with medical, funeral expenses or other costs associated with the child's illness.
Our Mission To provide emotional and financial support to families whose children suffer from chronic or life-threatening illnesses and also give those who visit the MACS site the opportunity to participate by sending mail to the children.
Until next month-
As some of you know I quilt. I have done several charity quilts lately and it gives me great pleasure to think I may be able to brighten someone's else's day with just a small effort on my part. I recently received this from someone I know on line and thought what a great idea. I will be sending a couple to this organization and hope maybe someone else here in AngelMoms would like to do the same. After all we all owe our freedom to these brave and courage men and women.
I am writing to ask everyone a favor. A member of our local guild (Waldorf, Maryland) started a "quilts for soldiers" program. These quilts are given to wounded soldiers, when they come back from Iraq. Due to the escalation in Iraq, there are approximately 40-48 wounded soldiers coming back almost daily. The need has become overwhelming for our local guild. Because of this, they have had to cut back and give quilts to only the most seriously injured, which means they pass by some of the wounded on the plane. So... if you would like to help out and donate a quilt here's what you need to know:
The quilts should be no smaller than 36" x 36" (wheelchair) or lap size (stretcher) and preferably in red, white and blue. One of the soldiers visited the guild last month and was moved to tears by the quilt he received. The quilts should be mailed to me at the address below:
Carol Mitchell
9815 Hope Acres Rd
White Plains, MD 20695
I will pass the quilts on to the coordinator of the project, who delivers them to Andrews Air Force Base.
Please feel free to share this with your local guild or quilting buddies. Thank you in advance.
Carol Mitchell
luv_quiltlady@yahoo.com
May is National Mental Health Month and May 4th is Childhood Depression Awareness Day. Since I lost my son Josh to suicide at age 15, this is something close to my heart. Also, I have 2 surviving children that are now teenagers, so their mental health is a huge issue for me also. In reality, my own mental health is an issue also.
My son is gone because of a disease. That disease is depression. To many, because he didn't show any physical symptoms, no one knew. Josh was 12 when he was first diagnosed with Depression. It was after mine and his father's divorce. "Typical reaction" is what I kept hearing from Doctors. I agreed, because I too was going thru my own depression and anxiety regarding the divorce and all the changes that goes with it. As I was slowly getting on with my life and the new changes, Josh seemed to get worse. Many Doctor appointments and evaluations followed for the next few years. The knowledge I have now regarding depression and suicide and heredity factors, sure would have been nice back then. I was clueless, I tried everything everyone said, but still lost my child to suicide when he was 6 days past his 15th birthday. I watched my son go from a funny, brilliant child, to a child that had so much inner pain, much to my amazement later, I realized only how much he let me in on, the rest was hidden from me to shield my pain I am sure. He was like that. Now 7+ years have passed and I see clearly the signs that I missed or dismissed then. I put a lot of faith into Doctor's, when in reality I should have listened to my heart more. I kept hearing "normal teenage behavior," and with him being my firstborn, I didn't know any better. My heart was telling me it was more than that. So now, I listen more to my heart with my surviving teenagers. I know in my heart that I have to forgive myself for making any mistakes I made with Josh because I wasn't aware of the signs back then. He knows I tried, he and I had many a conversation about it all. I realize now also that there are depression hereditary genes that carry on in families. I did a thorough search on family members and found answers that I didn't expect. I have a surviving son that is Josh's full brother and I am on top of his emotions as much as I can be. I know that there is always that chance that he too can inherit this disease. With May being Mental Health Month, I want to just share some sites with you so you too can be aware of signs and such. Depression hits anyone and everyone. Race, age, and/or sex does not matter. Many of us AngelMoms have suffered from a form of grief depression and that "black hole" seems to envelope us at different times. Please know that there is help out there. Medication and therapy is just a couple of options. Do not be afraid to ask for help. There is many types of mental health issues. Please visit the sites below for more information.
May is Mental Health Month: Fast Facts
Childhood Depression Awareness Day: Youth and Depression
Childhood Depression Awareness Day: Activity Ideas
Childhood Depression Awareness Day
Childhood Depression Awareness Day: Depression Checklist
Childhood Depression Awareness Day: Depression and Suicide
When May gets here, I think of Mother's Day, it is a bitter sweet time for me. I can't think of Mother's Day without thinking of Shane. My first Mother's Day Shane was only five months old. My parents and ex husband made it a big day for me. I was a mom, I had a beautiful baby boy. As the years went by, I got handmade cards and gifts from Shane, as he got older, the cards and gifts became store bought, but each one was so very special. After losing Shane, Mother's Day became a sad time for me, one of my children was missing, Mother's Day was a bitter reminder of that. I'd put on an act and smile for my girls after all I was still a mom. Time has eased the pain and now the smiles are genuine, I have a lot to be thankful for, I am the mom to two wonderful daughters and I am still Shane's mom too, nothing can change that and I had 20 Mother's Days with Shane and I treasure each one.
My wish for all of you this Mother's Day is that you find some peace and comfort. And know that no matter how long your child was here, you are and always will be his/her Mother.
I give you this special rose for Mother's Day,
It looks no different from any other,
But it is special in it's own way,
It is a gift from one grieving Mother to another.
This is the Mother's Day newsletter. I can't come up with anything profound to say. I miss my own mother, who is basking in the sun, on her new house boat, in Nevada. For my own "Mothers Day" It will be just another day. Only, I won't be attending church this time!! It's just another reminder that I'm one child short for my perfect little family.
This has made me think about my surviving children. Nikki, my oldest who will be 15 in 14 days!! She used to be my helper, my rock. She helped with my crafts, babysitting and was my sounding board when I had a bad day. Now it's boys, phone calls, soccer, friends and getting her drivers permit. Logan 13 is my sensitive one. He counts on me to be there for him. He is open and honest. He always completes his chores, has a real job, and soon will be starting football. These two kids I am extremely close too. Chase 9, is extremely intelligent, and hyper active. This is a dangerous combination. He is either on your last nerve, or he is baffling you with how really smart he is. I have to admit we are not that close. He is his daddy's boy. Everyone in our small town calls him "mini me" a carbon copy of his daddy. I have decided to talk about my youngest son for this Mothers Day.
He insists on dressing himself, so he might show up in a bright orange shirt, jeans that are high waters with holes in them, no underwear, and a different colored sock on each foot. His hair is unruly. Just like daddy's, and he refuses to brush it. He never does his chores. Can't find his shoes in the morning, or he's forgotten his coat, homework, or backpack at school. His teacher says he would be a straight A student if he could just stay organized. Needless to say our interaction is me mostly scolding him.
Last year I took him to Nevada with me to visit my parents. Just the 2 of us, on an airplane, for 4 HOURS!!! I thought this will be a nightmare. It wasn't. We had fun. we played cards, looked at books, and played video games. During our vacation, we bonded. I learned how easily he can make friends. How he can entertain himself for hours on a dirt pile, and who "Spongebob" is. The most important lesson I learned is I don't have to yell at him all the time. He hears, he listens, and he really tries. I saw him for the rare, funny and wiser guy he really is. He learned that I am fun too, and not this yelling, condemning mother.
We are now back in the real world, chores not done, homework forgotten at school, coat missing, socks that don't match, and hair not brushed. Then I catch his eye, neither of us can keep straight face now that he knows I've got his number, and he's got mine.
This is what Mothers Day is really about to me. Not gifts, not celebrations, just the little learning, bonding, and special, moments spent between a mother and her child. If you are lucky enough to have surviving children take the time to spend one on one time with them. It will feed your soul and theirs. HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY!
Ancestors
With the passing of time, I have become one of the most senior members of my family. This has bothered me a bit. I knew all four of my grandparents. I presented my grandparents with great-grandchildren. I visited with aged great aunts and a great-grandmother. I had a sense of family history and continuity that my younger two children do not have. So, I have embarked on my family tree project. After all, May is a month fraught with emotional conflict. Like you, I will be struggling with Mother’s Day. Mike’s third anniversary will be May 14th. May is no longer on my top five of great months in the year. I still have those hand made cards, pictures drawn with crayons and carefully lettered with a child’s handwriting. My children sometimes signed their full names. Happy Mothers Day! Love, Chris Scarpati. Those were some of the most precious moments of my life; breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day, compliments of one of my boys.
Through my search for my ancestors, I once again recognize that life does have a cycle of joy and pain and each of us will participate in both. That fact goes for all generations- past, present and future. Although I can only hope to piece the skeletons of these ancestors together, I can never truly know them. I have noticed that my great-great grandparents lost a child in his teens. He is buried in the same plot as they. The seemingly unrelated name on the headstone, which was a mystery for a while, turned out to be the first husband of my great-great aunt. My great-grandmother buried two daughters by the age of 18. In trying to find the ship that my great-grandmother arrived on, I have reviewed countless lists of passenger on ships arriving in New York from England and Germany. Some died on those voyages and some were born.
I went to visit my mother’s cousin. She is an active lady, who though in her 80’s, just gave up being on the Board of Trustees for her alma mater, is on the condominium board in Florida, still drives back and forth from Florida to New York alone. She is everything I hope I will be, if I can make it to her age. She has made the most wonderful albums for her sisters. These are a collection of letters, photos, newspaper articles, handmade art, diplomas certificates, etc. It is a collection of the history of her family-a treasure that can be handed down. It does contain dates, but more importantly, it contains part of her and the love she has for her family.
And so, while this project will not be simple, it certainly will not be easier to assemble with the passage of time. It also makes me think of the links I have to my ancestors and the link future family members may feel about me.
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Contrary to popular belief, Mother's Day was not conceived and fine-tuned in the boardroom of Hallmark. The earliest tributes to mothers date back to the annual spring festival the Greeks dedicated to Rhea, the mother of many deities, and to the offerings ancient Romans made to their Great Mother of Gods, Cybele. Christians celebrated this festival on the fourth Sunday in Lent in honor of Mary, mother of Christ. In England this holiday was expanded to include all mothers and was called Mothering Sunday.
In the United States, Mother's Day started nearly 150 years ago, when Anna Jarvis, an Appalachian homemaker, organized a day to raise awareness of poor health conditions in her community, a cause she believed would be best advocated by mothers. She called it "Mother's Work Day."
Fifteen years later, Julia Ward Howe, a Boston poet, pacifist, suffragist, and author of the lyrics to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic," organized a day encouraging mothers to rally for peace, since she believed they bore the loss of human life more harshly than anyone else.
In 1905 when Anna Jarvis died, her daughter, also named Anna, began a campaign to memorialize the life work of her mother. Legend has it that young Anna remembered a Sunday school lesson that her mother gave in which she said, "I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will found a memorial mother's day. There are many days for men, but none for mothers."
Anna began to lobby prominent businessmen like John Wannamaker, and politicians including Presidents Taft and Roosevelt to support her campaign to create a special day to honor mothers. At one of the first services organized to celebrate Anna's mother in 1908, at her church in West Virginia, Anna handed out her mother's favorite flower, the white carnation. Five years later, the House of Representatives adopted a resolution calling for officials of the federal government to wear white carnations on Mother's Day. In 1914 Anna's hard work paid off when Woodrow Wilson signed a bill recognizing Mother's Day as a national holiday.
At first, people observed Mother's Day by attending church, writing letters to their mothers, and eventually, by sending cards, presents, and flowers. With the increasing gift-giving activity associated with Mother's Day, Anna Jarvis became enraged. She believed that the day's sentiment was being sacrificed at the expense of greed and profit. In 1923 she filed a lawsuit to stop a Mother's Day festival, and was even arrested for disturbing the peace at a convention selling carnations for a war mother's group. Before her death in 1948, Jarvis is said to have confessed that she regretted ever starting the mother's day tradition.
Despite Jarvis's misgivings, Mother's Day has flourished in the United States. In fact, the second Sunday of May has become the most popular day of the year to dine out, and telephone lines record their highest traffic, as sons and daughters everywhere take advantage of this day to honor and to express appreciation of their mothers.
A Mother Daughter Story
Hello Angel Moms, I'm here to tell you a story. Mother’s Day is this month and I know it can be very hard with all our angels in heaven. But Angel Moms has it's own story of how a mother found a daughter. She had been looking for, for about 30 years. It starts out with her loosing a son at birth. Being very sad after that, she ends up going to see a lady that does readings. The lady tells her many things’ that are just amazing and tells her of a dark haired girl that she will love as her own. The dark haired girl will be her daughter. So she looks in every dark hair child that crosses her path. As this goes on… The dark hair girl is looking too. As long as she can remember, she has always felt as if she did not belong to the family she was born to. She would ask, am I adopted hoping for a yes, but she never got that yes. She dreamed of a loving and caring mother that would come to her in her sleep and tuck her in at night and keep her safe.
Years passed for the both of them. The woman still looked and the dark haired girl had a family of her own, but still longed for a mother. The dark haired girl looses her daughter to a house fire. Now they both have found Angel Moms. Time passes and the girl doesn’t say much in Angel Moms until the year date of her child’s passing. She posts this long venting letter to the group. She gets a few replies. She is sad because her so called family doesn’t care about her pain and treats her sons very cruelly. Wanting them to have grandparents, she states maybe she should put an ad in the paper looking for grandparents for them. The lady answers, saying she would love to be nanny to them. In disbelief they start talking…a lot. The lady finally gets to see the girls face and just knows this is the child she has been looking for. The lady doesn’t say any thing and waits for the girl to say something that would validate it is her. The girl does and the story unfolds. Her heart keeps telling her to go...go and find out. So she does. She hops on to a plane and does just that. During the visit to the lady’s house they share stories while laughing and crying, they find more clues to their years of searching. Their hearts were each other's missing pieces to life and love. In the end the mother got her child and the child got her mother all thanks to a lady who started Angel Moms.
So who are the lady and dark hair girl you may ask? Carin/Toad and Heather/Wart
I prayed so hard
For a mother full of love
A gentle touch
I needed so much
Then out of the blue God gave me you
You are my mother
Thru and thru
I love you mom
Thru time and beyond
HAPPY MOTHER”S DAY MOM AND ANGELMOMS
Thanks for letting me share our story
Love Heather mom to Angel Mystic
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for April were presented to:
Debbie Ruttencutter by Judi Walker
Michele Rudolph by Judi Walker
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Safely Home
I am home in Heaven, dear ones;
Oh, So happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in Heaven at last.
Did you wonder I so calmly
Trod the valley of shade?
Oh! But Jesus' love illumined
Every dark and fearful glade.
And He came Himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And with Jesus' arm to lean on,
Could I have doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still:
Try to look beyond earth's shadows,
Pray to trust our Father's Will.
There is Work still waiting for you,
So you must not idly stand;
Do it now, while life remaineth-
You shall rest in Jesus' land.
When that work is all completed,
He will gently call you Home;
Oh, the rapture of that meeting,
Oh, the joy to see you come
From My Mom: Frances and My AngelKeith....Miss you Mom 1 year 5-29- 2004 and AngelKeith gone 4 years and 9 months 5-7-2004 Forever in My Heart : Love Donna Lynn
As Mother's Day Approches I for one Know that everyone here misses their special Angels . We all have this common bond that cause us so very much pain on this day as there is always someone missing and we don't have that special little hello mom from them . So I'm sitting here to day and would like to share a poem that I have written for all of us for this day. I Wrote this for all you moms. For your Children in Heaven
Mom
Dear Mom ,I am sending you this today
In hope that in a special way
Though these words that I say
That you understand that I am O.K.
I reside in heaven above
Where I have found so much love
With peace in the spirit of the dove
As all the children here are of
We are all here in this place
Awaiting our Moms in God's Grace
Please dry your tears and let God erase
Your pain and fears with out a trace
I will be here to guide you the gate
So dear sweet mom please don't be late
Know that you and I have a date
Some day at heavens gate.
Copywritten by Reeny Angel Dustin's Mom
April,27th,2004
Baby Back Ribs
Recipe courtesy Sandra Lee
Copyright 2002 Television food network G.P
Ingredients
2 full racks (quartered) baby back ribs
1-quart beef broth
2 cups barbeque sauce (recommended: Bullseye Original Barbeque Sauce)
1 cup honey
Instructions
Place ribs and beef broth in a large heavy pot or Dutch oven, and add enough water to fully cover ribs. Simmer over low heat for about 1 hour. Once tender, remove and set aside.
Preheat the grill to medium heat. In a medium bowl, combine barbeque sauce and honey. Baste ribs generously with sauce and grill for about 4 minutes on each side or until desired degree of doneness.
Some Links To Share
One Sweet Day
Angel Of Mine
A Letter From Heaven
You'll Never Walk Alone
Important Dates In May
May 4 - Childhood Depression Awareness Day
May 9 - Mother's Day
May 15 - Armed Forces Day
May 31 - Memorial Day
The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see,
and knows what the mind cannot understand.
--Robert Vallett--
Angel Moms Newsletter-May 2004-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn
Angel Moms Web Site
