This month's featured mom is Donna Lynn Satterwhite
Thank you for choosing me as your “Angel Mom” for The Month of March. I feel so honored. March has a lot of meaning for me. In March 22, 1969 my only brother was killed by a Drunk Driver. For many, many years I never knew the pain my mother was going through losing a child. It was bad enough being my brother. My mom was a single mother raising five children by herself, when out of the blue her world is shattered, never to be the same again. I was blessed with three beautiful children, twins Angel Keith and his Earth Angel twin sister, Tanya as well as another Earth Angel sister, Dawn. I was a single mom for five years until I met the most wonderful man in the world. He has been and continues to be a great father to our two daughters (Tanya and Dawn) and our two grandchildren (Jessica and Allen). March holds a good memory as Larry and I met March 15, 1978. The twins were five years old and Dawn was almost three years old. We did our best to make a happy family. In 1991, Tanya and Keith graduated from High School and moved out on their own. In early 1995 Keith informs us he’s getting married. On August 19th of that year, Keith marries Lisa. Well, not to slow things down, Keith informs us in October that I am going to be a grandmother. On May 23, 1996, my wonderful grandson, Keith Allen Lucker, II, was born. Watching the birth of my grandson, Keith Allen, II, was a miracle in itself.
The later part of 1996, twin Tanya informs us she’s getting married. This happy occasion took place May 17, 1997. I bet you can already guess, Tanya informs us, we’re going to be grandparents again. Almost one year from Tanya and Jason’s wedding date, May 9, 1998, our beautiful granddaughter was born. Jessica Lynn (who has my middle name) was the first girl on her dad Jason's side of the family in 45 years. You all know by now I have two wonderfully spoiled grandchildren (I guess it’s true, grandparents do have more fun!). My youngest daughter, Dawn she is just dating for now. She enjoys being an aunt and will keep it that way for a while.
In the summer of 1998, Keith and Lisa split up. Keith started having blackouts and finding it hard to breathe at times. I took him to several doctors, but they found nothing. Then my world started falling apart. In 1999 Memorial Day weekend Keith started getting sicker. His twin sister Tanya and I took him to the emergency room at MCV Hospital on June 6, 1999. After staying there half the night, the hospital sent him home with what they said was a Bronchitis infection. Keith did not get any better so I called the family Doctor once again. He saw Keith and confirms he had a Bronchitis infection. When Keith still did not improve, I sent Keith by Ambulance to M.C.V. Hospital here in Richmond, Virginia on Wednesday, June 16, 1999. The same hospital he was seen in the emergency room on the 6th. All of a sudden they know exactly what is going on...... He has Endocarditus and needs a Heart Valve Replacement. They start him on antibiotics trying to clear the infection and try to find out what was causing the infection. In talking with the doctors, his twin sister remembered him complaining to her about a tooth. This was checked out and it ended up being that his tooth had been infected. Because he was born with a defective heart valve the infection went straight to the heart. The Medical College of Virginia (MCV) informs us he needs to have a heart valve replacement immediately. Easier said than done, MCV did not have a heart Doctor available (supposedly they were on vacation or something) so they med flighted him to the University of Virginia (UVA) Hospital an hour and half away. That was on Friday June 26. 1999. On Monday they took him to surgery in the early morning. The doctor finally came and told us he was doing fine. Just minutes later, all of sudden out of the blue he's bleeding inside and they have to go back in. They said they saw nothing. For two weeks after that it was a living hell to get anyone to talk to you. So Keith begged me, Mom please get me back to Richmond So on July 9th, 1999 Keith arrived back at M.C.V. by Lifeline Friday afternoon. He was all checked in and I hadn't been home for over two weeks so I told him I was going home. The Hospital called in the middle of the night saying Keith needed to be put on respirator. When Larry and I got to the hospital, Keith was in cardiac arrest. They told us to notify the family; Keith was a very sick young man. My mom wanted to come and did even when I'd told her not to. They performed surgery on Keith later that evening after he had gone into cardiac arrest three more times. The doctor informs us that the valve replacement, put in at UVA, never attached to the heart. Keith’s blood was being poisoned throughout his body.
They seemed to operate on him every day for something or another. Then as the weeks went on, I knew something was going on however the doctors weren’t telling me. With my family at my side, Larry and I were informed that Keith was bleeding on the brain and they couldn't stop it. Damage done at that time was irreversible. I was told I had to make a decision on what I wanted them to do. I didn’t know how they could tell me something like that; I just wanted them to make him well. They informed me that they had tried everything possible it was up to God and miracles. I prayed to God to please take me, to please not take my son away from his son. After seven pints of blood, two pints of platelets and two pints of plasma, I continued to beg God To Let Him Live. However, at one point, I looked up and I knew My Keith had left me and his body was just an empty shell. Larry, my daughters and I had to make a very, very hard decision and we decided it was time to let Keith go. On August 7, 1999 my Keith became an ANGEL, no longer suffering, no longer in pain, finally at peace. My mom was at my house everyday trying to console me. She was the only one in my family that really knew how I was feeling. She had been there.
On April 12, 2000 my Mom had a major stroke. She was paralyzed on her right side and could not talk. I helped my sister Dorothy as best I could to take care of our mom. I have no clue where she gets her strength. She took care of our Mother and helped me deal with my loss. She is my Angel.... My family is doing the best they can without AngelKeith... I joined Angel Moms within months of losing Keith. Things were still too much; however I could not have survived if not for THIS ANGEL MOM GROUP... Believe me I wanted to end my life, and wanted to do anything but believe my son was gone. But Keith and I always believed there is something out there after death... I'm seeing more of it everyday. My Keith may physically not be here but I have NO DOUBT HE'S AROUND his son Allen and myself spiritually. Sorry for gabbing on but now you pretty much know me, it has taken me a long time to reach this point in my life, but don't think I'm not hurting because I hurt every morning I wake up. I know from experience Keith wants me to be me and take care of his son. That I will do, and Ladies I still have times where it's very hard. But I have to pick myself up and start over because I still have two daughters and two grandchildren and of course My Larry.
I lost my mom, May 29, 2003 however I know now that after 34 years of dealing with the loss of her son, (my brother); my Mom has after 34 years, rejoined with her AngelDanny.
Love to My AngelKeith and My Family. And Dorothy I Love You, I couldn't ask for a better sister...
Have A Great Day!! AngelKeiths Mom Donna Lynn
Poetry Section
Dino's Second Year in Heaven
It's hard to believe we haven't heard your voice,
or seen your smile in two years
We treasure the memories with our hearts still broken,
and eyes full of tears
Dino, we wonder about the changes in life you would have made
But that choice for you was taken away
A family of four, we thought we would always be
Now without you, we are a family of three
Here on Earth with our lives we move on
To others we must look very strong
A mask we wear to hide the pain, so others won't see
But deep in our hearts it will forever and always be
written by Michele Rudolph
The following is simply a list of ideas that are helpful in paying tribute to your Angel :
It's nearly spring! I know I'm so glad to see it coming. I enjoy getting my hands dirty with gardening. It's very therapeutic and comforting to me. Especially when I'm alone - talking to Tyler or to God. It's healing to my heart.
A good way to pay tribute to your child is planting a memorial garden. I know that for my family it has been very healing to do so. Each person in our family is picks out a variety of flowers in Tyler's favorite color and we plant them each year. We've talked about planting a tree in memory of him this year. I encourage you to go do the same and if possible - you could add a bench or a nice area to sit and "be with your angel" - you could also have children who were a part of your child's life paint rocks to surround the area , place a stone in the garden with your child's birthdate , there are so many ways you could make a memorial garden. I encourage you to take pictures and share them! We can post them in next month's newsletter.
Other ways to pay tribute :
You can order Remember Me Bears : www.remembermebear.com
Set aside a special place to have a memorial with pictures and special items you have set aside for your baby. This way they are never forgotten by others and your family and friends can be reminded of your precious angel.
Make time to reflect - write letters to your angel. That time is so much needed. I encourage you to set aside time , light a candle and remember. Yes, sometimes there will be tears but sometimes those tears can be cleansing of our hearts.
God takes care of Heaven's garden
Where he has many angel flowers
He waters each one fondly
With his very own special powers
Loving each one tenderly
Loving each one just right
The angel flowers watch over us
God's garden must be
A beautiful sight.
Something new in AngelMoms!
We just want to share with you our newest addition to AngelMoms. Many of you have requested Chat Sessions and we are happy to announce that we now have a Chat Schedule with 5 Chat Hosts! Each week now you will be able to go into a Chat with other AngelMoms and get instant support. They will start Monday (March 1st). We have some different time zones to hopefully match up with most of you. If you would like to become a Chat Host, please email me (Debbie-MsBBSITTER@aol.com). The Chats will be held in Yahoo Chat thru our main AngelMoms site: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AngelMoms2/
Log into Yahoo with your password then click onto Chat. It takes a minute to load, but soon you will be chatting with other AngelMoms! We are hoping that this will be a great outlet for those that are needing to "speak" with others. Remember we also have our Message Board
Angel Moms Message Board - A Bravenet.com Forum or
http://pub40.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=3433593641
Please welcome our Chat Hosts and their Schedules.
Debbie Shaddock (Angel Amber's Mom) - Wednesday Mornings 10-12 also Tuesday nights 8-10 Eastern Time.
Carin/Toad (Angel Timmy's Mom) - Wednesday and Saturday nights 7-9 Eastern Time.
Eydie (Angel Keoki's Mom) - Tuesday nights (time to be announced)
Heather/Wart -(Angel Mystic's Mom)- Monday and Thursday nights 7-9 or 10 Central Time.
Laurie (Angel Jill's Mom) Friday nights 7-9 Central Time.
I want to thank all of you for the prayers and support during this time. I miss you all and hopefully will be able to return to the group soon. I am so glad we are going to have Angel Mom chat rooms and I will be popping in so I can stay in touch with all of you.
A friend told me, "Every month has an essence. What essence does March have for you?"
March is a new beginning. It has a tiny hint of the coming spring. The hope that the long dark cold winter isn't going to last forever. The world is waking up. This symbolizes my grief journey. I feel like I have been living in the winter and now I'm starting to wake up. It's the hope that grief isn't going to keep me in the dark forever.
I used to hate spring. Why were the flowers sprouting, when my angel wouldn't be here to see them. Why was the grass turning green, when my angel couldn't run and play on it. Why was the world moving forward without my angel in it?
I choose to embrace spring this year, I choose to move into the light, I choose to make this a new beginning. Yes, I choose. It really is a choice we all have to make in our grief journey. The world is moving forward, I too choose to move forward in it.
This same friend said, "I think you are reaching the top of your grief journey." Realizing this scares me!! Does this mean I no longer grieve for my angel? Does this mean she is going to fade, now? Will something come along and knock me from the top? I can't ever imagine not grieving Valerie. I know I will forever. I also know she will never fade in my heart. Will something come along and knock me down??? You can count on it. Just as you can count on winter coming again. But for now I choose spring.
Marching On
March. It is here. March 3 will be my number three son, Chris’s 20th birthday. I have been dreading this day. He will no longer be a teenager and will be the same age that Mike was when we lost him. We celebrated Mike’s 20th birthday and four months later he was gone. I am trying not to be all over Chris like white on rice, but I know, as you all do, that similar circumstances do trigger fears of an encore performance of tragedies in our past.
Many of you have expressed similar concerns and fears, so I do take comfort in being “normal”. The challenge then, is to put it on the back burner ( I don’t think I can throw it away-there is a tether line between me and this fear and I think it impossible to sever.)
However, I am very aware that I want him to be ever closer to us and that can only happen if we let go. While he does live at his university, it is only about 25 miles away and an over-indulgent Mom bought him a car after we lost Mike. He is able to drive home on weekends, to drop off laundry, to play his music at ear-splitting decibel levels, to irritate his younger brother and get some food and cash. He is a great son and I do think Chris is very special.
Mike died of ARVD. This is a rare heart condition and the leading cause of heart related death in young athletes. It can be caused by genetics or a virus. The only absolute way to diagnose this condition currently is through autopsy. Both Chris and Matt went through 5 tests over a six-month period to see if they might be affected by this condition. They both passed with flying colors. However, we have to repeat these tests every two years and that anniversary is also coming up.
My challenge is to not be so anxious about the future that I forget to enjoy the present. Life zooms by. I want to get a good look!
For more information about ARVD, see www.ARVD.com.
Saint Patrick's Day
Customs and Traditions
The person who was to become St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was born in Wales about AD 385. His given name was Maewyn, and he almost didn't get the job of bishop of Ireland because he lacked the required scholarship.
Far from being a saint, until he was 16, he considered himself a pagan. At that age, he was sold into slavery by a group of Irish marauders that raided his village. During his captivity, he became closer to God.
He escaped from slavery after six years and went to Gaul where he studied in the monastery under St. Germain, bishop of Auxerre for a period of twelve years. During his training he became aware that his calling was to convert the pagans to Christianity.
His wishes were to return to Ireland, to convert the native pagans to Christianity. But his superiors instead appointed St. Palladius. But two years later, Palladius transferred to Scotland. Patrick, having adopted that Christian name earlier, was then appointed as second bishop to Ireland.
Patrick was quite successful at winning converts. And this fact upset the Celtic Druids. Patrick was arrested several times, but escaped each time. He traveled throughout Ireland, establishing monasteries across the country. He also set up schools and churches which would aid him in his conversion of the Irish country to Christianity.
His mission in Ireland lasted for thirty years. After that time, Patrick retired to County Down. He died on March 17 in AD 461. That day has been commemorated as St. Patrick's Day ever since.
Much Irish folklore surrounds St. Patrick's Day. Not much of it is actually substantiated.
Some of this lore includes the belief that Patrick raised people from the dead. He also is said to have given a sermon from a hilltop that drove all the snakes from Ireland. Of course, no snakes were ever native to Ireland, and some people think this is a metaphor for the conversion of the pagans. Though originally a Catholic holy day, St. Patrick's Day has evolved into more of a secular holiday.
One traditional icon of the day is the shamrock. And this stems from a more bona fide Irish tale that tells how Patrick used the three-leafed shamrock to explain the Trinity. He used it in his sermons to represent how the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit could all exist as separate elements of the same entity. His followers adopted the custom of wearing a shamrock on his feast day.
The St. Patrick's Day custom came to America in 1737. That was the first year St. Patrick's Day was publicly celebrated in this country, in Boston.
Angel Moms Message Board
Just a reminder, we have a message board and have a few moms posting there. It is a good place for support for those of you who can't handle the amount of mail that the group generates.
Angel Moms Message Board
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for February were presented to:
Rosa Brown by Joanie/Wedgie Harris
Marge Costanza by Joanie/Wedgie Harris
Marge Costanza by Kelly Henderson
Eydie M by Marge Costanza
Eydie M by Reeny Fitzer
Wedgie/Joanie Harris by Marge Costanza
Kelly Henderson by Marge Costanza
Martha Johnson by Marge Costanza
The Angel Moms Staff by Marge Costanza
Judi Walker by Lynn Scarpati
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
What is Normal Now?
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Christmas, birthday, Valentine's day, and Easter.
Normal is discussing with a friend in the Netherlands how different funeral customs are there than here. Discussing how much both our children loved the things they loved and how those things are now sitting lonely collecting dust.
Normal is talking to a co-worker and the conversation going toward how you felt after your child died.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or a birthday party. Yet, feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers, see that casket, and all the crying people.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming cause you just don't like to sit through church anymore. And yet feeling like you have more faith and belief in God than you ever have had before.
Normal is going to bed feeling like your kids who are alive got cheated out of happy cheerful parents and instead they are stuck with sober, cautious people.
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your families' life.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's and why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every little girl or boy who looks about my angels age. And then thinking of the age my angel would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is seeing my son at the cemetery visiting his sisters grave and thinking, how could this be normal? He shouldn't have to be going through this.
Normal is seeing other kids that are they age our angels would be teasing and playing with their brothers and sisters and feeling so envious of them.
Normal is seeing our angels friends and wondering why they can't be with them. Why her, why him?
Normal is singing a song and feeling really great about doing well, followed by an immediate down after thinking how my child would have said, "That was beautiful Momma (whether it really was or not).
Normal is telling the story of my childs death as if it were an everyday common place activity and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become part of our normal.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child's memory and their birthday and survive those days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of a penguin. Thinking how they would love it, but how they're here to enjoy it.
Normal is getting up early to exercise (when I really hate exercise) because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is disliking jokes about death, funerals. Bodies being referred to as cadavers when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends in England, Australia, Netherlands, Canada, and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother and meeting for coffee and talking and crying together over our children and our new lives. And worrying together over our living children.
Normal is not being able to rest until you get the phone call that your 15 year old with a school permit has arrived at school just fine. And having the courage to let your 17 year old not call after driving to school because he is insulted that you need to check on him.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned house or did laundry or if there is any food in the house.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have 2 or 3 children because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that one of them is in heaven. And yet when you say only 2 to avoid that problem you feel horrible as if you have betrayed that child.
Normal is feeling terrible hurt when you see your child's power point presentation at parent/teacher's conference and that child has listed no sister. Then you realize the way the information is set up there really is no logical place to list the sister who has died and went to heaven. And how awkward that must of been for him to think about the problem.
Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small happy children that break your heart when you see them.
And last of all normal is hiding all the things that have become normal for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".
Author Unknown
Dino's 20th Birthday
Another Birthday here without you to celebrate
No laughter, presents or birthday cake
Wishing for something that will never be
Dino, your smiling face is what we long to see
Happy Birthday wishes sent to heaven above
You are never forgotten and always loved
written by Michele Rudolph
Barbecued" Chicken-and-Black Bean Burritos
From Cooking Light
"This dish is one that everyone--including my three children--loves, and it has plenty of good nutrients." --CL Reader
1 tablespoon olive oil
3/4 pound skinned, boned chicken breast, cut into bite-size pieces
1/2 cup chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, minced
1/3 cup bottled barbecue sauce
1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained
1/2 cup (2 ounces) shredded reduced-fat sharp cheddar cheese
4 (10-inch) flour tortillas
1/4 cup low-fat sour cream
Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add chicken, onion, and garlic; cook 8 minutes or until chicken is done, stirring constantly. Stir in barbecue sauce and beans. Sprinkle with cheese; cook 5 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Warm tortillas according to package directions. Spoon about 1/2 cup chicken mixture down center of each tortilla; top each with 1 tablespoon sour cream, and roll up.
Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 burrito)
NUTRITION PER SERVING CALORIES 458 (26% from fat); FAT 13.3g (sat 4.1g, mono 5.6g, poly 2.4g); PROTEIN 34.9g; CARB 49.1g; FIBER 4.8g; CHOL 65mg; IRON 3.9mg; SODIUM 744mg; CALC 243mg;
Cooking Light, DECEMBER 1999
Some Links To Share
Rosebud
Friendship Puzzle
Heavenly Creation By Ang
St. Patrick's Day Trivia Hunt
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be
and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Angel Moms Newsletter-March 2004-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn
Angel Moms Web Site
