This month's featured mom is Jane Whittard
Hello Everyone. I hope everyone had the best Christmas they could. I know not everyone will have enjoyed it, but I hope it wasn't too painful. I am very proud to have been chosen as January Featured Mom (or Mum as we say, Ha Ha). I have been in the group for a while now, I can't remember exactly how long, but I do know that this group has made my life so much better. I have never before received any support, of any kind from Anyone. I grieved for my Angel Lee, with only my best friend (my Dog) for help. I will tell you more about her later.My Angel Lee was my first son. It took me a long time to become pregnant. I had just made an appointment to see a Gynaecologist,& a few days before the time,I was feeling really ill,& discovered that I was at last pregnant.I was really wound up at not "falling." I think the reason that it finally happened was, a few months earlier we had bought a Puppy, a Newfoundland. She was gorgeous, & became my best friend. I took her to shows too. I had a lousy pregnancy, not sick, but lousy.
Lee was born on February 4, 1983. He was 3 weeks early & weighed 6lbs 8 1/2oz. I can see now, that I should not have had him. He was tiny, & my family do not have small babies. Jake my youngest was 11lbs 4oz., Michael was 10lbs 8 ozs. I was 9 lbs. My sisters were both over 9 lbs. Lee was skinny, red & wrinkled, but I didn't care. I loved him.
When he was 4 weeks old, he got a huge ""bruise" on his leg. When we went to the clinic, the Health Visitor said it was probably his Plastic pants pinching him, & not to worry. Two days later, he had a black eye. That morning, his Dad went to work. At about 7:30ish a.m. Lee was suddenly violently sick, & he went very floppy. I called the doctor & he took one look at him & said "His brain isn't working",& called an Ambulance. He was transferred to 2 different hospitals & finally was taken to Bristol Children's Hospital.He was all wired up to machines, & I could hardly see him. He was there for a couple of days. Then the Doctors came to me, & said that Lee was Brain Dead. The only activity was when somebody walked past his bed. They turned off his respirator. I held him for the last time. It was terrible, he didn't feel like My Lee. He was 5 weeks old when they turned him off. I fell apart when I got home. The only thing that stopped me killing myself was my dog Bonnie. She knew he wasn't there any more, she loved him too. She was a great friend tome. When she was 20 months old (about 7 months later), she had a massive heart attack & died in Lee's bedroom. My only consolation was that I think she went to Heaven to look after Lee.
That was the hardest thing I have ever had to write. But I must tell you about my other children. I have 2 more sons & 1 daughter. Michael is 19, Shelley is 17 , & Jake is 9. Michael found out about his brother lee one day, when we were talking about Lee's birthday. He came to Lee's Marker with me & stood in the memorial garden & sang Happy Birthday at the top of his voice. He broke his heart after, because he thought lee didn't hear him. I cried buckets then & had to persuade him that Lee heard every word. Shelley has never said much about lee, but I know she is very upset at all the anniversaries. Jake worships his "Baby" brother Lee. He "talks" to him all the time. He recently had a fright in the night, because one of his talking toys suddenly went off by itself. I told him it was Lee saying Goodnight. Now he has started having dreams that things are falling off his shelves in the night & he is scared. I wish he was old enough to understand about everything. Maybe one day he will know.
I only heard about Angel Moms when I was watching "Crossing over with John Edwards," & I saw another Mom. I wrote the website address down & the rest, as they say is history. I have made a lot of friend through the group. I have even met 2 of them. I came to America earlier this year. I had the great pleasure of spending a few hours with Loni & Heather (Mystics Mom). It was the highlight of my holiday, I have lots of good memories. This letter is only the second letter I have ever written with lee's name in it. I could never have done that without the help of AngelMoms. Thank you to everyone who has helped me learn to enjoy my Angellee. I hope you all get the same help & friendship as I have done.
Thank you for giving me the honor of being Mom for January, & I hope to meet some more members one day, in the not too distant future.
Love from Jane from England.
Lee's Page
Poetry Section
A NEW YEAR'S WISH FOR YOU
May this new year hold for you
Blessings that make your wishes come true
May you have friends whose love is true
To cheer you up when you feel blue
May you have faith that is strong
May your heart always be filled with song
May your days be filled with brightness and joy
Like children who have recieved a brand new toy
May you have enough sunshine and rain
To grow vegetables, flowers and grain
May you have enough wealth to sustain
And enough to share to ease other's pain
May happiness overshadow all grief
May your spirits soar like a wind-blown leaf
May you know God's love is always there
He is always waiting your burdens to share
RoseAnne Shaw
copyright 2001
We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence
We often speak your name.
Now all we have are memories
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake
With which we'll never part.
God has you in His Keeping
We have you in our heart
~Author Unknown~
Here are some links to Angel items
Angel Pins
My Sweet Angel Pins Selection
Angel Art by Eve - Angel Art Prints
Italian Charm Bracelet Angel Link
The Angel Gift Store: A beautiful selection of American crafts and gifts
Angel Related Gifts - Figurines, Candleholders, Musical Angels, and Ornaments
You can also go to http://www.ebay.com/ and type in "Angels"
Here is a site with some great craft projects
Renuzit | Project Library
From Debbie's Desk
Someone sent me this, I really liked it and thought I would share it.
We don't always have
to be strong to be strong.
Sometimes our strength is
expressed in being vulnerable.
Sometimes we need to fall apart
to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when
we cannot push any harder,
cannot hold back self-doubt,
cannot stop focusing on fear,
cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot
focus on being responsible.
Occasionally, we don't want
to get out of our pajamas.
Sometimes we cry in front of people.
We expose our tiredness,
irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay.
They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves
means we give ourselves permission
to "fall apart" when we need to.
We do not need to be
perpetual towers of strength.
We ARE strong.
We have proven that.
Our strength will continue
if we allow ourselves the courage
to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable
when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, help me to know that is
it okay to allow myself to be human.
Help me not to feel guilty or punish
myself when I need to "fall apart."
Unknown
Well, here it is 2004. We have survived another holiday season, another year..........
This month, Angel Moms will mark it's third year. And what a long way we have come in those three years, from nine members to 300 plus now. We have helped each other through rough times, given encouragement when it was needed, shared tears and laughter, shared the joy of new babies being born, new marriages, marriages ending, prayed for each other through illnesses and hard times. We've shared a lot this year, sadness and happiness, struggles and triumphs.
We have seen new members come into the group, hurting and lost. We have reached out to them and took them under our wings and shared their pain. We have seen members leave our group, but they still hold a special place in our hearts.
I want to thank each and every one of you for helping to make Angel Moms the wonderful, caring group that it is.
My wish for all of you in the coming new year is peace, comfort and hope for tomorrow.........
Its has been awhile since I've written an article for the newsletter. I should probably not write for this month either, since this is about the new year, new beginnings, renewed hope for the future. I seem to be stuck in the past. Death and grief surround me. It started June 28 2001 with the death of my precious daughter. As most of you know she passed of bacterial meningitis. Now with the new year here, nothing has changed. Children are still dying of bacterial meningitis. Right now there is an out break in New Hampsire, I can't seem to find renewed hope in that. MSNBC - N.H. hospitals on alert for meningitis
December 25th 2001 a friend's 13yr old son, Corbin, completed suicide. June 28th 2002 (Valerie's 1st angel day) Our neighbor, Grandma Gail, lost her battle with cancer. December 2002 another friend, Angela's parents were killed in a car accident on their way to the airport to spend Christmas with family. Then my husbands best friend, Charley, passed in the summer of 2003 of liver cancer, followed by another friend, Jay, who drowned playing "Taps" on the lake for him. Now another friend, Tyler, December 25th 2003, died of accidental gun shot wound to the head. Where is the new beginnings in all these these deaths? I named them to honor their memories. I've held their loved ones hands, wiped away there tears, and shared their grief. My New year will begin with a funeral. As I searched for hope for the New Year I came across this article I would like to share.....
It's The New Year........NOW WHAT?
It's January. 2003 is gone and the New Year 2004 has begun.
"So why am I not feeling differently?" "Aren't things supposed to change?" "It's still dark outside. And it seems that the darkness is enveloping my spirit as well." "The New Year is always full of hope, resolutions and expectations. I can barely think about tomorrow, muchless see beyond today."
If any of these thoughts are swirling through your mind and spirit, take heart. Not only are you not alone, but you fall within the realm of common experience. To expect any more of yourself than where you are at any given time is not only foolish, it is unhealthy~particularly when you are grieving. So...what can you do?
Acknowledge yourself for getting through the holidays. You may not be feeling any different on January 1 than you did at Thanksgiving, but you did survive. You have proven to yourself that you have strength and fortitude.
Reflect on your own experiences. How have you been coping thus far? Are there some things you could be doing differently? Do you need to reach out and ask for support in ways that you have not done before?
Remember that the change of the calendar may not coincide with what is going on within. You might journal~or review your writings if you have been keeping a journal~to see just how far you have come. What were the hopes you had for yourself? Celebrate wherever you are in the process of living with and through your grief.
Keep expectations simple. It is not unusual to set unrealistic expectations, especially around resolutions for the New Year. We often carry some idealistic time line within us attached to the changes of the year. Just because it is a New Year does not mean that you must make resolutions.
Notice that days are getting longer. That may sound simple and an obvious statement, but it is worth noting. With the solstice comes light and hope of spring. The words of Clyde Reid in his book, "You Can Choose Christmas", offer some reflections:
"We have a tendency to relate light with goodness, and dark with evil. Historically, darkness has been equated with danger, light with safety. But darkness is not evil. Light is not good. We need both. We need darkness and light to create shadows and nuances of shape and form. If we had all light, it would be boring. There would be no beauty; only monotony.
So we do not look forward to the coming of the light as the vanquishing of evil. Rather, it is the sign of the continuation of variety in life. It is the reassurance that the universe still holds, that spring and summer will come once again. But would we want a world with only summer, no winter?
Celebrate the coming of the light.
Celebrate, too, the reality of the darkness and the beautiful combinations of the two."
We have just celebrated the coming of God incarnate and touched the mystery that lives at the heart of the universe. The coming of Christ brings light into our own story and journey as well. Let that mystery and hope reside in your heart.
Lyn Miletich, MPM
A Millennial Message from His Holiness the Dali Lama
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
Judge your success by what you gave up in order to get it. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. Be gentle with the earth.
Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for your actions.
Live a good, honorable life.
Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time. Spend some time alone every day.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality
A friend of mine sent this to me. The New Year. I can hardly believe that the time is marching forward, and yet it is a good time for self assessment. "When you lose, don't lose the lesson." I am trying hard to grasp the lesson. We have all seen how quickly life can change. I try, but grief, anxiety, stress all get in the way of each day being perfect. Then the dawn! Maybe I am striving for too much-Who gets a perfect day? Maybe I should be content with treasuring the perfect moments. Christmas was a quiet day, but my family had really worked hard to select great gifts for me. The look on Matt's face when I opened his present will stay with me forever-a dark chocolate Vermont Teddy Bear with a pink bow tie, an air hole in the box (bears need oxygen) and a chocolate tied to his wrist (just in case he got hungry enroute.) I hugged the bear and Matt beamed. He told me that when he had ordered the bear, the salesperson told him that the dark chocolate bears had the softest fur. And so, I will sleep with him every night. And so will my husband. We are a package deal. I need something to hug and cuddle. My youngest figured this out. All of us are wounded and yet my family is trying to comfort me. I guess it wasn't so much the presents as the thought and care that went into the choices each made. I hope I conveyed that same love for them. I am a lucky person. I have to focus on what I have and not what I don't have.
Get something or someone to hug. Look for and enjoy the perfect moments. Share them with other AngelMoms. Maybe, each year will bring more perfect moments. Maybe we can string the moments all together and get perfect hours, days, weeks, even months! Celebrate life and make 2004 a great New Year! After all, we have each other.
Achieving Success
Determined that this year you'll keep those New Year's Resolutions? Here are a few goal setting tips to get you started!
Don't Try Everything at Once! There's a temptation, with the New Year, to run off a list of everything we've ever wanted to change. Don't fall for it! You'll have better luck fulfilling one or two goals than you will with a list of fifty.You can always add new resolutions to your list later. Take one thing at a time.
Word it Carefully. Let's say your resolution is to relax more in the coming year. Word this carefully. Try not to think of it as "This year I am going to relax." That's a stress-inducer waiting to happen. It forces you into thinking of the resolution as something you must do, not something you want to do. Try to make it sound a little gentler: "This year I'm going to explore different ways of relaxing." It also suggests more of a plan—you'll fulfill the resolution by experimenting with relaxation techniques. The first resolution sounds as if you're going to force yourself to relax by sheer willpower.
Make a Plan. Once you know what your resolution is, try to break it down. Nobody accomplishes anything of significance by trying to do it all at once.This doesn't have to be a complicated plan; just brainstorm enough to give you a place to start.
For relaxing, you might devise a plan like this:
1) Surf the Internet to find different relaxation techniques.
2) Make a list of all the techniques that interest you.
3) Pick one of these techniques—meditation, progressive relaxation or self-hypnosis, for instance—and try one for a month.
4) Try a different technique every month until you find one you like.
Write it Down. Write down your resolution and your plan of action. Stick it up on the fridge, in your locker, wherever you know you'll see it. That way you'll have a constant reminder of the resolution.You may want to change the wording as time passes and your goal changes.
New Year's Resolutions for Bereaved Parents
I Resolve:
That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.
That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.
That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now".
That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.
That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how I feel.
That I will not blame myself for my child's death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is normal part of the grief process and it will pass.
That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.
That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.
That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.
To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.
To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time.
To let myself heal and not feel guilty about feeling better.
To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous–that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that "slipping backward" is also a normal part of the grief process and these moods, too, will pass.
To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.
That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression.
That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do.
--from the Brooksville/Spring Hill FL. TCF Newsletter
Angel Moms Message Board
Just a reminder, we have a message board and have a few moms posting there. It is a good place for support for those of you who can't handle the amount of mail that the group generates.
Angel Moms Message Board
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for December were presented to:
Martha Johnson by Loni Wendt
Martha Johnson by Debbie Shadduck
Cappy Walker by Debbie Shadduck
Holly Wilson by Debbie Shadduck
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Loni wanted to share this poem
Her Smile
Though her smile is gone forever,
And her hand I cannot touch,
I still have so many memories
Of the one I loved so much.
Her memory is my keepsake,
With which I'll never part.
God has her in His keeping,
I have her in my heart.
Sadly missed but never forgotten
Unknown
Happy New Year to our Angel Autumn
from Daddy, Mommy, Skylar, Seth and Thomas.
Some Links To Share
The Little Prayer Rock
Donate: Buy A Prematurity Band
The Memory Maker Photo Bracelet
A True Story of Courage and Love
Everything I Need to Know From Noah's Ark
RBC Ministries - Radio Bible Class - Daily Devotional and Biblical Resources
Many times the problems and pain of this life overshadow our joy, and we're left feeling like it's raining inside. The storm hits, and then we need to call on someone to help assess the damage of our life.
Raining. It's not a good feeling to know that it's raining inside. We feel sad, anxious, and very empty. When it's raining inside, we feel wet, and we long for nothing more than to have the comfort of being warm and dry again.
Is it raining inside your life? Let someone know. There's someone standing nearby ready to share an umbrella. Someone is close who will help dry you off and help you get warm.
Take a risk by asking someone to help you get away from the rain. An old proverb says, "Rain does not fall on one roof alone."
You are not alone. Hope is near!
--Clara Hinton
Angel Moms Newsletter-January 2004-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn
Angel Moms Web Site
