This month's featured mom is Jennie O'Neal
Due to illness in her family, our featured Mom for this month was unable to participate. So instead of having no featured Mom, I have decided to make my Grandmother our Featured Mom for February.In her lifetime, my Grandmother buried five of her twelve children, the first one, her baby Lane in 1949 when he was 6 months old, just six weeks after burying her husband (she never remarried). She kept going, she had a housefull of children to raise on her own.
In 1961, her two month old grandson Billy died from pneumonia. Tragedy struck her again in 1964 when she lost two grandchildren Marybeth (age 5) and Ernie (age 1) along with a family friend's child Kenny (age 4) in a car accident, her daughter and I were the only survivors. .
Her youngest living son Carey was hurt in a diving accident in 1971, he was permanently paralyzed from the shoulders down. In 1974, her oldest daughter Lucy died by suicide. Her son Roland died in 1986 from heart failure and complications from being burned over 90% of his body years before. In 1992, her son Lionel died suddenly from a heart attack. In 1995, my father, Glynn who was like a son to her died in a car accident, she also lost another son in law to cancer that year, Harold. In 1997, my son Shane, her great-grandson was murdered, a month later, her granddaughter Brenda died by suicide. A year later, her son Leon died from a heart attack. Also during this time, she lost several of her brothers and sisters.
Each death took a toll on her, you could see it in her eyes. But she never felt sorry for herself or gave up. I have heard her many times say "There is always someone out there worse off than you."
I can remember the night Shane was murdered, I went to her to tell her so she would hear it from me. I remember walking into her living room, she asked, oh baby what's wrong. I remember going to my knees in front of her chair crying "Grandma, somebody killed Shane." I still remember her moan of pain and the tears falling, but what I remember most is her arms wrapping around me and us rocking back and forth crying together.
Many times after that, I would go to her hurting and thinking I could not go on. I'd ask her how do I live through this, she told me one day at a time and to remember the good things. We would talk about Shane and her baby Lane, she would smile and laugh through the tears when she shared her memories of her baby boy. I asked her why she had never talked about him before and she said, after a while, nobody wants to hear and back when I lost him, people thought it was best to forget, bury them and put it behind you. But here is was 50 years later and she still remembered it like it was yesterday. She told me not to let anyone do that to me, talk about Shane and my pain and when others got tired of listening, come to her and she would listen.
Shortly after losing Shane, I discovered the internet and found Debbie and then other moms who shared the same pain. I found others who I could talk to about Shane too, because Grandma was right, others were getting tired of hearing me talk about Shane all the time. I told Grandma all about the internet and the moms I was talking to, she didn't understand about computers and the internet, but she thought it was wonderful that I had found friends I could talk to. I talked to her a lot about Debbie and how much she was helping me. In February of 1999, I told her Debbie was coming to Louisiana to visit me! She was so excited and wanted to meet her too. We didn't have a lot of time while Debbie was here, but I made sure her and Grandma got to meet! Grandma also got to meet several other moms when they came here to visit too.
On June 2, 2000, at the age of 90, my Grandmother left this earth to join her children in Heaven. One of the last conversations we had was about her leaving. I told her I didn't want to lose her, she told me she had had a good life, but she was tired and ready to go home to be with the Lord, to hold her baby again and see her other children. She promised to give Shane a hug from me.
Grandma was gone by the time I started Angel Moms, but I can assure you all, she is as much a part of Angel Moms as we all are. She is my inspiration to bring us together so that when others get tired of hearing about our children, we have a place to go to cry, to laugh and to share our children. Thank you for letting me share my Grandmother with all of you.
A Tribute To Grandma
Poetry Section
A Day, A Week, A Lifetime
When I wake up in the morning
I ask myself
How will I get through this day
Without You
As I dress and prepare to start my day
I wonder
How will I go on
Without You
As the day slowly slips away
I remember how you made me laugh
And I smile
Without You
At the end of the day
As I prepare to close my eyes
I know in my HEART
I couldn't have gotten through the day
WITHOUT YOU
Author Unknown
If you are the author of this poem
or know who is, please contact us so we can give
credit for it or remove it
The month of Feb is known to most of us for Valentines Day, thought these Valentine Sachets were something cute, inexpensive and very pretty. Enjoy making them for all those you love.
Click here: Paper Doily Sachets
Random Acts of Kindness
Did you know that February 9 - 12 is the National Random Acts Of Kindness Week?
A couple years back I was watching Oprah when she had her show on this topic. It was very interesting to know just how one Act of Kindness could go on and on. She was telling everyone to do one small act, like buy the next person behind you their coffee, and in return, tell them that you want nothing personally, you just want them to do the same for someone else. It didn't have to be to buy them coffee, just something. It was amazing how far that one act can go. When I went to Louisiana the first time to meet our dear Judi, her and I were in the drive thru line at McDonalds, and when she paid our order, she said she wanted to pay the person's behind us order also. It of course confuses the teller, but Judi hands her the money and a card. On that card, it says "Random Act of Kindness in Memory Of Shane Hebert," with his dates. She wants the teller to hand that card to the people behind us. That warmed my heart that Judi not only did this for the person behind us, but it was in Memory of Shane. What a beautiful idea to remember our kids by!
If you think about it, there are so many little Acts of Kindness projects that you could do. Some ideas below are:
When you make cookies, put aside a few and take them to your elderly neighbor or leave for your mailperson.
Call the young Mom in your neighborhood and volunteer to give her 2 hours of free baby-sitting for a day.
Take McDonalds lunches to your kids at school one day, throw in some extra fries for friends.
Sweeping off your porch of leaves? Walk over to a neighbors and sweep theirs. Smile at someone that obviously needs to be smiled at. Say hello to them. Do you know of a family that is in need of things? Tuck some gift certificates in an envelope for local stores, McDonalds (all kids need a treat sometimes), or certificate for gasoline. One can give all at once, or 1 a week. There is so many things that we can do to show our kindness. Some might cost a little bit of money, some cost nothing, just a part of us. Please read the quotes below and really think about them. You never know who your Act of Kindness will affect.
---------
"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." Author:
George Washington Carver
"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read."
Author:Mark Twain
"He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it."
Author:Dante
Since Debbie talked about February 9-12 being National Random Acts Of Kindness week (which I didn't know, thanks for the info Debbie) and she mentioned that I do this in memory of Shane, I thought I would share more about that with you all.
I print up business cards to use to do this (I have put one below). Some of the things I do is like Debbie said, go through drive-thrus and pay for the person's order behind me, I have bought Easter baskets for a needy family, donated money to different causes, left flowers at a grave at the cemetery and other different things. Several times my husband who is a mechanic has stopped to help people stranded on the road and when they tried to pay him, he has handed them a card. It only takes a little thing to touch the heart of another.
When you do an act of kindness, you never know how it will affect a person. Below is a letter I received. I have deleted the names for privacy.
-----
Judi,
This past spring, my daughter in law was in line at McDonalds when you paid for her food. She keeps Shane's card on a cabinet door in her kitchen. Little did we know at the time that we would be experiencing a tragic loss of our own just a few short months later.
On August 18, 2002, our precious wonderful loving and caring son, *******, took his own life. A life so precious and wonderful to us, his mom and dad, to his siblings, to his friends, and family gone from this life.
That day I thought of ****** *******, who had lost her daughter ******* to a car accident 15 or 16 years ago. She came to the wake. I also thought of you and how you had the acts of kindness cards in Shane's memory, and I knew that I would want to do something like that for my ******. I have printed some and have done a few things, like you, through a drive through.
God placed my daughter in law there at that moment in time because he already knew what we would be going through.
I do not have to share/tell you how empty, broken, saddened that my husband, *****, and myself, ***** are, since you know first hand this terrible grief. I wanted to share with you how your kindness for Shane has now been carried own for my son, ******.
*****
----
You can click on it to see it larger
February is a very special and difficult month for me. I was given life, in this month, gave birth twice, in this month, we have a holiday for lovers, this month, and for most, it is the beginning of the end of a long cold winter.
I went to the angelmoms website to see what I had written about last February. I hadn't been there for a very long time. I was instantly brought back to the day I found angelmoms. How alone I felt, and how hopeful, I would find some comfort and understanding with these moms. If you haven't been there in awhile, go visit. You will see again what you saw when you were looking for hope, and what our new moms see, when they decide to join us. Oh, and if you're curious about what I wrote last February, it was the "special plate". I still do this with my kids. As of February 6th, I will have two teenagers under the same roof. This is a good way to remind them they still love each other. LOL
Valerie was born February 8th. Every year I have asked angelmoms, who want to celebrate her birth with us, to bake "Valerie's Cake" My good friend and fellow newsletter writer Lynn, has posted the recipe. I have to tell you, this isn't really a cake. It is more of a custard pie kinda thing. We call it "Valerie's Cake" because that is what she called it. I used to make this at least once a week. Now I only make it on Valerie's birthday. She loved it soo much. She would eat the whole thing if I'd let her. Because her birthday is so close to Valentines Day, I also buy heart shaped balloons. One for each of us. We write a message or draw a picture, and release them to the heavens. This will be her 3rd birthday in heaven. Over the last 3 years that I have made the "Valerie's cake" request. My angelmom friends have sent pictures of there finished product, and made hat's and banner's of their celebrations. This has touched my heart!
I'm sharing this with you so you can see how angelmoms come together for each other, and how we embrace every angel as our own. I also think it is important to let new moms know it is okay to celebrate their angel, and they will not be alone in doing so. We all have great idea's of how we choose to remember our angels; I refer you again to our website, or just ask...
Something from the Heart
Valentine’s Day, a holiday of love and romance. There are hearts everywhere-Chocolates in heart shaped boxes, bears holding plush hearts that say “I love you” or “Will you be Mine?” and a thousand celebrations of Valentine’s Day - cards emblazoned with hearts, heart shaped candies (each with some little phrase), jewelry with heart shaped links and pendants, cupids with wings and a prominent heart. Hearts are a symbol of love and emotion.
I recently stood listening to my son Matthew talk to his babysitter, Becky. He told her that he didn’t know why people said they had a broken heart. He had learned in science that all emotion is controlled by the brain.
I thought about this. I have had a lump in my throat and a tightness in my chest since we lost Mike. Mike had been betrayed by his own heart. I would touch my chest at times, hoping to relieve the discomfort. Now, my 13 year old has reminded me that it is all in my head! If it is in my head, can I control my emotion? Can I will this discomfort to just go away?
I am recognizing more and more that my youngest son is far wiser than I. He told me that he had been in Mike’s room and found his Spiritual Survival Kit. This box of books and prayers had been presented to each of the members of the Class of ’99. He told me that he had found The Power of Positive Thinking in that box and has begun to read it. He told me that he has found inspiration in this book. I think I should read it too. I will let you know how I do.
The brain doesn’t sound very romantic. However, none of the kind and thoughtful things we do are based in logic. It may not be right, but I think I will always feel with my heart, at least as long as my brain has anything to say about it!
Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.
So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an _expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.
In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct _expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.
According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.
Stitches From Heaven
Personalized Embroidery
One of our members, Martha Solomon (Angel Nathan's Mom) and her husband have a business called Stitches From Heaven. They are not doing this to make a profit, but to help other children with cancer like their son Nathan, who lost his battle with cancer at the age of 6.
They do personalized embroidery on different items, clothes, blankets and much more. I got a denim shirt and blanket with a dragonfly and Shane's name and dates on them, they are absolutely beautiful! I can't describe how it feels when I wear my shirt with Shane's name on the back of it, I have had so many people comment and ask me about it. I plan to order more. I highly recommend Stitches From Heaven! What a special way to remember our children.
Here is their web site: Stitches From Heaven
Helping kids with cancer...one stitch at a time.
For more info, you can e-mail Martha at: Martha@StitchesFromHeaven.com
Angel Moms Message Board
Just a reminder, we have a message board and have a few moms posting there. It is a good place for support for those of you who can't handle the amount of mail that the group generates.
Angel Moms Message Board
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for January were presented to:
Marge Costanza by Donna Lynn
Carin "Toad" Furgison by Donna Lynn
Joanie "Wedgie" Harris by Donna Lynn
Irene "Reeny" Fitzer by Donna Lynn
Mary D'Andrea by Christine Jannicelli
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Angel Moms Retreat 2004
Hello, I am Debbie for the ones of you that aren't familiar with me and I take care of the Retreat each year. Our Retreat is a 5 day long stay in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Our dates for this year are July 22-26.
You fly or drive in the 22nd (morning flights please if possible-between 10:00 ish a.m. and 2:00 ish) and leave the morning of 26th (also morning flights please).
I will need to know a definite show of hands that are coming by the 25th of February. You can email me now with a tentative yes. If it is a definite yes to coming, email me with that yes. But please know that if you are saying a definite yes by February 25th, you will have to pay for your part of the cabin, whether you are able to come or not. There are no refunds once you have paid.
On February 26th, I will be figuring out the amounts due by each person and you will be committed to that amount, even if you have to cancel. This is our 4th Retreat. They are an awesome experience! Here is the link to previous Retreats Angel Moms Meetings. We are hoping to stay in the cabin we have previously stayed in called Woodhaven. It is nestled up in the mountains. It is according to the amount of Moms coming. Please let me know as soon as you can work out vacations and such so I can get started! Remember please, you have until February 25th!
For more information, or to confirm, please e-mail me at: MsBBSITTER@aol.com
Thanks, Debbie
I would like to say thank you for all the love that I felt from the many thoughtful messages I received on Steve's birthday, January 29th. You know, it's kind of odd, but there is more thoughtfulness from AngelMoms than from family, to tell the truth. It has now been a little over two years since Steve was murdered. Once the flurry of everyone being helpful and concerned was over, it is down to a precious few who actually take the time to remember my son. It is here that I feel the support and encouragement to go on day after day. And it is with friends who are Angels on Earth, like my florist friend who gave me her most beautiful red rose to place on Steve's grave for his birthday. And my friend Sue who I met in WalMart; she made it a point to give me a hug and mention that she had seen Steve's memoriam in the paper and had been thinking about me. These are the things that count. Thank you all, AngelMoms, for being the strength beneath my wings each day.
Pat (Angel Steve's Mom)
Valerie's Cake
It fills a large pie pan, but I usually double it and use a 2qt casserole dish.
Preheat oven 350
1 cup sugar
1 cup flour
1 stick melted butter
2 cups milk
1 tsp vanilla
3 egg yokes (save whites)
Mix butter, milk, egg yokes & vanilla, add sugar, slowly add flour. Beat until smooth, pour into pan. Beat egg whites to stiff peaks, pour on top of mixture, blend by hand.
Bake 30 to 35 minutes until golden brown and set. (If doubled it will take longer)
Some Links To Share
The Butterfly
If A Dog Were Your Teacher
The Breast Cancer Site : Fund Mammograms for Free
Grief is not a problem to be cured. It is simply a statement that you have loved someone."
~ Barbara Baumgardner ~
Angel Moms Newsletter-February 2004-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn
Angel Moms Web Site
