This month's featured mom is Tracey Smith
Thanks for the honor of being Angel Mom for the month of August. I'm Tracey Smith. Born in North Carolina in 1965 but raised all over the world due to my father being in the Army. In the early 80's dad retired and settled in Dinwiddie, Virginia where I met and married my first husband. That marriage produced two wonderful boys Jonathan and Joshua Ford. We later divorced and I remarried my current husband, and two more children joined the family, Lucas and Hayley Smith.
I now live in St Marys, Georgia courtesy of the Navy. It's a small close community and I love being here. I am a dog groomer by trade and have wonderful supportive clients. I became an Angel Mom October 5, 2001 when my second son Joshua was killed in a truck accident in South Carolina where he was living. Josh's older brother was driving the two of them and a friend to school when Jon lost control of his truck. Both Joshua and their friend Jason were killed in the accident. Jon was badly injured but has since recovered.
My world crashed around me when I received the phone call telling me my son was dead and the other might not make it. My husband was at sea, my parents in another city and my van in the shop. I had just that day returned to work following 6 weeks leave for surgery. My parents had been called as well, by a well meaning but thoughtless ex-wife of my ex-husband. Within two hours they were by my side and took me to my children.
When this happened to my family, I thought I'll never smile again. I'll never laugh again. I'll never enjoy another moment. But out of grief and out of guilt. How could I be happy and smile when my son was gone? How could I feel another sunrise on my face when he would never see again? How could I savor the taste of movie popcorn or sweet fresh churned ice-cream, two of his beloved treats? Guilt plays such a hard taskmaster in the beginning. But slowly, every so slowly I began to look forward to little things again. A joke one of the kids told. A compliment no longer felt cheaply earned. Food began to smell good again. Little by little colors returned to my days. My nights and dreams are still lonely because I long to hear Josh's voice talking in his sleep. I wish to see him in my dreams, but if he comes to me I don't remember it in the morning.
After Josh died I changed the kennel name I register my dogs under. JRF Miniature Pinschers and Chinese Cresteds was established the day he died. I honor Josh with the names I give to my puppies and say a little hello to him each time I walk in the ring. I found out at the viewing Josh talked about me and my showdogs all the time, so I feel I owe it to him to do as well as I can and give him credit for keeping me in the ring when I really wanted to crawl in a cave and never come out.
For those moms who don't really know me, the other moms will tell you. I am a natural born Klutz who really should take out a bigger life insurance policy. I am also (if you haven't figured it out) very long winded when I write. Words for me are a music I can make. Can't carry a tune well enough to keep the dogs from howling, couldn't pick out a B flat from and F sharp, but I can write. Don't talk much that must be why.
So again thank you for the honor of being the Angel Mom of the month. It's like being Miss America without the breast implants. Thank you....(blowing kisses and crying) thank you so very much (smiling with the fake white teeth that must have been painted on). I really am honored.
Christina Nicole
Scott and Doddie lost their dear sweet baby
But it's not that she can't be found--
Right now she's in Heaven rejoicing
With the others who are gathered around
Christina's life here on earth was painful
And we can't quite understand--
But we do know that GOD IS FAITHFUL
And all of this was part of His plan
In Heaven her frail little body
Has now been made whole
She's running, skipping and laughing
Because Jesus puts joy in her soul
If you know Christ then one day you'll see her--
You can meet her on that bright shore
She'll greet you with hugs and kisses
Where death can have victory no more!
Doddie Angel Christina's Mom
April 2,2003-March 15, 2004
This month we welcome another member to the newsletter staff, Brenda Atteberry. Welcome Brenda! We are glad to have you!
On August 23rd we will be celebrating my mom's 74th birthday, I am so lucky to have been given the mother I have and if it weren't for her help after my divorce I know my children would have had a much tougher time emotionally. She was always there to fill in the gaps when needed and give a hug anytime. My son Scott was her first born grandson, she adored him and when he passed away it ripped her heart out.
We had already lost my dad (her husband) in 1993 and my mom said that losing Scott was the most painful thing she has ever experienced.
She now has my father and my son on her mind constantly and I know that she also feels guilty about him passing so young and her still being here at an advanced age.
I was talking with her the other day about a cousin of mine who recently lost her adult daughter, asking how everyone is doing and she said that my aunt was not doing well and she thought that she would give her a call or stop by.. she looked sadly at me and said 'I know how much she must be hurting'. I have had many times that I've thought how painful losing my son was for her but it's moments like that one when I realize just how deeply the cut in her heart has been.
After that conversation I decided to search the web and found this article about Grandparents and grief on the death of a grandchild... in honor of my mother and her upcoming birthday I thought it might be appropriate to send in..
We feel that Grandparents, like siblings, are the forgotten grievers. People will ask a grandparent how their child is dealing with the loss of a child, not "How are you doing?" We have several grandparents on our mailing list and want to spotlight this issue on Grandparents in Grief. From what we have learned about the grief of grandparents, they grieve double our loss. They grieve the death of their precious grandchild but also grieve for their own child as they go through the horrible pain of losing a child.
*Grandparents grieve too. Not only do they grieve for their grandchild but they grieve for their own child. All the stages of grief are theirs also:
*Grief is individual: Grandfathers many grieve differently than grandmothers.
*Grandparents have the protective numbness we call denial for awhile too. They may "talk" to their grandchild as if he or she is still alive.
*Anger & frustration may be present. This anger can be directed toward the grandchild, their spouse, the child's parents, God etc.
*"What if...?", "Why didn't I...?" are common as guilt feelings arise. They may feel this for themselves and towards their children. Sometimes there are multiple losses: two grandchildren, a child & grandchild. Guilt can occur because the grandparent lives on & the young one didn't.
*Depression can occur with those who may worry not only about their sanity but their child's.
*Time doesn't "heal all wounds." Grief takes a lot longer than society cares to admit. Grandparents need help too: other grandparents who have gone through grief; reading about grief; from their church etc.
*"Grief work" is real difficult stuff. Many grandfathers grew up with the idea that "grown men don't cry"; then the rest of the family feel that they're not grieving. Grief makes you tired. Tears are healing.
*"Why?" It is tough to answer the unanswerable. Once you accept that there is no answer, it's still tough to "get back to normal." Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries are still stressful. But there may be a deeper love for those grandchildren who do survive. There will be a better understanding of those who experience similar loss.
*"Grief is the price we pay for loving. Grandparents love both the dead grandchild and the grieving parents. As they grieve and try to understand...healing will occur...grandparents will recall the happy times they once shared with their children & their grandchild."
Article from www.compassionatefriends.org/grandch.htm
How many times have we heard "Oh, it will get better - give it a few weeks ? Or "Well, he's/she's in a better place " I know for me those words do not bring comfort at all. Sometimes people just do not know what to say. There have been many times I've wanted to scream as they are talking, but instead - I just scream on the inside, praying that eventually they will walk away as I am staring at them with blank look or I simply have just walked away as people are talking.
Our hearts can only take so much...
I've come across a dictionary for grieving parents . This may not apply to all of our situations, but I found many of the definitions very applicable to my own personal situation. This is called "A Dictionary of Loss" and it has been compiled by many grieving parents. Some of these may be hard to read and some may make you nod you head as you read them, because you too have been in that certain circumstance.
Please take a look at it - but remember, if you send these to anyone give credit to the website owner , also - it's a great idea to ask her permission to pass it on.
Here is the site : www.kotapress.com/FrameLoss.htm
I have a challenge for everyone. Each of us have memories, photos and little momentum's that remind of us our child in some way. Be it photos we took or maybe for those who do not have photos there were photos taken during the pregnancy, etc. Some AngelMoms just returned from retreat and this to would make a great scrap book. The first actual one I saw was made by an Angelmom in memory of her daughter Jill, that would be Laurie's book and she shared it with everyone at retreat one year. It was beautiful and so very special. Since that time I have made a couple but still not one of Nathan...so my challenge is for those who would like to and can to pull out those photos, papers, cards and all those wonderful things we saved (and we are so glad we did) and make a scrap book full of wonderful memories to share with others. Here is one site to give ideas and some directions. Hope everyone enjoys!
Click here: Scrapbooking 101 (www.scrapbooklady.org)
Friendships
I am going to write about friendships this month. Mainly because I just got back from our AngelMom Retreat and my heart is still so warm from all the love we get to share between us, but also, because it is a time that I can really sit and think about who means what to me now. I used to have many friends and lots of acquaintances. Now, I tend to be more choosier about whom I let into my heart. Oh, I am friendly, but regarding the "real me," I am more cautious. Since Josh passed, I have learned that "coincidences" do not happen. Each person that walks into my life now seems to have purpose, either for me or for them. An example: last Retreat there was a Mom there (Wart----Heather) that it must have not been meant for us to bond then. This year, her and I did and it is a wonderful feeling. I honestly feel that timing was everything. I have had some personal experiences happen in my family over the last year, and Wart and I now have shared some of those things, and it was meant for me to share this, this year with her. Another example: When I got online about 7 yrs ago now, I tried and tried to find someone to interact with, someone who would understand my pain. I knew there were thousands of people online, and guess who I found? Judi. I have told Judi that I feel that her and I were pawns in Shane and Josh's game from above. We were placed together because of the love they have for us and not wanting us to suffer alone. People are put in our lives for a reason, and many times we have no idea as to why, but there is a reason. Some stay for a short time, a temporary fix, some long lasting. I thank God for all that passes my path now. I have learned many things in this Grief Cycle. Bonding friendships is one of those things. So if someone crosses your path, give them a chance, because it could be a life changing experience.....:) Thank you to all my friends, I truly love you and need you in my life!
Last month some of the Angel Mom members went to Tennessee for the Angel Moms Retreat, I was very lucky to be one of them. This was our 4th retreat. Retreat is an awesome experience, you get to meet the friends you have been bonding with online, the hugs are real ones. You are surrounded almost 24 hours a day by moms who know and share your pain, not only do they hurt for their loss, but they hurt for yours too. There are tears, laughter, quiet moments, sharing of hearts, photos, videos, momentos and memories. and anything else a mom wants to share. There are moms there who may have no photos or memories of their child, but we give them each a part of our child and our memories, we share what we have with them.
We released balloons in memory of our children, each mom who comes to retreat chooses a rock to personalize for their child to leave at the Woodhaven cabin where we stay, it is a good feeling to come back the next year and see your child's rock still there in the angel garden. We bring journals for each other to sign. There are practical jokes played, late nights, shopping, sightseeing, just spending time at the cabin and lots of wonderul memories are made. It's a time for us and our angels........
Retreat is held in July of every year in Gatlinburg, Tennessee in the beautiful Smoky Mountains. I encourage any of you who can attend to do so, it is something you will never forget!
Ordinary Moments, Special Effects
From March through June I am immersed in Long Island Junior Soccer League scholarship applications and the Scholarship committee. The committee begins the complex and challenging task of reading all of the applications and advocating for certain applicants that we feel are special. It is not easy, but in the three years I have been involved in the process, I have found the committee to be thoughtful, dedicated and insightful. Each year we have managed to boil down the hundreds of applicants to the 13 recipients of the funds. I am proud to be associated with the members of the committee and the process. Once the selections are set in June, the next wave of anticipation begins for me. The League has a luncheon at Brookville Country Club, a prestigious and beautiful club. The scholarship recipients are invited, as well as their families. With Committee members, politicians and other guests, there are about 100 people at this event. Each recipient is presented with a certificate, medal, and citation from the County, and a check in the amount of $1,000. My family presents two such awards in memory of Mike. In June I always feel very satisfied that we have done such a great job, but by July I am wondering what I will say. I don’t want to cry or even have my voice falter, but I usually tell a short Mike story and then begin to enumerate the highlights of the recipients’ CV. Once this is done, there is a bit of a let down. I think I am always the last to leave the Country Club. There is a bittersweet satisfaction in doing something positive in Mike’s name.
This year after the awards, I went to the gym. I had the bad fortune of getting a machine, whose sound system was not working. My headphones were plugged in, but nothing was coming through. I watched the soundless TV, hypnotized. I began to think back to the reason I am involved in the scholarship committee. I thought about Mike and things that happened at Mike’s wake and funeral. Mike did so many things in his short life that we took for granted, yet those very actions and reactions made him special to others. I began to go over some of the comments or stories people told us. “Mike was teaching me to drive.” “Mike sliced my cold cuts and chatted with me.” “I remember the day Chris was hurt during a game and Mike walked across the field and carried him off.” “Mike dressed as an Easter Bunny for a camp for children with special needs.” “Mike helped me out of a party and brought me home when I had too much to drink.” “Mike came to practice and helped me.” “Mike made work fun. We would sing” These were ordinary things which had a special effect on different individuals. I never thought that they were remarkable things, until people felt they had to tell me how Mike had affected their lives.
These were not remarkable events to Mike either, but to the people that he helped or cheered up or encouraged, they were memorable. It made me wonder what people would say about me when the time came. They won’t say she made the most money, had the fastest car or the most spectacular home. I am not a great dancer. I do love to sing-most people don’t love to hear me though. I wonder what they will say. All of us do make a difference in at least one person’s life.
I want you all to know that you have made a difference in mine. So, what are you all going to say about me? Start thinking now. I wouldn’t want anyone unprepared!
Enjoy the rest of the summer!
Astrological Sign - August
Leo: July 23rd - August 22nd
Virgo - August 23rd - September 22nd
August Birthstone: Jade, Peridot
August Flower: Gladiolus
Gladiolus means "splendid beauty"
Monthly Observances -August
American Artist Appreciation Month
Cataract Awareness Month
Catfish Month (National, US)
Eye Exam Month (National, US)
National Eye Exam Month was founded by Sears Optical in 1989 to raise awareness of the importance of regular eye exams. Here's the Web site: http://www.eyeexammonth.com/ - but nowhere does it say what month this is observed!
"Sitting too close to the television will damage your eyes. Myth. Many people sit too close to the television because they can’t see well, but sitting too close will not make your eyesight worse. Source: www.eyeexammonth.com/subpage.html
"Eating carrots will improve your vision. Myth. Carrots are high in vitamin A, but an overall healthy diet is more essential to good vision." Source: www.eyeexammonth.com/subpage.html
Immunization Awareness Month (National, US)
"(NIAM) NPI has designated August as National Immunization Awareness Month (NIAM). Each year, this commemorative month increases awareness about immunization across the lifespan as parents and children prepare for the return to school, and the medical community begins preparations for the upcoming flu season. NIAM provides an opportunity to create positive messages for the media and to highlight local, grassroots immunization initiatives." - www.partnersforimmunization.org/niam.html
Inventors Month (National, US)
www.inventorsdigest.com/magazine/niminfo.html
United Inventors Association: www.uiausa.org/
Peach Month (There seems to be some confusion on whether National Peach Month is in July or August...so we've listed it on both months)
President Reagan declares July as National Peach Month in 1982 - See proclamation: www.reagan.utexas.edu/resource/speeches/1982/61582c.htm
"Loaded with vitamin C and at only 40 calories each, peaches are nutritious and delicious." Source: www.smarterkids.com/rescenter/calendar/cal_activity.asp?activity=1652
Romance Awareness Month
We can't find anything "official" about this observance - just something fun with lots of online greeting cards
Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness Month
http://www.fsma.org/
Water Quality Month (National, US)
U. S. Environmental Protection Agency - Water: www.epa.gov/OW/index.html
Water Quality Association: http://www.wqa.org/
H2OnlyWaterDistillers - Have your own home distiller: http://www.h2onlywaterdistillers.com/
Weekly Observances -- August
Breastfeeding Week (World) - August 1-7 each year
The World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) designates World Breastfeeding Week as August 1-7 each year. In some places, national or local Breastfeeding Weeks are celebrated at other times such as during the month of October. Source: http://209.68.55.220/news/wbw.php
National Breastfeeding week is celebrated every year during the first week in October. The significance of this week is that it follows 9 completed months of the year. It therefore represents the end of a pregnancy and the beginning of breastfeeding. Source: www.doh.ie/pressroom/pr20021001.html
Clown Week (National, US) August 1 - 7 each year
On October 8, 1970, Public Law 91-443 under the 91st Congress, JJR 26 was passed by both the House and Senate and was sent to President Richard Nixon for his signature designating National Clown Week as August 1-7 each year. Source: http://klownsabound.com/entertain/Clown_Week.html
Second Week of August: Smile Week (National, US)
Third Week of August: Friendship Week (National, US)
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for July were presented to:
All Angel Moms by Nancy Pion
Nancy Pion by Carin/Toad Furgison
Lorraine Kelly by Reeny Fitzer
Carol Carico by Reeny Fitzer
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
The 7th of this month will be the 5th anniverery of Keith going to Heaven. I want to share a song that was wriiten in memory of Keith for his family. It was sang in our front yard on Keith's first birtday in Heaven by a group called Tainted Soul.
Sometimes I Try To Understand
Sometimes Don't Know What To Do
I Sit Alone At Night And Think To Myself
Why My God He Chose You
Always Taking Special People Away
I Guess He Wants Them By His Side
I Know He's Gotta Special Reason Why He
Took You Along For The Ride
I Would Give A Million Dollars
Just To Watch You Draw On The Wall
I'd Take You To The Highest Mountain
And Watch You Paint A Waterfall
I Would Buy A House Of Mirror's
Just To See Your Face Again
I'd Hold You Tight And Look You In The Eyes
And Tell You, You Were My Best Friend
Cause He's My Favorite One
You're The One
I'd Put A Quarter In The Jukebox
Just To Watch You Dance Along
I'd Even Let You Push The Buttons
Let You Play Your Favorite Song
I'd Love To See The Look In Your Mama's Eyes
Just To Watch You Having Fun
Already Seen The Tear In Your Daddy's Eyes
Saying God Take Care Of My Son
Because You're My Favorite One
You're The One
I Need To Tell Mt Two Sisters
Now I'm Gone Please Be Strong
I'm Up Here In Heaven
I'm Tapping My Feet, I'm Singing Along
And I Appreciate The Pictures Of
Family, Friends And Of My Son
MaMa Please Kiss Allen On The Cheek
And Tell Him He's My Favorite One
He's My Favorite One
You're The One
He's My Favorite One
You're The One
In Memory of Keith Allen Lucker
Sept. 7, 1979~Aug. 7, 1999
Give it Time
By Jan Eckles
"I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears." Psalm 6:6 (KJV)
"Give it time." This was the advice I used to offer whenever someone I knew was attempting to overcome a tragedy that had turned their world upside down. When a friend of mine lost her child, my sorrow for her made me tremble. But I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain and horror she was going through.
Then it happened to me. When my son Joe was 19, multiple stab wounds took his life. I reacted in numb shock. I was unable to move, to function, or to face life.
"Give it time," I told myself. Eventually, life would return to normal. But I didn’t know where to begin. The turmoil of my emotions blurred my vision and prevented me from moving forward. I was stuck in the past, when my Joe was still with me. I had no desire to enjoy life. I knew nothing would really be the same ever again.
Although I wore a forced smile on my face, my heart still wept. Laughter didn’t feel right. It seemed out of place. My heart could only hold sadness and grief.
I tried to let go of the pain, but my world no longer made sense. Entertainment and enjoyment were intruders, unwelcome guests, inconsistent with my sorrow.
Even simple moments of relaxation and fun with my husband didn’t have the same flavor or intensity. I couldn’t enjoy life if my family was incomplete. If only I could feel Joe’s hug one more time. If only I could have one more chance to stroke his hair, hold his hand, hear his voice, feel his kiss on my cheek. I longed for our home to echo with his laughter again. Only then would my life truly be complete.
But my Joe was gone from this world forever, and the time until I would see him again in heaven seemed more than an eternity. I knew he was rejoicing in the mansion God had prepared for him. But my heart was shattered by the violent blow of his absence from my everyday life.
Eventually, just as a bright rainbow appears after a downpour from a dark cloud, I looked up through the rain of my tears and saw the radiance of God’s grace.
As the Lord reminded me daily of His everlasting love, my heart began to see beyond my grief. Instead of looking through human eyes, I saw my sorrow through God’s amazing grace. When I focused on Him, I obtained comfort and clarity.
I still cry sometimes when I think about Joe. But when I sense his presence with me, I can hear his laughter. I see his beautiful smile. I feel his warm touch drying my tears. Memories of his delightful charm melt my heart.
My tears are no longer drenched in bitter sorrow and grief but filled with incredible hope. Joe’s memories are more than just pleasant thoughts to ease the pain. They are precious jewels wrapped in the soft velvet of tenderness, held together with golden strings of love. They are tucked in the inner depths of my mended heart.
Those memories allow me to see the bright side of life. God has taught me to put away the sad moments and allow sunshine into my life once again. He has shown me how to laugh even when I feel down.
Laughter and joy are part of my renewed and refreshing beginning—Joe wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. While I wait to see him again, my life will be filled with delight, enjoyment, and laughter. The smile on my face is a reflection of gratitude for God’s grace and the gift I have in Joe. For 19 years he filled my days with the joy of his presence. The memories of his charm paint a permanent smile across my heart.
Now, whenever I meet people who are attempting to overcome tragedies that have turned their world upside down, my advice is still, "Give it time." Because I’ve learned that we all have to go through periods of grief and sorrow before we can see God’s rainbow beyond the tears. And each person’s season of sadness will end when the time is right for him or her, because God’s timing is always perfect.
"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness." Psalm 30:11 (KJV)
Grilled Chicken with Mustard Dill Sauce
Recipe adapted from Gourmet Magazine
Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Inactive Prep Time: 2 minutes
Cook Time: 4 minutes
Yield: 4 servings
Sauce:
1/2 cup coarse-grained mustard
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup olive oil
4 teaspoons sugar
1/2 cup chopped fresh dill
Chicken:
1/4 cup white wine, Champagne, or aged Sherry wine vinegar
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
2/3 to 3/4 cups extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 shallots, minced
4 (1/4-inch thick) chicken cutlets (1 1/2 pounds total)
1 to 2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
In a bowl, combine well all sauce ingredients and season with pepper. Sauce may be made 1 day ahead and kept chilled, covered. Let sauce come to room temperature and whisk before serving.
In a small mixing bowl, whisk together the vinegar, mustard, salt, and pepper. Gradually whisk in enough oil to make a smooth dressing with a balanced taste. Stir in garlic and shallots. Place the cutlets in a glass pan, pour the marinade over, cover, and refrigerate for 2 to 4 hours.
Remove the chicken from the marinade (discard the marinade). Pat the chicken dry and season with salt and pepper. Grill chicken on an oiled rack set over glowing coals 1 to 2 minutes on each side, or until just cooked through. Serve chicken with sauce.
Some Links To Share
Always In My Heart
Pennies From Heaven
The Best Friends Prayer
The Most Beautiful Flower
Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change
around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities
need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because
the dream is within you, no one can take it away.
--Unknown--
Angel Moms Newsletter-August 2004-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi, Lynn, Chrissi, Brenda
Angel Moms Web Site
