This month's featured mom is Rosa Brown
This is quite an honor to be asked to be Angel Mom of the month. I’m not very good at writing things but here I go. My Angel is Jerad and I have been an Angel Mom since December 31, 2001. Jerad was 17 years old and was killed in a car accident. I am a single Mom and he was my only child. It had just been Jerad and me since he was 7 months old. At the time he was killed he was a Senior in High School, played hockey, loved church and his youth group and a Boy Scout. He had just started working on his Eagle Project. One of his best friends wanted to finish his project for him, which was completed this last weekend. They built a walkway at Glen Helen State Park, it will be called the Jerad Kelley-Brown Memorial Walkway. Being an Angel Mom is not an easy road to walk. We have been forced into a new life and are left to figure out how we fit in that new life. I was very blessed to have my sister-in-law Toni to turn to afterwards. But I always felt like I was putting way too much on her and that some of the things I was feeling and saying might be more than she could handle at some point. One day about 8 months after losing Jerad I ran across the Angel Mom’s website. I joined the group and started reading the emails and was in shock that other people were feeling the same exact thing I was. Believe me when I say finding the Angel Mom’s was a lifesaver for me. I was at the point I didn’t think I could make it through the days anymore. So many wonderful Mom’s were there to talk and help me through the really dark days. And finally at one point I was able to try and help other Mom’s, what a healing that starts to bring.
In the last few months I have been lucky enough to meet some of the Angel Mom’s in person. In June I got to meet Linda in Las Vegas. How great it was to get to know her Angel Bubba more closely. Just last week I flew out to Oklahoma and spent a few days with Reeny and Wedgie. All three of our Angels, Dustin, Ricky and Jerad’s birthdays are within a week of each other. Sharing the boys birthdays was very special. I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours we spent just talking about our boys.
I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the Angel Mom retreat this year. I was so nervous going to meet all these women that I had only gotten to chat with online. But I knew from the minute I found out about retreat that I had to be there. I could go on for days about retreat so I will just say this, the bond that you will feel with the other Angel Mom’s and their Angels will be one that will be in your heart forever. I cried and laughed more there than I have in the last 20 months, and it felt so right doing it.
We didn’t ask for this new walk in life but I am so thankful that I have each one of you to walk beside me all the way. Together with the help of our Angels we will find our way and we will survive.
Jerad's Page
Poetry Section
To go on without him is the hardest thing I've ever had to do,
I know you have your reasons, but still I wonder why,
To accept your will is so hard, but Lord I do try,
I get up each morning with this pain in my heart so deep,
I go through my days trying to be strong all the while I silently weep,
I want him back so bad, I want to scream, cause Lord this hurts so much,
I miss his smile, his laughter, his voice, his touch,
I miss him saying "I love you Mom", I miss everything, oh Lord how do I go on,
Time stands still for me because my son is gone,
It wasn't supposed to be this way,
It should be the other way around, he was supposed to bury me someday,
But Lord I will try do what you want, I will try to deal with this pain,
Because I belive your promise that someday we will be together again,
So until that day I will hold him in my heart, I will be brave and do what you want me to do,
Oh and Lord, for the time I had him here with me, I thank you.
Judi Walker
Copyright 98
In Memory of My Son Shane
From Chrissi's Desk
Hello AngelMom’s – I thought many of you could print this off and share with your family. I think this is very appropriate to use . I shared it with our son and he has it on his wall in his room.
Ten Healing Rights for Grieving Children
For the surviving children/ siblings .
1. I have the right to have my own unique feelings about the death. I may feel mad, sad or lonely. I may feel scared or relieved. I may feel numb or sometimes not anything at all. No one will feel exactly like I do.
2. I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking. When I need to talk, I will find someone who will listen to me and love me. When I don't want to talk about it, that's okay, too.
3. I have the right to show my feelings of grief in my own way. When they are hurting, some kids like to play so they'll feel better for awhile. I can play or laugh, too. I might also get mad and scream. This does not mean I am bad, it just means I have scary feelings that I need help with.
4. I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief, especially grown-ups who care about me. Mostly I need them to pay attention to what I am feeling and saying and to love me no matter what.
5. I have the right to get upset about normal, everyday problems. I might feel grumpy and have trouble getting along with others sometimes.
6. I have the right to have "grief-bursts." Grief-bursts are sudden, unexpected feelings of sadness that just hit me sometimes even long after the death. These feelings can be very strong and even scary. When this happens, I might feel afraid to be alone.
7. I have the right to use my beliefs about my God to help me deal with my feelings of grief. Praying might make me feel better and somehow closer to the person who died.
8. I have the right to try to figure out why the person I loved died. But it's okay if I don't find an answer. "Why" questions about life and death are the hardest questions in the world.
9. I have the right to think and talk about my memories of the person who died. Sometimes those memories will be happy and sometimes they might be sad. Either way, these memories help me keep alive my love for the person who died.
10. I have the right to move forward and feel my grief and, over time, to heal. I'll go on to live a happy life, but the life and death of the person who died will always be a part of me. I'll always miss this special person.
My Grief Rights is available as a full color, oversized poster for $10 plus shipping and handling from Companion Press. For ordering information, please call (970) 226-6030
From Deb's Desk
Figuring that Christmas is right around the corner and I know its a hard time for so many of us. Although I have found that I enjoy making Christmas gifts for friends and coworker instead of the rush to find the "perfect " gift for so many. Especially when I find myself just wishing the time would go by and be over with. But once I start making a gift it becomes almost like therapy for me, I pour myself into it and I honestly give it all I have. So if any of you have ever received anything from me its honestly made and put together from my heart. These snowman would be an easy and practical gift for all those on your list who you feel you want to give a gift to but just don't know what to buy ... hope you enjoy the pattern and make a few to give this year.
For instructions, click here: Snowman Gift Jars
From Debbie's Desk
Time and Grief
When recalling past things now, do you find yourself saying or thinking of certain instances happening "before or after" your child passed? How did we measure time before our children passed? It is like time stood still.
We also sort out our time by weeks, months and years now. Even though it has been 6 years since Josh left me, I can SO remember the first few days and weeks. It is amazing how we measure our time frames now. Maybe it is a part of a survival mode we can put ourselves in. Thinking back, I can remember when everyone would tell me that if I can make it thru the 1st year, I would be "okay".....I used to wish to God that I could fast forward my self into my first year then, then maybe, I would feel better.
In that first year I also found out about the seven stages of grief. 1) Shock/Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining with God or above being 4) Guilt 5) Depression 6) Sadness 7) Acceptance Being that I was new to this grief, I thought that I had to go thru all of these and in that order. It just shows me now, how lost I was. I was seeking and searching for magic words to help me. Yes, you do go thru the stages of grief, but not all in that order, and sometimes all at once! #7 has always stumped me. Accept that Josh was gone? Not in the way that I was thinking.....but "accept the reality" of it all, yes I guess so.
So now when I look back, when Josh first passed (see my time frame thinking!) I felt alone, scared, confused, doubted my own life, and knew something had to change, just didn't know how. But it has. I have learned that with time (don't you hate that word!) it does change. You change and everything you had ever known changes. I have to admit that I am a more likable, understanding, compassionate person that I was before. That is how I always described my son Josh, so maybe when his spirit left his body, it entered into mine. He lives within me. He has made me into a better person. I sure hope he is as proud of me as I am of him....:) Gotta go.....it is dinner time~~the one "time" that I look forward too.....:)
From Judi's Desk
When we lose a child, our whole lives change, everything we believed in and dreamed of is changed forever, life will never be the same. We have to learn to live again and learn how to live this new life we have been dealt with. I am not saying every thing from our old lives is gone, because it's not, but losing a big part of it like we have, changes it all. In the beginning, it is hard to imagine the future, it scares us. When I first lost my son Shane, I could not picture life five years or ten years into the future, heck, I couldn't even picture the next week. Then I realized, to survive, I could not look into the future, I had to take it one day at a time and concentrate on getting through that day and to deal with the next one when it came. It wasn't easy and I had a lot of set backs and still do. But I know I have to keep going, not only for my surviving children, but for myself, I know it is what Shane wants me to do. Besides, what better tribute can I give to Shane and his life than to live mine to the fullest and try to make a difference in the lives of others in his memory. And I know he is right there with me every step of the way.
So to all of you who are new to this pain, take it one day at a time, don't try and look at the big picture. Don't be afraid to reach out and let others help you, let others know what you need. There is no pain in the world like losing a child, but by sharing it with others who understands helps us survive it. And through the deaths of our children, we gain some wonderful gifts, the friendship of others who know and share your pain, it is a bond like no other.
From Kelly's Desk
This newsletter I had planed to write about being in the ER for the first time since I was there with Valerie. The experience left me physically ill and depressed for days. Then some incredible people, I don't even know, touched my heart. I have decided to share these earth angels instead.
After being in the ER with my son Logan all night, and not coping with my emotions well. I had to get up and put on the happy face, and attend Logan's football game the next day. I was fighting tears and trying to be the supportive Mom. after all, my son was playing football, stitches and all!! (I'm so proud of him) At the game a Mom came up to me. I recognized her from my church. She once asked if she could hold Valerie during service. She spoke of Valerie. She told me how smart she was, how Valerie had touched her heart. She said she was so proud of our family for going on the T.V. news and writing an article for our local newspaper. How in our tragedy we could reach out to the public and make families aware of meningitis. After two years of Valerie being in heaven, out of the blue, someone remembered! Someone talked about her without the fear of mentioning her name.
Yesterday, my hubby and I took the kids to our state fair. On the way there I kept thinking how Valerie would be the perfect age to really enjoy it this year. A song came on the radio that sent me into tears. I felt like a fool crying on the way to the fair. It is supposed to be a happy day for the whole family. I couldn't hide my pain, but I tried not to ruin the family outing. We had a wonderful time at the fair. My hubby ran into a co-worker and his wife. We chatted briefly and invited them to stop our house anytime. Today they came by. The wife Teresa and I hit it off right away. We talked like we've known each other forever. She, like me, has four children. She, like me, had a daughter, then two sons, and a daughter. She, unlike me, has never lost a child, but she didn't freak out. She didn't avoid the subject, and didn't give me the "Oh, I feel so sorry for you. I don't know how you can live after loosing a child" or the other stupid things most say. She listened!! She was interested in who Valerie was. She was comforting, without pitying me. I couldn't believe a total stranger was capable of this.
These experiences have rejuvenated me, lifted my heavy heart, touched my soul and given me hope in mankind. Not all people are shallow and self centered. This has to be a "God thing" and a very special angel, trying to comfort a grieving Mom. Thank you Valerie. I love you, precious angel of mine.
From Toad's Desk
HOW TO HELP ME GRIEVE
BE THERE FOR ME
I feel alone, in pain
I need a friend.
SHARE MY SORROW
Speak from your heart
I have to talk about my feelings
LET ME GRIEVE
Listen to me, I need to cry
We all grieve in our own way
and in a different time frame.
KEEP THE MEMORY ALIVE
It is always on my mind
I have so many memories
I NEED YOUR HELP
Help me, call me, pray for me
Do whatever you can.
DON'T DESERT ME
Don't desert me after the 1st or 2nd week
I need you especially on the holidays
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Involve me, listen to me months later
I need your interest and invitations
BE MY FRIEND
Don't be afraid of me or my grief
It's okay to cry
Lastly, please don't criticize until you've walked in my shoes
INSTEAD: PRAY FOR ME!
Taken from "Lighthouse Chapter of Compassionate Friends"
www.wallenscott.com/friends/newlsetter/archives/Feb02-newsletter.html
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FROM BEREAVED PARENTS USA
Most bereaved parents experience one or more of the following:
*Feel a tightness in the throat, heaviness in the chest, or a lump in the stomach like a rock
*Have an empty feeling with appetite loss
*Wander aimlessly, forget a thought in the middle of a sentence, neglect to finish tasks, feel restless, look for activity, but can't concentrate
*Have respiratory reactions - excessive yawning, gasping, hyperventilating
*Experience feelings of anxiety
*Think they are losing their mind
*Say to oneself, "If only I had..."
*Keep askying, "Why?"
*Feel they don't want to go on
*Feel the loss isn't real, that the child will return
*Sense theloved one's presence by expecting the child to walk in the door of phone at the usual time. Hear the voice or see the face
*Look for the child in a crowd or see reminders unexpectedly
*Need to tell and retell and remember things about the child and the experience of death
*Cry at unexpected times
*Feel able to cope and then fall back again - a see-saw type of reaction
*Feel depressed
Bereaved Parents of the USA - Home Page
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.
~Dan Rather~
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for August were presented to:
Joanie/Wedgie by Judi
Carin/Toad by Martha
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Strength
We don't always have to be strong to be strong.
Sometimes our strength is expressed
in being vulnerable. Sometimes we need to
fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder,
cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop
focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on
being responsible.
Occasionally, we don't want to get out of our pajamas.
Sometimes we cry in front of people.
We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves
means we give ourselves
permission to "fall apart" when we need to.
We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength.
We ARE strong.
We have proven that.
Our strength will continue
if we allow ourselves the courage
to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to
experience those feelings.
Today, help me to know that is it okay to allow myself
to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish
myself when I need to "fall apart."
~Author unknown~
What I Have Learned From Being An AngelMom
I have learned so much from being an AngelMom and I am very glad that I found this group. It is not a group any of us would choose. The qualification to join must be that you have lost at least one child. Some have lost more than one.
I have learned that I am lucky. I had Mike for 20 years and that is a blessing. Mike died suddenly, so we did not have some of the difficult scenarios that many have experienced. I have three other sons, and while none of them are Mike, they are a reason to get up in the morning. I have a wonderful and supportive husband.
I have learned that grief never goes away. It may get easier to live with, but some AngelMoms have been grieving for a lot longer than I. There is no end to this road.
I have learned that there are some very amazing women in this world. These women have reached down through their own grief to help others. They have made it possible for Moms like me to chat with others in similar circumstances, to grieve, to heal and to move forward.
I have learned that you can’t give up on life. Where there is life, there is hope. You never know what is just around the corner.
I have learned that some of the best friends in the world can be people that you have never met. The internet is a very powerful tool. Thank you for your friendship and your concern. You have done things for me that amaze me.
I have learned that it is truly better to light a candle than curse the darkness. The light shines not only on others, but on ourselves.
I have learned that acceptance can be the greatest gift one human being can give to another.
I have learned that simple pleasures are exceptionally important.
I have learned that life is valuable and priceless. Moments should not be wasted. I am working on this.
I have learned that I have much more to learn and much more to accomplish.
Thank you, AngelMoms, for who you are and what you do. Thank you to the Angels, who have brought us together. I have also learned that they are with us and none of this happens without their help. Lynn Scarpati
Some Links To Share
Angel Kiss
Grief Heart Card
I Wrote Your Name
In The Valleys I Grow
Rainbows From Above
Remember that grief is not
something that you get over,
it is something that you walk through.
My shoes are worn
And my feet hurt from this walk...
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi
Angel Moms Web Site
