This month's featured mom is Heather Eide
Hello I'm Heather Eide (Wart) and I guess I’m the Angel Mom of the month. Where to begin, I guess I can start by telling you a little bit about me. I live in Minnesota and have for all of my life. I’m married to a wonderful man named Robert Eide. We have been together for 10 years now and married for 6 of it. I’m an at home Mom. I do daycare and such…for the last three years. I have 3 wonderful children Mystic, Jace and Seth. I am an out doors type people I love to camp, bike, swim, hike fish and take pictures.My angel is Mystic. She was born Jan 26, 1994. At 7:39 at night. She was a C-section started having troubles and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled away I woke up and was told I had a beautiful little girl. Who wasn't so little 9 pounds and 21 inches. She had a head full of hair, which would explain all the heartburn I had lol. She was a good baby hardly cried and after 2 months was sleeping thru the night, she grew up fast, and was a joy I took her every where and we spent a lot of time looking and learning about animals. She loved animals I brought her to the zoo a lot. She had a ton of pets when she left us. She loved them all and took good care of them, that are what made her happy in this world. She had 2 ferrets 2 chinchillas 4 cats 4 rabbits 2 guinea pigs 2-sugar gliders 1 dog and a tank of fish. She was a normal little girl had her Barbies and dollhouses, made friends very easily. She would just come up to you and say hi I'm Mystic who are you. She was the type that didn't pick on any one no matter how they looked or where they came from.
We lost Mystic Feb. 10, 2002. I will never forget that day as long as I live. She spent the weekend at her Grandmother's house and we were to pick her up Sunday morning. But that Sunday morning to get her never came. We got a phone call at 6:30am asking if we had gotten Mystic the night before my hubby said no she is still at grandma's house. Then we heard from Mystic's father that the house brunt down that night and they cant find any of them anywhere. All I remember is my hubby yelling what what do you mean cant find her and then hung up. He came to me and said we do not have a daughter any more. My world fell apart. I cried and cried and went thru the motions, making the calls and making the arrangements, and people came in and out. I just walked thru the whole thing in a daze. I didn't want to believe this was happening and after all was said and done then it hit me she was gone and wasn't coming back.
Six months after that I found Angel Moms. It was a great help to just sit and read. To know I wasn't alone and the feelings I was having were what we can call normal, but really loosing a child is far from normal. Angel Moms have helped me in a great deal. So many moms have reached out with love and understanding, it is how I made it thru to now. Mystic has been gone for 18 months, I have started my life over, I can get up and go about my day, and I can smile and have a giggle or two. Sure I still miss her very much and I do have days I still cry for her, but I have help and love and understanding from some great close friends I have made here and also I have found my family here. So thank you Judi for starting this and thank you angel moms for the out reach of care. And thank you Mama Toad for all your warm heart felt love.
Mystic's Page
Poetry Section
Life As It Is Now
The clothes are still sitting in the dryer,
The dishes still in the sink,
I need to stop worrying,
I need time to think.
Who was I yesterday?
Who am I today?
What Is normal?
When will this pain go away?
Someone help my misery,
Someone plese feel my pain,
Someone hear my cry's
I can't have a day like this again.
I can't have another day of torture
I can't bear another day of "what could have been"
"what will never be" and "what has happened to me?"
I need to wake up, I need to be pain free.
But this is my life now, this is what I am to be
I am a bereaved mother
My baby has been taken away from me.
This is the reality, what I have to face
I have to go on now, I know there is no time to waste.
I have to be strong now, put on a brave face,
My family is shortened, Half of me has faced death.
This is what I have to live with until my very last breath.
Forgive me for hurting, for this is now me.
Forgive me if I am not the person I used to be.
Written By Sueann Cox
In Memory of my baby Danielle
September 25, 2003
"You don't get over it. You just learn to deal with it. To keep it hidden from view. Tucked away in a room of your own -- a place only you know exists and which you visit, every waking hour of every day. And no matter how hard you try, you know that you'll never rid yourself of that room. It's with you now forever."
From The Big Picture by Douglas Kennedy
From Chrissi's Desk
Jelly Bean Poem
RED is for my love for you that will never sever....
For love is not measured by the time we had together...
but whats in our hearts forever.
GREEN is for memories that I always will treasure...
Although time may pass...our memories will last
...forever and ever and ever.
YELLOW is for Sunshine that you have gave to me....
You brightened up my life and made my world shine
And will continue to shine brilliantly for the rest of time.
ORANGE is for the candles flame I light in memory of you...
Flame that glows so bright as I speak your name in prayer...
Asking God to hold you close...until I join you there.
BLACK is for my grief from my broken shattered heart
Taking each day one at a time...as I keep your memory alive....
Life is different...I am different...but I CAN and WILL survive.
PURPLE is for tears I shed as I remember you....
Precious memories you left behind....preserved deep inside...
You will always live on through our family...forever by our side.
WHITE is for my hope and faith in God above...
The promise of resurrection....knowing we will reunite....
Above the clouds...over the rainbow....in His everlasting light.
PINK if for the signs you send from Heaven up above...
Lighting my path wherever I go...and whatever I may do...
My precious child...I will always love...and always remember you.
Written by Laura/Heavenly Lights Childrens Memorial
Copyright April 2003
Unauthorized reprinting of this poem in ANY form
is prohibited without the prior consent of the author.
All rights reserved. Thank you!
www.heavenlylights.homestead.com
From Deb's Desk
These are cute, would make great package toppers or even better yet an angel to give other AngelMoms at retreat next year..enjoy!
MyFree Project 1 - Sachet Angels
From Debbie's Desk
No More Words
Fall is here. I can see it by looking out my windows and looking into the mountains and seeing yellow, red and brown leaves now. I can feel it in the morning now, the crisp, wet feeling in the air. I can feel it at night now, as I have added a lightweight blanket to our bed. Fall is here. Even though all these "visual" signs is here and I know it, I don't need them to know Fall is here. I feel it in my heart. Fall is when my son left me. Each Fall now there is that familiar feeling around me. The feeling of sadness, loss. The feeling of emptiness. I am approaching the 7th Fall of loss. It has been almost 7 years since I saw my sweet child and his beautiful smile. The familiar words of the people that will remember November 6 will start asking again "how are you doing"? "are you holding up okay?" Most of them will just remember it was in the Fall, they won't remember the date exactly, and that's okay, because in reality it was MY world that changed dramatically that date, not theirs. I will feel warmth in my heart if they just remember us sometime. I remember last year as I approached my 6th yr, I had tears streaming down my face and anger in my voice as I told my husband that I have no more words to say to people. Meaning, I have said everything I could the last few years to try to answer people when they asked those familiar questions, now I have no more words. I have said them all. There isn't anything more or new to say. What more can we say that we haven't already? We miss our children, bottom line. Our lives are dramatically changed forever, bottom line. I love him and wish he would here. I have no more words to express my feelings. So again this Fall, I will walk around with the mask on my face and I will answer those familiar questions, and I will thank them for remembering, and I will walk away in silence, but I will be thinking...I have no more words.
DEATH IS A GATEWAY
I do believe all our loved ones would want to say this to us. Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you: whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone: wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. it is the same that it ever was: there is absolutely unbroken continuity. What is death but a gateway? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well.'
From Judi's Desk
The 27th of this month, it will be six years that Shane left this earth. Where did the time go? To me, it seems like just yesterday that Shane was here enjoying life, he was a new father and very proud of his daughters. He had so much going for him and a bright future ahead of him. Then in an instant, it was gone. Life as I knew it was over, never to be the same.......
In the beginning, it was so hard for me to believe that this had happened to my family, my son. Murder happens to other people. In the beginning, I didn't believe I could survive the pain, didn't believe I would laugh again, find joy in life again, even want to live again. I clung to my grief, feeling that it kept me closer to Shane, I wanted to feel the sharp pain. When I did have days that I didn't cry, I was upset, I felt that if I didn't cry and hurt, it meant I must not have loved Shane as much as I should have, I felt guilty, I felt maybe I was getting over "it" and I didn't want to. I did things to torture myself, to bring the sharp pain back. But in time, I realized I was not getting over it and I did love Shane with all my heart, but I was learning to survive and live with the pain, but I never will get over it. Even today, six years later, I have days where the pain is so bad and all I can do is cry, I ache with missing Shane. I know now that these days will pass and tomorrow will be better, but I also know for the rest of my life, I will still have days like this.
At first, I had people helping me and I clung to them giving nothing in return, I felt sorry for myself. In time though, I found myself wanting to reach out and help others, to give back what was given to me. I found out in helping others, I was helping myself to heal. Besides, Shane was a giving and caring person, he wasn't here any more, but what better way to honor his memory than to live the way he did and to give the way he did. I wanted him to be proud of me......
I am a different person now than I was before I lost Shane. In a lot of ways, the new Judi is better than the old one. I don't take life for granted any more and I know now what the really important things are. Sure wish I could have learned this a different way.....
This grief journey has not been easy, I have stumbled and fell many times (and I still do). But I know I am not alone, there are a lot of us moms walking this path and we can help each other along.
So as I mark my 6th year without Shane, I know there will be sadness and tears. But I will also look back and see how far I have come and the accomplishments I have made, the difference I have made in the lives of others and I know I owe it all to a very special person, my guiding light, my Angel, my son, Shane. I have taken what he taught me in life and am using it to live my life now.........
So my message to all new moms is, you can do it, I was once right where you are. I am not saying it's easy, but it will not always hurt as much as it does today. In time, you will smile again, laugh again and find joy in life again (I know, you're probably saying yea right, she's crazy. I said the same thing too when I was told that :o) ) But it is true, but for now, just take it one day at a time, don't look into the future and let others who know and share your pain help you. Never be afarid to share something you think may make you look crazy, because I can assure you, there is another grieving mom who has felt the very same way. By reaching out and sharing our pain, we can survive it.
From Kelly's Desk
This time of year is hard for me. The ending of summer, the beginning of fall, the holidays right around the corner, the kids are back at school. and I'm home alone. The warm sun no longer gives off its heat, our beautiful flowers are gone, and the leaves yellow and brown are falling to the ground, like my tears. I wish I was loving and teaching my would be 4 year old. Instead I'm finding ways to occupy my mind and time. If I stop DOING I might start thinking. If I think, I'm afraid I'll fall into that black hole that I won't be able to get out of.
My pastor told me awhile back to take down Valerie's nursery. I couldn't at the time, and still can't. But I made a promise, if the opportunity presented it's self, I would. Remembering my promise, when a friend of mine became pregnant, I offered to give her Valerie's crib. My daughter got really up-set, cried and begged me not to give Valerie's crib away, in front of my friend. Of course she declined.
Today, opportunity once again presented. My friend now has a 2 month old beautiful baby boy, Zachary. The crib she had purchased, second hand, is not safe. She asked if we could part with Valerie's. I thought not now!! but said yes. I told Nikki I didn't think I could do this by myself. Nikki, the one who threw the fit said "I'll do it mom."
"No, we will do it together." We put all of Valerie's stuffed animals on my bed. Holding each one and remembering when she got this one, who gave her that one, and the funny little names she called them. Her "pigit", and her "Bobo". We put Valerie's beautiful shiny blue coat, the one that brought out her blue eyes, on her big bear. Nikki removed the blankets, each one made by a friend or family member, sheets, bumper pad and crib skirt. We worked side by side. My daughter and I , remembering, sharing Valerie stories, and wiping away each others tears.
Valerie's room is still hers. Her stuffed animals, now sit in her cradle, her special toys are still in there place, Her mylar balloons "It's a Girl", "Jesus loves me" and "happy Birthday" still hang on the wall. Removing the crib was a small step. A promise fulfilled; and a special moment shared with both of my beautiful daughters.
From Toad's Desk
History and Customs
of Halloween
Halloween is celebrated annually. But just how and when did this peculiar custom originate? Is it, as some claim, a kind of demon worship? Or is it just a harmless vestige of some ancient pagan ritual? The word itself, "Halloween," actually has its origins in the Catholic Church. It comes from a contracted corruption of All Hallows Eve. November 1, "All Hollows Day" (or "All Saints Day"), is a Catholic day of observance in honor of saints. But, in the 5th century BC, in Celtic Ireland, summer officially ended on October 31. The holiday was called Samhain (sow-en), the Celtic New year. One story says that, on that day, the disembodied spirits of all those who had died throughout the preceding year would come back in search of living bodies to possess for the next year. It was believed to be their only hope for the afterlife, (Panati). The Celts believed all laws of space and time were suspended during this time, allowing the spirit world to intermingle with the living, (Gahagan).
Naturally, the still-living did not want to be possessed. So on the night of October 31, villagers would extinguish the fires in their homes, to make them cold and undesirable. They would then dress up in all manner of ghoulish costumes and noisily paraded around the neighborhood, being as destructive as possible in order to frighten away spirits looking for bodies to possess, (Panati). Probably a better explanation of why the Celts extinguished their fires was not to discourage spirit possession, but so that all the Celtic tribes could relight their fires from a common source, the Druidic fire that was kept burning in the Middle of Ireland, at Usinach, (Gahagan).
Some accounts tell of how the Celts would burn someone at the stake who was thought to have already been possessed, as sort of a lesson to the spirits, (Panati). Other accounts of Celtic history debunk these stories as myth, (Gahagan). The Romans adopted the Celtic practices as their own. But in the first century AD, they abandoned any practice of sacrificing of humans in favor of burning effigies. The thrust of the practices also changed over time to become more ritualized. As belief in spirit possession waned, the practice of dressing up like hobgoblins, ghosts, and witches took on a more ceremonial role. The custom of Halloween was brought to America in the 1840's by Irish immigrants fleeing their country's potato famine. At that time, the favorite pranks in New England included tipping over outhouses and unhinging fence gates, (Panati). The custom of trick-or-treating is thought to have originated not with the Irish Celts, but with a ninth-century European custom called souling. On November 2, All Souls Day, early Christians would walk from village to village begging for "soul cakes," made out of square pieces of bread with currants. The more soul cakes the beggars would receive, the more prayers they would promise to say on behalf of the dead relatives of the donors. At the time, it was believed that the dead remained in limbo for a time after death, and that prayer, even by strangers, could expedite a soul's passage to heaven.
The Jack-o-lantern custom probably comes from Irish folklore. As the tale is told, a man named Jack, who was notorious as a drunkard and trickster, tricked Satan into climbing a tree. Jack then carved an image of a cross in the tree's trunk, trapping the devil up the tree. Jack made a deal with the devil that, if he would never tempt him again, he would promise to let him down the tree. According to the folk tale, after Jack died, he was denied entrance to Heaven because of his evil ways, but he was also denied access to Hell because he had tricked the devil. Instead, the devil gave him a single ember to light his way through the frigid darkness. The ember was placed inside a hollowed-out turnip to keep it glowing longer. The Irish used turnips as their "Jack's lanterns" originally. But when the immigrants came to America, they found that pumpkins were far more plentiful than turnips. So the Jack-O-Lantern in America was a hollowed-out pumpkin, lit with an ember. So, although some cults may have adopted Halloween as their favorite "holiday," the day itself did not grow out of evil practices. It grew out of the rituals of Celts celebrating a new year, and out of Medieval prayer rituals of Europeans. And today, it is only as evil as one cares to make it.
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is to promote Support, Education and Awareness for grieving parents of infants.
Angel Moms honors our tiniest Angels and their Moms.
www.pregnancyandinfantloss.com
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for September were presented to:
Melody Tucker by Sandy
Heather/Wart by Carin Toad
Dino Rudolph by Carin/Toad
Judi Walker by Michele Rudolph
Judi Walker by Chrissi Johnson
Debbie Ruttencutter by Loni Wendt
Carin/Toad Furgison by Loni Wendt
Heather/Wart Eide by Loni Wendt
Deb Goldsberry by Loni Wendt
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Death of Brother or Sister
Taken from the Book "No Time For Goodbyes"
By Janice Harris Lord
If you are a parent whose child has died, you may be needed by too many people. You may find yourself comforting your mate, relatives, or friends because they can't come to grips with what has happened to your family. At some point, their needs may overwhelm you, and you must withdraw to survive.
As you observe your surviving children experiencing the trauma, you may be tempted to put them on a plane or bus and send them off to be with someone else who loves them. You wish you could help them escape the pain-and you feel guilty because you can't comfort them. Simply "holding on" yourself may be your top priority or the only task you can handle.
It is best for families to grieve together. A young child should not witness the total collapse of a parent, but tears which overflow out of sadness for what has happened are to be shared.
It is impossible to go through life without hurting. It would be wonderful if we could promise our children life without pain. We can't. Grieving together will teach your child that ugly and unfair things happen, and that all of you can survive them.
Young children don't just look to their parents as models. They usually believe, at least until they reach adolescence, that parents are all-powerful and all-knowing. They trust you more than ever if you are honest about your feelings and if you do not tell them half-truths about the death of your child. A child who watches a lot of television or sees a lot of movies may have a warped idea about death. Therefore, honest communication can result in valuable lessons for your child.
Like adults, children differ in the way they react to death. Their age, their customs, their religious beliefs, the relationship they had with the brother or sister who has died, will all make a difference. The most important component is how you, the parent, relate to them in the aftermath of the death.
Children are not miniature adults. Children have their own distinct way of understanding things. Much is determined by how old they are.
Young children differ from adults in that they can endure strong feelings for only a short period of time. As an adult, you may feel your grief goes on and on. A few years from now, you will look back and see that you are better than you were before, but now it may seem the pain is constant.
A child on the other hand, grieves deeply for a while, and then seems to be content and carefree. Maybe tomorrow, he will misbehave or show a violent outburst of anger, while later that evening he will want to play games.
Children grieve on an intermittent basis for years after the death of their brother or sister. As they move through their development stages, they will understand death in a new way and grieve all over again according to their new understanding or level of emotional maturity. Developmental levels vary greatly in children, as do their environments. Therefore, a child's specific age is not always a clear indicator of how he will grieve.
*Spend time in play with the younger child who may not have adequate communication skills to talk about his feelings.
*Help your child to express his feelings by being willing to express yours, and asking your child questions. If he is reluctant, phrase questions as if they were somebody else's, example: "What would you say to Jimmy if he asked you what happened to your brother?"
*Remember that most children grieve intermittently rather than chronically. Therefore, do not be upset because your child has periods when the death of his brother or sister seems unimportant.
*Children may find it easier than parents to discard personal possessions of the deceased. They may also find it easier to "put their grief aside" and find normalcy in school or play. Remember that your deceased child's friends may be pleased to be given something that belonged to your child.
*Protect young children from witnessing an emotional collapse, but otherwise share as much as the grieving as possible.
*During early days of grieving, it is helpful for grieving children to have a personal "ally" to provide stability and understanding. The person calms the anxious child and relieves the parents of total responsibility.
*Siblings age six or seven or older should be given all the facts about their brother or sister's death as they become known. Not being told the truth only enhances the a growing sense of being unimportant in the family.
*If you see another child who reminds you of your deceased child, point this out to the siblings and explain the grief spasm it has caused. Mysterious behavior on the part of the parent only enhances the siblings fear of being left out or of not being loved as much as the deceased child.
*Share your grief with your surviving children, but do not depend on them to take care of you in your grieving. Understand that adolescent children may not want to grieve with you.
*Talk with survivn=ing brothers and sister both about pleasant memories of the child who has died as well as unpleasant memories. This will help them to understand that the child who died was not perfect. Placing the dead child on a pedestal can cause great insecurity for surviving siblings.
*Don't ask surviving siblings to "be strong" for you or for anyone else. That is too great a burden to carry.
*Try not to feel threatened if adolescent siblings seek out other adults or peers for support. This is normal for their developmental level.
*As an adult sibling, spend some time focusing on the role of your brother or sister in the family and how you can enable a meaningful transition to the family which now is. Be gentle with yourself and your parents.
Our Angel
Dino we know God lent us an angel if only for a little while,
One with big brown eyes and a bright beautiful smile.
How we often wish for another minute or two,
Just for the chance to say how much we love you.
Memories of you left here with us to treasure,
Will be carried in our hearts always and forever.
You are in our thoughts as we wake to the morning light,
And carried with us throughout the day, until we sleep at night.
Written by Michele Rudolph
Copyright 2003
My daughter Brigitte's first birthday is on October 22, and it's looking like we'll be able tohave her buried around then as well. I'm so relieved! I'm hiring a Humanist (secular) moderator to conduct the graveside ceremony and would like to invite many friends and family to share this special day with her father and me, including a reception dinner and maybe a butterfly release. (Balloons are so bad for wildlifeand the environment, it would go against my principles.)
Stephanie Carriere
Some Links To Share
Angels Rest
You And God
No Matter What
May Angels Guide You
Don't ask the sun to always shine. It can't, the clouds exist.
Don't ask the leaves not to fall. It can't, the wind exists.
Don't ask me to forget my child...
I can't, because he/she did exist..and he/she will always be apart of me.
A Fun Fact
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Newsletter Printable Version
Some of you have said you like to print out the newsletter, but that it takes so many pages to do it. I have made a printable version of the October issue for those of you who print them out. It has no graphics and the font is smaller, so it should take less pages. Hope this helps. Please e-mail me with any comments or suggestions.
Angel Moms Newsletter-October 2003-(Printable Version)
Judi at:AngelShanesMom@aol.com
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi
Angel Moms Web Site
