This month's Featured Mom is Pattisue Reilly
Dear ladies, first I'd like to say how happy I was to be May's featured Mom. I don't know where to start, my name is Pattisue Reilly I live on Long Island in NY, in a small town called Bellerose. I've been on long island for the past 19 years with my hubby of 25 years he is a commercial refrigeration and a/c mechanic in midtown Manhattan and our daughter Theresa, she is a letter carrier for the post office, right here in Bellerose. I am one of seven children 6 girls and 1 brother who we lost when he was just 13 years old. I have 3 angels in heaven. Mikey, my sister Bethie and my brother Eddie. At first I didn't know what to write to you guys, then I thought I should write about what brought me to Angel Moms in the first place. My angel Mikey was born on Feb. 8, 1982. He was Mondays child fair of face, blonde hair and big blue eyes. HE was born with a painful birth defect called bilateral club feet, he wore casts on both legs until he was 2 years old, He learned to walk with them. We spent the next few years in and out of a wheel chair. The hospital for special surgery in NYC (to whom we are forever grateful) took good care of his feet right up until the day he left. That day was like any other New Year's Day, I was to go to my sister's house party, something I went to for the past 25 years. Hubby stayed at home, something he has done for the past 25 years, he baby-sat every year, he says New Years is for amateurs, anyway when it was time for bed at about 2 AM, for some reason I decided not to stay over that time. As I got close to my house, I saw the fire truck coming down the same street as I was on, I had to back all the way down the street. I was annoyed I remember telling myself Patsies shame on you complaining someone needs help. I had no clue that it was my beloved Mikey that needed help. When I got up stairs the phone was ringing it was hubby. I never noticed he wasn't in bed and the truck was gone. He said to come to the hospital this looks bad, he said he isn't breathing they are working on him. On the way to the hospital with my daughter we noticed the ambulance hadn't left yet and I was stuck behind that darn fire truck again. I ran to the house and my hubby was in the front hallway with the paramedics and Mikey was on the stretcher, I knew as they flew passed me he was leaving. We all got to the hospital where they worked for an hour on him, he never really regained conscienceness. He had an argument with a boy at a party, he stumbled and fell in the snow, that was his last breath. At the hospital I said my good-byes, and the organ donor people wisked him away..........
It has been almost 2 1/2 years and I'll never be the same again. I really couldn't tell you what happened in the following year, I stayed in my bed for a solid year, mostly because of my grief, but partly because of my MS. I was diagnosed the Feb. before Mikey passed, it has been a long hard road, a runaway rollercoaster ride is the closest I've come to labeling my feelings. My best medicine has been Angel Moms, it gave me such relief to see that I was not alone, mommies all over the world are on the same rollercoaster. I've made some good friends here, I am most grateful for the support I've gotten from you guys, I don't what I would do without you guys...
Love ya Pattisue
Poetry Section
May You Always Have An Angel By Your Side
May you always have an angel by your side
Watching out for you in all the things you do
Reminding you to keep believing in brighter days
Finding ways for your wishes and dreams
To take you to beautiful places
Giving you hope that is as certain as the sun
Giving you the strength of serenity as your guide
May you always have love and comfort and courage
And may you always have an angel by your side
May you always have an angel by your side
Someone there to catch you if you fall
Encouraging your dreams
Inspiring your happiness
Holding your hand and helping you through it all
In all of our days, our lives are always changing
Tears come along as well as smiles
Along the roads you travel,
May the miles be a thousand times more lovely than lonely,
May they give you the kind of gifts that never, ever end:
Someone wonderful to love
And a dear friend in whom you can confide
May you have rainbows after every storm
May you have hopes to keep you warm
And may you always have an angel
By your side...
~Emilia Larson~
From Deb's Desk
May's Craft Project
Flower Pot Angel
Materials:
3 Grapevine wreaths; one for halo and 2 for wings (size should be the same size as your wood ball)
Spanish Moss
Sheet Moss
Miscellaneous Floral Embellishments
Mini watering can
2 Wood Shaker Pegs or similar pieces for arms.
1 wood ball for face
Household or Crafter's Goop Glue (E6000 or other silicone based glue is fine)
Hot glue
String, jute or other small rope
Instructions:
You will need the photo to complete this project. Refer to the photo often for placement.
Grapevine wreaths are usually round and for the wings, you will need to shape these in an oval shape, so that they will extend out from behind your angel. Shape 2 of your wreaths by soaking in warm water until they are completely saturated and gently bend to an oval shape. Wrap rubber bands or string around the wreath to hold the oval shape and allow them to dry completely. If your wreath that will be used as a halo is not perfectly round, you can soak this wreath in water as well and place over a round mold, such as a drinking glass and allow the wreath to dry.
While your wreaths are drying, glue (Household Goop) your medium pot to the large pot. Glue the medium pot, center on the bottom of the large pot. Place a strand of string across the bottom of the medium pot (centered), allowing enough excess string to fit through the small clay pots with a few inches more (this will help to support the arms). Glue on top of the string, the wood ball and allow the glue to dry completely before handling.
Feed the string on one side through one small clay pot and hot glue the clay pot in place on the medium clay pot. Repeat this for the second arm. The help secure the arms (should the hot glue release from the clay), hot glue the wooden spindle to the inside of the small clay pot, making sure the string is glued to both the wood piece and the clay pot at the inside bottom of the small clay pot.
Referring to the photo, cut a piece of sheet moss to form her apron. This piece of moss will extend up and over the bottom of the large pot, and ending just below the bottom of the medium pot. For the apron straps, cut 2 teeny pieces of moss and glue in place. Hot glue the sheet moss in place, making sure you apply plenty of glue to the back area of the sheet moss.
Hot glue a little Spanish moss the top of the wooden ball for hair.
Hot Glue embellishments to the wreath (halo). I used small flowers, leaves and a small bird. Glue the halo to the angel's head.
Hot glue to her waist area. Glue a watering can to the large clay pot and to the end of her arm. I used a little copper wire to secure the watering can to her hand as well as glue.
Tie a small bouquet of flowers together and glue the bouquet to the large clay pot and wrap a tie around her hand to help keep the bouquet from falling. Glue 2 little buttons or teeny ribbon roses at the bottom of the apron straps and any other embellishments you would like to add. The little heart on her chest is simply a plastic button. You could add a little sign post that reads "Bless this Garden" or something similar.
To paint her face, you can use markers, pencils, paint or any similar item. I used oil pencil crayons and simply drew lines to create her eyes and mouth. Her nose is a little "U" shape and a little red is added for her cheeks. You don't need a face painted, but she looks much prettier with a face.
For any painted parts, be sure to apply varnish or polyurethane to protect against moisture. Give the sheet moss a little spray of water and you are all done.
From Debbie's Desk
Life After Death
I wasn't for sure what to write this month. Usually, I just sit here and start typing. I know Mother's Day is coming up, but this month, nothing seemed to be in me to write about Mother's Day. Then it hit me. It is here, each and every day it is here. It is called Survival Days. Each day I get up, it is a new day, a new beginning. I am in control of how my day will go, sometimes. There are days I am fine. There are days I do great. Then there are days that all I want to do is scream...at anyone and everyone. Why? Because this is my new life now, Life After Death. "My" life after my son's "Death." I am faced with many reminders of what I no longer have. Each day I look at my surviving son, and see my other son in him. I can let it eat me up, or I can relish in how beautiful my sons are. I go to the High School everyday. Everyday I see kids that are my son Josh's age when he passed, and I see them doing things he used to do. Now I am seeing them do things that my Josh didn't get to do. Driving, dating, dances, the lists grows and grows, and will continue to grow, always. Some days I can handle this, some days I can't. On the days I can, I look at those kids and smile. They deserve to do the things they are doing. They should be experiencing the kid part of life, because God knows, we become Adults way too fast. On those good days, I can smile and relish in the memories I do have, the precious memories that warm my heart so. On the days that I can't handle it, my heart aches so deeply for the things that I will miss dearly, the memories I will not be able to make with Josh. I cry, I am allowed to. I miss my child. I am allowed to grieve. I am allowed to scream if I want to. I am allowed to be angry. I am allowed because this is my life now....Life After Death.
I JUST LOST YOU
Monica Eblen
How can I put your dying into words?
Are there words powerful enough
To describe the death of you,
And this lost, pain-filled me?
Where do all these tears come from?
Endlessly, they flow from my hurting eyes.
I wish they could drown out the awfulness
Of being in a life I don't recognize anymore.
Who am I now, without you?
I fell I've lost myself in a fog.
A mother without a child-
That's not supposed to be.
What will happen to me now?
A mother can't stop being a mother.
I know I shall go on loving you,
YOUR LIFE HAS NOT ENDED FOR ME.
From Judi's Desk
As Mother's Day approaches, I think back on all of the Mother's Days of the past, when I had all my children with me. I try and enjoy the day for the sakes of my two daughters, but part of me is missing........Shane. Shane is my first child, the first one to make this day a special one for me. I have gifts he made for me, each one so very precious, cards, booklets, handprints and clay lumps that I have forgotten what some were meant to be. I want to share one of my memories of a gift Shane made for me.
When Shane was about 6, he made a gift for me. It was a little red clay cup looking thing, it had 4 lumpy little clay balls in it. He was so proud when he presented it to me. I thanked him and acted as if he had just presented me with the world's biggest diamond. Then came the question......do you know what it is he asked. Oh no. Well, I made several guesses (all wrong), he looked at me so sad and finally told me. It was a bird nest with eggs (never would have guessed that).
Well, I still have this bird nest (only one egg now). A few months before he died, he picked it up off the shelf. He looked at it and kind of frowned and asked me, "what is this?" (ah the question again :)...) but now it's my turn! Guess I told him. He tried, but didn't even come close! When I told him what it was, he said, "This is a bird nest?" Yep that is what you told me when you gave it to me almost 13 years ago. We had a good laugh and he thanked me for keeping the funny looking thing all these years. Now this little bird nest with it's one little egg is even more precious to me than it was before!
This will be my fifth Mother's Day without Shane, I will put a smile on my face and enjoy the day with my daughters and my Mom. Then I will go to the cemetery and spend some time with Shane and be thankful for all of the Mother's Day I had with him.........
My thoughts and prayers will be with all of you too as you go through Mother's Day without your Angels
From Kelly's Desk
My daughter is turning 14 this month. I want to do something to mark her transition from child to young adult. I want to give my daughter a sense of herself within the larger web of family and community. I want her to feel connected by threads that can flex and extend beyond change, distance, and time.
The strongest threads I can think of are words. I keep a book of quotations, poems, jokes and stories, mostly from angelmoms, that inspire, touch and make me laugh. These have become a part of me. They shape my thinking and touch my soul. I am thinking of making a birthday book. A collection of wisdom gathered from Nikki's community. So my article is two fold. One for you to try this, for your pre-teen, graduate, newly wed, or mom-to-be, and to enlist your help. I want to create a keepsake and a treasury of words to live by, a toolbox, a place to look for inspiration, advise, and love.
As a parent, my words. and wisdom become lost on my child because there mixed in with "Do your homework, and Brush your teeth!" I would like to pass on the wisdom of being in her shoes, and what we have learned. What no adult ever told us that we needed to hear. Words that will help her through the hormones, boys, peer pressure, and later help shape her into a caring, compassionate, and strong woman.
If you would like to contribute to Nikki's birthday book, or would like to make one, here are some ideas for you to write about:
2. The 3 or more most important qualities a woman should have.
3. Something(s) you wished that someone had told you when you were 14.
4. A special memory you have of Nikki (or of yourself at 14)
5. What you wish for her.
6. A favorite quote, poem, prayer, or song and why it is special to you.
7. A top-ten list of the things you love in life and why.
I have asked all her friends and family to contribute something. I really hope you will try this with someone you love, and if you would like to contribute to Nikki's birthday book, I will be grateful. I will let you all know how she likes it.
Kelly
From Toad's Desk
Grieving Mothers--What They Really Want For Mother's Day
TheComfortCompany.net issues a list of the ten most important things we can do to help a grieving mother find comfort this Mother's Day.
Has this ever happened to you? Someone you care about–-a family member, a friend or an acquaintance-- has lost a child and you don’t know what to say or do to comfort their grief. As Mother’s Day approaches, even though they are heavy on your heart, your fear and discomfort drives you into silence and you end up saying and doing nothing at all.
The Comfort Company, an online retailer of unique sympathy gifts, recently conducted a web-based survey asking grieving mothers, "What can others say, do or give that would bring you comfort on Mother’s Day?". Over 80 percent of the nearly 100 respondents answered, "Recognize that I am a mother" to the question. In addition, nearly every mother surveyed wanted their loss to be remembered with a card, a phone call, a gift or a hug. Over half of the mother’s surveyed considered Mother’s Day to be their most difficult holiday.
In response to the heartfelt answers given by the survey participants, www.thecomfortcompany.net has issued a list of the ten most important things we can do to help a grieving mother find comfort this Mother’s Day:
1. Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother’s Day". Send a simple Mother’s Day card to let them know you remember that they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.
2. Acknowledge that they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you today." Removing the wall of silence gives a grieving mother permission to talk about her child.
3. Use their child’s name in conversation: Saying the name of a child who has died is like music to a grieving mothers ears. One mother suggested, "Say his name and ask me my fondest memory of him from past Mother’s Days".
4. Plant a living memorial: This is a wonderful day to plant a tree or flower bulbs in memory of the child. This is something that will live on as a beautiful reminder in the years to come.
5. Visit the gravesite: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child’s gravesite and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.
6. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of her child on Mother’s Day.
7. Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the precious gift of a memory. One mother expressed "the greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and your most lovely moments with him".
8. Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers suggested appropriate gifts of remembrance that would bring them comfort. These items included: an angel statue, a piece of jewelry, a memory box, a memorial candle, a picture frame, a library book donation, an ornament, anything personalized with the child’s name or a date, books on grief, a garden stone or a toy donation in the child’s name.
9. Don’t try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any cliches that attempts to explain the death of a child. ("God needed another angel.") Secondly, don’t try to find anything positive about the loss ("You still have two healthy children" or "She’s in a better place").
10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered and take her mind off of her grief if only for an hour.
For more information or to obtain additional grief-related resources, please visit: www.thecomfortcompany.net.
The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter*), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England.
During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch.
As Christianity spread throughout Europe the celebration changed to honor the "Mother Church" - the spiritual power that gave them life and protected them from harm. Over time the church festival blended with the Mothering Sunday celebration . People began honoring their mothers as well as the church.
In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass ever year.
In 1907 Ana Jarvis, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.
Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman, and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful as by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.
While many countries of the world celebrate their own Mother's Day at different times throughout the year, there are some countries such as Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium which also celebrate Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May.
Mother's Day Corsage
Red indicates your mother is alive
White indicates your mother passed away
Yellow represents a bereaved mother
Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
Unknown
Sometimes you have to take the leap, and build your wings on the way down.
- Kobi Yamada
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
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