March Dates
This month's featured mom is Marge Constanza
Marge was chosen as March's Featured Mom. Due to some problems, she was unable to submit a write up. Instead of choosing another mom, I asked some members who have met Marge to write something about her. I have not met Marge in person myself, but this wonderful lady has touched my heart very deeply. She reaches out to other moms who are in need. She has been there for me many times. Once, when my daughter Laurie was very ill, Marge sent her a bouquet of balloons and candy, I cannot tell you how much this meant to Laurie or to myself, it was the first time in days that I saw Laurie smile. She still to this day, talks about that nice lady named Marge.Marge has some medical problems, but she does not let that stop her from helping others, she is an awesome lady! Marge I admire you and your courage and compassion!
Love Judi
I was asked to write about Our Angelmom For the month of March .I wanted to say the is a very special Lady that always finds the time to cheer some one up and always is the first think of all our angels... When I was asked to write something the only thing I could think of is the is the most compassiate person I have ever met .Yes Joanie and I have met Marge in person and I don't think that a better choice for the month of March could have been choosen . She is always doing something for some one or wanting to know if she can help them. I love her like a sister. She is a very special Lady...
Reeny
Marge I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. And for you to know how special you are to me. I think this poem can say it better than I can
BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FRIEND
On the wings of angels you came to stand with me.
Maybe I didn't notice or I just didn't see
the things you had to offer from so deep inside of you.
You changed my life in many ways just by being you.
You offered up prayers for me when I couldn't pray,
You would just sit and listen to the things I had to say.
You offered to carry my burdens when they got too much for me,
And I'm sure you did little things that I didn't even see.
You were always there, to lend a helping hand.
You aways supported me when I couldn't seem to stand.
And when I felt alone, I'd feel your spirit there,
Letting me know you were with me and that you really care.
I took the strength you offered when you'd hug me close to you,
For days after I'd feel it, in everything I would do.
Something that you said would bring new insight to me,
Or help me face a challenge that was put in front of me.
You challenged me to use my gifts the best way I can,
And you'd see my weakness as just part of who I am.
And when I needed to know there was someone who really cared,
All I had to do was look and you would be there.
Everything you offered I pray I gave back to you,
And you feel my strength and presence in all that you do.
For what came to me on angels wings has turned out to be,
Such an important part of my life and means so much to me.
So whether we are close together or very far apart,
I'll always feel the love for me you have in your heart.
There is one thing I know that I carry to the end,
My life is so much better because you are my friend.
Author Jack Rickett
Marge you are loved very much!
Love Wedgie
Marge has lost two sons, Anthony and Christopher.
Please visit the beautiful tribute Martha and Wedgie
created for Marge and her angels.
My Angels Anthony and Christopher
Poetry Section
Walk in the World for Me
The time has come now
For me to say goodbye
No sad farewells will we share
For you will live within me
And I will live in you
No words can say how much we care
Walk in the World for Me
Sing a happy melody
And keep my memory
Not far away
May you find that life will bring
All the best of everything
Take special care of you
For me today
We walked together
On the dusty roads of life
But kept our eyes upon a star
We've laughed at the little things
And cried along the way
I've come to know the friend you are
Walk in the world for me
Sing a happy melody
And keep my memory
Not far away
May you find that life will bring
All the best of everything
Take special care of you
For me today
Take special care of you
For me,
Today
by Deanna Edwards
From Deb's Desk
For the month of March I would like to share this craft project with everyone. I am not sure how many do things like this but thought maybe it would also make a neat gift idea for an aging loved one, a child for Mom for Mother's day or maybe something you yourself would like to do as a family. I would be interested in knowing how many try this months project. What better way for you to get to know someone or them to know you better. ENJOY!
Gifts in a jar: journal jar
by Cynthia Townley Ewer
Editor, OrganizedHome.Com It's a journal in a jar! Jumpstart beginning journal writers with a quart-sized canning jar filled with folded strips of paper. Each one contains a single thought provoking journal question. Paired with a pretty blank book, a Journal Jar makes a great gift. We've made it easy to craft your Journal Jar. Free printable journal slips have colorful legends and graphics to make a pretty gift. Add a free printable gift tag for a professional touch. To assemble your Journal Jar, print the colorful journal slip pages below. Cut apart each printed strip, and fold it so that the colored graphics are folded to the outside, with the journal assignment on the inside. Fill the jar with journal slips, and attach the free printable gift tag. ~New! Don't miss the Kids' Journal Jar for young writers!
Free Printable Journal Slips:
Gifts-In-A-Jar: Printable Journal Jar Gift Tags
Gifts In A Jar: Journal Jar - HolidayOrganizer.Com
Gifts In A Jar: Kids' Journal Jar - HolidayOrganizer.Com
From Debbie's Desk
Signs from our Children
What has been on my mind lately is signs that I am getting from my son Josh. I have been in a lot of personal pain lately and Josh has no doubt been around me. I have found he comes around me when I need him the most, just like when he was alive. He and I had a special bond, he was my first, and he was my life, fully, for along time. I was in a troubled marriage with his Father, so Josh and I turned to each other. Not saying it was a good thing, but they are precious memories to me now. Anyway, I have had many signs from him lately. Some are evident, like a good friend of mine and I have joked about getting away on a short vacation just her and I, and suddenly her and I both started finding dimes everywhere. Those dimes are a sign from Josh saying he agrees with this trip and he is helping us save. So her and I are saving our dimes now. We find them in the strangest places...lol. My daughter Brit was only 6 when Josh passed. Each birthday she has had for the last 7 years she has had the same birthday candle blowing out wish, a dream of Josh. Last week, she got her dream, finally. She was so excited. She just turned 13 and is going thru normal teenage stuff and Josh wanted to show her I think that he understands. I have a niece who is now 18 months old. She is my Princess. Her parents suffered years of infertility, and gave birth to a precious stillborn Angel the year before my Princess was born. I had found an Angel picture last year and gave it to my Princess for Christmas. It shows an Angel girl about age 5 standing with alive little girl about 4. The younger one was showing her Angel some puppies. My Princess loves this photo, it is in her room. When she reads and plays, she talks with this picture. On Valentine's Day, she received 2 goldfish. They placed them in her room in a bowl, and was asking her what to name them. She looked at the bowl of fish, then at her picture a couple of times, then plainly said "Josh." So her fish are called Valentino and Josh. :) My son is around us at all times, but recently it is more obvious, it is showing me that he loves me still and knows I need him.
Some of you haven't had signs yet, some have. They say you get signs when you are most ready. I prayed for no signs from him for along time, because I know I couldn't handle it emotionally, the pain was too deep. Then I looked too hard. For those of you that haven't gotten them yet, you will. My sister in law that lost my first niece prayed for a sign for the longest time. Didn't realize that she was getting one all along. When she was pregnant with my Angel Niece she had bought a Bear that played a mothers heartbeat. She had wanted to place it in her Bed after she was born, of course never got the chance, so she placed it in the closet of the nursery on a top shelf. Each time she would open up that door, the bear would be in the floor. She never thought once about that as she placed it again and again on the top shelf. Then one day, months after this had started, she was in the Nursery preparing it again for my Princess, reminiscing about her Angel in Heaven, when the bear fell again. She opened up the door, and saw the bear in the floor and instantly started crying because she got her sign that had she missed all these other times. So don't look too hard.....they are there!
From Judi's Desk
My Grief Journey
Five years and four months ago, my life changed forever.....as much as Shane changed my life being born, he changed it too when he left this earth.
Shane is my firstborn child, his birth changed my life in a big way, no longer could or did I want to put myself first, this little person depended on me, I brought him into the world, what an awesome feeling. I was young and immature, so in a lot of ways, Shane and I grew up together. He taught me so much about life and unconditional love, he taught me more than any other person ever had........then he was gone. Shane left this earth on a chilly October night in a violent way. My teacher was gone, or so I thought.........even in death, Shane has continued to teach me.
For a long time, I could not say the word "murdered." People would ask me how I lost Shane and I would say he was shot. Murder was just not a word I could relate to my son. I was filled with anger, bitterness and hatred, I didn't know how to deal with this blow life had given me. I withdrew, I didn't know what to do, my Mom gave me a computer for Christmas, what did I need that for? I stumbled on a message board, there were hundreds of posts, other moms like me hurting like me. I looked threw them and read, I was in awe, I was not alone. There was a post from a Mom asking for ideas to help her surviving children, the one thing that stayed strong during my grief was my need to mother and help my surviving children, I was always looking for ways to help them, so I wrote to this Mom and told her what I did for my girls, within an hour, she wrote back. The bond between us was instant, this person who I had never seen or heard her voice became my life line. I didn't understand it, but then one day it dawned on me, I didn't stumble on that message board or chose that post out of hundreds to answer, Shane did it, he sent me this friend, this mentor, this teacher.......Shane sent me Debbie and five years later, our bond is stronger than ever. Debbie and I lost our sons in different ways, we share the same pain, but with different types of death, we have to deal with different issues. When your child is murdered, you are thrown into a world of lawyers, detectives, trials and courtrooms, things you never imagined you would have to deal with. I was scared and confused, I had no idea what I was facing, Shane sent me Deb, another lifeline, she understood, she knew.......she was the first Mom I met whose child was murdered too. It helped so much being able to talk to another Mom who had walked this path before me, I learned a lot of what to expect from the judicial system. I was finally able to say my child was murdered. Shane was not through, he sent me Martha who had been on this grief journey longer and who helped to guide me too. Over the five years, Shane has sent me many moms who have helped me to get to where I am today, each one holds a special place in my heart and in my life.
It hasn't been easy getting to where I am today and I know I still have a long way to go. I have learned a lot along the way, I have learned that I can live with a broken heart, that I can do things that I never dreamed I could, I learned that our justice system is not always fair, I have learned to reach out through my pain to help others. I have learned a lot through Shane's death and have met some wonderful teachers along the way, but my greatest teacher is Shane, even though he is no longer here, he continues to teach me. One of the most important things I have learned is, you can't do this alone, this is the greatest pain in life, reach out, let others help you and in turn, someday when you are stronger, you will reach out and help others.
I have come to realize through this grief journey that I can either let it take me down and destroy me or I can stand up to it and become a stronger better person, a person who helps others and tries to make a difference in the lives of others like Shane did mine. By doing this, Shane has not died in vain, something good has come from his death and his memory lives on in others. How can I not do this for him?
Shane gave me almost 20 years of love and laughter and many wonderful memories, through me he lives on.
From Kelly's Desk
In the news recently we followed fatal transplant mistake of Jessica Santillan. This effected me deeply as I'm sure it did most of you. I cry for the donor families, who gave the gift of life out of their own tragedy. I cry for Jessica and her family that put all their hopes in this procedure. In our group we have angels that were organ donors, organ recipients, and angels that passed away on the waiting list. I'm sure we all prayed for this child and for a good out come from this mistake. For some, myself included, it brought back memories of what our angel and our family went through. This brought organ donation to the national for front, but in a negative way. This saddens me greatly. I worry now that families will not donate organs, for fear they will be given to the wrong persons, or people who need these organs will not be willing to go on the list for fear of loosing their life sooner, due to mistakes or complications. I would like to point out that mishaps like this happen rarely, and a lot of people work hard to make sure it doesn't happen and this tragedy may very well lead to more changes to make sure it never happens again.
If you have been rethinking about being an organ donor after hearing about Jessica I would like to share some facts with you. The over all success rate for organ transplants are excellent. It varies depending on the organ being transplanted, but transplant recipients enjoy a survival rate that exceeds 85%. This is not an experimental new science. There are currently 80,000 people awaiting transplants. Last year 6,127 patients died waiting for organs. For each person who receives a transplant 2 more are added to the list. To drive this point home...Every 13 minutes a name is added to the national transplant waiting list, while the number of donors do not increase. Although 75-85% of the US believes in and supports organ donation, less than half of all potential organs are ever donated. This is due to many factors including misconceptions about organ donation and the fact that the donor did not discuss donation with their family beforehand. Signing a donor card does not guarantee that your wishes will be carried out. You need to discuss this with your family and they have to agree to donate your organs.
Now let me address some misconceptions.
Most of the world's religions support organ donation. Organ donation costs the donor family nothing. Normal funeral arrangements (including open casket) can be made. Donors can range in age from newborn to senior citizens. You may specify which organs you want to donate. It is not adding insult to injury to be asked to donate your loved ones organs. I know this one personally. It gives the family the opportunity to help others in their time of tragedy and loss. Every effort will be made to save your life if you are an organ donor. There must be a declaration of brain death by 2 impartial doctors who work separately from the transplant team.
I hope this helped in making the decision to donate. Instead of looking at Jessica's story, as a reason not to donate, make it an opportunity to open up a dialog between you and your family. Express your wishes with them and have them express theirs with you. Organ and tissue donors leave a miraculous legacy. They are living proof that death can bring life, that sorrow can turn to hope, and that a terrible loss can become the greatest gift of all. Everyday they lead us on a journey of hope, renewal, and transformation.
From Toad's Desk
This month is my Angels’ Earth Birthday and Heaven Day…on consecutive days.
Those of us who have lost “little ones’ have no or very few “life memories” of our Angels. We sit and read the posts of everyone else relishing in their memories, wishing we could contribute and sometimes feeling a bit jealous. We wonder why our babies were taken from us so soon before we had a chance to really get to know them, their personalities, their likes and dislikes…we wonder what kind of toddlers they would have been, would they have done well in school, and what “trials and tribulations” they would have presented to us as teenagers. We wonder what kind of adults they would have been, the grandchildren they would have given us, etc.
I’m a bit luckier than some of the moms who have lost “little ones”. I got to hold my Angel for an hour. I got to count his fingers and toes, be awestruck by the headful of dark hair, marvel at how tiny he was and the fact that he was alive and in my arms. That whole hour has stayed with me for 32 years and even now I go back to that hour and relive it.
To those of you who have lost older Angels…yes, sometimes we’re very jealous of you because of the memories that you have, but sometimes we’re a little grateful that we don’t have all those memories, and all that pain that so many of you must endure.
In closing, I want to thank you all for reading my “vent”. I don’t post about him much as there’s really not a whole lot to tell, but I know he’s with me…he’s the one who brought me to this group!!!
MARCH IS EYE DONOR MONTH
MAKE THE DECISION TO DONATE
SHARE THE DECISION TO DONATE
FAMILY DECISIONS
The death of some one we love is one of the hardest things we will ever have to face. In the consuming grief which follows, it is difficult to imagine that anything positive could result. But, it can!
Through the wonders of modern medicine, new and improved techniques, and the skill of many ophthalmic surgeons, sight can be restored in many people suffering from corneal disease and injury.
Last year, over 40,000 corneas were donated for transplant in the United States. It is estimated that nearly 30 million people world-wide could benefit from corneal transplant and all our efforts are not sufficient. Medical recipients are selected on the basis of medical criteria, urgency of need and length of waiting time.
We need a strong donor program. Anyone may be a candidate for a transplant in the future, perhaps a member of your own family. Because of this great need, additional legislation has now been enacted. Known as "Required Request", the law requires that hospital personnel ask family members to consider giving permission for donation.
This request will give families an opportunity to consider donation. Families that do donate claim that it helps ease their own grief by helping others in great need. Many of us have organ or tissue donor cards in our wallet or purse. In many states we can affix a donor pledge to our driver's license. The Uniform Anatomical Gift Act, now enacted in all 50 states, makes provisions for those donor cards. But donor cards are not enough!
Organ, tissue, and eye procurement agencies such as ours will not act without permission of the next-of-kin of the donor. In order of priority legal next-of-kin are:
(2) adult son or daughter
(3) parent
(4) adult brother or sister
(5) legal guardian
**The purpose of the eye bank is to provide doctors with healthy tissue for corneal transplantation. The eye banks collect and distribute corneal tissue to ophthalmologists (ocular surgeons) that require fresh corneal tissue for grafting and transplantation.
**Eyes unsuitable for use in corneal transplantation due to certain medical conditions may still be suitable for use in research and educational programs. These efforts strive to develop new procedures and medications that may help the many people with vision impairment.
**Eye donation will not affect medical treatment in the hospital. Donation is considered only after every attempt has been made to save the life of the donor and the eye recovery only takes place after complete clinical death.
**Eyes are removed within six hours after death from persons who have generously authorized this use and only with the permission of the legal next-of-kin
**Eyes from any person can be used. The color of the eye, gender, and race is irrelevant.
**Donors can wear glasses, and even have some cancers or diabetes.
**All major religions have approved organ, tissue, and eye donation
**Eyes cannot be designated for persons. They are used for the scheduled patients on the eye surgeon's transplant recipient list. If a donated eye is diseased or cannot be used for transplantation, it can be used in research to help find causes and cures for blindness.
**Enucleation (removal) of the whole eye is carefully done and funeral directors will close and restore the eye lids carefully so that appearance is usually normal and funeral viewing may take place.
**Eye donation is a confidential process and no expenses will be incurred by the family.
Information provided by the Wisconsin Lions Eye Bank (www.eyebankwis.com) My personal story about eye donation:
My 20 year old brother passed away in April, 1976 due to peritonitis. My parents donated his eyes. That is the first time I had heard about organ donation of any kind in my 18 years. My children grew up hearing about the Uncle they never knew and it was mentioned several times about his eye donation and explained that other people benefitted from this.
My mother passed away in August, 1999 due to emphyzema and pulmonary hypertension. In addition to other donations, she also donated her eyes. We told her grandchildren that she had been an organ donor including her eyes.
When Melissa passed in April, 2002 she became the 3rd generation of my family to donate her eyes as well as a 2nd generation organ donor. She made the decision on her own and I followed through with her wishes. I recently found out that one cornea had been used to restore the sight of a woman from Michigan. They other eye had debris in it so it was not able to be used for donation. It was given to a doctor at the University of Wisconsin who is doing research to develop medication for an eye disease.
With her 2 eyes alone, Melissa helped 1 person see and when the doctor develops his medication, many more people will benefit. I am very proud of her. My sons have made the decision to be organ donors when they received their drivers license over 4 years ago. My husband and I also have the organ donation sticker on our drivers license.
I encourage everyone to make this decision. As my favorite bumper sticker says:
"Don't take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here."
Loni Wendt
Poetry by Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Kaye's Book of Poetry "Whispers From Heaven" is now available.
Whispers from Heaven
by
Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copyright 2003 Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copies of this book may be purchased by sending $17.95 per book plus $5.99 Shipping & Handing to the publisher
Brian P Des'Ormeaux
PO Box 122
Hackberry, Louisiana 70645
Cashier's Check or Money Order only. PLEASE, No C.O.D.
First Printing
March 2003
If you have questions, please contact Kaye Des'Ormeaux by email KDezamo@aol.com
Hi everyone. I thought I would add my bit to the newsletter this month. As most of you know, Jake(my youngest) & I are coming to the US on April 14th. We are staying for 2 weeks, in Lino Lakes Minnesota, & Tomah, Wisconsin. A few Moms have been trying to set up a meet for all the Northern Moms & hopefully I will get to meet some of you. What I need help with now is some ideas of places to see & things to do, things that would also be enjoyed by an 8 year old. If we can arrange the meeting that would be wonderful, as I would love to put faces to names.
My e-mail is jane_whittard@yahoo.co.uk, please send me some information about these areas.
Jane
Angel Lee's Mom
Angel Mom's Cookbook
We have had some new members join so I want to tell everyone about the Angel Moms Cookbook I am putting together. It will be for anyone who wants it and will have the recipes of our angels favorite foods. You are also free to send me any recipes you would like to share. Please send them to me at: slwendt@charter.net
Thanks,
Loni
A Thought
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known struggle, known loss, known suffering, and have found their way out of the depths. Beautiful people do not just happen."
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
Angel Moms Web Site
