June Dates
This month's featured mom is Nancy Pion
I just want to start out by saying how touched I am to be chosen for the June featured mom of the month. As many of you have gone through, I drew a blank as what to say. I’m up for the challenge!Angelmom Karen Eckloff told me about the Angelmom’s website one day at the cemetery. At that time she didn’t own a computer, but she had knowledge of it. She also watches John Edward’s so I’m thinking just as many others she remembered this on his show or maybe from a friend. She took the time to introduce herself and talk with me, as I was so much in my grief. Karen is a very special Angelmom in my life now. We are bonded together forever just as our son’s Jesse and Dustin are up in heaven along with all your angels. I live here in Southern Maryland with my husband Larry. We are experiencing empty nest more quickly than we had ever imagined. We lost our son Dustin Sean Pion June 13, 2002 at age 16 in a car accident driven by a friend of his who also died sadly. Two families lives have changed in an instant. So many teens having to deal with death for the first time, and surprisingly so many teens that already know death and are able to handle it. Sometimes I feel like they are more adults then we are.
We also have a son Larry who is 26 years old and is in the United States Marine Corps, currently a 1st Lieutenant stationed at Kaneohe, Hawaii. He just recently married much to our surprise, but that is what happens when you are in the military. Duty calls whenever they (USMC) want you and most times without much notice.
I have been a caregiver for about 13 years. 10 years caring for handicapped and mentally challenged of all ages, and a few years taking care of the elderly. Currently I am not working.
Most of you all know I have a lot on my mind this month, and I have just gotten through my first Mother’s Day along with many of you. Now I contemplate our year remembrance date without our son Dustin along with what was to be. He would have had a good year in wrestling, attended the prom, graduated this year from high school, and had plans for college. These are cherished moments that we were robbed of in his life. Now we must try to cope and live our lives the best way we know how without him. I know we are going to survive this with not only all the Angelmom’s help, but also with the help of our friends and families. We feel the thoughts and prayers and I do believe that is what is getting us through each day. I thank everyone in my heart everyday. I feel the healing.
For all the new Angelmom’s I can only tell you what I have experienced going through this path of grief in the first year. It will be the hardest moments you will ever face. The emotional roller coaster will ease up with time. You will have more good days, really. The Angelmom’s in this group are the best and to help heal you, will need them all. Everyone in here has much to offer even though they don’t think so. Many will have the same thoughts as you will and will also have much in common with you. Others might not, but don’t ever count them out in the help department because they are right there for you as well. I have learned that we all grieve differently. Some grieve openly, and some more reserved. I have learned much with this group of ladies. I have learned that GOD IS GOOD! Oh most everyone knows I am not a very religious person, but if God helps heal those in some way, and is there for them than he is indeed good. I have read many times that you can be mad at God, because he can take it. Father Louis McIntyre a very good friend of the Pion family who is a Catholic priest just celebrated his 50 years in the priesthood. We were honored and touched that he invited us to celebrate with him along with his other family and friends. I remembered he told me from the beginning God is good. I came back to him on this one. I wasn’t harsh, but I was mad at God. I wrote him that how could a God let something like this happen to us. We didn’t do anything wrong and we are good people. I questioned was it because we didn’t attend a church or give monies to a church. I believed that is what it was because all the rest of the entire family attends Catholic Church. I believed and prayed to my own God and the only thing I ever prayed for was to keep my family safe from harm. I was angry. A few other family members felt the same towards God. It seems as though we have to blame someone and I have chosen God. I also questioned at this point if there really was a God. Others blamed the truck driver illegally parked because if he wasn’t there they would have had a chance to live. Also blamed was the driver who was a teenager girl, driving our son. All valid to be angry at, I am told. In almost a year chatting with Angelmom’s, and seeing family members continue to attend church I then realized God is good. He is there 24/7 to pray to, he helps minds heal and brings comfort spiritually, and to me that is good. I have let go the fact that he cannot prevent bad things from happening to others. No one can be two places or 10 places at once. I probably don’t fully have it, but it’s a start and I don’t feel so angered anymore. Still a few issues, but I know I need more time. So I have covered broken dreams, unanswered prayers, disbelief, and loss of faith. I have also learned that it is good to talk with others and not hold things in. I really do feel this is what is helping me. I think if I didn’t have all the Angelmom’s here I would have been much worse off, and life would be hard to function daily. I thank you all with all my heart that you are here not only for me, but others. Last I would like to add that we are all so very different and I personally welcome the different views. I don’t mind when we “krang” heads on things. It gets people thinking. It makes us understand that we are all different and that is okay. We all have to keep in mind that everyone has an opinion and I know for myself I respect that with each and everyone of you. I know for myself when asked for my opinion I do voice it. Please don’t ever feel like I, or others are against you when you don’t read what you want to hear. There is always someone in here in your court.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you. I wish all of you “more” better days and good times. We will get through this grief in our lives together.
Always, Nancy Pion
Dustin's Page
Poetry Section
A Dad hurts Too
People don't always see the tears a dad cries,
His heart is broken too when his child dies,
He tries to hold it together and be strong,
Even though his world's gone wrong,
He holds his wife as her tears fall,
Comforts her through it all,
He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away, a Dad hurts too,
So when he's alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come like falling rain,
His world has crashed in around him,
And a world that was once bright has gone dim,
He feels he has to be strong for others,
But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers,
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down,
He smiles through his tears,
He struggles and holds in his fears,
But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don't always show how they really feel,
So I'd like to ask a favor of you,
The next time you see a mother hurting over the loss of her child, please remember.....a Dad hurts too.
Judi Walker
Copyright 2002
Dedicated to my husband Mike
From Deb's Desk
This month's craft project is a memory ornament.
Memory Ornament
From Debbie's Desk
My dedication this month is for the Fathers. But I am not talking about the biological Fathers, I am speaking of the Step fathers. The real "Fathers" that step up to plate when the biological Dad won't or don't in their children's lives. I am talking about the ones that comfort the Mothers when a child is gone that isn't theirs physically, but they are theirs emotionally. I am talking about the ones that take the kids to places and watch them play sports and dance recitals, cheering them on proudly. The ones that tuck them into bed at night and read books until the little eyes are shut. The ones that say "my son" or "my daughter" because they are proud to be able to say that. The ones that don't take advantage of the children, they appreciate them. The ones that want to be around them and love them unconditionally. There is lots of lots of these "Dads" out there, and I thank God everyday for my sons' Stepfather. My husband is the one that had to hold me down practically to tell me that my son Josh was gone. He was the one that wiped my tears with his hands that had his own tears on them. He was the one that has stood by my side and picked me up when I thought I couldn't take another step. He was the one that helps me walk down this path of grief. He is my sons' Step father, but to me he is their Dad. Like someone said before...."Anyone can be a Father, but only a few can be called Dad." Thank you to all the "Stepdad Dads..." we appreciate you....
I have a new label to wear.
One thrust upon me that I did not want to bare.
This new label reads SURVIVOR and seems to weigh a ton.
Funny thing is that I sure don't feel like one.
People don't understand and they foolishly think that it is rare.
They try to ignore it and act like they just don't care.
I ache to share my memories of my lost loved one.
To speak their name and tell of things that we had done.
But nobody wants to listen and nobody ever asks.
I refuse to forget and that is my task.
Because I am a SURVIVOR you see.
I have no choice in how it must be.
Author Unknown
From Judi's Desk
Here it is June again, Father's Day......... Father's Day is about as hard for me as Mother's Day is. My Father is no longer here, I lost him in a car accident in 1995, Shane is not here.....I watch my husband hurting and thinking of Father's Days in the past. Shane is not Mike's biological son, but you would have never known that being around them, he loved Shane as his own and Shane loved him the same. I am so thankful that I found a man who was not only good to me, but to my son too and loved and raised him as his own. Last year for Father's Day, I made Mike a memory book of Shane, I wrote a poem for him, I put pictures of the two of them in it and also a Father's Day book Shane made for him when he was small, as he looked at it, the tears flowed. (I have put the poem and the link to the book below)
I know there are many wonderful fathers out there who not only love their children, but are there for them in every way. But I am so thankful for the men who step up to the plate and become fathers to the children they did not bring into this world, but who need fathers so bad because the ones who did have walked out.
Another reason Father's Day is hard for me is because of Shane's girls Krista and Kristen. They had one Father's Day with him, but do not remember it because they were only about two months old. To them, Father's Day is a day you go to the cemetery and visit Daddy, you take him a present and send him balloons and blow kisses to Heaven. It is sad, but they love doing it, it is all they know........
Here is a poem wrote for them and a link to a Father's Day page I made for them a few years ago.
Our Daddy
Our Daddy is an angel in Heaven with Jesus
He's way, way up in the sky
We were little babies when he left us
And we don't understand why....
On Father's day we send balloons to Daddy
We blow kisses to Heaven and we wave
We love to do this, it makes us happy
We don't realize yet that not everybody's Daddy has a grave.
We bring our Daddy pretty flowers
We light candles for him on holidays
We see him in pictures and learn of him from others
We know he is still with us in many ways.
Our Daddy can't play with us like other Daddy's do
He can't wipe away our tears or kiss skinned knees
He can't teach us to ride our bikes or tie our shoes
He'll never read us bedtime stories.
There will be times we'll sound like him or we'll give you his smile
In us you'll hear his laugh if you listen close
There are times we act like him when he was a child
Because we are part of him and he is part of us.
Someday Mommy and MawMaw will have to explain
Why Daddy went away before we got to know him
Why he wasn't here for all the important things
Why do other kids have daddies, why aren't we like them?
Our Daddy loved us very much and he still does
Nothing can ever change that, cause a daddy's love is here and beyond
Our daddy may not have been able to stay here with us
But he is with us, we have a special bond.
Written by Judi Walker
June 2000
In Memory of
Shane Hebert, Chris Tuttle and Travis Farrington
for their children
Happy Father's Day Daddy
Here is the link to a Father's Day page I made for Mike last year, it also has a link to the special Father's Day book Shane made for Mike and a poem I wrote for him. You Were There
From Toad's Desk
LAPLESS FATHERS STILL CAN LOVE
When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. And a female angel nearby said, "What kind of a father is that? If You're going to make children close to the ground, why have You put fathers so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or kiss a child without a lot of stooping." And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child size who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy. And the angel shook her head sadly and said, "Do You know what You're doing? Large hands are clumsy. And they can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats." And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of the day ... yet small enough to cup a child's face."
And then God moulded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.And the angel nearby nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week all right," she clicked. "Do you realise You just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?" And God smiled and said, "Mothers need a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer." That's not fair. Do you honestly think those large boots are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?" And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to 'ride a horse to Banbury Cross' or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked through the night, giving the father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears! Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied he can love as much, as a mother?"
The angel shutteth up.
ERMA BOMBECK
Grief is not......
Grief is not a mountain to be climbed,
with the strong reaching the summit
long before the weak.
Grief is not an athletic event,
with stop watches timing our progress.
Grief is a walk through loss and pain
with no competition and time trials.
Unknown
Acts Of Kindness
Since starting AngelMoms, we have seen many a Mom reach out to another, or do something out of the kindness of their heart which is so appreciated by others. When we are dealing with grief, any act of kindness if appreciated. There are days that it is hard to get out of the bed, but maybe a phone call or card from another AngelMom helped them to do that. Some of these Moms have no idea of what the outcome of their generosity had effected that AngelMom.
We thought it was a good time to present our Act Of Kindness Award. This Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
Even though this is the first month we have done this, we do have a recipient for June.
This Act of Kindness Award is presented to Rosa from Debbie.
My name is Debbie, Mom to Angel Josh and I want to thank Rosa by giving her the first Act of Kindness Award. She has received this award by doing something that has so warmed my heart. My son Josh is buried in Ohio, while I live in Tennessee. On Mother's Day, I opened my emails and read one from Rosa saying that she had visited Josh's resting place (she lives in Ohio) and cleaned it and left some precious momentos for him from her and I cried and cried. I was so overwhelmed by this Act of Kindness. She has since written to me saying she also went on Memorial Day and asked me more about Josh and his likes so she could pick out something special for him. I cannot explain how this has touched my heart. I have never met Rosa, I will be soon.....:) If I can't be there for him on those days, another AngelMom being there is what I would want, and Rosa has done that for me and for Josh. So Rosa, please accept this Act Of Kindness Award from my son Josh and I. We thank you so much.....:)
To those mom's who have teens that would have graduated this year. They are inn our hearts and in our memories. Peace to all of you and your families. I know what you are going through right now.
Always, Nancy
The Final Diploma
Dear Angel Moms:
June 3rd makes the 5 year date that my son Robbie has been an angel. Just a small summary of what happened. We were driving our church van on our way to church on a Wed. evening when we were hit by a coal train. My Robbie was killed instantly. We have 2 daughters that lived. Brittanee is 11 now but was 6 then and Elizabeth that is 7 now but was 2 then. Robbie would be 13 in August but was 7 then.
Just a few encouraging words for you ladies who are traveling the same road. Fortunately I have had my 2 girls to help keep me from going crazy. I know that I have to try to have a normal life for them.
When I feel like I just can't go on anymore without Robbie I cry ooooooooooo so much. I also like to go through his things. Yes, after 5 years I still have all of his things and it is ok to do this it makes me feel better or maybe closer to him. I find it very comforting to sit and hold his favorite bubby ( blanket). Sometimes I miss his voice and his wildness as he was a very vibrant little boy. When this happens I watch videos of him. I only do this for a little while because I don't want deep depression to set in because of missing him so. I want to be glad to hear his voice and remember what it sounds like.
I turn to God a lot. I pray for the peace of the Lord to help me cope.
But most of all I love to talk about what an awesome, wonderful kid he is. On Robbie's birthdays before we lost him we always had a big pool party at our aunt's house. To make things better or kind of normal we still try to have a tribute party there to celebrate his life.
On Robbie's angel date I always tried to have myself at work or very busy so I wouldn't think of the date and the event that happened on that date. This year we will all be home and I think we are all ready to try something different this year. We are going to have a tribute just our small family to Robbie's life. We are going to watch videos, tell wonderful stories of his life and go through his things.
The best thing is to dwell on his life and not his death. I hope this will help someone.
Just one story before I go. About a month ago I believe God allowed Robbie to talk to me through another little boy. I am a waitress at Waffle House and I delivered a waffle to this little boy about 4 years old blonde hair and blue eyes. When I did he stood up in the booth gave me a hug and said "Thank You Mommy" of course I just cried some more. I think I encountered an angel that day. I've never seen this little boy since.
I truly miss my Robbie but I know someday I will get to see him again in heaven.
Christy Gartrell
Here is his site if you'd like to meet my Robbie
Our Precious Angel Robbie
Some Links To Share
I Promise
Not A Day Goes By
Will I See You In Heaven
We Are The Survivors Song
God, One More Mountain?
Can you See the Angel?
Friendship Puzzle
Welcome to Our Angels, a memorial for our grandchildren who are angels
The dark moment the caterpillar calls
the end of the world is the sun-filled
moment the butterfly calls THE BEGINNING.
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
Angel Moms Web Site
