Date	Name	On This Date	Mom/E-mail
Jan. 1, 1974	Frank Michael	Was Born	Jaynee M.
Jan. 1, 2001	Mikey Reilly	Became An Angel	Pattisue R.
Jan. 1, 2002	Brennan Cory Flook	Became An Angel	Sherri F.
Jan. 2, 1973	Sacia Katherine Baisch	Was Born	Maggi B.
Jan. 2, 2000	Hailey	Became An Angel	Traci W.
Jan. 2, 2002	Gabrielle Alyssa	Became An Angel	Sharika O.
Jan. 3, 1981	Mike Scarpati	Was Born	Lynn S.
Jan. 3, 1986	Allison Rose Tasi	Was Born	Maureen G.
Jan. 6, 1971	Craig	Was Born	Lorraine
Jan. 6, 2001	Coral Ann Lemke	Became An Angel	Windy L.
Jan. 6, 2001	Cassie Hubbard	Became An Angel	Carolyn A.
Jan. 6, 2001	Jeffery Ola	Became An Angel	Georgie K.
Jan. 7, 1984	Douglas Krause	Became An Angel	Dora K.
Jan. 7, 1986	Joshua Ryan Ford	Was Born	Tracey C.
Jan. 7, 1995	Braxton Everett	Became An Angel	Jill R.
Jan. 7, 1998	Hunnar Florine	Became An Angel	Eva F.
Jan. 7, 2002	Mikayla Michelle Cain	Became An Angel	Brandy C.
Jan. 9, 2001	Nicholas	Became An Angel	Brenda M.
Jan. 9, 2001	Andrew Hooker	Became An Angel	Doris H.
Jan. 10, 1978	Thomas A. Wintz, III	Was Born	Cindy S.
Jan. 10, 1991	Dustin & Brandon	Became Angels	Maria G.
Jan. 10, 2000	Jordan Ferris	Became An Angel	Debra
Jan. 12, 2002	Jill Volkmann	Became An Angel	Chris V.
Jan. 12, 2002	Jordan Michael Draper	Became An Angel	Dina D.
Jan. 14, 1970	Kenny Wayne Cline, Jr.	Was Born	Stellie C.
Jan. 14, 1990	Joshua Bell	Became An Angel	Dawn
Jan. 14, 2000	Aaron Elijah	Became An Angel	Valrie
Jan. 14, 2002	Michael O'Brien	Became An Angel	Ruby O.
Jan. 15	William Bryan	Was Born An Angel	Laura J.
Jan. 18, 1986	Michele Lenore Iannacchino	Became An Angel	Catherine W.
Jan. 18, 1999	Frank	Became An Angel	Marlene T.
Jan. 19, 1993	April Gardner	Was Born	Joy G.
Jan. 20, 1963	Michael O'Brien	Was Born	Ruby O.
Jan. 20, 2001	Ashlynn Nicole	Was Born	Scarlett
Jan. 20, 2001	Ashlynn Nicole	Became An Angel	Scarlett
Jan. 20, 2001	Scott Andrew	Became An Angel	Karen
Jan. 21, 1997	Ashley Parker	Was Born	Eileen P.
Jan. 21, 1982	Kenny Keogh	Was Born	Cathy
Jan. 21, 1985	Matthew	Was Born	Elena W.
Jan. 21, 2001	Bob	Became An Angel	Maggie K.
Jan. 22, 1974	Sylvia Marie Nunez Cassidy	Was Born	Diana Z.
Jan. 22, 1976	Vaughn	Was Born	Connie S.
Jan. 24, 2002	Derek Gene Lee	Became An Angel	Amie T.
Jan. 25, 1974	Felicia Lynette Mabray	Was Born	Robin R.
Jan. 25, 1997	Cory Hurst	Became An Angel	Janice
Jan. 25, 2001	John Paul	Was Born An Angel	Shelia
Jan. 26, 1994	Mystic Lynn Eide	Was Born	Heather E.
Jan. 26, 2000	David White	Became An Angel	Gina W.
Jan. 26, 2002	Justin Tyler Murphy	Was Born An Angel	Jami M.
Jan. 27, 1984	Martin	Was Born	Alma
Jan. 28, 1982	David Bloom	Was Born	Charron B.
Jan. 29, 1971	Stephen Ronald Goebel "Steve"	Was Born	Pat G.
Jan. 29, 1978	Aaron Michael	Was Born	Seanna
Jan. 29, 1981	Jill	Was Born	Laurie M.
Jan. 29, 2002	Charles Ray Shaw III	Became An Angel	Valerie
Jan. 29, 1999	Frank Michael	Offically Became An Angel	Valerie
Jan. 30, 2000	Joanne	Became An Angel	Margaret
Jan. 30, 2002	Christian John Andersen	Became An Angel	Anne A.
Jan. 31, 2001	Cheyenne	Became An Angel	Vicki

Due to a problem, we have no featured Mom for January. So I decided to reprint the featured Mom from a previous newsletter. Debbie does a lot of things behind the scenes to help keep Angel Moms going. Without Debbie, I don't know what I would do, she does a wonderful job keeping the e-group part of Angel Moms running smoothly. Now when you write me about a problem with your e-mail and I say "write Debbie (MSBBSITTER@aol.com) she takes care of the mail for me and I am sure she can fix this," you'll know who I am talking about.

Hi! I am Debbie...Mom to Angel Josh and 2 children here on Earth with me, Jake who is 13 and Brittany is 12. I am honored to be the Featured Mom!! This little white box has been a life saver for me since my son Josh left us in 1996. When he first left, I felt like so alone in this world. I went to counseling, which helped, but I needed something else. The computer came into our home and into my heart about a yr after Josh left. I sat here for hours and days typing away at everything I could find regarding Loss of a Child or losing one to suicide.

I told my story to everyone, searching for some support, someone whom understood. Some people would write me back, some wrote a couple of times, but only 1 person and I kept in constant contact from day one. That person was my dearest friend Judi Walker. I didn't feel alone anymore....it was great. Since then, Judi and I have been thru many things, many family issues, many personal issues. We are together thru thick and thin. AngelMoms was a blessing. When it was first started, Judi couldn't imagine how far it would go, but it sure has! What a blessing for all of us!

This year I got involved in a project called Memory Tree of Lights which has taken me temporarily off the day to day emails, but not for long! My project has been so heartwarming to me and my family. We have a Tree outside our home lit with only white lights, and index cards. On those index cards is names of suicide victims. So many loved ones lost. It is a very powerful thing to see. I am always seeking ways to inform the public of suicide and depression since that is what took my son from me. I talk to teens and parents and anyone whom needs to talk. I have been blessed many times over, because as I am helping someone, they are helping me too. Each step I take is one more step towards healing. I will forever miss my son, there is a large hole in my heart, but I will always be indebted to him and to others that suffer like my son did. Today I did my T.V. interview for the Memory Tree Project and I was so nervous, but when that crew pulled into my driveway, I calmed down. It was as if I was surrounded by gentleness and calmness. My thoughts are that many, many Angels above, were with me as I sat there and talked and shared my story. I am blessed. Blessed many times over....so that is me.I want to thank my son Josh for all that he has given me since he left us. I am so sorry you are gone baby, but I thank you for everything....I love you!

Josh's Page



Poetry Section



God Bless The Grieving Mother

God bless the grieving mother...
In January as the snow flakes fall...
And as a new year dawns...
For her memories will comfort her...
Through winter, spring, summer, and fall.

God bless the grieving mother...
In February during the month of love...
She sends her hugs..on the wings of a dove...
And her kisses are blown to the moon above.

God bless the grieving mother...
In March and on St Patricks Day...
A beautiful rainbow...a symbol of hope...
Which colors her world..in a magical way.

God bless the grieving mother...
On Easter In April as she stops to pray...
Thanking God for the gift of everlasting life...
Knowing she will be reunited someday.

God bless the grieving mother...
On Mothers Day and thru the month of May...
Whose memories are like threads of gold...
For they will never tarnish....or go away.

God bless the Grieving mother...
In June as her tears fall like the rain...
Please comfort her...and give her strength
and peaceful days to help ease the pain.

God bless the grieving mother...
In July as the fireworks light up the sky afar...
Just like her memories light up her heart...
And she wishes upon an evening star.

God bless the grieving mother...
In August...as the sun shines through...
Who's life moves on...thru ups and downs..
Whose heart is so tender and true.

God bless the grieving mother...
In September as the leaves turn and fall...
Her childs life forever etched in her heart..
Her childs name entered on the memorial wall.

God bless the grieving mother...
In October...with the harvest colors all around....
Please guide her on her journey of grief...
and keep her safe and sound.

God bless the grieving mother...
In November...a time to give thanks and pray...
Who is so thankful for each precious memory..
But wishes with all her heart...just for one more day

God bless the grieving mother...
In December as Christmas nears...
Please bless her with the gift of peace...
And many great friends to help dry her tears.

God bless the grieving mother...
Each day throughout the year...
As seasons come and go...
And time unfolds...
Day by day...
Month by month...
Year by year...
and especially today...on this Mother's day.

Copyright © April 2001 Written by :
Laura/Heavenly Lights Childrens Memorial
Do not use in any form without permission.
This includes message boards and email.
All rights reserved. Thank you!
www.heavenlylights.homestead.com



From Deb's Desk



With each passing month, year and day we all sit back and wonder what life has in store for each of us. As the New Year arrives many of us will try and make New Years resolutions. But each of us will look deep within our hearts and search for yet more answers to why, what if and maybes. As I enter into the New year I will thank God for all of you, for the friendship I have created and learn to lean on. I will ask God to please spare other parents what we have been through but yet lead them to a group as caring as ours if it must be. At midnight New Year's Eve I will say a prayer for each of us and take a deep breath as I enter into the year 2003 as an AngelMom.

Bless each of you!
Deb

Below is a link to a site I ran across one day and after reading it thought I wonder how many of those traits they mention are accurate to our angles..i typed in April and what I read describes Nathan and his personality. Check out the month of your angel and I would be interested in seeing if it describes him or her.
What your Birth-Month means ?



From Debbie's Desk



Below is a beautiful poem that when I read it, I knew it was for us all. As the new year rolls in, we tend to think back on the past year. For me personally, it was rough with having a miscarriage in January and my husband extremely sick in August with Hepatitis and other obstacles that faced us, yet, I also remember the joyous parts. Seeing my surviving son Jake in his race car racing and enjoying his youth, my daughter Brittany growing into a young woman. Those 2 children and my husband and my family and friends is the reason I am here. They have brought laughter, smiles, joy and love into my very broken heart. They have showed me that I can love still, laugh still and see things I never thought I could see and or enjoy since November 6, 1996 when Josh left. So I can look at 2003 being either another year of pain, or another year of things uncovered by joyous anticipation. Either way, some of it will be sad, because life is that way, and some will be great. The best part of grief, yes there is a good part of it, is knowing I am not alone in it. I have many reasons to go on, AngelMoms is just one of them...:) Bless all of you, and have a peaceful, safe, hopeful, New Year.

My Greatest Prize

It seems as each year ends,
I look back and think of my friends,
What I did right what I did wrong,
Who came into my life and who is gone.


But every year there are those who remain,
Looking only for friendship nothing else to gain.
They have stayed by me through good and bad,
Smiled when I am happy held me when I've been sad.

After so many years you begin to realize,
That a friend is life's greatest prize,
Not the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow,
That we seem to seek where ever we go.

So as I grow older and begin another New Year's Day,
I will thank God for those friends He sent my way.
And my New Years resolution will always be,
To thank Him again for every breath of life He's given me.

Then I will pray He will show me the way,
Give me wisdom and guide me through each day.
And most of all at the end of each year,
Keep by me those friends I will always hold so dear.
And as I make new friends I'll treasure the old,
For the first are silver the latter gold.

Janet Ritche © Jan 2002



From Judi's Desk



Happy New Year ladies. Wow another year has come and gone, 2002 seemed to fly by. For me, this time of the year is a time of reflection, I look back over the past year and see how far I have come, but know I still have a long ways to go. I can see progress that I have made despite the set backs along the way. I find myself looking forward to the new year and what it will bring.

On the 16th of this month, Angel Moms will be two years old. Two years.....it amazes me. When I started Angel Moms, I never dreamed it would become what it has. For those of you who don't know, I will tell you how Angel Moms was started. I was part of a small group of moms who had lost children, we e-mailed back and forth everyday, Martha is from the original group too. Other moms would find out about the group and want to join, but some of the moms in the group wanted to keep it private. I understood, but I also felt bad for other moms who were not getting the support that they needed. So that is when I decided I would create a group that all moms could be a part of, so with the help of Debbie, Deb and Martha, Angel Moms was started. It has grown beyond anything I imagined, we started out with about 12 members and then thought we were doing something when we got our 30th member. Now, in the e-group, there are 162 members, but we have 360 actual members. It scared me at first when we started growing, I thought there was no way I could handle something like this, I considered closing the group. But then I would get a e-mail from a hurting Mom needing help and feeling relieved to find Angel Moms and knowing she was not alone. I realized that Angel Moms was something that was needed. I asked for help from other members and got it, everyone was so willing to help keep Angel Moms going. In it's two years, Angel Moms has reached out and helped a lot of moms, for some, it has changed their lives.

As much as I hate that there is a need for a group like this, I am so thankful that we have it and none of us have to go through this pain alone. I have been a member of many groups, but I have to tell you this one is one of the most supportive, caring and warmest groups I have ever been a part of. It breaks my heart each time I get a membership request from a new Mom, I know there is another one of us. But then I am glad this Mom has found her way to Angel Moms, because I know with all the wonderful members we have, she will find the love and support she needs to survive this pain. I want to thank each and every one of you for making Angel Moms what it is today. I look forward to another year with all of you.



From Kelly's Desk



NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

It's hard not to get the resolution urge on New Year's Eve. There is that sense of renewal, of rebirth, and the guilty awareness that we ate our weight in chocolate during the holidays. A time we resolve to get off our lazy duffs and run around the block, maybe cut back on consuming all those things we know we aren't supposed to eat. Or drink. Or smoke. Sure, last year's resolutions didn't make it past the fifth of January, but hey, this year's going to be different, right? I'm sure you all know my New Year's resolution. I've already been complaining, whining, and trying to quit smoking!!!

Here are a few goal setting tips to get us started.

~Make only one or two resolutions. (No running off a list of everything we want to change about ourselves.)
~Choose resolutions that you've been thinking about for some time. (So no picking after the New years eve party, when your hung over, and swear you are never doing that again!)
~Choose realistic goals, that you feel confident you can meet.
~Have a strong inititial commitment to make the change.
~Have coping strategies to deal with problems that will come up.
~Write down your resolution and your plan. Stick it up on the fridge, or wherever you know you'll see it.
~Keep track of your progress. The more monitoring you do and feedback you get the better you will do.

As final words of encouragement. Take credit for your success when you achieve a resolution. Don't blame yourself if you fail. Instead, look at the barriers that were in the way. See how you can do better and figure out a better plan, and try try again!!



From Toad's Desk



HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Well, here we are again…another year over with, another year begun. Another year of “Earth Birthdays”, “Heaven Days”, holidays and just plain “daze”. Some in the group are still very new to the earth-shattering, heart stopping pain of losing a child; some in the group are further along. Some of us have learned how to handle the “new normal”; others are just trying to survive the next minute. There are a few who have mastered the art of going on with their lives; there are some who are wondering, “What’s the use”? So many of us here at different times in their grief. So many different personalities, nationalities and religious beliefs. But because of the requirement needed to belong to this group, we all have one thing in common, the loss of one or more children.

For the New Year I wish us all a measure of peace. Peace in mind, body and spirit. I wish for all of us the will to continue on and live for our Angels…do the things they liked or wanted to do. For those of us who have lost “little ones”, live like you would have liked them to live. May the New Year be kind to us all and may the hole in our hearts mend a little bit more.



How We Deal With Death
"Death of a Child"

Most of us contemplate our own death and the death of our loved ones when we are very young. We may mentally prepare ourselves for the death of our spouse, our parents and even our siblings. However few of us ever contemplate the death of a child. Death of a child strikes out at the nature order of life; it robs us of the experience of a full relationship and pulls apart our expectations of the future.

The relationship between a parent and a child is different from any other relationship. Most people feel that the role of the parent is one of the most important roles of their life. This role identifies us to society no matter the age of the child. When a child dies, the loss also deepens with our changing role. The more tragic of these is seen by a mother, after the Oklahoma bomb had killed her child. She simply stated, " I have lost the right to be called 'mommy."

Grief of each parent can be completely different. Fathers are especially prone to suffer guilt of failing to prevent the death of the child. In society's role of a protector, a father may feel a sense of shame for not protecting his child from death. In most societies, men tend to pull their grief inward and not expressing their anger or depression. Often these feelings may be acted out later in more socially acceptable ways. This can be seen by the father who works too much, refuses to discuss the death of the child, or constantly stays away from the home. Fathers must allow themselves to grieve. If you are a father, or concerned about a father that is grieving, Surviving Loss provides insight. This article was written by a father who had to work through the grief of the death of two children.

Mothers may react very differently. They may be more overt in their grief and fully withdraw from the marriage and home situation. In today's American society, mothers may also immerse themselves in work trying to deaden the pain.



Death of An Adult Child

The death of any child overwhelms that child's parents regardless of the cause of death or the age of the child. Parental grief is intense, long-lasting and complex.

The grief and the healing process, contain the same elements for all bereaved parents, but for those whose adult child has died there are additional factors which affect their grief. Other people often assume that, because the 'child' was an adult, the pain of losing them is less.

The grief of parents after the death of an adult child is often discounted or disallowed.

Discounted Grief

If the adult child dies as the result of an accident or an illness, parents are often told (while being comforted by friends or family) that they should be grateful that their child lived as long as he or she did. 0f course you are grateful to have had your child for 25, 30 or 40 years, but that does not mean that your grief is lessened! Many parents have stated that their relationship with the adult child had become one of friendship. They feel that they have not only lost their child, but a friend as well.

It is normal that over time the relationship between parents and older children has usually developed from parent-child to a more mature relationship. Parents who have loved, reared, and encouraged their child's development into maturity and a full life of their own, feel a sense of pride and accomplishment as the adult child completes his or her education, establishes a career, develops adult relationships. By the time a child has reached adulthood, parents have made an immense emotional and financial investment in this person. When that life has not run its anticipated span, there is often a sense of abandonment and total futility. Parents often find themselves questioning their own purpose in life, since everything they have invested in this child now seems to be for naught.

Discounted grief also occurs when the adult child dies from a cause that makes others uncomfortable or judgmental regarding the cause of death.

Guilt

Most bereaved parents experience guilt for having outlived their child. When adult children die as the result of suicide, drug use, driving drunk, AIDS or other causes that are associated with a social stigma, many parents often experience an even more intense sense of guilt for not having realized that their child was having serious difficulties. Parents often wonder what they could have done differently to prevent the situations that may have caused their child's death.

Judgmental statements from others indicating that the child died as the result of his or her own actions only add to the parents intense pain and sense of isolation and defeat.

In many instances the adult child will have lived in a different area from the parents and many will have been established in their own homes and careers. Thus, the parents have already dealt with these smaller separations and adjusted, in part, to the changed routine or the empty nest syndrome. However, those who have not fully accepted the child's leaving home, or the circumstances of their leaving, may find that their grief is greatly intensified.

Some parents were supporting their adult child if they were physically or mentally ill, or having difficulties with drugs or alcohol. This son or daughter may have become the focus of their lives, and the death leaves a huge void in the daily routine, which adds to their grief and loss.

Other Issues Regarding Loss of an Adult Child

• Dealing with property, finances, estate, wills or other legal issues.
• If the adult child was married or had a family the focus is usually on the spouse's grief and not the parent's.
• Dealing with and comforting grandchildren. Bereaved parents are usually physically and emotionally spent, and keeping up with grandchildren who are also grieving can be very draining.
• Notifying friends from high school, college, jobs, neighbors, church and peers. Many adult children have a life filled with their own significance that does not necessarily include the parents.
• How to deal when the adult child's spouse remarries?
• Many parents, especially those who are elderly or who have lost their only child, experience fear and concerns regarding who will take care of them during their final years or in the case of failing health.
• If the parent is financially or emotionally dependent upon the adult child, where do they now turn for support?

Facing the Future

Many parents feel that they have nothing to live for and may think about a release from this intense pain. Be assured that although you, too, may feel this way, a sense of purpose and meaning does return. The pain does lessen. One of the most demanding challenges you will face is to refocus your life. The loss of purpose and the thought of living the rest of your life without your child can be frightening.

As a family, talk about the death to each other; talk about your loss and your pain. Talk about the good times you remember as well as the not-so-good times. Other family members (your spouse, surviving children, grandchildren) will be grieving in their own manner. Try to understand this. It is better to express feelings rather than to internalize them. Crying is healthy and therapeutic.

Let friends help. When they ask what they can do for you, don't be afraid to tell them of your needs and what will help you. It will also help them.

Many parents have found that becoming involved with a mutual help group, such as The Compassionate Friends, to be very beneficial. Through sharing with others who have walked the same path, you may gain understanding of your reactions and learn ways to cope. Seek professional help if necessary.

Bereaved parents want to do something constructive in memory of their sons or daughters. Many have established memorial funds, created scholarships, given books to libraries, planted trees, or become involved in helping others. For many, such memorials keep the memories of their children alive and vibrant, giving them and others opportunities to feel the beauty of the life and love of the now missed sons and daughters. Not only are these activities a wonderful tribute but they can also be very healing while providing a sense of purpose to the parent.

Printing for this pamphlet
Sponsored by
The Jessica Fund

© Copyright 2000 by The Compassionate Friends. All rights reserved. Single copies of this brochure may be printed for personal use only.

All TCF brochures are available from the national office at a nominal cost. The Compassionate Friends

P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Phone: (630) 990-0010 Fax: (630) 990-0246
E-mail: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org



Here are some beautiful sites with beautiful poems

Fingerprints
Hidden Children
What Have We Left
The Angels were Listening
I never said Goodbye My Parents...



A Thought



They whom we love and lose
are no longer where they were before
they are now
where ever we are...





I would like to tell everyone what my youngest son did for me this Christmas

My two boys gave me an England football shirt for Christmas. My youngest son, Jake, wrote the label. It said! To Mummy from the Boys." I thought isn't that sweet. Then he pointed out what the rest of it said. It said "To Mummy from all the boys including Lee." He had written it from him, Michael & my AngelLee.I cried my eyes out,that was the first time I have ever had a present from my Angel Lee. He became an Angel at 5 weeks old & never had the chance to give me a gift, apart from the gift of being his Mummy. I think this was probably the best Christmas I have ever had. Aren't Kids wonderful.

I will turn 50 this month. To a lot of people I guess that means nothing at all. To me it means a measure in time.   When I was 10, I wanted to be 13, a teenager so I could be cool, like my big brother. When I turned 13, I wanted to be 16, like my big brother, so I could drive a car and be popular. When I was 16, I wanted to be 18, do I could leave my parents and be independent, just like my brother.   When my brother got married at 20, I said that's what I want to do!   Then Vietnam started and my brother decided he had to go.   He did two tours and died.   I was devastated! I grew up that day.   I eventually married my high school sweetheart and we had a son.    We named him Gregory Vincent, after his father and my brother. I was 20 years old. I thought I will tell my son, about my brother, I guess I did a good job because my son was crazy about hearing about  his uncle. When my son was 16 years old he asked, me if I still remembered my brother. I told him that I measure the time in days, or memories not in years. He said, "I know what you are feeling."  He said I will be with him shortly.   I laughed and shrugged it off as a joke. My son died at the age of 24, in a signal vehicle accident. No autopsy was done.   On Jan. 25th I will be 50 years old. My son would have been 30. All my life I measured my life in time, until the day I lost my son. I now take baby steps, AND TIME does not exist! My son died, loving his uncle and I am left with a memory. I will go on in his name and because he has a living sister (Dana)

Eileen
Greg's Mom



If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi

Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly

Angel Moms Web Site