This month's featured mom is Holly Wilson
I’m very honored to be chosen as angel mom of the month. My name is Holly Wilson and I’m 42 years old my husband is Danny Wilson Sr. and we have been married 25 years Aug. 5th. I have 3 children Danny Jr., Clint and my angel Tiffany. When I had the boys I was so blessed I loved them so much but had always wanted a girl. When I was pregnant with Tiffany I just knew in my heart that my baby was a girl. I went into have her on the 25th of Sept.1985 (she was due Sept,14)my doctor kept saying that the baby was to small to induce labor so when I finally went into labor we found out there were problems, her heart rate kept falling so they had to do an emergency c-section when it was over I had a beautiful 6 pound 4 oz. baby girl. The doctor said we were very lucky to have her the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times and tied in a knot. He said it was a miracle that she even developed. She was our miracle baby. When I got her home she slept right by my side until she was about 5 years old. When I finally got her to sleep in her room most of the time I sleep with her until she fell asleep. She was such a good little girl she never gave us any problems hardly ever even got sick the only time we had to take her to the emergency room was when Danny Jr. chased her around the house with a hockey mask on scaring her (she was only about 5) she hit her ear on the wall and there was a little nail sticking out and it ripped her ear lobe it took about 3 stitches . When she got older it was always Tiffany and Clint together playing video games and having friends over they were only 22 months apart so they had all the same friends. My house was so full of life and so much fun all the teenagers wanted to come to our house. Tiffany had been going to church with a new girl named Kim she had known her about 3 months I had been taking them back and forth to church for awhile. On a Saturday Tiffany had asked if she could spend the night with Kim. I said it was ok but I wanted to know what there plans were Tiffany had said just watching videos at Kim’s house she asked for 4 dollars to rent a video. Me and my husband dropped her off at Kim’s house and Kim was on the front porch waving to us and Tiffany got out of the car and we asked now what is your plans again she said oh mom what do you think “partying” she laughed and said just watching video’s she told us goodbye and ran up to Kim laughing and so excited . We left and that was the last time we saw her alive. The next morning I kept getting phone call’s from her friends asking if Tiffany was home they seemed upset but I did not know why. Then the grandmother of the girl who was driving the car the girls name was Amber called and asked if I had a daughter named Tiffany I said yes but she had the last name wrong. I told her how sorry I was that her granddaughter had died in the car accident and that I would be praying for their family’s . I was getting a little scared so I called Kim’s house and no one was there I thought maybe they are at church but I kept getting phone calls from her friends and they were upset so I was in panic by then. Amber’s grandmother called back and gave me Kim’s last name then I pretty much knew but my heart did not want to believe it so I asked my sister to go see if it was Tiffany I could not leave the house just in case she came home. Then my sister and a police man pulled up in our drive way and told us that it was Tiffany. My daughter had gone to the prom that night with 4 girls and on the way home the driver lost control of the car and hit a tree the car split in half and went down a 20 foot embankment Tiffany died instantly, she was in the back seat . Amber died instantly, Kim was air lifted to the hospital and died at the hospital. Only one girl lived. My life was over as I had knew it .Me and my husband and my boys will never be the same.
Angel moms has helped me live my new life, my life with out my beautiful daughter by talking about her and keeping her memory alive, being there to support me when I’m down and knowing that I have a purpose in life and maybe that purpose is to help another mother that is going through the same pain I’m going through. Thank you to the wonderful ladies that started angel moms, you have saved my life. And thank you to all angel moms for listening to my story.
-Love, Holly
Tiffany's Page
Poetry Section
To All the AngelMoms
You wake up each morning - knowing it will be a new day
You wonder what kind of feelings are going to be sent your way.
One day it is such deep sadness and sorrow from the start
You wonder how you can push the blankets away and let this awful day start.
But you gather the courage to face the world and to let them know you're still here
You think about the pain you've been thru in past and present years.
But the courage wins - you face the day - you conquer your fears in some small way.
I woke up, I brushed my teeth - I'm ready for this day.
I am ready I think then someone says something really lame -
you know what - I am strong - I can deal with it just the same.
No one understands the pain that I feel,
When they say "I understand" we know they're not real.
They can't understand when they don't know the pain.
But we know they love us just the same.
Dani Pelach
I sit in your room and look at all of your stuff
Let me tell you that is really tough
I smell your pillow...I hug it tight
I kiss it and tell it Goodnight
I look at your pictures...see your smiling face
I get so tired of people telling me your in a better place
I long to hold you..feel your touch
I miss you Amber oh so much....
I'd give anything for one more Day
Especially the 30th of May
I listen to your music that you love dear
I can still here you singing "the call" so clear
I love you Amber more then this universe...one day we will be together again
Until then my daughter/my friend
LUV YA..MISS YA...Mom....
Debbie Shadduck
From Chrissi's Desk
This is my first time writing for Angel Mom’s newsletter. I’m honored to be doing so. (Thanks Judi!)
This month I will be sharing my feelings on fear.
How does fear impact our lives when it comes to our Earth Angels?
I know that each and every time our son Zach gets sick and runs a fever my first gut reaction is leukemia, just like my Angel Tyler. The fear is SO overwhelming. I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach; my heart feels like its bursting. So many memories come flooding back. And I, of course can not hide my fear very well.
I am so afraid to lose our Earth Angel Zach. This last week he’s been sick, sleeping a lot and having headaches off and on. He’s asked me a few times if I thought he might have a brain tumor. He told my husband and I he felt like he was dying. We talked to him and we believe this is part of his grief process. No – I don’t doubt he’s not feeling well but I’m sure I have put fear in him as well because of the way I react when he becomes sick.
I try so hard to not let those thoughts wonder – but they do. I believe it’s natural after what we’ve all been through – I’m sure many of you share the same fear.
I know that I don’t allow him room to breath – for fear. I know that I am SO over protective - because of fear. What happens if I let him ride his bike to his friends and something happens – this is all fear. Its summer time – shouldn’t I be letting him play without me breathing down his neck and watching each move he makes? It deeply impacts my life and in turn – I think I’m causing some fear and anxiety in Zach. Oh – I so want to let Zach have some sort of normalcy, but how do I make that step?
I’d love to hear from you Angel Mom’s on how you deal with fear of losing your Earth Angel?
From Deb's Desk
I think most of us have those photo charms that sometimes comes with having pictures made of our angels. And maybe clothes buttons or earrings they wore, etc., this would be an easy project to do, put onto the front of a photo album and use it for our angels photos...
Click here: Free project Lace Memory Heart
From Debbie's Desk
Once again school time is rolling around. It is a hard time for many Moms this time of year. For some of you, this might be the first year that you child will not be entering back into school. For some, it might have been the year your child would have been starting kindergarten. For some, this might be the year your child would have graduated. No matter how it is, it is hard. It is another obstacle in our lives now that we have to get thru. For me personally, Josh was 15 when he passed and was in 8th grade. He would be 21 now and who knows what he would be doing. Maybe college? Maybe married with children. I won't get to know. But that doesn't stop me with the "what-if's." If you have surviving children, and are out school shopping, it is a tough reminder for us. I just want you all to know that we are all here for you. If this is a tough time, email us. We will hold onto you tight to help you thru this. You are not alone.
Your Children Hold Your Hands
I came to sit & visit a beautiful tribute tonight.
And sat with tears rolling down my face.
I see the love in your heart for your precious child ...
And the ache you feel for your child's embrace.
You were forced to learn the meaning of survive.
And that must have torn your heart in two.
But you also know the path that you are walking ...
Your friends walk along side of you.
And, your day may feel like it will never end.
But you are watched from Heaven above.
And, the bundle of joy that was given to you to hold ...
It still exist & is filled with abundance of love.
So as difficult as this pathway you're taking is ...
Always know that someone nearby understands.
And, as you walk together down the path of heartache ...
You're children are there to hold your hands.
~Author~
Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copyright 2001
From Judi's Desk
Usually I have to really think about what I want to write for the newsletter, not this month. I know.
As some of you know, the Angel Moms Retreat was in July and that six of us went up on a sky lift that broke........I was one of them. I want to talk about my experience on the side of that mountain, how I felt and what I learned.
My partner in the chair was Laurie, I already knew she was a special person, but spending four hours with her on that mountain, showed me just how special she really is. She kept me calm, well as calm as could be expected, when I would start to panic, it seemed somehow she knew and would start talking to me about different things. There were a few times I even forgot about the situation we were in. I want to thank you Laurie, I can honestly say I don't know how I would have survived without you..........
I have said many times that I am not scared to die because I know Shane is waiting for me. I found out I was wrong, I was scared that I was going to die, and I wanted to live! I still have a good life, I have two beautiful daughters I want to see grow up, I have a wonderful husband who I want to grow old with and I have two precious granddaughters, gifts from Shane, they all need me and I need them, I want to be here for all of them and live life with them. Shane will be waiting there for me when it is my time, until then, I still have a lot of life to live.
I will never forget that experience on the side of the mountain, the fear, the tears, the laughter.......Laurie. We didn't know if we would make it off of there alive, but we had each other and the rest of our group at the bottom of the mountain praying for us. And what a beautiful site they were welcoming us when we got down! And then taking care of us and comforting us when we got back to the cabin, thank you all, you were wonderful!
Despite that, the retreat was an awesome experience! I enjoyed getting to see familiar faces again and getting to meet the news ones. I wish all of you could have been there! I will be working on the Retreat 2003 site soon so we can share it with all of you who were not able to be there.
From Kelly's Desk
I want to write about my trip to TN, and my rediscovered roots. This trip was healing and full of regret. My grandmother passed away awhile back, She too was an angelmom of two. Now when "I get it" she is no longer here to talk too. My biggest regret. She tried to reach out to me in her grief. I being young and not knowing death, I couldn't know the depth of her pain. She lost a daughter 18 years old to a drunk driver. She told me long ago I reminded her of Linda, and gave me her jewelry. I was honored and still have it. Not expensive, just invaluable. Especially now I know what it is like to give away my angel childs personal possessions. I wish I could tell her now "I get it". She was a remarkable woman. She raised 10 children some before she had electricity and all before pampers!!
I met my grandmothers sister. She is the sweetest!! I know now where I get my curly hair and my thin build. She took me into her home and her heart. She gave me a bracelet. She had bought one for her and one for my grandmother they both wore them everyday. We don't know what became of my grandmother's, but she said "I know where mine is going." She touched me deeply. Her hubby collects chickens TOO!!! (could that be hereditary?) They are wonderful people.
My grandpa gave me pictures of my dad as a child, his brother's and sisters, him (grandpa) in the navy, and my grandma's family. I didn't realize how important old pictures could be. This is my roots. Where I come from! A revelation. I hope to make a memory book.
I am an only child, never raised around extended family. I am in shock how much these people, I really don't know, are so much apart of me, and how I feel an instant bond to them. Is it because I'm older I can get understand better the true meaning of family? or is it because I have lost a child that I know how important family is? I'm not sure, but I know now where I come from, and I know Valerie has some great family with her in heaven. This brings me great comfort.
On a lighter note. I also learned a buggy is a shopping cart. An eye on the stove is a burner still on. "It's pirtineer(sp?) light out" means the sun is coming up. and "ain't" IS a word. Thanks for letting me share.
From Toad's Desk
AUGUST
As the end of another summer approaches, another school year is soon to begin. Time to go shopping for the new school clothes, school supplies, time to start going to bed earlier so we can get up earlier. A time for anticipation…new people to meet, new things to learn and new friends to make. This is the “norm”. This is not us!
For us, it’s another time to dread going into the stores, of seeing mothers getting their kids ready for another year. It’s a sad time. A time that reminds us of what we no longer have…our Angels.
There are so many times during the year that reality tends to jump up and smack us in our faces…Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our Angels Special Dates, and the start of school.
This is also a time when going into the stores, shops and malls that we see frustrated mothers. Mothers who are very short on patience, being short with their children and yelling at them. How we wish we could just walk up to them and shake them, tell them to enjoy their children, relish in their existence because they can be taken from them at any time. We want to tell these mothers to hug their kids every chance they get, be more tolerant of them and just love them to pieces.
We think of our own Angels. Those that have finished school, those attending and those that never even had a chance to start. Some of us can look back on the accomplishments of our children, the strides they made, the problems they overcame. Some of us wonder what kind of student our child would have been and knowing that we would have been proud, no matter what! Those of us who have surviving children are more tolerant, more giving, more forgiving and more loving. Those of us who don’t just wonder what it would have been like.
As we see these mothers this time of year, let’s just say a silent prayer for them, that they realize just what they have and pray that they never have to live with the pain that we do.
AngelMoms is an awesome group, but I wish no one qualified for membership.
An Elephant In The Room
There's an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, So it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?" And "I'm Fine." And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.There's an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting,
So it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?" And "I'm Fine." And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything - except the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room. We all know it is there. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together. It is constantly on our minds.
For you see, it is a very big elephant. It has hurt us all. But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please say her/his name. Oh, please, say "her/his name" again. Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room. For if we talk about her/his death, Perhaps we can talk about her/his life?
Can I say, "her/his name" to you and not have you look away? For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
Alone...
In a room...
With an elephant...
Terry Kettering
Acts Of Kindness
Acts of Kindness for July were presented to:
Deb G. by Debbie S.
Kara D. by Christine H.
Bridget by Pat G.
Joanie/Wedgie by Pat G.
Donna Lynn by Carin/Toad
Debbie R. by Joanie/Wedgie
The Act Of Kindness Award will be given to an AngelMom that was nominated for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It will not be a contest, it is "Thank You" kind of award. Anyone can be nominated. If someone has touched your heart by doing something special, please nominate them by emailing Debbie. There is no exclusions, everyone is included. We will list each member that has received an Award.
Angel Mom's Acts of Kindness
"I think about how much I miss him/her, and start to feel sorry for myself.....but then I think about all the people who never got the chance to meet him/her, and I start to feel sorry for them."
When I first joined Angelmoms a little over a year ago, everyone was talking about retreat. The excitement was building among all the Angelmoms that were planning to attend. I made up my mind that I would attend the retreat the summer of 2003. When the date was set I replied that I would attend and made arrangements to be off of work. As the retreat approached, the excitement again began to build. I was both excited and nervous. I was nervous because here I was making plans to fly to another state to meet 13 other moms, that I had only talked to online and I was excited that I was finally going to meet them. I wasn't sure what retreat would do for me, but I wanted to find out.
When I arrived at the airport in Tennessee, I was met by the moms who had already arrived and I received the biggest HUGS you could imagine. I knew right then and there that I had made the right decision (even after seeing Connie in her outfit…LOL). We waited for the other moms to arrive and I was able to be a part of giving those welcoming hugs.
We spent 5 days in Tennessee and during that time our bonds to each other became stronger. We shared our angels through pictures, videos, and just sitting there sharing memories of them. We also were able to share the rest of our families with each other... I was able to share laughter and tears with my "new family" without having to wonder what others were thinking. I was able to take off that mask that I wore in public for the last 16 months. A mask that I felt I had to put on around everyone except my family. I will treasure each memory we shared and the bonds that we strengthened.
I will always remember with tears the "Sky Lift" experience and then getting lost driving back to the cabin, calling Deb R for directions and only being able to tell her we were by a river (I wanted to say "crick") the "Grandma" baby shower for Deb G and Wedgie and both of them tearing their gift opened just like Dino and dancing up and down shouting "I got it, I got it" (thanks for the memory). Every time I see a Hard Rock Café I will be picturing Coone doing the YMCA, I will always remember our angels not wanting to leave us at the balloon release and adding my Dino's angel rock with everyone else's. (I can't write down all the wonderful memories we all shared or I would be here forever.)
I will never forget Judi, Deb R., Loni, Deb G., Holly, Deb S., Capri, Coone (Connie), Toad (Carin), Wart (Heather), Wedgie (Joanie), Laurie, and Rosa for sharing this experience with me… The hardest and saddest part of retreat was saying "see you next year" to everyone as we were leaving. It will be a long year until I actually get to see all of them again and be able to welcome "the new girls" (DNG"S)
Attending retreat was an awesome experience that has helped me to realize what bonds and love we share here and I know that I will be attending again, hopefully every year
Michele Rudolph
Hello everybody. I just wanted to say a few words this month since its Aug.....But if it hadn't been for AngelMoms I don't think I would ever be able to write anything. When I joined the group, I didn't know what to do or say. I have carried all this pain with me by myself until last Nov when I met yall...Beau passed away on the 15th of Aug. And believe me that was one of the hardest moments of my life..and still is..When his birthday came in July, I didn't write anything in the newsletter..I forgot to get it in time!!! LOL but that's ok..That day had a lot of firsts for me...It was the first time I went to his grave by myself...And the 1st time of releasing a balloon for him..Had never been around anybody who had lost there child so therefore I had never heard of doing anything on his days that were special...but this year I did...Oh what a day..Well now I can go to his grave and I am ok with it. It feels good to me to be able to go out there and say what I want to and nobody look at me like I have lost my marbles!! and that's good...Well his Heaven date is coming up. And all I really want to say is THANK YOU...For Judi making his site and adding and adding for me...And for everyone else who has been a big support to me whether through the group with email or people calling me...Just saying thank you doesn't seem to be enough..I am always praying for everyone..and I hope some day as time goes on that it gets a little easier for me...I know I have to "deal" with things about his life and passing..Just like I do with any other circumstance that occurs..But I am SURE GLAD I have found yall to help me go through this....Please go by and see Beau and say hi...I will never forget anybody....
I love yall,,,Bev
HIS SMILE! Some Called him Keith SOME called him DUFUS , but it was his Smile that was his trademark for so many of us, A Son, Brother, and A Father so precious, A Friend So True. Whatever He had, He'd share it with you, a thought,a deed, a kind word for a while. BUT Always, oh always He'd share 'His Smile' Our Hearts are breaking, Our Thoughts going wild! We've lost our "Child" Our "Brother", And "Father". "But only for a While," I Heard Jesus Say "He's Been Chosen For The Master's Bouquet" Hand Selected by Jesus from this 'garden of life' Gone To Heaven!- He's through with this strife! Why is he gone? God only knows, But oh what a treasure "A SMILING ROSE"
Love your, Mom, Dad, Dawn Twin Sister Tanya, and Most of All "Your Son Allen"
Some Links To Share
The Clothesline
Angel Screen Saver
If I Should Ever Leave You
At The End Of A Dirt Road - Beautiful Inspiring Flash Show
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~Unknown
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly, Chrissi
Angel Moms Web Site
