April Dates
This month's featured mom is Dolly Heyne
This morning I was reading Angel Mom email when I came to one from Judi saying I had been chosen as featured Mom for April. I was so stunned I did not move but read and reread the short email. My first reaction was to decline the honor but as I walked from the computer room to the bedroom I had a sudden flash, “April is my son, Duvien’s, heaven month,” and it occurred to me the little rascal had a hand in this. I knew I could not reject a gift from my angel. I joined angel moms in May or June of 2002 after seeing an episode of John Edward. I have been Mom to an Angel for more than 30 years and I thought an old pro like me could help newer members of this elite club. I am not sure I have been able to do that but I do know I received many benefits from Angel Moms.
At first I was overwhelmed by the pain of new members whose children had died just months or weeks ago. One evening I somehow or other got on instant messaging with Laurie, Jill’s mother, and she asked me how my son died. For the first time in dozens of years someone was interested.
I started visiting Angel pages and thought they were beautiful. After so many years I thought to myself, “well, they are lovely but Duvien doesn’t need one.” Then I visited Colleen’s son Jim and just stared at the picture of the two of them dancing. I could feel the love between them and knew I had to have a site for my son. It was getting close to his birthday so Martha put it together for me in short order. It turned out beautifully and it was the first time in many years that someone besides me remembered his birthday.
On a personal note I live with my dog Cowboy (our man is working out of the area). He (the dog) is a certified therapy dog and together we visit hospitals, nursing homes and the Veterans Administration facility. He loves his “job.” The pay is nonexistent but the benefits are fantastic. I feel the same way about angel moms. I think in some way or another I have learned or benefited from every single member of this group and I thank each and everyone of you.
Miss Dolly
Angel Duvien’s Mom
Sprinkle Stardust
Duvien's Page
P.S. Thanks Duvien Junior for guiding me to Angel Moms so they could help me make sure you are never forgotten. Thank you for casting your pebbles into my heart.
I love you,
All my love,
All my life,
With all my heart!
Mom
Poetry Section
In honor of Siblings Day, below are two poems written by Jennie and Nikki in memory of their brothers Shane and Dino
Flying
I use to feel like a dove flying
beautifully through the sky,
High in the sky not a care in the world,
Then the clouds became dark and dreary,
When they took Shane away from me,
Now I am a vulture flying blindly through the rain,
Not knowing where to go or what to do,
So wait for me when my bird falls,
When my life is done,
When God wants me to come home,
I will be as free as a real bird,
Just like you Shane.
Jennie Walker
~In Memory of My Brother Shane~
Copyright: January 1998
Goodbye to a little brother,
Goodbye to a dear friend.
I hope you know you will be missed,
Until we meet again.
Goodbye to special talks,
That only we two shared.
The special ways we showed each other
that we would always be there.
Goodbye to late night phone calls
We made when we were upset.
To listen to each other complain about
Things other people wouldn't get.
Goodbye to days of laughter,
Days we never thought would end.
The days that made me realize you weren't just a brother,
You were a friend.
Goodbye to all my chances,
Ones I missed or never had.
Chances to apologize
For things said when I was mad.
Goodbye to missed opportunities,
Goodbye to chances passed.
Of things we never got to say,
Things put off until last.
So goodbye to you dear brother,
I hope you don't forget.
Your older sister here on Earth
Who lives with the regrets,
Of not saying I love you when the chance was there,
And never taking the time to show you just how much she cared.
Written by: Nicole Rudolph
In Memory of Dino Michael Rudolph
Copyright 8-7-02
From Deb's Desk
Project: Wire & Pearl Angel
Click for larger image
Materials Needed:
(24) 8mm Pearls
(28) 4mm Pearls
(1) 14mm Pearls
(15yds) 24ga. Wire gold (You can also use different color wires, you can also use 28ga. wire)
Instructions:
Cut 8 pieces of wire 14" each.
Fold wire in half, leave space for pearl head bead 14mm &twist 3 times. Cut 36" piece of wire for wings. Star a figure 8 side to side &pinching in the middle, place wire in the middle.
Cut 24" piece of wire for hands fold in half. Wrap wire back and forth. Attach wire hands to body thru wings then thru head bead in center &thru the top.
String ten 4mm beads on top of head &attach, this is the halo.
On a separate wire string (17) 4mm pearls, gather and attach to hands.
Twist center body again and attach 8mm pearls on bottom wires and coil up at different levels.
From Debbie's Desk
Surviving Siblings Birthdays
I am writing this month about a personal experience I am dealing with right now. I am sure some of you have already had to go thru this, and some are like me, having to face it.
My son Josh was 15 when he took his life 6 1/2 yrs ago. He is my oldest child. His brother, Jake was only 8. From that day on, each birthday that my surviving children have had, they are very hard for me. Each year I think of what Josh was doing at that age. This year is the year I have dreaded the most about Jake's birthday's because he will now turn 15. My dreaded age. In my heart and soul I know Jake and Josh are different kids, different personalities, different everything, but in my deepest of pain I go back to Josh's 15th birthday. He took his life 6 days after that birthday. So now I am relieving it again. I don't have the worry about Jake taking his life, but I think back to that time frame though with Josh, I can't help it. So now even though Josh is my oldest, Jake will become "the oldest." All these years I wondered how I would be at this moment, and part of my heart breaks even more, but I look at Jake and see what a great kid he is, and what a joy he is in my heart and life and I want so badly to give him all that I can and all he deserves. So this year on his birthday we are going home to Ohio to family. We are going to have a huge celebration for him. He deserves it. I know he is thinking of Josh too, he would have to. When we are in Ohio, and after Jake's celebration, I will visit Josh's resting place and cry all the tears that I have been holding back. All these years of worrying about this birthday that I have held in my heart will turn into tears. Tears of the future (Jake) and of the past (Josh). So as I watch Jake blow out his 15 candles, and watch his eyes shine with happiness, I will try not to think of Josh's eyes that were filled with sadness and pain when he turned 15. Jake deserves a great birthday.......he is stepping into a new role of the oldest child, and I am going to get thru this too. I have to......
Your Children Hold Your Hands
I came to sit & visit a beautiful tribute tonight.
And sat with tears rolling down my face.
I see the love in your heart for your precious child ...
And the ache you feel for your child's embrace.
You were forced to learn the meaning of survive.
And that must have torn your heart in two.
But you also know the path that you are walking ...
Your friends walk along side of you.
And, your day may feel like it will never end.
But you are watched from Heaven above.
And, the bundle of joy that was given to you to hold ...
It still exist & is filled with abundance of love.
So as difficult as this pathway you're taking is ...
Always know that someone nearby understands.
And, as you walk together down the path of heartache ...
You're children are there to hold your hands.
~Author~
Kaye Des'Ormeaux Copyright
From Judi's Desk
There are several things going on this month that are very important to me, you will see them listed below. The first is Donor Awareness, organ donation is something that has been discussed with my family, we all have signed up to be donors. I was not able to donate any of Shane's organs, he was kept at the crime scene too long and we had to wait for an autopsy. I think organ donation is so important, so many people die waiting for organs, it is sad. But I also understand why some people choose not to donate, it is a hard decision for a family to make. I have a friend who right now is waiting on a heart transplant. I pray that she gets this heart she needs so badly, but then my heart breaks at the thought of another family's pain. I applaud all the families who have made the decision to give the gift of life and I also applaud the families who did not, it is a tough decision and we have to follow our hearts.
April 6th thru 12th is National Crime Victims' Rights week, being the mother of a murdered child, this issue is very important to me. Until Shane was murdered, I had never really been touched directly by crime, I had no idea what I was in for. I soon learned that the criminal has more rights than his/her victim. It is sad that the victim's rights have to be fought for when the criminal's are given. Crime Victims' Rights Week help to bring attention to the rights of victims, not only murder victims, but all victims of all crimes.
Also this month on April 10, it is Siblings Day, I had no idea there was a Siblings Day until I was doing some research for something else. I have included it in the news letter because I think it is a wonderful idea, it is a chance for living siblings to recognize each other for this special relationship they have and for them to honor and remember the siblings they have lost. Sometimes the pain and grief our children are going through gets lost in our pain, they are hurting too. I have watched my daughters Jennie and Laurie struggle to go on without their big brother, he was their hero, their mentor. They have also had to deal with the fact that I am not the same person I was before, so not only did they lose their brother, they lost the Mom they used to know. I plan to do something special for them on Siblings Day in Shane's memory.
From Kelly's Desk
Kelly is on vacation,
we hope she is having fun!
From Toad's Desk
Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring.
The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1.
However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the new year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fools errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes.
This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool's Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families.
In Scotland, for example, April Fool's Day is actually celebrated for two days. The second day is devoted to pranks involving the posterior region of the body. It is called Taily Day. The origin of the "kick me" sign can be traced to this observance.
Mexico's counterpart of April Fool's Day is actually observed on December 28. Originally, the day was a sad remembrance of the slaughter of the innocent children by King Herod. It eventually evolved into a lighter commemoration involving pranks and trickery.
Pranks performed on April Fool's Day range from the simple, (such as saying, "Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Setting a roommate's alarm clock back an hour is a common gag. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!"
Practical jokes are a common practice on April Fool's Day. Sometimes, elaborate practical jokes are played on friends or relatives that last the entire day. The news media even gets involved. For instance, a British short film once shown on April Fool's Day was a fairly detailed documentary about "spaghetti farmers" and how they harvest their crop from the spaghetti trees.
April Fool's Day is a "for-fun-only" observance. Nobody is expected to buy gifts or to take their "significant other" out to eat in a fancy restaurant. Nobody gets off work or school. It's simply a fun little holiday, but a holiday on which one must remain forever vigilant, for he may be the next April Fool!
April is Donor Awareness Month
April is Donor Awareness Month and the 20th thru 26th is donor awareness week!!! Tell anyone and everyone who will listen to sign their donor card and tell their family of their wishes.
If you are in Illinois contact me and I will have someone send you brochures and donor cards to hand out at work or church or anywhere you can.
We are handing out information at my husbands work and going to the local high school to do a donor awareness program.We are also going to get on our local talkshow and try to have the newspapers run stories about local donors and recipients.
If you would like to talk about this, please feel free to contact me!! needan49@yahoo.com
Since we are a donor and recipient family we can understand both sides!
NaDeen
________________________
FACTS AND FIGURES ABOUT ORGAN AND TISSUE DONATION
Approximately 80,000 Americans currently wait for a life-saving transplant. 17 people on the national waiting list die every day, more than 6,000 every year because there are not enough donated organs.
Every 13 minutes a new name is added to the national organ waiting list. Only 6, 081 families donated their loved one's organs last year.
Organ donation increased less than 2% from 2000 to 2001, occurring in only 1% of all deaths in the United States.
Up to 80 people in need can benefit from one person's decision to be an organ and tissue donor.
With recent advances in medical technology, many more people than ever before can be donors, even those over 70 years of age.
People between the ages of 18 and 49 make up almost 50% of the national organ waiting list.
Individuals over the age of 18 can indicate their desire to be an organ and tissue donor by signing a donor card and expressing their wishes to family members. Relatives can also donate a deceased family member's organs and tissues, even those family members under the age of 18.
24, 076 heart, liver, lung, kidney, pancreas and intestine transplants were performed in 2001.
More than 500,000 Americans receive tissue transplants of bone, heart valves, tendons, ligaments, corneas and skin annually.
46,000 sight-restoring transplants are performed every year.
There is no cost to be an organ and tissue donor. Donation is a gift. There are costs associated with the donation process. Most of the expense of transplant is generated by the transplant procedures including hospital costs, surgeons' and doctors' fees, medication and after care.
African Americans, who represent 12% of the national population, receive about 17% of all kidney transplants. Because of specific medical conditions including diabetes and high blood pressure, African Americans suffer a disproportionately high rate of End Stage Renal Failure (kidney Failure)
Who has received and who is in need?
Cornea: 46,000 recipients
Liver: 5, 177 recipients; 17, 438 waiting
Kidney: 14, 152 recipients; 53,044 waiting
Heart: 2,202 recipients; 4.051 waiting
Heart/Lung: 27 recipients; 207 waiting
Lung: 1,054 recipients; 3, 806 waiting
Intestine: 112 recipients; 196 waiting
Pancreas: 468 recipients: 1,315 waiting
Bone & Tissue: 500,000 recipients annually
Donation Facts:
Why is organ, tissue and eye and blood donation so important?
Our bodies cannot survive without vital organs. Medical science allows some organs and tissues to be replaced. But each year, adults and children die because of a shortage of organs. Eye transplantation restores vision for the blind. Bone and connective tissue transplants help repair defects, promote healing and save limbs. Skin transplants can save lives in severe burn cases and restore functional and cosmetic problems for many patients. More than 80,000 people in the United States are currently waiting for organ transplant.
What can be donated?
Organs include the heart, lungs, kidneys, pancreas, liver and intestines. Tissues include corneas from eyes; bones; skin; heart valves; connective tissue including ligaments, tendons, and cartilage; and veins used in surgeries and medical research. More than 20, 000 organ transplants, 46,000 eye transplants and 750,000 tissue transplants are performed each year in the United States.
Is there a conflict between saving a life and donating?
Never. Saving the patient's life always comes first. The transplant team does not become involved until the patients' doctors have declared the patient dead.
Don't people sometimes recover from brain death?
People can recover from comas, but not brain death. Coma and brain death are the not same.. Brain death is final.
Is organ, tissue and eye donation difficult on the donating family?
Many donor families say the death of the family member is difficult--not organ and tissue donation. Donation provides immediate and long-term consolation, especially in light of sudden, unexpected circumstances. Donor families often feel encouraged that something good has come out of something tragic.
May I become a donor if I have had cancer?
Almost anyone can be considered for donation. At the time of death, each potential donor will be thoroughly evaluated by medical experts to determine if their organs and tissues can be donated and transplanted.
What is the age limit for organ, tissue and eye donation?
All ages, from infants to seniors, may be potential donors. Donor suitability is determined on an individual basis by considering the donor's general health. Again, medical professionals will make the final determination if organs and tissues can be transplanted.
What is the cost to the donor family?
There is no cost to the family. Organ, tissue, and eye donation is the ultimate gift.
Can I sell my organs? Federal law prohibits buying and selling organs in the U.S. Violators are punishable by prison sentences and fines.
Will donation effect the appearance of the donor?
Great care is taken to preserve the donor's appearance through the delicate surgical procedures that occur during the recovery. Funeral directors should be able to restore the patient for normal viewing and visitations.
Don't the rich and famous receive preferential treatment for getting transplants?
The computerized matching system does not select recipients based on fame or wealth. Organs are matched by blood and tissue typing, organ size, medical urgency, waiting time, and geographic location.
Does my religion allow donation?
All major religions in the U.S. support donation or leave the decision up to the individual.
What steps do I take to be a donor?
Sign your driver's license or donor card and tell your family members you want to be a donor. Find out their wishes as well. A time of crisis is not the best time for family members to discuss donation for the first time.
What about marrow donation? Isn't it painful?
Marrow donors do not feel pain when the marrow is removed because anesthesia is used. Soreness and/or stiffness may be felt for a week or so post-donation.
Since lots of people are donation blood every day, is there that much of a need for donors?
Absolutely. Consider:
There is not substitute for human blood.
Every three seconds, someone needs blood.
Over four million Americans would die every year without lifesaving blood transfusions.
One out of every 10 people entering the hospital needs blood. 98 percent of the population will need blood by the time they reach 72 years of age.
Anyone who is in good health, is at least 17 years old, and weights at least 110 pounds may donate blood every 56 days. The entire blood donation process only lasts 45 minutes to an hour.
DON'T TAKE YOUR ORGANS TO HEAVEN,
HEAVEN KNOWS WE NEED THEM HERE.
Loni Wendt
National Crime Victims Rights Week
April 6 - 12, 2003
Theme: "Victim Rights - Fulfill the Promise"
Colors: red, white, and blue
Crime Victims' Rights Week is an opportunity to honor victims of crime and to promote the rights of crime victims.
Crime touches each and every one of us either directly or indirectly. We are all affected by acts of crime weather we are the victim, weather know the victim or not. No one is immune. Most of us just see it on TV or read about it in the newspaper, but then there are those of us who live with the aftermath of crime for the rest of our lives.
Since its inception in 1981, the goals of this yearly observance remain the same - to increase the public's awareness of the impact that crime has on individuals and on communities, and to educate the public on the rights and needs of victims and survivors of crime.
Crime in the United States accounts for more death, injuries and loss of property then all Natural Disasters combined.
Approximately thirteen million people (approximately 5% of the U.S. population) are victims of crime every year. Approximately one and a half million are victims of violent crime.
In order to ensure that the strides we have made are not lost, we must continue to work together in our communities. We must make sure that the stories of our victims are not forgotten, and that they serve as a constant reminder of what remains to be done.
This year's theme, "Victim Rights: Fulfill the Promise," emphasizes America's promise to victims to treat them with dignity and compassion, to help identify and meet their most important needs; and to provide them with information about their statutory and constitutional rights, as well as advocacy to help them implement their rights.
National Crime Victims Rights Week~2003
(A Tribute To Murder Victims)
National Organization For Victim Assistance
Office for Victims of Crime - National Crime Victims' Rights Week
Crime Victim's Bill of Rights
Siblings Day
April 10, 2003
The purpose of Siblings Day, April 10th, is to set aside a day to pay special tribute to honor our brothers and sisters who are living and memorialize those who have died. This day is set aside to remember the utmost importance of this relationship and to cherish, love and respect our brothers and sisters. Siblings share our earliest experiences in life with a bonding that grows stronger into adulthood and throughout our golden years. Because of the blood relationship, we look alike and enjoy feelings of closeness which may never be surpassed in any other relationship.
Each of our Siblings relationship deserves to be celebrated, appreciated and honored. In our hearts our brothers and sisters are never forgotten. It is only fitting that we pause as a nation in our deliberations each year on April 10th, to annually pay special tribute to the venerable bonds of sister-and brotherhood.
Siblings Day Foundation
Light a Small Light for a Big Reason
Chris Lights - Help Support our Troops
Twelve years ago on April 4, 1991, I lost my baby boy..Had someone told me I would still be alive today after losing him, I would never have believed it. I always knew I would lose Kevin, I had had nightmares that we would lose him when he was 20. Had the same dream several times a month for 5 years before we lost him. I would always wake up, run to his room, and kiss him gently on his forehead..But he always woke up and always asked, "What's wrong Mom?" I would say, "I was just checking on you".. Then I would go into the hallway and drop to my knees and thank God that it was only a dream. I had that nightmare the night before we lost him.. that day we lost him, I went to his picture I had on the mantle and cried saying "How am I going to live without you?" then tell myself how silly I was because he was with us.. Kevin turned 20 on Feb. 10, we lost him on April 4. he was 20 years, 1 month and 26 days old.. For so long, I honestly didn't think I could go on another minute..A friend gave me a tape by Dr. James Dobson. This tape was a sermon about how you should rejoice when someone you love goes to Heaven.. I remember being so angry. So I sat down and wrote to Dr. Dobson. I told him that I had been taught all my life that we were not supposed to question God and we were especially not to be angry with Him..and I don't know what all else I told him.. One morning a couple of months after I sent my letter, my phone rang.. A lady asked if I would hold on to speak with Dr. Dobson..When we got on the phone, I will never forget his gentle voice..He said his staff had given him my letter. and he talked with me for awhile. then he asked me if when Kevin were small, if he ever got angry at me and kicked sand or leaves or something at me.. I said yes he had.. Dr. Dobson asked me if when Kevin threw that little tantrum, did it make me love him any less. I said, "Of course not".. He said, and I could tell he had a smile in his voice that God knew how bad I was hurting, and that in God's eyes, I was throwing a tantrum by being angry and questioning, and that God's shoulders were big enough to handle my anger..He also said that God would rather us question him because if we do question and get angry, that is proof that we do believe in God, because how can you be angry at someone you don't believe in..Later, Dr. Dobson sent me a book of his, and some literature.. I felt so much better knowing that it was alright to be angry.
One morning I was so upset and crying, and I asked God why He had deserted and left me when I needed him so much. In a voice so clear, I actually heard Him say, "I didn't leave you, you left me". It was then that I knew that God did help me because without His help, I could never have lived after losing Kevin.
In Kevin's short life here, he taught me so much. and I would rather have had him and lost him and go through this pain, than never to have known him at all.. He is my inspiration in my life.. I want him to look down from Heaven and be proud of me, and say to his friends up there with pride in his voice, "That's my mom"......I love you Kevin..
Martha
A Thought
The Jelly Bean Prayer
Red is for the blood He gave
Green is for the grass He made
Yellow is for the sun so bright
Orange is for the edge of night
Black is for the sins we made
White is for the grace He gave
Purple is for His hour of sorrow
Pink is for our new tomorrow
A bag full of jelly beans colorful and sweet,
Is a prayer, is a promise, is a special treat
May the joy of Christ's resurrection
Fill your heart and bless your life
If you have something you would like included in next months newsletter, please e-mail Judi
Editor: Judi,
Staff: Toad (Carin), Deb, Debbie, Kelly
Angel Moms Web Site
