In February of 1999, Judi and I met for the first time. She and I had interacted for quite awhile online, and bonded, really bonded. When we found each other, it was a dire need of time. We felt so scared, so alone, so hurt. We had both lost our firstborn boys, and was so heartbroken. I had been online posting my "story" of my son Josh and his loss in every message board, every site I could, looking for someone to talk to, to relate to. Judi responded to one of those letters and we haven't stopped since then. That was back in early 1998. I had lost my son Josh in November of 1996 and she lost her son Shane in October of 1997. A friendship was born, brought together by both of our sons in Heaven. They loved us that much that they wanted us to be together, bonded by our love for our son's. Our pain and grief loads seemed lighter since we carried them together now.

In February, I hopped a plane, never flying before in my life, yet not a bit scared. Our boys each held up a wing of that plane. I will never forget seeing Judi's face. I remember us deciding that she would wear her "Tweety Bird" sweatshirt so I would recognize her. I laugh at that now, because I would have known her if she had of had the same shirt everyone else had on there. I "saw" Judi thru her heart and eyes. I knew those eyes, I knew that painful look of "Yes I am the one that lost my son Shane." Yet that smile, that smile said it all. We hugged, and cried. And then cried some more. We were walking on clouds, it felt so glorious, so unreal that I had finally met my friend of my heart and soul. Did we take pictures of this glorious visit? No....LOL...didn't have time~we slept hardly any, but we talked and hugged and talked and cried some more. I met her family, now my family. I hugged her children, her grandchildren, Shane's girls. She made me my first Louisiana food, Gumbo. We smoked 1000 cigarettes and I didn't even smoke before I got there...LOL...but it felt great. We went to Shane's resting place, I saw the love that was put into his spot. We went to where he passed, me not knowing that Judi had not been there before. She waited until I got there to go. Now that is something that I cannot begin to explain how I feel about that kind of love and trusting for a friend. I am so honored to have been the one to go there with her. She showed me how to use her Act of Kindness cards in honor of Shane. We did so much in that short weekend, but those memories will last forever, a lifetime. Thank you Shane, Josh and Judi. I love you now and forever. Sorry no pictures to go with this meeting, those snapshots are in our hearts.....:)



My turn now...........

Before I lost Shane, I had never touched a computer and had no idea what it would come to mean to me. Somehow, and to this day, I still don't know how I did it, (well I guess I do, thanks boys) I found a messageboard. There were a lot of posts on it from moms who had lost children, I was amazed, I didn't realize there were so many of us out there. I was not ready to interact with a large group and honestly was scared to. I read posts and then I came across Debbie's, it wasn't really any different from the others, but somehow, I connected with this woman I didn't know. She was asking how she could help her surviving children. I wrote to her privately about how I had my girls keeping a journal, I sent my letter to her. I laugh about it now, I was so scared when I sent that letter, what if she didn't write me back, what if she didn't like me, what if she didn't want to be my friend! For the next hour, I would check my computer every 10 minutes to see if there was mail from her. After about an hour, I saw her address in my mailbox! Well, then I was scared to open it LOL But I did......that instant connection I felt with her was made even stronger. I cried as I read her letter, she wanted to be my friend too :o) That was over four years ago, the bond we have is so strong, we were friends from the start. I was no longer alone, I was still scared and hurting, but I had a friend and together we could make it..........

When I met Debbie online, it was a dream to meet her in person, but I never really thought it would happen. Then she wrote me in January of 1999 and said she wanted to come see me!!!!!! I was excited and nervous at the same time! I cleaned and cleaned my house, kicked Laurie out of her room and got it ready for Debbie. Then the day came, and off to the airport I went, Debbie had told me what she would be wearing, but I never noticed, I was watching faces, then I saw her........I knew it was her immediately, our hearts had already met, the rest just fell into place. It was so awesome to finally hug her in person. The bond we had was only made stronger. She fit right in with my family, it was no time and the twins were asking her to get their "duce" (juice) She went to the refrigerator to get it and then turned to me with the juice in her hand with a shocked look and said "I am so sorry, I just went into your refrigerator without asking." I had thought nothing of it, it seem natural, we both laughed, we were family! Our time together was short, but we sure crammed a lot into it. I took her to the cemetery to visit Shane, it was so special standing there with her. Then, I took her to the ballpark where Shane was murdered, I had not been there since I had lost Shane. Somehow with Debbie, it felt right, felt safe........(Thanks Debbie for sharing that with me) The only regret I have about Debbie's visit, is that we forgot to take pictures, but like Debbie said, those snapshots are in our hearts.

Oh and one more thing.......about what Debbie said up there about the cigarettes, this is how it happened. When we got in the van at the airport, being polite, I asked her if it would bother her if I smoked (real nice of me huh?) she said, "No not at all, as long as you give me one." So I did! I was being nice again!

That meeting was just the beginning for me and Debbie, we have had several more since then. And plan to have more and also hope to get our families together someday!



Here are some pictures of me and Debbie
They were taken at other meetings



A true friend walks in
when others walk out.....